when do you know you are finished childrearing?

LegacyUser

hi would like to post this in parenting but want to remain anon!

my husband and myself have three children together, well and healthy and feel extremly lucky to have them.

money is extremly tight but we just about manage, however we do worry about the future, college/giving a hand (hopefully with weddings and buying thier first places to live). we both got a little help from our parents when we wanted to study and for our wedding and for our home, they occasionally help with bits for the kids still but say it is for presents etc.

our home is very busy, my husband works full time and long hours, i work part time, two of the children are in school but the baby has just turned two. the baby is extremly demanding, slight behaviour problems etc but nothing that health professionals are worried about. i had good pregnancies but suffered from extrem morning sickness that ment i was bed ridden for alot of time in all early pregnancies unable to look after kids, our families helped with this but it was stressfull. my gp has put me on antidepressants after the third baby and i hope to come off them in the spring, i dint feel depressed as such but was extremly anxious and having bad thoughts. these have helped and i feel much more normal.

anyway thats all the background info, i thought we were finished having our kids but my husband started talking bout another baby in a couple of years (we are very young but would be nearly 35 then) and now i am not so sure i feel 100% finished. we had originaly though he would get the snip done in two years but now i am not sure.

just wanted some advice, how do you know your family is complete? is there always that bit of broodiness when you see a cute baby? realistically i think it would be sensible to stop now and enjoy the kids we have.

Ickle Magoo

The Parenting Forum also allows for unregistered posting, so I'll move your thread over.

All the best. :cool:

Charl0tte

It depends on the couple anonmammy. At the end of the day, if both want to have another child it's their wish. Working out a plan for the future is important though, and where you want to be in terms of careers at the age you say you want to have another child (35). Other factors will have to come into consideration also like your home, will there be adequate room for a family of four? Will there be enough money coming in, and for for anything unexpected that crops up?

I have two children myself from a previous relationship than the one I'm currently in, and we're in our thirties. I'm studying at home at present, but I very much so want to return to employment. While he gets on well and helps me parent my children he doesn't want any of his own. This works out fine with me, because my focus is on a career ahead of me. And while I can look at a newborn and see how cute they are, they're a big commitment. I adore my children, but I wouldn't go through all that again. I want to enjoy the children I have and the stages that they're at now. I look forward to more freedom and to see a bit of the world with my partner. Its down to the individual couple at the end of the day.

Lorna123

I wouldn't get anything permanent like the snip, or do anything that would permanently stand in the way of ever having another child because as you reach your 40's you will realize that you are coming towards the end of your childbearing years and this can bring on a tremendous urge to have another baby. Leave your options open, but of course do not have a baby unless you are both committed to having another. At the moment you are not so don't entertain it. You will find that your mind keeps changing on this and what you think now could change in a few years time. The only time it will become clear that you are finished having a family is when you reach your 40s and it is too late to have one.

LegacyUser

From what you have told us I would not be considering having another child when you are 35.
You have 3 children and the 2 year old may need for you to spend extra time with them or you may need to pay for services as they get older.
At the moment your husband is working long hours and your working part time. Your parents know that things are not easy for you and they have been giving you a hand out.
I would also consider that as your children get older the cost of clothes, shoes and food will rise. Also if they want to go to college how will you afford this?
It is good that you are thinking about the future with your children.
I would tell your husband that you don't want any more children. I would explain to him that you could not face another pregnancy and that you want to be in financial position to help your children like both sets of parents did for you.
I know parents out there at the moment who like yourself are not finding things easy but having a number of children with out any plan for how your going to support them is stupid.
You also need to consider that you and your husband were a couple before the children came along. You need to remember that you are more than Mammy and Daddy and that is is important to spend time on your own a couple when your children are growing up.

deisemum

I think if you defer deciding on it for a few years you might find by then that you don't want another anyway. I didn't have a number in mind as to how many children I wanted, I just took it one at a time and when I'd sorta considered a third baby I had another serious issue happen and then once that was resolved and time had moved on I'd mentally moved on from wanting another. My husband didn't want another and was happy with our 2 boys.

I think if money is extremely tight like you said it is and you're only just managing then I think it would be foolhardy to put even more pressure on the finances especially as children get older they cost a lot and usually going from 3 to 4 means having to get a people carrier so you're more limited to more expensive cars etc. Your husband is working long hours as it is so you'd end up doing most of the work involved.

Children usually end up doing activities and you could end up being very busy just taking them to activities.