Tuesday Funnies

MonkieSocks

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.

It's for my husband, she tells the clerk.

Did he tell you what gauge to get? asked the clerk.

Are you kidding? she says. He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!

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Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl said,

“I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”

“Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk.

“That’s fine,” said the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.”

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.”

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A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

As he passes his parent's bedroom he peeks in through the keyhole.

He watches for a moment, then continues on down the hallway, saying to himself,

"Boy, and she gets mad at me for sucking my thumb"