In The Playpen - Davidius

Fergus_

Hi?

Davidius

jefreywithonef wrote: »

Give us an account of your week.
It's hard to remember the details of the 7 day interval preceding your post. The key points I believe were that I was involved in some sort of counter-terrorism on the first day. After that I believe I had sex with a sexy and intelligent woman who I have since not spoken to. All the other days I just sat around sleeping.

Palytoxin wrote: »

Would you rather have a 6 inch or 12 inch ruler?
Neither would be sufficient to measure the length of my most useful appendage. By that I of course mean my right arm.

wnolan1992 wrote: »

What is your favourite type of pen? Bic, Staedtler Stick, clicky pen, pen with a little foam grip, those pens that are actually four pens?
I don't have time to sample each brand of pen and track their relative performance in the line of duty. I buy whichever pen looks like the one that I remembering lasting more than 2 pages.

Fergus_ wrote: »

Hi?
Hello.

Sorry about the late response time; I was trying to hold off so everybody would think I was cool and had other things to do.

Davidius

Do you like artificially inflating your post count?

wnolan1992

Davidius wrote: »

Do you like artificially inflating your post count?

Is your current location an answer to this?

Davidius

wnolan1992 wrote: »

Is your current location an answer to this?

That doesn't even make any sense. You and your crazy talk.

wnolan1992

Davidius wrote: »

That doesn't even make any sense. You and your crazy talk.

>_>
<_<

Alright.... you win this round...

But i'm watching you...

Palytoxin

The mystery of the apocryphal location, seen by few, but those who saw, could never forget.

AtomicKoala

What do you make of setting the World Record for longest C&H Playpen, after 31 days?

jefreywithonef

What would the title of your autobiography be?

Write the first paragraph of your autobiography.

Write the closing paragraph of your autobiography.

Write the closing line in tradoburns' autobiography.

Each of these somehow manage to publish autobiographies in the future, what would their titles be?

Atomic Koala
PsuedoFamous
Palytoxin
jeffffreywithanirrelevantamountoffs
Q
deise_girl
Fergus
tradoburns
Your twin
Your son
Your bastard child
Your cat

Davidius

AtomicKoala wrote: »

What do you make of setting the World Record for longest C&H Playpen, after 31 days?
I make it something I can monetise. You can buy official t-shirts to prove to everybody you were here.

Also I think I've scared off more potential contestants.

jefreywithonef wrote: »

What would the title of your autobiography be?
It wouldn't need a title as people would just buy it anyway. I suppose I'd go with "Hey everybody I smell like shít" so people would be reluctant to read it in public.

Write the first paragraph of your autobiography.
I first met David back in 1991. I thought he was deadly.

Write the closing paragraph of your autobiography.
And when the fire falls from the sky and while the rats tear your flesh asunder, the thoughts will not be of pain and terror. You will know you could have prevented this. At first you will feel the pangs of regret, followed closely by tears of happiness as you realise that I'm pretty cool and was right about everything. It's too late for you to be saved but you can still save your children, let them know the word of David and kill those of them who would protest for they would taint the holy light. Then I'd go off and be grand. The End...?

I'm still working on it.

Write the closing line in tradoburns' autobiography.
Not quite the spirit of a frontal lobotomy but, as you know, she was asking for it.

Each of these somehow manage to publish autobiographies in the future, what would their titles be?

Atomic Koala
Nazi supermen are our superiors.
PsuedoFamous
The Angerholic.
Palytoxin
Bastards.
jeffffreywithanirrelevantamountoffs
I only wanted the one.
Q
Nobody ever sets mode on Q
deise_girl
The Sesquipedalian Scientist.
Fergus
Hi.
tradoburns
Into yonder whenceforth the hand of time beacons all into the most noble deed.
Your twin
Living in the shadow of somebody who's really cool and is not stupid at all.
Your son
My Dad is the best.
Your bastard child
My Dad is the best.
Your cat
hkakgebkl;';ll;'lkl;l;oll;l,pl;

Indeed.

Lawliet

Davidius wrote: »

Also I think I've scared off more potential contestants.

That was the plan

Daddy or chips?

jefreywithonef

Atomic Koala
Nazi supermen are our superiors.

I just got this reference. :cool:

Screaminmidget

Is this an eternal playpen or something?

AtomicKoala

You are on Day 38 of your Playpen journey. Write a diary entry:
Include that:
- You got a cold after touching a handrail someone else touched.
- You burnt your tongue after drinking a cup of coffee too soon.
- A pen disappeared on you.

Palytoxin

AtomicKoala wrote: »

You are on Day 38 of your Playpen journey. Write a diary entry:
Include that:
- You got a cold after touching a handrail someone else touched.
- You burnt your tongue after drinking a cup of coffee too soon.
- A pen disappeared on you.

What a day! :eek:

jefreywithonef

Rank these bars. Or if you're lazy you can mark them out of five. Comments are also welcome.

Lion Bar
Mars Bar
Snickers
Freddo
Animal Bar
Wispa
Yorkie
Crunch
Crunchie
Twix
Galaxy
Twirl
Kit Kat
Aero
Fudge
Bourneville
Dairy Milk
Chomp
Breakaway
Double Decker
Drifter
Daim
Flake
Milky Bar
Milky Way
Bounty
Penguin
Star Bar
Toffee Crisp
Toblerone
Topic
Time Out

wnolan1992

Describe yourself in 125.75 words.

Davidius

Lawliet wrote: »

That was the plan

Daddy or chips?
I don't like chips so a father is useful to have because they can give you money and then be disappointed in you for (not) following in their footsteps. They are also useful for dispensing advice about women as one's existence is often evident of the fact that they have been successful at least once barring sinful circumstances.

Screaminmidget wrote: »

Is this an eternal playpen or something?
It's only 52 weeks but because we're all going to die in a couple of weeks then it'll probably remain in a state of stasis until the heat death of the universe. All information on it will have been destroyed by then of course and it will only live on in the abstract digits of normal numbers that encode us.

AtomicKoala wrote: »

You are on Day 38 of your Playpen journey. Write a diary entry:
Include that:
- You got a cold after touching a handrail someone else touched.
- You burnt your tongue after drinking a cup of coffee too soon.
- A pen disappeared on you.
Dear Me or whoever has so little respect for privacy that they decided to read this,
Today I touched a handrail and subsequently fell ill due to viral agents making their way into my respiratory system. In retrospect I probably should not have sniffed the handrail too. Afterwards I was attacked by a busty woman with coffee who tried to injure me by forcing me to drink boiling coffee. She almost succeeded but my disdain for coffee gave me enough motivation to stop being there.

Also I lost my pen so I'm writing this with my own blood.

I'll answer the other questions eventually.

wnolan1992

If you could get one present on Valentine's Day, what would it be?

How does it feel to know you've been in the Playpen for over 3 months now?

Are you ever going to answer those other questions...

iamanengine

How do you feel about wnolan1992 creating awareness about this thread again?

Davidius

wnolan1992 wrote: »

If you could get one present on Valentine's Day, what would it be?
Affirmation from my chosen mate that she would never sway from the code:
1. Don't cheat on David
2. Don't expect presents from David
3. Resign yourself to basking in the glory of David
4. Accept that David is immutable and unchangeable even in death
5. Don't cheat on David


How does it feel to know you've been in the Playpen for over 3 months now?
It feels like I'm a writer on The Simpsons after season 8ish.

Are you ever going to answer those other questions...
I can't guarantee you that I won't do it but I will assure you that I most likely won't due to their excessive demands. For now we'll say the responses to those question lie at the end of the universe.

iamanengine wrote: »

How do you feel about wnolan1992 creating awareness about this thread again?
I feel he is only doing penance for his excessive use of hashtaggery. OK that is a lie. I don't feel. I only know and estimate.

Hilarious.

jefreywithonef

How do you greet people?

What do you put on your cheese toasties? Besides cheese.

Which C&Hers would you cast for the following roles and why? Batman, Superman, The Penguin, Hulk, The Joker, James Bond.

Your life is made into a pretty horrendous sitcom - what's your catchphrase? What's the plot-line for the pilot episode?

You've just been doused in turd by an exploding outhouse but you have no access to a shower or a bath, deodorants have been made illegal, and cologne is just so damn expensive: what alternative substance do you rub over yourself to mask the whiff of shit?

A burglar storms into your room. What makeshift weapon do you use?

Screaminmidget approaches you with a bouquet of flowers. There's an evil glint in his eye though. How do you respond?

Davidius

jefreywithonef wrote: »

How do you greet people?
I don't. Alternatively to doing nothing I also issue warnings or give simple nods to acknowledge their presence without having to open myself up to conversation. When somebody interprets the nod as allowing for conversation they have made a mistake.

What do you put on your cheese toasties? Besides cheese.
Cheese.

Which C&Hers would you cast for the following roles and why? Batman, Superman, The Penguin, Hulk, The Joker, James Bond.
tradoburns, PseudoFamous, AtomicKoala, wnolan199badyear, Jhcx, jefreywithonef

The reasoning is obvious.

Your life is made into a pretty horrendous sitcom - what's your catchphrase? What's the plot-line for the pilot episode?
"These circumstances are a source of embarrassment to me."
The plot would likely be about me doing something zany like taking a driving test. A series of unfortunate incidents then cause me to react haphazardly to events my programming I am not prepared for causing a great degree of consequence-free embarrassment. Also I will attempt to copulate but ultimately fail due to my character's flaws and inability to handle social situations in a sane manner.

You've just been doused in turd by an exploding outhouse but you have no access to a shower or a bath, deodorants have been made illegal, and cologne is just so damn expensive: what alternative substance do you rub over yourself to mask the whiff of shit?
Nothing. I would merely explain the situation to anybody who would object to the stench. A simple "I could not gain access to a shower or a bath. Deodorant and cologne are not suitable for me to wear as I am a man. If you do not accept this explanation you are lesser than me and I will not tolerate your existence if it becomes inconvenient hereafter." would do.

A burglar storms into your room. What makeshift weapon do you use?
My fists. These bad boys would be perfect for punching the button that opens my weapon closet. I would then use guns.

If such an option is not available I would probably use a pen. They are very pointy, enough to deliver a momentarily debilitating jab rendering the burglar open for action resulting in medium term debilitation.

Or I could not tell you in case you plan to rob my house.

Screaminmidget approaches you with a bouquet of flowers. There's an evil glint in his eye though. How do you respond?
Annihilation upon sight. This would be the appropriate action upon being approached regardless of whether there are flowers present or evil optic anomalies. Screaminmidget is too dangerous to be allowed live in my immediate vicinity.

And then I'd deliver a snappy one liner like "Frisbees are shít" because he probably had frisbee bombs or some other thematic weaponry on him. The man is defined by frisbees afterall.

Words.

wnolan1992

Hulk?


Me mad.

Me... SMASH!

iamanengine

Davidius wrote: »

Words.

Not to raise your somewhat inflated ego, but that was all gold.

Insect Overlord

Is Davidius aware that there were only 23 days between the establishing of his account and that of the great An File?

Palytoxin

Do you like watches Davidius?

Davidius

Insect Overlord wrote: »

Is Davidius aware that there were only 23 days between the establishing of his account and that of the great An File?
I was not aware of this. All I recall is that there was a man named An Fhile and all the children laughed at him. He got them back good though, mass-bannings were had. Nobody gets to talk about that rogue séimhiú these days, except in this instance because.

2006 is the join date of cool people of course. There's not a good head among those filthy 2007+ cretins.

Palytoxin wrote: »

Do you like watches Davidius?
No I don't; I find them uncomfortable. That is watches worn around the wrist, as opposed to watches as in watches of pornography. In the latter case it is really a matter of which pornography. I do not approve of either as I am a good person who doesn't give into foul temptations or videos of people having sex.

Grand as sand.

Palytoxin

Are you entertained by animals doing things that may be perceived as funny?

wnolan1992

If you were given the choice between a kangaroo and a koala for a pet, what breed of dog would you get?