Playing Hard to Get

Siuin

I really don’t understand it. What is it with some guys' need to feel as if they should really have to work hard and suffer in order to sleep with a woman for her to be of any value? I just fail to understand the merits of sending a guy back home after a great date with a severe case of blue balls when we both clearly want to have sex. Hell, at times I think it’s best to cut to the chase early in order to clear the sexual tension so that you can really get to know the person without your judgement being clouded by the overwhelming urge to ride them senseless.

A male friend of mine (well, I use the term loosely as he’s really a ‘facebook friend’, which is an entirely different matter altogether) recently told me that I should have played harder to get in order to retain the attention of a guy I was dating, but to be honest I’m simply far too direct a person and feel that it’s a little immature to have to revert to such childish tactics to keep a guy keen.

If I like someone, why should I need to fúck with his head and build up this persona of a Woman of Mystery in order to keep his attention? After all, when we eventually do have sex, aren't we back to where we started anyway? It’s just sex; it’s a natural urge just like any other, so why put the pússy on a pedestal and build it up to be something it’s not? I wouldn't even call it a Madonna/Whore complex – just a matter of some guys feeling as if they always need to hunt for their food and if they don’t get a chance to stalk and kill it, then it can’t have been all that tasty to begin with.

Just… why?!

**Timbuk2**

Playing hard to summarise

Siuin

**Timbuk2** wrote: »

Playing hard to summarise

Sorry for making you read :P
In a nutshell: playing hard to get- why do we complicate matters?!

Real Life

if girls play hard to get i just wont even bother trying. i hate that bull****.

Wacker The Attacker

Siuin wrote: »

Sorry for making you read :P
In a nutshell: playing hard to get- why do we complicate matters?!

Because some women treat their fannies and arses like national treasures.

PizzamanIRL

PM sent.

1ZRed

Siuin wrote: »

Sorry for making you read :P
In a nutshell: playing hard to get- why do we complicate matters?!

Why are you over thinking things instead of getting on with it and doing what you like?

Fvck what everyone else "seems" to do.

Dangerous Man

I've never been one to engage in or with this kind of thing. It's pathetic and a waste of time.

BBDBB

cats and laser pens


sometimes the journey is more fun than the destination

Siuin

1ZRed wrote: »

Why are you over thinking things instead of getting on with it and doing what you like?

Fvck what everyone else "seems" to do.

Because it seems to have turned into a pretty common frame of mind with the guys I've been dating (although to be fair, quite a few of them have been Middle Eastern, which may have coloured their opinions somewhat). It just drives me crazy. So many guys I've met seem to think this way, even if it's often on a subconscious level. I thought we'd left this archaic Virgin Mary bullshít behind us years ago.

Jogathon

Well if i really like a guy then I prefer to wait a few weeks because I like it to be meaningful. If I don't care and just want a bit of fun then I'll put out and enjoy.

Sorcha16

Maybe some people just like to build a rapport with someone before jumping into bed with them and is nothing to do with playing hard to get

jubella

I think some girls might just want to get to know a guy better before sleeping with them. I've never known anyone to withhold sex just to keep someone interested.

BASHIR

There's nothing sexier than wanting what you cant have. Thrill of the chase and all that.

Siuin

Meaningful I could possibly understand- can't say I've ever done it, but whatever floats your boat. To me, I know pretty early if we're going to hit it off or not and I see sex as a means of getting closer to the person, as opposed to the end result.

partyguinness

This 'playing hard to get' nonsense is for immature kids and those who think that "If I put out on the first date, I am a slag and he won't want to see me again."

This is the type of crap spouted by Womens/Girly mags and fills womens heads full of crap and notions. Depressingly too many women belleve that ****...:mad:

Siuin

BASHIR wrote: »

There's nothing sexier than wanting what you cant have. Thrill of the chase and all that.

That's what pisses me off.
And once the chase is over and you've gotten what you want... what then? Move on to the next moving target?

jubella

Siuin wrote: »

Meaningful I could possibly understand- can't say I've ever done it, but whatever floats your boat. To me, I know pretty early if we're going to hit it off or not and I see sex as a means of getting closer to the person, as opposed to the end result.

What if the other person sees it as the end result? Some might wait to protect themselves from that.

BASHIR

Siuin wrote: »

That's what pisses me off.
And once the chase is over and you've gotten what you want... what then? Move on to the next moving target?

Not what I meant at all, sorry that also sounds very rapey. Just meant if you hold off for a couple of dates the actual tension is amazing and when it does happen its usually unreal. just my experience

Siuin

jubella wrote: »

What if the other person sees it as the end result? Some might wait to protect themselves from that.

Unless he's slapping a ring on your finger, no situation is for certain. He might have simply seen it all as the 'thrill of the chase' and be done with you after you've invested a load of feelings and emotions into the situation. Neither option carries guarantees.

1ZRed

Siuin wrote: »

Because it seems to have turned into a pretty common frame of mind with the guys I've been dating (although to be fair, quite a few of them have been Middle Eastern, which may have coloured their opinions somewhat). It just drives me crazy. So many guys I've met seem to think this way, even if it's often on a subconscious level. I thought we'd left this archaic Virgin Mary bullshít behind us years ago.

Sorcha16 wrote: »

Maybe some people just like to build a rapport with someone before jumping into bed with them and is nothing to do with playing hard to get

I think this sums it up pretty well. A lot of people might still like to hang around a bit if they feel like it might lead to something more substantial, which is fine.

I see the playing hard to get game as pure bullshit, but I don't see anything wrong with taking it a bit easy either, if that's what the person wants. Granted it's in reason, and not the case of both people being mad for it and one person pulling back out of sheer "hard to get". Then it's back to being bullshit again.

MagicSean

Well if it's easy to get a guy might start wondering how many other people have had it. And if you see it as just an itch to scratch then are you likely to get someone else to scratch it when the guy isn't around?

Siuin

MagicSean wrote: »

Well if it's easy to get a guy might start wondering how many other people have had it. And if you see it as just an itch to scratch then are you likely to get someone else to scratch it when the guy isn't around?

Gotta love the double standards of the whole situation, eh? "Oooh loose women can't be trusted" etc etc -- I have very high standards when it comes to partners. However, if I feel a connection with a person, why should I feel the need to turn down sex just to make a point?

jubella

Siuin wrote: »

Unless he's slapping a ring on your finger, no situation is for certain. He might have simply seen it all as the 'thrill of the chase' and be done with you after you've invested a load of feelings and emotions into the situation. Neither option carries guarantees.

True, but you'll have a better idea of someone you've known a little while. This is assuming one person is looking for something more, though. If both just want to do the deed then I see no reason to wait.

MagicSean

Siuin wrote: »

Gotta love the double standards of the whole situation, eh? "Oooh loose women can't be trusted" etc etc -- I have very high standards when it comes to partners. However, if I feel a connection with a person, why should I feel the need to turn down sex just to make a point?

You asked a question I gave you an answer. If you dont want an answer then don't ask a question. Personally I couldn't give a dam who you screw or why.

Remmy

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

Because some women treat their fannies and arses like national treasures.

It's like they wrap a nicholas cage around it. :rolleyes:

Siuin

MagicSean wrote: »

You asked a question I gave you an answer. If you dont want an answer then don't ask a question. Personally I couldn't give a dam who you screw or why.

It's a back and forth debate- try not to get so pissy about it. I was talking about double standards against women in general, not just you.

jubella wrote: »

True, but you'll have a better idea of someone you've known a little while. This is assuming one person is looking for something more, though. If both just want to do the deed then I see no reason to wait.

I can understand this if someone feels the need for security, I think it's just sad that spontaneity and simply having sex because you like the person needs to suffer for the sake of giving a 'good' impression.

RMD

I have no problem with a girl who genuinely doesn't want to put out until she knows the guy, but I hate nothing more than a little cock tease who leads men on and then wont put out just to mess with their heads.

YFlyer

Jogathon wrote: »

Well if i really like a guy then I prefer to wait a few weeks because I like it to be meaningful. If I don't care and just want a bit of fun then I'll put out and enjoy.

If there is kissing and fondling, with perhaps oral sex, during those few weeks I wouldn't mind so much.

darrcow

ive never played hard to get. so lets cut to the chase whose wants a shag

Celly Smunt

I blame the fella's who beat around the bush.

and single mothers.

MagicSean

Siuin wrote: »

It's a back and forth debate- try not to get so pissy about it. I was talking about double standards against women in general, not just you.


I can understand this if someone feels the need for security, I think it's just sad that spontaneity and simply having sex because you like the person needs to suffer for the sake of giving a 'good' impression.

Well you've basically attacked every opinion put forward so far. I think you've come to the wrong place if you're looking for someone to justify your sexual appetite for you.

Siuin

MagicSean wrote: »

Well you've basically attacked every opinion put forward so far. I think you've come to the wrong place if you're looking for someone to justify your sexual appetite for you.

Attacked every opinion? Oh really? As far as I can see, I've disagreed with a number of opinions, but strongly agree with the vast majority of posters. LOL yes, that must be it- my ferocious sexual appetite and Catholic guilt must be getting the better of me :rolleyes:

Praetorian Saighdiuir

Siuin wrote: »

I just fail to understand the merits of sending a guy back home after a great date with a severe case of blue balls when we both clearly want to have sex.

I like you, can you please photocopy yourself.

Potatoeman

It’s actually abit weird not sleeping with someone that you like if you have had one night stands.

Siuin

Potatoeman wrote: »

It’s actually abit weird not sleeping with someone that you like if you have had one night stands.

Yeah, I agree that it's weird to not sleep with someone if you like them and there's no real reason not to. But it's not even just for those who have had one night stands in the past- I just think that if there's real chemistry between people and both want to have sex, then holding back simply because the girl is afraid that he won't respect her afterwards is really antiquated thinking.

Da Shins Kelly

Siuin wrote: »

I can understand this if someone feels the need for security, I think it's just sad that spontaneity and simply having sex because you like the person needs to suffer for the sake of giving a 'good' impression.

Spontaneity doesn't just suddenly disappear just because you've decided to take a bit of time to get to know someone rather than just having sex with them straight away.

Potatoeman

Siuin wrote: »

Yeah, I agree that it's weird to not sleep with someone if you like them and there's no real reason not to. But it's not even just for those who have had one night stands in the past- I just think that if there's real chemistry between people and both want to have sex, then holding back simply because the girl is afraid that he won't respect her afterwards is really antiquated thinking.

Some guys do seem to judge girls for it so you can’t blame those that do hold off.

Da Shins Kelly

Potatoeman wrote: »

Some guys do seem to judge girls for it so you can’t blame those that do hold off.

I've unfortunately seen it happen to friends. Not nice. People are not as progressive in their thinking about this stuff as we like to think.

Siuin

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

Spontaneity doesn't just suddenly disappear just because you've decided to take a bit of time to get to know someone rather than just having sex with them straight away.

I agree to an extent- all too often I've heard friends literally saying "ok, third date- this is it!" - they feel the need to wait until an 'acceptable' amount of time has passed before they'll allow themselves have sex, which for me kills the spontaneity of the whole act.

Potatoeman wrote: »

Some guys do seem to judge girls for it so you can’t blame those that do hold off.

Agreed. I also think it's a sad reflection on our society that it does happen.
I also find it rather funny in a strange way - "omg, I can't believe you fúcked me! whore!" *pulls up pants*

Da Shins Kelly

Siuin wrote: »

I agree to an extent- all too often I've heard friends literally saying "ok, third date- this is it!" - they feel the need to wait until an 'acceptable' amount of time has passed before they'll allow themselves have sex, which for me kills the spontaneity of the whole act.

If that's what makes some people feel comfortable then who's to argue? Issues around sex are different for everyone. A society that pushes people to have sex as soon as possible because it's more 'spontaneous' and 'sure why wouldn't you?' is as bad as a society that guilts people over sex. People should just do whatever makes them comfortable without any pressure either way.

Da Shins Kelly

Siuin wrote: »

Agreed. I also think it's a sad reflection on our society that it does happen.
I also find it rather funny in a strange way - "omg, I can't believe you fúcked me! whore!" *pulls up pants*

This is true. These people will gladly have sex with a girl who offers it rather easily, but as soon as it's all over, they're all 'slut', 'whore', etc. Weird.

daisybelle2008

Potatoeman wrote: »

Some guys do seem to judge girls for it so you can’t blame those that do hold off.

Holding off out of fear of being judged by some guys, implies that the judgement has value and gives weight to that opinion. Anyone who modifies their sexual behaviour for fear of other people's judgements can't really truly understand and enjoy their sexuality.

Siuin

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Holding off out of fear of being judged by some guys, implies that the judgement has value and gives weight to that opinion. Anyone who modifies their sexual behaviour for fear of other people's judgements can't really truly understand and enjoy their sexuality.

Exaaaactly!
Couldn't have said it better myself.

Gummy Panda

I was once told I play hard to get. I just didn't realise they liked me

mackg

partyguinness wrote: »

This 'playing hard to get' nonsense is for immature kids and those who think that "If I put out on the first date, I am a slag and he won't want to see me again."

This is the type of crap spouted by Womens/Girly mags and fills womens heads full of crap and notions. Depressingly too many women belleve that ****...:mad:

I have friends who do think like this. They will not see a girl who slept with them on the first date again. There was even one situation with a friend of mine and a girl where she slept with him the night they met but then refused to sleep with him again for a while in an effort to prove she wasn't that kind of girl.

I agree with OP and don't see any reason for it. Saying that it's not something I see going away any time soon. As long as women feel that they run the risk of being seen like this some will play it safe rather than risk a guy they like losing interest.

daisybelle2008

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

This is true. These people will gladly have sex with a girl who offers it rather easily, but as soon as it's all over, they're all 'slut', 'whore', etc. Weird.

This implies that sex is commodity a woman rations (offers) to a man.
We have tied sex up with emotion, judgement, exclusivity and repression.
Without the above judgements women would be freer to have more sex and enjoy their sexuality with men in a much less restrictive fashion.
I'd say the porn and sex trade would become almost extinct and everyone would be enjoying themselves a lot more. :P

Da Shins Kelly

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

This implies that sex is commodity a woman rations (offers) to a man.
We have tied sex up with emotion, judgement, exclusivity and repression.
Without the above judgements women would be freer to have more sex and enjoy their sexuality with men in a much less restrictive fashion.
I'd say the porn and sex trade would become almost extinct and everyone would be enjoying themselves a lot more. :P

Well, that was not the intended implication but rather just an expression.

irishgirl19

well I dont just wanna have sex with any Joe soap.
its an intimate act and I would like to get to know the person a little bit. in my experience some fellas are just after one thing

edit: actually now that I think of it, I can't say shiit, I didn't wait at all with my current fella and we couldnt be happier.

primrose_lily

Sorcha16 wrote: »

Maybe some people just like to build a rapport with someone before jumping into bed with them and is nothing to do with playing hard to get

I totally agree with this, im a firm believer in getting to know someone a little bit first before jumping into bed and sleeping with them! I mean i just couldnt sleep with someone or get up to 'stuff' with someone i barely knew..for me id feel a little used or something. Thats just me, everyone is different and in the moment i guess things can happen and if it feels right for you to just get straight to it then you shouldnt over think it.
I guess im a bit traditional when it comes to sex...i like to know who im sleeping with because at the end of the day you dont know who theyve slept with and you need to be safe.

As for the playing games....i dont agree with it..Yes being flirty is fun but you need to be honest about what you want at the end of the day. I wouldnt be stringing someone along only to say no and thats it. There is no point in messing with someones head like that!

Siuin

primrose_lily wrote: »

I totally agree with this, im a firm believer in getting to know someone a little bit first before jumping into bed and sleeping with them! I mean i just couldnt sleep with someone or get up to 'stuff' with someone i barely knew..for me id feel a little used or something. Thats just me, everyone is different and in the moment i guess things can happen and if it feels right for you to just get straight to it then you shouldnt over think it.
I guess im a bit traditional when it comes to sex...i like to know who im sleeping with because at the end of the day you dont know who theyve slept with and you need to be safe.

As for the playing games....i dont agree with it..Yes being flirty is fun but you need to be honest about what you want at the end of the day. I wouldnt be stringing someone along only to say no and thats it. There is no point in messing with someones head like that!

I'm not taking about casual sex with just about anyone- I'm saying that if you feel a connection with someone, you shouldn't allow the 'three date rule' or stupid assumptions about how a 'good' girl should behave inhibit you from having sex. If you feel uncomfortable about it, then fine, it's not good for you. However, I'd like to point out that just because you decide to have sex one the first, second, third time you meet them doesn't mean you won't be practicing safe sex.