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Playing Hard to Get
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Jesus Christ. With friends like you, who needs enemies? I'm pretty sure that if your 'friends' knew how harshly you were judging them, they wouldn't be your friends at all. Tbh your nasty attitude is much worse for society than what anyone does within the privacy of their own bedrooms.
Funny, you assume that A) My Friends a I don't discuss things like this ( we do, I don't preach, I give an opinion if asked) and
That I judge their entire person with regard to their sexual habit, I do not.
You know nothing about myself, my friends or our respective friendships. Calling the promiscuous one 'gigantic whores' may have been an error in judgement but believe me, the ones that have slept with 7 women/men in 7 consecutive days as well as numerous people in relationships have branded themselves as much to myself and our other friends. I should probably clarify that most of my friends are students at two of the most promiscuous Unis in UK/Ireland.
If you ride a lot of people a lot of the time, guess what? You aren't liberated, you're a whore.0 -
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dizzywizlw wrote: »Funny, you assume that A) My Friends a I don't discuss things like this ( we do, I don't preach, I give an opinion if asked) and That I judge their entire person with regard to their sexual habit, I do not.
You know nothing about myself, my friends or our respective friendships. Calling the promiscuous one 'gigantic whores' may have been an error in judgement but believe me, the ones that have slept with 7 women/men in 7 consecutive days as well as numerous people in relationships have branded themselves as much to myself and our other friends. I should probably clarify that most of my friends are students at two of the most promiscuous Unis in UK/Ireland.
If you ride a lot of people a lot of the time, guess what? You aren't liberated, you're a whore.
Wait there, again, have you accidently posted on the wrong thread? This thread is about sleeping with a guy on the first date, not sleeping with multiple men. If people can't be bothered to actually read and respond to what was written in the OP, then what's the point? We'll just chat about any old topic that springs to mind, shall we?0 -
This thread isn't about sleeping around (I don't know how many times I'm going to have to drill this into posters' heads before it finally gets through) - it's about women being entitled to sleep with a man without being forced to abide by arbitrary social protocol in order to establish herself as a person of value. While I'm sure you're eager to prove yourself as a woman of honour, please cut the condescening BS by labelling entire universities as 'promiscuous'.dizzywizlw wrote: »Funny, you assume that A) My Friends a I don't discuss things like this ( we do, I don't preach, I give an opinion if asked) and That I judge their entire person with regard to their sexual habit, I do not.
You know nothing about myself, my friends or our respective friendships. Calling the promiscuous one 'gigantic whores' may have been an error in judgement but believe me, the ones that have slept with 7 women/men in 7 consecutive days as well as numerous people in relationships have branded themselves as much to myself and our other friends. I should probably clarify that most of my friends are students at two of the most promiscuous Unis in UK/Ireland.
If you ride a lot of people a lot of the time, guess what? You aren't liberated, you're a whore.0 -
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dizzywizlw wrote: »
I just think what they are doing is bad for them and bad for society.
Really the only time I'd judge on that is when looking for a partner, which I have
Can you see the contradiction above?
dizzywizlw wrote: »
That I judge their entire person with regard to their sexual habit, I do not.
Whore, prostitutes, bad for society, lack of respect for themselves, cheapens themselves……..You have a load of very personal judgments going on.
dizzywizlw wrote: »Quite a significant proportion of my female acquaintances often engage in intercourse with men and women they have only just met
I believe it is evident that such behavior cheapens themselves and makes a moniker of prostitution apt to the situation at hand.
Advocating waiting until you truly know and are comfortable with the person in question is something I feel strongly about and should be self evident.
You are judging a person with regard to their sexual habits. Why do you keep insisting you are not?0 -
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Eve_Dublin, daisybelle and Siuin, what do you think of women who sleep with every man that shows them interest?
This argument, it has been made clear, is about sleeping with a man on the first date if there is a 'connection' (lust imo) and not about being promiscuous in general.
But what of being promiscuous in general? If you are sexually liberated as a woman and thoroughly enjoy sex is there anything wrong then in sleeping around if that is what you want to do? Wherein lies the difference?
If the woman insists she 'connects' with every man she finds attractive and thus sleeps with, can she be judged on a different scale to a woman who isn't promiscuous but equally isn't bound by social pressures - she can sleep with a man instantly but does not always choose to do so?Sorry, perhaps perceived to be different is a better way to say it. It seems to me that some of the posts insisting that this debate is about those women who will sleep with a man on a first date and not women who sleep around in general have a slightly judgemental tone towards the latter. What is the difference and why should there be one if we are advocating that women shouldn't be owned by societal pressures?
I think you're referring to me here but you've definitely picked up on a tone of my posts that didn't exist. I wanted to make it clear to some posters on here who were ONLY spouting off about women who sleep around and not responding to the topic in question. I don't necessarily believe they go hand-in-hand. When I read the original post, I got the sense that Siuin was talking about someone dating men as in perhaps looking for something more than a one night stand, so I responded to that. I think the promiscuous debate deserves a thread of it's own and I find it interesting that some posters on here presume because a woman sleeps with a man on the first date, that she automatically sleeps with many partners.
And just for the record, no judgements here. I've been what society deems promiscuous in my past (or a whore, a slapper, a slag, a slut, easy...whatever). I've had periods between relatioships where I've slept with a man if I fancied him be it a ONS or an ongoing fook buddy. That's not a boast, that's just clearing up any misuderstanding that might have arisen from the perceived tone of my previous posts. I haven't slept with a huge amount of men as I'm not attracted to a huge amount of men...and not all the men I've been attracted to have fancied me, but yes, if I've been single and if I felt like sleeping with that man and had the opportunity, I've done so.
I've always been careful and have never hurt anyone in the process. If I believed the guy wanted more and I didn't, I didn't sleep with them. I enjoyed myself most of the time and it was always consensual and respectful. I don't see why anyone should be judged for consensual sex. It seems bizarre in my mind that society would, tbh. Keep your nose out of business that doesn't concern you and keep your judgements to yourself regarding someone who's hurting nobody, would be something I'd try to live by and I'd love if others could do the same. No one's perfect and "he who casts the first stone" and all that.
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Yet you seem to be passing judgement on those who give in to 'their every sexual whim'. What exactly is wrong with that? Or are the women who sleep with the man on a first date restrained in terms of their other sexual whims? Do they only give in to the odd sexual whim? I thought we were advocating women having the freedom to behave sexually on any terms? Why is there such a distinction then between the OP's scenario and any other scenario where a woman has sex rather freely?
Casn you find those posts where I judged please? I would never judge a woman like that having been one myself! 0 -
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Eve_Dublin wrote: »
Casn you find those posts where I judged please? I would never judge a woman like that having been one myself!
Sorry, it was the phrase 'giving into every sexual whim' that I inferred that from. I obviously have misread your posts and I appreciate you clearing it up. I too feel strongly about women having the freedom to make sexual choices without being pressured by societal protocol. It seems we're on the same page! :-)0 -
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Eve_Dublin wrote: »
That wasn't my phrase though, I was quoting Sorcha16 who, ironically, thanked your post (which made me smirk)!
Here's the post in question with the phrase highlighted:
Anyway, glad we're on the same page. Night!
Oh I see, it wasn't in inverted commas so I wrongly attributed it to you. It was that particular phraseology that didn't sit well with me.
I have friends, both male and female, that can be very judgemental of such scenarios and I tend to react quite strongly to any negative language used around that.
Goodnight! 0 -
Eve_Dublin wrote: »It's not a fact. What risks are you talking about? What difference would it make if you met that stranger 20 more times then slept with them? STIs, for example, don't just cure themselves the more you get to know them.
How is having sex with someone disrespecting your body? And why does it make a difference if you do it on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 50th date?
Your comments are judgemental.
One thing I've noticed on here is that "the more liberal" people get very defensive about statements that if they weren't in direct reference to sexual relations would not raise an eyebrow.
Of course there's higher risks for all sorts of things with some one you;ve had a few hour long interaction, like if I was out drinking and and wanted to continue the night after the pubs closed I would be wary about going to some one that I'd just mets apartment alone with a few bottles where as if I probably wouldn;t hesitate if I'd met the person a few times. I would say thats uncontroversial common sense that wouldn;t raise an eyebrow on here, where as if this statement was rephrased into the person being a one night stand rather than just some drinks it suddenly becomes controversial and judgemental
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One thing I've noticed on here is that "the more liberal" people get very defensive about statements that if they weren't in direct reference to sexual relations would not raise an eyebrow.
You're going to have to explain that one to me. I'm baffled.Of course there's higher risks for all sorts of things with some one you;ve had a few hour long interaction[/B], like if I was out drinking and and wanted to continue the night after the pubs closed I would be wary about going to some one that I'd just mets apartment alone with a few bottles where as if I probably wouldn;t hesitate if I'd met the person a few times. I would say thats uncontroversial common sense that wouldn;t raise an eyebrow on here, where as if this statement was rephrased into the person being a one night stand rather than just some drinks it suddenly becomes controversial and judgemental
Why "of course"? The vast majority of rapes occur between people who are already acquainted, for example. That'd be one risk which I'm sure springs to many people's mind. I wanted examples of how someone is more at risk with someone after a first date than with someone after two dates. Can you provide them instead of simply stating it's "common sense"? I can't see how it's common sense. We're specifically talking about safe sex with a stranger you've had one date with here, btw. I'd be grateful if you could provide examples of risks that are specific to this please.0 -
RDM_83 again wrote: »One thing I've noticed on here is that "the more liberal" people get very defensive about statements that if they weren't in direct reference to sexual relations would not raise an eyebrow.
Of course there's higher risks for all sorts of things with some one you;ve had a few hour long interaction, like if I was out drinking and and wanted to continue the night after the pubs closed I would be wary about going to some one that I'd just mets apartment alone with a few bottles where as if I probably wouldn;t hesitate if I'd met the person a few times. I would say thats uncontroversial common sense that wouldn;t raise an eyebrow on here, where as if this statement was rephrased into the person being a one night stand rather than just some drinks it suddenly becomes controversial and judgemental
I wouldn't be wary of this in the slightest. I've had some of the best nights of my life at house parties of people I've met and talked to that night. I believe most people aren't dodgy and can be trusted. I've travelled a continent on my own, moved country on my own, lived alone....if I didn't give a stranger a chance, I'd be a very lonely person. If the person seems like a weirdo or sleazy or dodgy, I wouldn't go back for an ONS or a house party. I'd take the same precautions in both circumstances. And I've usually talked to the person before I've slept with them just as I've talked to the person holding a house party. No one's talking about picking someone off the street without saying a word to them.
What has been liberal got to do with it? Conservatives don't enjoy a good house party with a stranger, no? 0 -
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Eve_Dublin wrote: »You're going to have to explain that one to me. I'm baffled.
Why "of course"? The vast majority of rapes occur between people who are already acquainted, for example.
I was referring to liberal in terms of the way these debates tend to follow into a liberal/modern vs a conservative/traditional view of things and the fact that disagreement does necessarily imply judgment.
In relation to the second part I'm aware that rape is generally committed by someone known the victim (70 or 80% i think) however I'm willing to be proved wrong on this (as I don;t know how they class 'known') but I consider that this known to the victim would probably encompass 1st dates and situations where attacker and victim have met for a period before the attack took place.Eve_Dublin wrote: »I wouldn't be wary of this in the slightest. I've had some of the best nights of my life at house parties of people I've met and talked to that night. I believe most people aren't dodgy and can be trusted.Eve_Dublin wrote: »Can you provide them instead of simply stating it's "common sense"? I can't see how it's common sense. We're specifically talking about safe sex with a stranger you've had one date with here, btw. I'd be grateful if you could provide examples of risks that are specific to this please.
I didn't realize this discussion was based entirely safe sex (in fact its clearly not as you brought rape into it), Here's an example, I just read on some other thread about some guy throwing a drink on a girl for chatting to him when she had a boyfriend, now in this hypothetical if that person went of to a one night stand with this guy and rejected his advance later she'd be in a situation alone guy with clearly poor anger management at the least, if she rejected him that night with the intention of meeting again she'd probably pick up the anger.Eve_Dublin wrote: »I wouldn't be wary of this in the slightest. I've had some of the best nights of my life at house parties of people I've met and talked to that night. I believe most people aren't dodgy and can be trusted.
Fair play to you and I agree that most people are decent however has nobody ever surprised you after a poor first impression? this things work the other way too, and there's plenty of people that are complete scumbags that can mask dodgyness for a while an extreme example of this is Ted Bundy (and no I don't live in fear of serial killers its just its hard to find a reported Joe Soap).Eve_Dublin wrote: »And I've usually talked to the person before I've slept with them just as I've talked to the person holding a house party.
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In relation to the second part I'm aware that rape is generally committed by someone known the victim (70 or 80% i think) however I'm willing to be proved wrong on this (as I don;t know how they class 'known') but I consider that this known to the victim would probably encompass 1st dates and situations where attacker and victim have met for a period before the attack took place.
I don't have those stats here but most rapes committed by family members, boyfriends and husbands. I'm going to work now but can dig it out for you later.
I didn't realize this discussion was based entirely safe sex (in fact its clearly not as you brought rape into it), Here's an example, I just read on some other thread about some guy throwing a drink on a girl for chatting to him when she had a boyfriend, now in this hypothetical if that person went of to a one night stand with this guy and rejected his advance later she'd be in a situation alone guy with clearly poor anger management at the least, if she rejected him that night with the intention of meeting again she'd probably pick up the anger.
I've mentioned safe sex all the way through. Every single post, so yep, I'm talking about safe sex (I don't understand your point regarding rape). If someone doesn't take those precautions, they're a ****ing idiot. That guy you're talking about is nut job but you wouldn't go home with that guy, would you? You already know he's loo-la. You don't know a person any better and usually nutjobs, in my own personal experience don't usually act "nutty" when you meet them. My ex a long time ago threatened to set my friend's bedroom on fire and kill us both. I'd been going out with him for 3 months at that stage and he was nice as pie. It's those kinds of stories I hear more commonly (mad exes, crazy boyfriends, violent husbands) than people getting attacked on ONS or first dates.Fair play to you and I agree that most people are decent however has nobody ever surprised you after a poor first impression? this things work the other way too, and there's plenty of people that are complete scumbags that can mask dodgyness for a while an extreme example of this is Ted Bundy (and no I don't live in fear of serial killers its just its hard to find a reported Joe Soap).
Never....except the mad ex who I mentioned above. And the point you mad above about masking dodginess....of course! They'll mask it 'till they're alone with you...1st, 2nd or 5th date. The guy will be dodgy on the 1st date and dodgy on the 3rd.
That was sarcasm to highlight no one would be stupid enough to pick some randomer off the street and bring them home. I've ALWAYS talked to the person previously.
Anyway, you wouldn't have a ONS, you wouldn't go to a house party. I would and I've been fine. I'm in a relationship now so those days have ended (days of ONS). If a woman waits to see if the guy is safe or not, no problems. I've said before I've no problems with that. I'm specifically referring to those women who wait for waitings sake. Who play hard-to-get so as to avoid the label from society of "whore". Waiting to the 2nd date makes zero difference.0 -
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