Playing Hard to Get

daisybelle2008

RDM_83 again wrote: »

I just remember having been on the "other side" of this going back to a persons place thing, when a fair few years ago used to go back to a flat to drink after the pub a lot and sometimes one or two other people would end up back as well a lot of the time the large scary eastern European ex-navy guy who also lived there would come down and yell at us to be quiet, obviously nothing else happened but the look of "oh sh*t" could be quite clear on peoples faces

Often at house partys the noise upsets the neighbours, who may be trying to sleep. Sometimes they yell because they are tired and have to be up early. The physical appearance/nationality/gender of the sleep deprived neighbour has little relevance to your story.
As a warning of the dangers of house partys, all I could learn from your story is maybe remember to keep the volume down as people are trying to sleep.

Eve_Dublin

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Often at house partys the noise upsets the neighbours, who may be trying to sleep. Sometimes they yell because they are tired and have to be up early. The physical appearance/nationality/gender of the sleep deprived neighbour has little relevance to your story.
As a warning of the dangers of house partys, all I could learn from your story is maybe remember to keep the volume down as people are trying to sleep.

But he was EASTERN EUROPEAN Daisybelle! EASTERN EUROPEAN!! :eek:

Eve_Dublin

poeticseraphim wrote: »

Some people consider sex to be something intimate and emotional to be taken slowly. It is not a game it is based on genuine feeling.

I find it annoying that people assume that there is one pace in any kind of social situation.

Some men and women I would think want to feel that what they are doing together is special and don't want to rush it.

Others don't feel that intimacy requires a certain time period.


I want to get to know someone before it goes that far. I don't want t sleep with people i later find out are not nice people.

Some people do rush into things too fast because of lack of self respect.

It is different for everyone.

So long as people respect my feelings the subject and on my own body then I respect theirs:)

I don't think consensual sex with free adults should be judged. But i don't like when it goes the other way and people are judged for wanting to move at a different pace or even not at all. Being non judgmental works both ways.

Different women will have different interpretations of feminism and different measures of it's usefulness in their own lives.

If the OP did not care.....this thread would not be here.

I think it is a sensitive issue.....if you are not hurting anyone including yourself ...you do yours your way...

If some women want to play games and enjoy it ..well them let them..that's their choice to make and enjoy. Some men do like it...some don't


But some women are not playing games and simply have much different boundaries.

I don't think anyone is judging someone who wants to wait because they actually want to wait. It's being made clear several times now that she's referring to those who don't sleep with a person until the second date for fear of being labelled a slapper. I think we all agree that no judgement should be made on those who want to wait or those who don't. The problem arises when people rush into it (for fear of being labelled a frigid!) or wait for fear of being judged (slapper!). That's what she's referring to. At no time has she said, "People shouldn't wait! They should sleep with someone immediately.". All she's saying is that someone should not be judged for doing so.

RDM_83 again

I hate boards and its ability to loose long posts on you (the lost reply had all the quotes in it)

OK in relation to the story of drinking and the flatmate coming down and yelling it was an example of how people judged/assessed us as a harmless group of lads of having a bit of craic, however the appearance of someone else they hadn't met who appeared intimidating suddenly changed the situation in their heads, whereas if they'd know us they would have known the guy (and known he was noisy at other times)

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

But he was EASTERN EUROPEAN Daisybelle! EASTERN EUROPEAN!! :eek:

So for example small Spanish student is just as intimidating as a EE ex service man :rolleyes: must tell Hollywood that so they can widen they're cast of villains and henchmen (you man was actually a nice guy though and for the record I actually really like eastern europe and its people).

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I've mentioned safe sex all the way through. Every single post, so yep, I'm talking about safe sex (I don't understand your point regarding rape).

Ok maybe this is a male view but too me safe sex refers to contraception (and the various health ads would agree seem to imply that too) so by referring to rape in your posts your broadening the discussion.

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

That guy you're talking about is nut job but you wouldn't go home with that guy, would you? You already know he's loo-la.

Re-read the scenario

In this hypothetical how does she know he's got a major problem with rejection (loo-la)? if she agrees to go back with him the first time she doesn;t reject him (which triggers his aggression) till shes on her own.

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

You don't know a person any better and usually nutjobs, in my own personal experience don't usually act "nutty" when you meet them.

Ok I feel we're just in disagreement at a basic level on this, I think you get to know someone better after a period of time, you go on first impressions, each to their own.

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

My ex a long time ago threatened to set my friend's bedroom on fire and kill us both. I'd been going out with him for 3 months at that stage and he was nice as pie. It's those kinds of stories I hear more commonly (mad exes, crazy boyfriends, violent husbands) than people getting attacked on ONS or first dates.

You see again I'd take a different perspective on those sort of occurrence in that to an outside observer thats not involved a lot of the time these people seem "a bit off" or scumbaggy long before anything happens but their partners are blind to this or go off the initial charming impression made to them.

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Anyway, you wouldn't have a ONS, you wouldn't go to a house party. I would and I've been fine.

I've done both actually (one more than other though) but I don't get offended by people considering that it may be slightly risky behavior, saying something is more risky doesn't necessarily imply judgment! positive or negative

Scanlas The 2nd

I'd just like to make the point that some women I've only met have known me better in two hours talking in a pub than some people who've known me my entire life. Just because you only meet someone doesn't mean there isn't connection.

Eve_Dublin

RDM_83 again wrote: »

I hate boards and its ability to loose long posts on you (the lost reply had all the quotes in it)

OK in relation to the story of drinking and the flatmate coming down and yelling it was an example of how people judged/assessed us as a harmless group of lads of having a bit of craic, however the appearance of someone else they hadn't met who appeared intimidating suddenly changed the situation in their heads, whereas if they'd know us they would have known the guy (and known he was noisy at other times)



So for example small Spanish student is just as intimidating as a EE ex service man :rolleyes: must tell Hollywood that so they can widen they're cast of villains and henchmen (you man was actually a nice guy though and for the record I actually really like eastern europe and its people).



Ok maybe this is a male view but too me safe sex refers to contraception (and the various health ads would agree seem to imply that too) so by referring to rape in your posts your broadening the discussion.



Re-read the scenario

In this hypothetical how does she know he's got a major problem with rejection (loo-la)? if she agrees to go back with him the first time she doesn;t reject him (which triggers his aggression) till shes on her own.



Ok I feel we're just in disagreement at a basic level on this, I think you get to know someone better after a period of time, you go on first impressions, each to their own.



You see again I'd take a different perspective on those sort of occurrence in that to an outside observer thats not involved a lot of the time these people seem "a bit off" or scumbaggy long before anything happens but their partners are blind to this or go off the initial charming impression made to them.



I've done both actually (one more than other though) but I don't get offended by people considering that it may be slightly risky behavior, saying something is more risky doesn't necessarily imply judgment! positive or negative

We disagree. You're going off on one about the dangers of ONS. This thread is about judging those who have them unfairly labelling them sluts, whores etc. Should people be called these things for taking a risk? There was a thread in TLL which dealt with the risks of ONS. Maybe head over there and debate it. I'm not interested in debating it here as obviously our experiences differ hugely and it's not what the discussion is about.

By the way, the guy was intimidating to your guests...big deal. Nothing happened. That's what it comes down to. I live in a rough part of Madrid with lots of intimidating people. Am I going to avoid the streets everyday? No. Perhaps your guests are nervous types. I'm not. I don't expect everyone else to be like me, so I've no problem going to house parties and engaging in ONS. Perhaps others are nervous by it and are intimidated by tall (but ultimately harmless) men from Eastern Europe but I'm not. C'est la vie. Live and let live.

I just want to reiterate though: I have no problem someone deciding to not go home with someone because they feel it's unsafe. I can absolutely see where they're coming from. However, I don't like the names put on women who do decide to do this. I take risks everyday of my life but I'm not labelled a whore for it. It's more the harsh judgement of these women that I've a problem with.

That's it from me. I've made my feelings known. Good luck!