Do you discuss your infidelity with friends free of guilt?

Abi

Gauss wrote: »

Personally it would make me a bit uncomfortable if someone starting telling me about their cheating, don't think I'd say anything though. None of my business.

Or is it that you'd rather nobody ratted you out?

Your other recent thread, and in the original post here, but I'm breaking it down.

Why did you cheat?
Everyone who cheats has their reasons for doing it. What are yours?

A few years ago I cheated, I did it because I wanted to experience the excitement of new pu$$y to put it crudely.

You get a thrill out of it.

I didn't intend to, but in the moment it felt too good to say no. I knew I wouldn't get caught.

You told us you were honest with your 'current' partner about it.

Being honest if I was In a relationship now

Oops..

and the other woman was attractive enough I'd probably cheat again.

To which I replied this: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=81344469&postcount=23

So if I ever get into another relationship I'll try not to put myself in situations where I'll have the opportunity.

I'm sure this will be of some relief to your either existing or non-existing girlfriend.

HeyThereDeliah

candy-gal1 wrote: »

I have never cheated, and never will I can safely say, as whats the point?! If you want to sleep around/flirt around/kiss around etc etc then just be single, it saves so much hassle and hurt, live life and treat others as you want to be treated, if theyve fcuked you over first then just get the hell away from them, simple enough tbh.

I'm not sure life is ever that simple, lots of people would say they would never cheat but it happens, I think people who cheat all the time don't care who they hurt but for some people it happens without looking for it.

I think it's possible to feel attracted to other people but still love your partner, is that cheating? For me resisting the temptation is what counts, if you say fcuk it I will deal with the consequences later then that's selfish.

woodoo

Waste of time this thread gauss caught out as a liar. On to the ignore list.

Gauss

Abi wrote: »

Or is it that you'd rather nobody ratted you out?

Your other recent thread, and in the original post here, but I'm breaking it down.



You get a thrill out of it.


You told us you were honest with your 'current' partner about it.



Oops..


To which I replied this: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=81344469&postcount=23


I'm sure this will be of some relief to your either existing or non-existing girlfriend.

I did something I regret but can't honestly say I'd probably do it again. Hence my obsession with cheating. It's something I want to to figure out.

As I said it can be shocking to find people so casually discussing their cheating with respectable friends. I just wonder how prevalent it is.

UCDVet

LyndaMcL wrote: »

You're getting married, OP? A week ago you were single! :eek:

'Why did you cheat?
I am single
1 week, 2 days in After Hours by Gauss 152 Replies 1,273 Views'




I call troll.

Nothing of value ever comes out of After Hours. It's just people wasting time.

Half of us are trolls.
Half of us are stupid.

Esoteric_

UCDVet wrote: »

Nothing of value ever comes out of After Hours. It's just people wasting time.

Half of us are trolls.
Half of us are stupid.

I am neither. I also know of several posters who are quite intelligent and also not trolls.

If you think so little of the forum, why post in it?

Abi

HeyThereDeliah wrote: »

For me resisting the temptation is what counts

It's really not that hard to do though, if you truly love someone.

HeyThereDeliah

Abi wrote: »

It's really not that hard to do though, if you truly love someone.

I'm not sure about that tbh, in an ideal world maybe but caught in the moment it might not be as easy.
I'm sure majority of people who cheat are sorry and would not do it again but honestly can any of us say we will never cheat whether its innocent flirting or not?

We all agree cheating is wrong and it should not happen but sometimes it's the stress of life that pushes people together or into the arms of someone else.

Abi

heytheredelilah wrote:

I'm not sure about that tbh, in an ideal world maybe but caught in the moment it might not be as easy.

You do not put yourself in a situation or a line of contact with someone that is inappropriate. It's that straight forward to me.

I'm sure majority of people who cheat are sorry and would not do it again but honestly can any of us say we will never cheat whether its innocent flirting or not?

I don't see how it's right to be honest, putting 'innocent' in front of it doesn't excuse the fact that you're flirting with someone other than your partner.

We all agree cheating is wrong and it should not happen but sometimes it's the stress of life that pushes people together or into the arms of someone else.

This is the part that is often lost on people, there shouldn't be any excuses for it. If you can't talk to your partner about something, what is the point? A problem shared is a problem halved and all that. If it is problems within the relationship hindering it, then it's either talk it out time or couples counselling to see if it can be saved. Falling into the arms of someone else is a cop out, tbh.

Gauss wrote: »

I did something I regret but can't honestly say I'd probably do it again. Hence my obsession with cheating. It's something I want to to figure out.

I know this is going to be wasted on you, because most guys won't consider this, but you need counselling if even some of what you're saying is to believed. You can't make up your mind whether you've a girlfriend or not for starters.

• We can assume you wouldn't discuss your cheating with friends
• And we can further assume that you would probably cheat again if put in that position

To put it lightly, your moral compass is all over the shop, and I don't think you're either going to figure it out on your own, or get answers from AH. It's obvious that I'm dead against it, and most women would have a bee in their bonnet over it. Deception is a pretty evil thing, but deception from a partner you think you know, love and trust is a life shattering experience.

You've two choices here if you ask me, and like I said before - either stay single, or get your head sorted out with a bit of counselling. Any girl you take on now is going to wind up hurt. But it's not just something that happens to women, it happens to guys too. Happened recently to someone I know and I'm baying for blood.

Gauss

Abi wrote: »

It's really not that hard to do though, if you truly love someone.

That's a geralisation, you know what temptation feels like to you, you don't know what it feels like to others and how strong it is.

UCDVet

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I am neither. I also know of several posters who are quite intelligent and also not trolls.

If you think so little of the forum, why post in it?

To clarify - I think Boards.ie and many other online forums are great, useful ways of exchanging knowledge.

But 'After Hours' is just people having a laugh. I come here to waste time.

It's just people wasting time.

Abi

Gauss wrote: »

That's a geralisation, you know what temptation feels like to you, you don't know what it feels like to others and how strong it is.

Would I? how would you know?


Whatever you do, don't judge me on your own inability to stay untempted or faithful.

donfers

well the problem with cheating is that people can justify some forms of it

i.e. they were drunk so they forgive themselves

i.e. they are not married

i.e. it's not a crime

i.e. it was just a kiss or a feel or whatever but not full intercourse

i.e. he/she wasn't nice to me yesterday/the other day/forgot my birthday/made fun of my dress/shirt/didn't show up at my game/show etc etc


you'd be amazed how far people would go in terms of deluding themselves into thinking they haven't done anything really that wrong, that's how they learn to live with themselves - that's how they can laugh it off, that's how they can maintain their self-image as person of integrity/ethics

self-delusion is the cheater's friend but you know what,deep down we all know if we've done something wrong and letting someone down who loves us and treats us with respect is a pretty despicable thing to do no matter how much people try to delude themselves into believing they haven't done anything that bad

donfers

on the other hand i'd say staying with one person for 50/60 years and not having a physical relationship with anybody else for the rest of your life is a pretty strange and unnatural thing to commit to regardless of all the romantic myths about finding "the one" and all that crap


...sorry for being hypocritical on this issue

to conclude if both parties agree to a monogamous relationship then the honourable thing is not to cheat

however if you want to discuss open relationships and seeing others then that should be discussed at a very early stage i think

there is no ideal solution

9959

Gauss wrote: »

That's a geralisation, you know what temptation feels like to you, you don't know what it feels like to others and how strong it is.

Your cheatin' heart,
Will pine some day,
And crave the love,
You threw away,
The time will come,
When you'll be blue,
Your cheatin' heart will tell on you.....

'YOUR CHEATIN' HEART' by Hank Williams

Gauss

9959 wrote: »

Your cheatin' heart,
Will pine some day,
And crave the love,
You threw away,
The time will come,
When you'll be blue,
Your cheatin' heart will tell on you.....

'YOUR CHEATIN' HEART' by Hank Williams

Thanks that brought a tear to my eye.

Brain Stroking

9959 wrote: »

Your cheatin' heart,
Will pine some day,
And crave the love,
You threw away,
The time will come,
When you'll be blue,
Your cheatin' heart will tell on you.....

'YOUR CHEATIN' HEART' by Hank Williams

I was dreaming of the past
And my heart was beating fast
I began to lose control
I began to lose control
I didnt mean to hurt you
I'm sorry that...I made you cry
I didnt want to hurt you
I'm just a jealous guy

"JEALOUS GUY" by John Lennon































May be intended for Personal Issues Forum

jaffacakesyum

Why is Gauss still here?

Obvious troll is obvious

Jimoslimos

UCDVet wrote: »

But 'After Hours' is just people having a laugh. I come here to waste other people's time.

Fixed that for ya.

To be fair, if I see a thread started in AH by someone with a shiny new join date I'm generally suspicious.

Cheeky_gal

The worst part about this thread are the people who say "I had to sit there knowing that she was riding him behind her poor husbands back" etc.

If any friend of mine cheated on their partner I would be the first to tell that partner as I would appreciate been told if it were the other way around. I would also ditch that friend like a hot cake. Who wants friends that go around behaving like that?

The poor partner is been made a fool of. I hate people that don't speak up. If people spoke up for others more then there wouldn't be so much bullying in schools etc

Madam_X

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

Proof positive that marriage is little more than a glorified business arrangement and a weekend long piss up to most people

It's not proof positive of that at all.

candy-gal1

HeyThereDeliah wrote: »

I'm not sure life is ever that simple, lots of people would say they would never cheat but it happens, I think people who cheat all the time don't care who they hurt but for some people it happens without looking for it.

I think it's possible to feel attracted to other people but still love your partner, is that cheating? For me resisting the temptation is what counts, if you say fcuk it I will deal with the consequences later then that's selfish.

I can see your point on it, but depends on what you mean by finding other people attractive as well as your partner, if your talking about a passing thing in the street of thinking "oh s/hes hot" about some stranger then yeah its not cheating, but pursueing anything more than that, aka just random looking at times, would be cheating in my book.

You can always not cheat if you truly love your partner imho.

HeyThereDeliah

candy-gal1 wrote: »

I can see your point on it, but depends on what you mean by finding other people attractive as well as your partner, if your talking about a passing thing in the street of thinking "oh s/hes hot" about some stranger then yeah its not cheating, but pursueing anything more than that, aka just random looking at times, would be cheating in my book.

You can always not cheat if you truly love your partner imho.

Not a passing thing in the street no. If you were attracted to a friend what would you do? I think there are different types of cheating tbh, not just sex.

Yes most people will not cheat if they love their partner, it's all about respecting what you have and it's true you never realise what you have until its gone.

irishgirl19

Gauss wrote: »

Personally it would make me a bit uncomfortable if someone starting telling me about their cheating, don't think I'd say anything
though. None of my business.

why would it make you uncomfortable? you started a thread last week asking people exactly why they cheated FFS

candy-gal1

HeyThereDeliah wrote: »

Not a passing thing in the street no. If you were attracted to a friend what would you do? I think there are different types of cheating tbh, not just sex.

Yes most people will not cheat if they love their partner, it's all about respecting what you have and it's true you never realise what you have until its gone.

Ah well if I was attracted to a friend while I with my partner Id firstly have to see how much I was attracted to them, like did I just think theyre quite good looking and wonder why they wrere single if they were, which is this was the level of attracting to them it wouldnt be the worst but I would tell my partner just as conversation so there are no secrets/secret feelings etc.

If it was anything more than that then Id seriously have to reevaluate my relationship with my partner as if i was really attracted to someone as close as a friend even though I loved my partner, it would/could be a cause of concern, even if nothing happened.
Thats just my 2cents anyway

K-9

blue note wrote: »

In general I'd agree with your post, but I'd disagree with the "own up and take the blame" part. I don't think that's always the best option, in fact I think oten it's more so the cheater can be forgiven and fell better about himself / herself.

That's one thing I'd disagree with, chances are they will not be forgiven and even if they are, they'll pay for it in other ways. Not telling them is another selfish decision, the other persons feelings are just an excuse to justify the easiest option

girl2

UCDVet wrote: »

Nothing of value ever comes out of After Hours. It's just people wasting time.

Half of us are trolls.
Half of us are stupid.

Stupid is buying two bus tickets to spread your books across to do your homework.

On the subject of cheating - any women I know who have had affairs or cheated - they have usually told it to someone else. I could easily name a good half dozen people who have told me over the past couple of years. They're all still with their original partners too :rolleyes:

Max Power1

I have done in the past, both cheated, and also talked about it openly with friends.

I'm a different person now than I was then however, and would not be as so inclined anymore. I'm a great believer in honesty and openness, and, in my current (albeit new) relationship I can say that I would never cheat. Its a matter of finding the right person at the right stage of your life.

RachelOHara

I cheated in a long term serious relationship that was on its last legs. I cheated because there was something seriously amiss in the relationship and I did tell my close friends and even my partner. I can honestly say that the excitement was not even worth a smidgen of the shame and guilt I experienced after. The whole relationship was tainted and I still feel ashamed about what I did years later.
I'm with someone now who I love and adore and respect and I'd never cheat on him, not least because I never want to feel that way or ruin what we have for a cheap thrill.

mikom

9959 wrote: »

Your cheatin' heart,
Will pine some day,
And crave the love,
You threw away,
The time will come,
When you'll be blue,
Your cheatin' heart will tell on you.....

'YOUR CHEATIN' HEART' by Hank Williams

Brain Stroking wrote: »

I was dreaming of the past
And my heart was beating fast
I began to lose control
I began to lose control
I didnt mean to hurt you
I'm sorry that...I made you cry
I didnt want to hurt you
I'm just a jealous guy

"JEALOUS GUY" by John Lennon

Waste of time posting these songs, as this is all the cheater hears inside their mind..........

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3gx7CSXEzo

9959

Gauss wrote: »

Thanks that brought a tear to my eye.

'So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears'

THE TRACKS OF MY TEARS by Smokey Robinson

Ando's Saggy Bottom

Lads generally talk away about this kind of thing not a bother and I've never really heard any of the lads I know get too judgemental or disapproving about it if it does arise. What someone else does is their own business IMO.

Brain Stroking

9959 wrote: »

'So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears'

THE TRACKS OF MY TEARS by Smokey Robinson

Anyone ever notice that all Smokey Robinson's songs are about a guy (who sounds like a girl) who appears all happy on the outside but is merely covering up for the pain/exclusion/loneliness he feels on the inside? Every single one

9959

Brain Stroking wrote: »

Anyone ever notice that all Smokey Robinson's songs are about a guy (who sounds like a girl) who appears all happy on the outside but is merely covering up for the pain/exclusion/loneliness he feels on the inside? Every single one

'Going To A Go Go' ?

steve9859

I know a good few teammates, either married or in long term relationships, who have slept with other people whilst we were away on camp or competing. It has been pretty widely seen and known about, I don't know that anyone was particularly disapproving.

I know from some of my friends in the womens club, that the same thing has gone down on their trips.

Most married friends of mine have done the dirt at some point. And almost all are still with their original long term partners.

As other posters said, it is waaay more common than some people think, and I really don't think that people judge (other than the OH if he / she finds out of course....)