can I have a really really milky coffee please

Grayson

http://presscentre.debenhams.com/Press-Releases/Say-goodbye-to-cappuccino-confusion-Debenhams-launches-plain-English-coffee-menu-1b4.aspx

No longer will coffee-lovers be in a muddle over mocha, caught out by cappuccino or embarrassed about espresso thanks to a plain English coffee menu launched by Debenhams today (29 October 2012).

Caffe latte is described as ‘really really milky coffee’, Cappuccino as ‘frothy coffee’ and Caffe mocha as ‘chocolate flavoured coffee’. Black coffee is ‘simple coffee, with or without milk’ with espresso shot labelled as ‘a shot of strong coffee’.

Rather than offering confusing ‘tall’ (meaning small) ‘grande’ (meaning large) or ‘venti’ (meaning extra large) coffee sizes as found in other shops, the high street retailer has also scrapped different size options, instead offering thirsty shoppers simply a ‘cup’ or a ‘mug’ of their favourite drink

This really makes me want to punch someone.

Dack Janiels

Keep lining up for coffee and rabbit punching the person in front of you when they order. When the security turns up order a really milky coffee and throw it at them. Case closed.

old_aussie

I'll have one really really milky coffee to go please

SEPT 23 1989

I think its a good idea

summerskin

This is how I picture the OP ordering coffee....

"I'll have a double choca mocha half caf soya latte please and a babychino for little Fiachra."

Dack Janiels

summerskin wrote: »

This is how I picture the OP ordering coffee....

"I'll have a double choca mocha half caf soya latte please and a babychino for little Fiachra."

Yeah exactly, and then he hops up on Fiachra's shoulders and starts dancing around like a robot while his sons toddler legs wobble under the strain.

AnonoBoy

I suspect that any coffee shop that would use this stupid naming system wouldn't be serving coffee worth drinking anyway.

Although the 'venti' nonsense is no bad thing to get rid of. Although having said that I've only every seen it in Starbucks - and we all know their coffee is swill-like at the best of times.

COFFEE SNOB! OH YEAH! I'm a coffee snob! :pac:

admiralofthefleet

thats the way it was when i worked in bewleys, then the celtic tiger happened and everyone thought they were coffee afectionados

Dack Janiels

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Starbucks - and we all know their coffee is swill-like at the best of times.

No not really, it's just seen as cool to criticise it. Sheep!

BraziliaNZ

sounds like a good idea, I think our interpretations of those Italian words are way off anyway. My Aunt asked for latte in Rome one time, and they gave her a glass of cold milk. So we should really just use English words ffs.

DavyD_83

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

thats the way it was when i worked in bewleys, then the celtic tiger happened and everyone thought they were coffee afectionados

More boomtime amrericanism wankology being removed from daily life.
Sounds good to me.
You want coffee; you say: "Coffee"
Almost too sensible to work in the Ireland of today, but I live in hope.

I want to punch people who understand Starbucks' ridiculous ordering system, and even moreso those who defend it.

AnonoBoy

Dack Janiels wrote: »

No not really, it's just seen as cool to criticise it. Sheep!

No it really is. It's bland as bland can be. I've had it in several countries and it's always the same (which is why it's a success I suppose).

It's also vastly overpriced. There's far better coffee to be had in Dublin at a much cheaper rate.

I have little truck for what's supposed to be cool or not to criticise. I criticise Starbucks coffee because I've tasted it and I don't like it.

Throwing 'sheep' around as an insult is a lazy, unimaginative way to criticise someone. It's so overused it's become a laughable cliche at this stage and I would go so far as to say someone who has to resort to using it is behaving in a sheeplike manner themselves. Oh the irony, it's delicious (unlike Starbucks coffee which isn't).

Dack Janiels

DavyD_83 wrote: »

I want to punch people who understand Starbucks' ridiculous ordering system, and even moreso those who defend it.

You want to punch people who can understand that Venti Grande and Tall replace large medium and small? It's bent, but it's not that hard to understand. Shalom

Eve_Dublin

That's what's great about here. You ask for a coffee with milk, cold, warm or hot and no option of full fat or low fat never mind soya and the rest of them. You can have coffee without milk or you can have coffee with a small amount of coffee and more milk. Nice and simple and the coffee is always delicious. Those pretentious Italian names are idiotic in somewhere like Ireland.

Grayson

summerskin wrote: »

This is how I picture the OP ordering coffee....

"I'll have a double choca mocha half caf soya latte please and a babychino for little Fiachra."

My sisters pregnant. I told her if she called the kid fiachra, sorcha or uachtar reoite, she'd get disowned.

Dack Janiels

AnonoBoy wrote: »

No it really is. It's bland as bland can be. I've had it in several countries and it's always the same (which is why it's a success I suppose).

It's also vastly overpriced. There's far better coffee to be had in Dublin at a much cheaper rate.

I have little truck for what's supposed to be cool or not to criticise. I criticise Starbucks coffee because I've tasted it and I don't like it.

Throwing 'sheep' around as an insult is a lazy, unimaginative way to criticise someone. It's so overused it's become a laughable cliche at this stage and I would go so far as to say someone who has to resort to using it is behaving in a sheeplike manner themselves. Oh the irony, it's delicious (unlike Starbucks coffee which isn't).

Clears throat: You're a sheep! You're on about being overpriced, I took issue with you calling it swill because it's the cool thing to do. It's not the best coffee, but it's not swill. Such hyperbole is in the purview of the "it's cool and alternative to criticise starbucks" crowd. Sheep!

gerbilgranny

All this new-fangled coffee terminology has intimidated me.

I've only recently got the hang of ordering a 'skinny Mocha' (which is, I understand, a really sugary chocolately thing made with low fat milk...so not really 'skinny' at all).

But last week I thought I'd be good and avoid the chocolate - so I asked for 'a skinny Americano'.:o They had to explain to me that the only liquid in an Americano is water.

I think Debenhams are on to a good thing...

AnonoBoy

Dack Janiels wrote: »

Clears throat: You're a sheep! You're on about being overpriced, I took issue with you calling it swill because it's the cool thing to do. It's not the best coffee, but it's not swill. Such hyperbole is in the purview of the "it's cool and alternative to criticise starbucks" crowd. Sheep!

Wow you love your Starbucks and your unimaginative insults don't you? You have no notion of why I'm doing or saying anything but y'know carry on thinking you do.

I also think Insomnia serve up horrible coffee too. Am I a sheep for not liking them either?

Also Jack Daniels is muck whiskey too. :pac:

Dack Janiels

gerbilgranny wrote: »

All this new-fangled coffee terminology has intimidated me.

Hmmm...the cafe latte has been around since the 17th century. It's hardly newfangled!

summerskin

Grayson wrote: »

My sisters pregnant. I told her if she called the kid fiachra, sorcha or uachtar reoite, she'd get disowned.

Did you tell her that over a Grande Mochaccino while admiring your sailor tats?

af_thefragile

I prefer this to the pretentious starbucks "mocha", "cappuccino", "machiato" whatever nonsense!

Schism

Grayson wrote: »

My sisters pregnant. I told her if she called the kid fiachra, sorcha or uachtar reoite, she'd get disowned.

Oh please tell me her surname is Roche? She could sneakily stick uachtar as a middle name and advise the kid to go by it. Then pretend that Roche is actually an Italian surname and is pronounced Row-sha...

Uacthar Roche, the ice cream kid! Half Italian / half Irish, all fashionable nonsense

Shane-KornSpace

feck the naming system.
even in Starbucks, I ask for a large black coffee.

AnonoBoy

af_thefragile wrote: »

I prefer this to the pretentious starbucks "mocha", "cappuccino", "machiato" whatever nonsense!

Starbucks didn't invent those names.

summerskin

Shane-KornSpace wrote: »

feck the naming system.
even in Starbucks, I ask for a large black coffee.

http://i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/007/508/watch-out-we-got-a-badass-over-here-meme.png

Grayson

gerbilgranny wrote: »

All this new-fangled coffee terminology has intimidated me.

I've only recently got the hang of ordering a 'skinny Mocha' (which is, I understand, a really sugary chocolately thing made with low fat milk...so not really 'skinny' at all).

But last week I thought I'd be good and avoid the chocolate - so I asked for 'a skinny Americano'.:o They had to explain to me that the only liquid in an Americano is water.

I think Debenhams are on to a good thing...

To help.

Expresso: that thick strong coffee that italians drink in those little cups.
Latte: Hot cup of milk with shot of expresso.
Americano: Hot cup of water with shot of expresso
Cappuchino: Same as a latte except they froth up the milk so much there's about half the milk taking up the same space.
Mocha: (also called a mocha latte) Latte with big dollop of chocolate.

btw, all starbucks drinks are made with low fat milk. If you ask for skinny, you get zero fat milk.


See, there's not actually that much. And when you consider the amount of varients of wine and beer (got help us if a barman doesn't pour a Guinness correctly) it's actually very little.

Grayson

summerskin wrote: »

Did you tell her that over a Grande Mochaccino while admiring your sailor tats?

Actually it was a mocha for me and hot chocolate for her (No coffee whilst pregnant)

af_thefragile

Grayson wrote: »

To help.

Expresso: that thick strong coffee that italians drink in those little cups.
Latte: Hot cup of milk with shot of expresso.
Americano: Hot cup of water with shot of expresso
Cappuchino: Same as a latte except they froth up the milk so much there's about half the milk taking up the same space.
Mocha: (also called a mocha latte) Latte with big dollop of chocolate.

btw, all starbucks drinks are made with low fat milk. If you ask for skinny, you get zero fat milk.


See, there's not actually that much. And when you consider the amount of varients of wine and beer (got help us if a barman doesn't pour a Guinness correctly) it's actually very little.

http://xkcd.com/915/

AnonoBoy

af_thefragile wrote: »

http://xkcd.com/915/

That's just the names of the different ways it's served..... whatever you do don't wander in here! :eek:

harney

Grayson wrote: »

<snip> Black coffee is ‘simple coffee, with or without milk’ </snip>




This really makes me want to punch someone.

When I first started working over here in the UK I was based in one of our smaller offices where everybody takes turns making the coffee. The division I worked in did a lot of security consultancy work, so was involved in a lot of local and central government work which meant all the politics and PC that goes with it.

One day it was my turn to make the coffee so I wander up to one of the consultants and ask if he would like some tea or coffee....

<con> Yea, could I have a coffee please.
<Me> Sure, would you like it black or white?
<con> I'll have it without.
<Me> (a bit dim as it was first thing in the morning) Without what?
<con> Without milk
<Me> Ah, so you want a black coffee?
<con> Yes, I want a coffee without
<Me> So you want a black coffee!
<con> (shuffles feet) We were told down the Home Office it's not politically correct to say it that way
<Me> I see (and wanders off)

It must be a minefield working in those offices.

emeraldstar

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

thats the way it was when i worked in bewleys, then the celtic tiger happened and everyone thought they were coffee afectionados

They were affectionate towards coffee?

DavyD_83

Dack Janiels wrote: »

You want to punch people who can understand that Venti Grande and Tall replace large medium and small? It's bent, but it's not that hard to understand. Shalom

To be honest, yes. Only way to get to understand it is to become part of the problem really.
But it's more the mocha frappachino, skinny latte crowd that really get on my nerves.
And I'd probably be ok with elaborate ordering systems if they were only added to normal list of orders. So that I could still order a 'coffee' and get what i wanted.
Instead if you have the gall to order a 'coffee' you are treated like you are the moron in the conversation.
And no, it is like somebody walking into a shop and saying "cigarettes please", or a bar and asking for "beer" (although most bars will just give you something). Most cafés aren't offering forty brands of coffee, they just prepare it in 6squillion different ways so that people can think they are more sophisticated than the average coffee drinker.

I hadn't realised how much this actually annoyed me until i started typing.
More big/jargon words aren't always more descriptive and accurate.
Arg

Senna

Can we have a thread about tea, at least I'd understand that thread.

AnonoBoy

Senna wrote: »

Can we have a thread about tea, at least I'd understand that thread.

Chai, peppermint, earl grey, nettle, peppermint or green?

Dack Janiels

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Wow you love your Starbucks and your unimaginative insults don't you? You have no notion of why I'm doing or saying anything but y'know carry on thinking you do.

I also think Insomnia serve up horrible coffee too. Am I a sheep for not liking them either?

Also Jack Daniels is muck whiskey too. :pac:

What's your big hang up with unimaginative comments? I'm not writing a literary review here, I'm telling you that you're a sheep. There's no imagination required, it's all based on your pseudo-alternative attempting to be cool comments. Sheep!

Also Jack Daniels is muck, but that's the whole point. Sheep!

AnonoBoy

Dack Janiels wrote: »

What's your big hang up with unimaginative comments? I'm not writing a literary review here, I'm telling you that you're a sheep. There's no imagination required, it's all based on your pseudo-alternative attempting to be cool comments. Sheep!

Also Jack Daniels is muck, but that's the whole point. Sheep!

You're going to get on so well on boards.ie :pac:

Like a lamb to the slaughter I'd imagine!

Dack Janiels

DavyD_83 wrote: »

To be honest, yes. Only way to get to understand it is to become part of the problem really.
But it's more the mocha frappachino, skinny latte crowd that really get on my nerves.
And I'd probably be ok with elaborate ordering systems if they were only added to normal list of orders. So that I could still order a 'coffee' and get what i wanted.
Instead if you have the gall to order a 'coffee' you are treated like you are the moron in the conversation.
And no, it is like somebody walking into a shop and saying "cigarettes please", or a bar and asking for "beer" (although most bars will just give you something). Most cafés aren't offering forty brands of coffee, they just prepare it in 6squillion different ways so that people can think they are more sophisticated than the average coffee drinker.

I hadn't realised how much this actually annoyed me until i started typing.
More big/jargon words aren't always more descriptive and accurate.
Arg

The reality is that most people never use the Venti/Grande thing, they just say large or whatever. Also, Costa coffee have a wacky Massimo and Diminutive title for their small and large etc so to blame Starbucks for it is a bit unfair.

There's two groups of coffee people: coffee heroes and coffee pretenders.

Shenshen

Grayson wrote: »

http://presscentre.debenhams.com/Press-Releases/Say-goodbye-to-cappuccino-confusion-Debenhams-launches-plain-English-coffee-menu-1b4.aspx




This really makes me want to punch someone.

*lol

I never understood why Ireland was selling coffee with US names in the first place.

So this, I think, is a rather brilliant little excercise in honesty. I like it.

mitosis

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

sounds like a good idea, I think our interpretations of those Italian words are way off anyway. My Aunt asked for latte in Rome one time, and they gave her a glass of cold milk. So we should really just use English words ffs.

Your aunt's interpretation is certainly way off. Latte is milk. If she wanted coffee why did she ask for milk?

pow wow

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Chai, peppermint, earl grey, nettle, peppermint or green?

Rooibos, clearly.

eyeball kid

Grayson wrote: »

To help.

Expresso: that thick strong coffee that italians drink in those little cups.
Latte: Hot cup of milk with shot of expresso.
Americano: Hot cup of water with shot of expresso
Cappuchino: Same as a latte except they froth up the milk so much there's about half the milk taking up the same space.
Mocha: (also called a mocha latte) Latte with big dollop of chocolate.
.

What's the name for a plain coffee?

Dack Janiels

eyeball kid wrote: »

What's the name for a plain coffee?

You just order it the way the bad guy does in the diner in A History of Violence.

JohnMarston

eyeball kid wrote: »

What's the name for a plain coffee?

...Coffee...

I would have thought the fancy names for the sizes could easily be discerned by price. I wouldnt order a venti and expect a thimble sized cup

kylith

eyeball kid wrote: »

What's the name for a plain coffee?

Probably 'Americano'.

I don't see the point of changing the names of the drinks themselves, except for maybe putting the description on the menu so people can refer to it if needed. I'd welcome the 'normalisation' of the sizes though. When did 'small', 'medium' and 'large' become insufficient? I feel like a right knob asking for a grande tea, especially when they give them counter-intuitive names; like calling the small 'tall'. I'd prefer to ask for a Large, or a Mug.

GreeBo

Grayson wrote: »

To help.

Expresso: that thick strong coffee that italians drink in those little cups.
Latte: Hot cup of milk with shot of expresso.
Americano: Hot cup of water with shot of expresso
Cappuchino: Same as a latte except they froth up the milk so much there's about half the milk taking up the same space.
Mocha: (also called a mocha latte) Latte with big dollop of chocolate.

btw, all starbucks drinks are made with low fat milk. If you ask for skinny, you get zero fat milk.

Ahh nothing nicer than a good ole EXpresso when you are in a hurry. Much better than DHL.:rolleyes:

Sorcha16

Grayson wrote: »

My sisters pregnant. I told her if she called the kid fiachra, sorcha or uachtar reoite, she'd get disowned.

:eek::eek::eek:

horsemaster

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

I think its a good idea

Ditto that.

westendgirlie

FFS

Options - black coffee, white coffee, milky coffee or frothy coffee.

Size options - in a cup, mug, big cup or big mug.

Dack Janiels

westendgirlie wrote: »

FFS

Options - black coffee, white coffee, milky coffee or frothy coffee.

Size options - in a cup, mug, big cup or big mug.

Wow, you are so no nonsense and edgy. You just cut right through the bull that catches everybody else up.

westendgirlie

Dack Janiels wrote: »

Wow, you are so no nonsense and edgy. You just cut right through the bull that catches everybody else up.

I may just need a caffeine fix :D

Franticfrank

I think a lot of the coffee connoisseurs love the confusing Italian names and will avoid Debenhams because 'its suddenly gotten boring'.