A couple of funnies for Monday

patmac

Sunburn

A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns..
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, ‘What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor’?
The doctor replied, ‘It won’t do anything for his condition, but it’ll keep the sheets off his legs.’

65yr old mother

With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. “May we see the new baby?” one asked.
“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first.”
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet,” said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet,” replied the mother sternly.
Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?”
“When he cries!” she told them.
“WHEN HE CRIES??” they demanded. “Why do we have to wait until he cries??”
“BECAUSE…I forgot where I put him!”

Hillwalking

The other day I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a little rucksack, and I went up to the Wicklow mountains.

I walked for about five miles then I stopped and sat on a stone wall and had a flask of coffee.

Then I walked another five miles and stopped and had another flask........ sorry, I'm rambling.