At what age is living with your parents a bit weird?

Princess Peach

I've learned it totally depends on the circumstances of the individual.

I lived at home until 24. All through my undergrad degree because we couldn't afford for me to go away for college, and then a while after when I was saving for my masters.

I have a very overbearing mother who does not allow me to do my own washing, loves to know all my business and is constantly butting into my affairs. So living in that house gave me no independence, and it was best for me to move out (of the country!) I know other people who live at home and love this, never having to clean or cook and having all the money from their job, don't seem to have any drive to move out And I used to think all people mid twenties should move out if financially capable or had no family obligations keeping them at home.

But I have heard of some people who can live with parents and be independent, and their parents allow them to be. So totally depends! I wouldn't swear off a person who lived at home straight away until I learned more about their circumstances and how it works out.

OnTheCouch

As a couple of the above posters have mentioned, circumstances are crucial when judging people on this particular matter. I feel that many are making the thread into a simple case of black or white, whenin actual fact there are huge shades of grey in such a scenario.

Should an individual be 35 or so and still living at home, having never moved out, one would start to question that person's motives.

Nonetheless, in such times of economic difficulty, it is perfectly feasible that people may have to go home for a bit. Similarly in cases of divorce or investments going badly wrong, it is comforting to know you can go back home until you get back on your feet.

Life is often a question of providence and people's success and failures often come in stages. Someone can be all set to leave home and change the world at 16, while others may see their potential dormant until 25 or so.

In addition, some individuals have difficult relationships with their parents, contrary to popular opinion, not every man is a mummy's boy should he still be sharing an address with those that brought him into the world.

I myself am not really comfortable with the fact of still living at home at 31, but until I catch a break employment wise, I cannot envisage any other possibility. This comes in spite of me living abroad for the best part of a decade.

I am also conscious that many people may look down on me for this. Certainly I have become a lot more insecure when talking to new people. To some degree, I cannot blame people for having a negative opinion on it, as it generally does not look good if you do not know all the circumstances.

So yes, I believe it is a tricky subject to come to a global conclusion on.

smelloween

Well I had to move home at 30 after job loss and separation, I couldn't afford to pay mortgage while ex could so he wanted to keep the house, and I'm still on the mortgage until such a time as we can get my name removed, It's not the ideal situation but I have to say, I'd be lost if it wasn't for my parents, and I feel genuinely happy to have a roof over my head, unlike a lot of people at the moment!!!

Paedo_Hater

Madam_X wrote: »

No I know it's incorrect to say an opinion is wrong when it's neither right nor wrong and merely conflicting with my view. When it contradicts fact or has little to no basis though, it's wrong/up for challenge. So a person saying someone who's still living at home at 21 is a weirdo and needs medical help - well that's definitely up for challenge seeing as most people who live at home at 21 don't require medical help for this or are in this situation due to being weird.

Saying something like "In my opinion it's not ideal for someone to be living at home after 21" though, well it's narrow-minded, but still just their opinion and not wrong.

You seem to be having a serious problem with the definition of an 'opinion'. Perhaps you should refrain from posting in any further threads where someone stipulates that they are expressing an opinion... well, at least until you learn what an opinion is...?

Green Mile

I moved out when I was 19. I thought it was young so I decided after 7 years to move back in with my parents last year.

The main reason why I moved back in was because my parents are out of work and it was the only way they’d accept money from me (rent)

After a year, I do miss my independence and am thinking of moving out but is itselfish?

I couldn't imagine living at home past about 22. I'm 27 now and have lived away for almost 10 years (and no, Mammy and Daddy didn't pay the rent except during one year of college). I'm so used to my independence now, I even get stressed out going back for Christmas. Couldn't imagine bringing boyfriends etc back to my parents' house! I'd find it really stifling. Totally depends on the person and situation though. In my case, living at home isn't really an option anyway because my parents live in the middle of nowhere and there aren't any jobs. It might be nice to move in with the folks for a year and save up loads of money for a deposit or whatever, but I don't really have the choice.

Echoes675

For me, I was out for uni. Moved home at the end and was out for good 2 months later so I was 21.
To be honest, I get on far better with my dad now than I did when I was in the house.

In today's economic climate I'd say 25-30 but any older and that's a bit odd. Generally speaking I would expect most to have some kind of job that would support them on their own by that age range at the latest.

Green Mile

Green Mile wrote: »

I moved out when I was 19. I thought it was young so I decided after 7 years to move back in with my parents last year.

The main reason why I moved back in was because my parents are out of work and it was the only way they’d accept money from me (rent)

After a year, I do miss my independence and am thinking of moving out but is itselfish?

So you're depriving some landlord or bank (mortgage) of their income! :pac:
I think that some who criticize older children sharing their parents homes see them as potential "customers".

Yakult

Moved out this year at 22. Could have stayed at home for many more years as the parents didnt mind, but I wanted to venture out and see what its like. Its cold, lonely and expensive! I know one lad who has an good full time job, he always has great stuff like high end watches/clothes/cars and always wondered how because of where he works. Turns out he has lived at home all his life and is 34. Now thats a bit weird. Rent is pretty cheap where I am too.
Each to their own tho, but if you are over 30 and working then you should probably move out.

DyldeBrill

I've just turned 22 and have moved out twice but it just proved too hard for me financially. It won't be until I'm 24 that I give it another good shot.Gonna save within that period big shtyle!

and to you man who moved out at 17, did your ma n da give you lunch money on top of all that?

Korbin Unsightly Martinet

Korbin Unsightly Martinet wrote: »

I'm so used to my independence now, I even get stressed out going back for Christmas. Couldn't imagine bringing boyfriends etc back to my parents' house! I'd find it really stifling.

I never had a problem with independence when living at home except the one point you mention above, its the one disadvantage of living at home and that is having boyfriends/Girlfriends for staying over regularly can be a bit more difficult.

That said I see it with a few friends where both partners still live at home and stay in each others houses a lot of nights of the week and don't find it strange at all anymore.

keithclancy

It gets weird when your mum starts complaining about having to clean out your sex dungeon.

Wacker The Attacker

keithclancy wrote: »

It gets weird when your mum starts complaining about having to clean out your sex dungeon.

Yeah. I get that all the time. My wife and children have started asking questions too.

LuckyLloyd

The notion of independence has been bandied around an awful lot in this thread. What is independence?

Financial Independence for me involves living off money you earn yourself - i.e. paying for the roof over your head, your food, your transport, your entertainment, etc.

Then you have emotional independence - i.e. being your own man or woman. Making your own decisions in life, being able to deal with the day to day hustle and bustle (within reason, we can all do with someone to listen and give advice from time to time)

The big mistake being made in this thread is confusing living away from the parental home as being financially / emotionally independent:

- you have students living away for college being dependent upon grants / social assistance / money from home; etc;
- you have people living in houseshares while on the dole;
- you have people living at home with their parents who pay the mortgage / buy food / do jobs around the house;

I don't consider the first two groups to be independent, and I would consider the third to be - financially at least.

- you have people living at home through their twenties who are emotionally immature; lacking self esteem; etc;
- you have people who left home at 18 living with a partner in their late teens / early twenties who are emotionally immature; lacking self esteem; etc;
- people who can't make their own decisions; students / young professionals on the phone to their parents for basic things; etc;

These people are not independent in my mind.

Nuance and context. Two things that are absent from many of the opinions and posts in this thread.

LuckyLloyd

LuckyLloyd wrote: »

The notion of independence has been bandied around an awful lot in this thread. What is independence?

Financial Independence for me involves living off money you earn yourself - i.e. paying for the roof over your head, your food, your transport, your entertainment, etc.

Then you have emotional independence - i.e. being your own man or woman. Making your own decisions in life, being able to deal with the day to day hustle and bustle (within reason, we can all do with someone to listen and give advice from time to time)
.

For some people, joining the Armed forces or going into a Monastery/Convent provided that emotional support, even more so in the past when the parents house was too small for more than one grown up child to stay in.

Shryke

Ladyblackadder wrote: »

Is that the only time we can stop being judgemental? Have we no control over it?

You can get a lobotomy, or accept what it is to be human.
Hopefully we'll all be more tolerant down the line.

LuckyLloyd

LuckyLloyd wrote: »

- people who can't make their own decisions; students / young professionals on the phone to their parents for basic things; etc;

That's an interesting one, at almost 28 and having moved out more than 4 years ago I have to admit to discussing a lot of things with my parents, especially when it comes to spending money on things, their opinion wouldn't be the deciding factor but I would say it to them all the same. Its a habit more than anything I suppose.

Korvanica

If you're working Fulltime, making decent money, and you still live with mammy. You have a problem.

I find Dubs are the most likely people to live at home while working full time.

LuckyLloyd

LuckyLloyd wrote: »

The notion of independence has been bandied around an awful lot in this thread. What is independence?

Financial Independence for me involves living off money you earn yourself - i.e. paying for the roof over your head, your food, your transport, your entertainment, etc.

Then you have emotional independence - i.e. being your own man or woman. Making your own decisions in life, being able to deal with the day to day hustle and bustle (within reason, we can all do with someone to listen and give advice from time to time)

The big mistake being made in this thread is confusing living away from the parental home as being financially / emotionally independent:

- you have students living away for college being dependent upon grants / social assistance / money from home; etc;
- you have people living in houseshares while on the dole;
- you have people living at home with their parents who pay the mortgage / buy food / do jobs around the house;

I don't consider the first two groups to be independent, and I would consider the third to be - financially at least.

- you have people living at home through their twenties who are emotionally immature; lacking self esteem; etc;
- you have people who left home at 18 living with a partner in their late teens / early twenties who are emotionally immature; lacking self esteem; etc;
- people who can't make their own decisions; students / young professionals on the phone to their parents for basic things; etc;

These people are not independent in my mind.

Nuance and context. Two things that are absent from many of the opinions and posts in this thread.

I think it's a hell of a lot easier to be financially and emotionally independent when you're living away from home. Sure, you have the exceptions, you have parents who treat their grown up children like adults and you have people in houseshares who can't look after themselves, but generally speaking, I think living at home stifles most people. Most of the people I actually know in real life who live at home are a good deal less mature than those who have moved out.

JohnMarston

Korbin Unsightly Martinet wrote: »

I think it's a hell of a lot easier to be financially and emotionally independent when you're living away from home. Sure, you have the exceptions, you have parents who treat their grown up children like adults and you have people in houseshares who can't look after themselves, but generally speaking, I think living at home stifles most people. Most of the people I actually know in real life who live at home are a good deal less mature than those who have moved out.

I would think that people living at home who have the means to move out dont want to grow up, or are afraid to.
I wont lie, when you first move out it can be daunting. Responsibility is forced upon you and you will feel like a fish out of water in many respects.

Once you get used to it though, you'll find you have more freedom. It opens up new possibilities and you'll find you can rely on yourself.

If you are debating moving out of home, just bear in mind that change is almost never easy. But it could be the best decision you ever made.

TeaAndCake

A lot of older people still living with their Mammy and Daddy in this thread making excuses and putting down those who aren't.

Can I say I'm not surprised?

cooliotheboya

I moved out when I was 18 for college and went back when I was 24 because I lost my job. I was only back for 3 months thankfully and I am living away from home once more.

Leftist

anyone who lives at home over the age of 23 and isn't ashamed of themselves should be considered dangerous.

From 25-30 you are on the fast track to becoming a sheltered self-centered and mother dependant clown.

Over 30 then you really should have some serious injury, psychological or physical, otherwise you are a lost soul.

Madam_X

TeaAndCake wrote: »

A lot of older people still living with their Mammy and Daddy in this thread making excuses and putting down those who aren't.

Can I say I'm not surprised?

You can indeed. But from my reading of this thread the putting-down is FAR more the opposite to what you say, not to mention the dismissal of valid reasons for still being at home and still being independent.

I moved out 11 years ago btw (and moved back briefly due to finishing postgrad and looking for work) so I'm not one of those people still at home.

Shivers26

Moved out when I was 23 and never looked back. I lived with my dad (parents divorced) so that was a handy number, he was very laid back and I was plenty independent because I would have looked after things at home.

Having said that, the brother had marriage problems a couple of years ago and he ended up living with our mother for a few months. After seeing how he was treated I wouldn't have minded a holiday at camp mammy myself. All his clothes washed and ironed for him, work lunch made for him, lovely dinners waiting for him every night.... he was fecking spoiled rotten!

Leftist

Leftist wrote: »

anyone who lives at home over the age of 23 and isn't ashamed of themselves should be considered dangerous.

From 25-30 you are on the fast track to becoming a sheltered self-centered and mother dependant clown.

Over 30 then you really should have some serious injury, psychological or physical, otherwise you are a lost soul.

What a load of absolute nonsense from start to finish.

ando

Leftist wrote: »

anyone who lives at home over the age of 23 and isn't ashamed of themselves should be considered dangerous.

From 25-30 you are on the fast track to becoming a sheltered self-centered and mother dependant clown.

Over 30 then you really should have some serious injury, psychological or physical, otherwise you are a lost soul.

hmm, bit of black or white tunnel vision there..

It’s all down to circumstances. I'm 30, living at home. I bought and built a new house when I was 27, moved in with my partner at the time.. we lived it for two years, house fell into negative equity and then the relationship broke down, I moved out and back to parents as I was still paying for the mortgage and can’t afford to live elsewhere, cant sell my house because of the negative equity. I certainly do have the urge to have the independence of my own place, but for the time being this is how it is.

If on the other hand, you are 30ish and haven’t got the urge yet to even leave the nest, or if you have the money to leave but just don’t want to.. then yes I would think it’s a little odd.

Daveysil15

Korvanica wrote: »

If you're working Fulltime, making decent money, and you still live with mammy. You have a problem.

What if you're making feck all money? Someone on minimum wage looking for a place of their own for example, may have very limited options depending on where they live.

Leftist wrote: »

anyone who lives at home over the age of 23 and isn't ashamed of themselves should be considered dangerous.

Ohh yeah, they're right up there with the likes of Larry Murphy and Carlos The Jackal. :rolleyes:

Ironman76

Moved out at 20, moved back home not long after.

Moved out again when I was 30 and havent moved back.

Everyone has their reasons.

Da Shins Kelly

There's a whole host of reasons why someone may not have moved out - not enough money, sick or elderly parents who made need care, still in college, etc.

I wouldn't judge someone for still living with their parents on the basis of the above. They're all perfectly valid reasons. It's not a rule that anyone has to move out at any age.

df1985

In inherited my place from my folks so obviously totally different. If they were BOTH still alive I would have moved out but not one. Couldnt leave one by themself (and didnt) - everyones situation is different.

Plenty in this thread should not forget that their folks who they were so mad to move away from will be old one day and possibly alone. you may have to go back.

Amprodude

Does living alone in an unoccupied flat onto the main house come under living with your parents as a matter of interest? This part of house is sectioned off from main house. I pay for my electricity and heating bills myself and do everything myself and my parents never have anything to do with me unless I call into them in their part of house for a friendly chat.

Wade in the Sea

I moved out at 19 and was living in another country at 21. Ironically it was my parents that were a bit weird, bless their fuzzy little heads!

Halloran springs

df1985 wrote: »

In inherited my place from my folks so obviously totally different. If they were BOTH still alive I would have moved out but not one. Couldnt leave one by themself (and didnt) - everyones situation is different.

Plenty in this thread should not forget that their folks who they were so mad to move away from will be old one day and possibly alone. you may have to go back.

Agreed, living with elderly parents and helping them out with shopping, driving places, cooking, etc takes a lot of strength and I'd have a lot of respect for people in their late 20s/early 30s who do this. Thoughts of them people being losers or whatever wouldn't even cross my mind.

Wade in the Sea

Amprodude wrote: »

Does living alone in an unoccupied flat onto the main house come under living with your parents as a matter of interest? This part of house is sectioned off from main house. I pay for my electricity and heating bills myself and do everything myself and my parents never have anything to do with me unless I call into them in their part of house for a friendly chat.

Yep. I'd say that counts. Unless they can see or hear what you are up to?

McChubbin

Depends on circumstances.
I'm 24 and disabled both physically and mentally meaning I'm unable to work outside of rehabilative support and virtually all of the doctors, medical experts and psychologists I've encountered have all said I will need care for the rest of my life.
At times I get incredibly angry and frustrated over the fact that I live with an extremly stifling and overprotective mother and stepfather but having briefly lived with an ex for 5 months before my health problems got the better of me, I know that whilst I may be independent to a degree I still need professional help and the support of my parents. I've seen first hand what it's like to be living in a long term hospital enviroment as well as living outside the family with people that are deterimental to my health and wellbeing so considering all I've experienced, for now, I'm staying in the family home.

When and if I move out is largely decided by a combination of factors: My physical and mental health, my finaces and, hopefully, the support of a sympathetic carer.
Also, a maid, a butler and a chaperone but let's discuss that if I ever get lucky enough to win the Lotto. :pac:

chrissb7

Why would you be "desperate" to move out before you're 25? If you want go ahead.You wanted the freedom and independence.Some people have a very good home situation and parents who can recognise and understand when someones an adult.Why go out and throw money down the drain on pointless rent at a young age when that could be good saved money.I know people who are out living with housemates in their early twenties in dublin.These are people who before moving out had lived 40 mins even less from dublin.They don't have to live there they just like they idea of a drinking pad and a place to bring back people.More often then not they hold the whole living away from home as a life changing experience.These are the people I hear saying "you should be out before 24,21...".Get a grip.

That said I do want to move out.I do think after 25 if you aren't held back by anything or saving for anything in the future then you should move out.I know one or two people at 35 who are still at home.Sure life's gotta start sometime and getting a property to live in is one of the first steps.

LincolnsBeard

The right age to leave home is when you're in a financial position to do so.

I left home at 18 to go to University. Yet I recognise not everybody does this or can do it.

Show Time

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

There's a whole host of reasons why someone may not have moved out - not enough money, sick or elderly parents who made need care, still in college, etc.

I wouldn't judge someone for still living with their parents on the basis of the above. They're all perfectly valid reasons. It's not a rule that anyone has to move out at any age.

I have a friend who moved back home to care for her mam full time when she took a bad turn.

a posse ad esse

I get along very well with my parents and would not have a problem living at home until I got married. I left at 20 because of my brothers. They drove me mad:mad:. Luckily, I was able to afford to and had a good job. Two brothers did manage to move out a couple of years later but there are two still at home. One is 37 and the other 41. One is not going to be able to be on his own entirely which frightens my parents. They constantly worry what will happen to him when they die. The other brother is really there to look after the parents and brother. He wanted to move out but was consumed with guilt. I think once you see your parents age and not manage as they used to, you don't want to abandon them.

I noticed many comments on Italians. I have to say we are damn lucky Ireland is not Italy. My mother is from there and it is a lot harder to live on your own. I have cousins well over their thirties living at home by no choice or fault of their own. I have a cousin who works in the same profession as I do and makes about a third less than me. She also pays higher taxes. Another cousin makes about 1,500 euros a month and average rent for a one bedroom flat is 1,200! This is why many Italians (and most Southern Euros) live at home. I am sure most don't want to but simply have no choice. I know it is very demoralising for my cousins and aunts/uncles. For one cousin, it got to the point where he committed suicide as he couldn't take it any longer. He felt like a worthless loser and burden towards his parents and didn't want them to worry about him any longer. A couple of cousins have asked for a loan from relatives to move to Switzerland.

I don't think it is weird that people live at home at an older age. I think it is out of desparation or certain circumstances and I would never judge anyone who lives at home at whatever age. The only ones that I would say something is to those who take advantage of their parents. Do not cook, clean, laundry or contribute towards the household financially or physically and use their mammy as their personal servant. These people are not weird as much as they are leeches and good for nothing bums. But for others, you don't really know the circumstances and who are we to judge? We live in uncertain economic times and it is fact that it takes longer to establish oneself. How on earth can people move out when uni graduates are not able to obtain work?

AudreyHepburn

I don't honestly understand why society is so intent on putting pressure on us all to behave in certain ways and to have all the same desires.

Let each of us live as we please and extent others the same courtusy I say.

I'm mid twenties and still live at home (paying rent) because I simply can't afford to move out. I refuse to accept that this makes me weird, a scrounger, unwilling to grow up, babyed etc.

If you can afford to have your own place good for you and I'm glad the recession hasn't hit you. But please don't put yourselves on a pedestal above those us that are lucky enough to have parents willing to keep us til things improve.

Amprodude

Amprodude wrote: »

Does living alone in an unoccupied flat onto the main house come under living with your parents as a matter of interest? This part of house is sectioned off from main house. I pay for my electricity and heating bills myself and do everything myself and my parents never have anything to do with me unless I call into them in their part of house for a friendly chat.

Granny flat? If you stay long enough, you may end up swapping with your parents in a few years time. You raising your own family in the house and they in the flat.

Amprodude

dolanbaker wrote: »

Granny flat? If you stay long enough, you may end up swapping with your parents in a few years time. You raising your own family in the house and they in the flat.

That wont happen. I have a site. I will be building a house when im 30. Im 27 now so not long to wait. Im not going to waste rent on a stranger of a landlord/landlady. I much prefer to do what in doing now and then at 30 have my own house.

Berlin at night

I moved out when I was 27. I've never seen my parents cry so much with utter relief, as was as if they had won the lotto.

Berlin at night

iDave wrote: »

At what age should you kill your parents so you get the house?

Around about the time they start talking about nursing homes lol.

Berlin at night

a posse ad esse wrote: »

I get along very well with my parents and would not have a problem living at home until I got married. I left at 20 because of my brothers. They drove me mad:mad:. Luckily, I was able to afford to and had a good job. Two brothers did manage to move out a couple of years later but there are two still at home. One is 37 and the other 41. One is not going to be able to be on his own entirely which frightens my parents. They constantly worry what will happen to him when they die. The other brother is really there to look after the parents and brother. He wanted to move out but was consumed with guilt. I think once you see your parents age and not manage as they used to, you don't want to abandon them.

I noticed many comments on Italians. I have to say we are damn lucky Ireland is not Italy. My mother is from there and it is a lot harder to live on your own. I have cousins well over their thirties living at home by no choice or fault of their own. I have a cousin who works in the same profession as I do and makes about a third less than me. She also pays higher taxes. Another cousin makes about 1,500 euros a month and average rent for a one bedroom flat is 1,200! This is why many Italians (and most Southern Euros) live at home. I am sure most don't want to but simply have no choice. I know it is very demoralising for my cousins and aunts/uncles. For one cousin, it got to the point where he committed suicide as he couldn't take it any longer. He felt like a worthless loser and burden towards his parents and didn't want them to worry about him any longer. A couple of cousins have asked for a loan from relatives to move to Switzerland.

I don't think it is weird that people live at home at an older age. I think it is out of desparation or certain circumstances and I would never judge anyone who lives at home at whatever age. The only ones that I would say something is to those who take advantage of their parents. Do not cook, clean, laundry or contribute towards the household financially or physically and use their mammy as their personal servant. These people are not weird as much as they are leeches and good for nothing bums. But for others, you don't really know the circumstances and who are we to judge? We live in uncertain economic times and it is fact that it takes longer to establish oneself. How on earth can people move out when uni graduates are not able to obtain work?

Yeah, I'm getting to that age as well where I'm noticing my folks ageing - more so my mother as she has Parkinsons. It really sucks, doesn't it? My dad is still very fit at 75, but it is horrible seeing them get old.

As for Italians, I know that country quite well, I had a few girfriends from there who I stayed with from time to time. Its impossible to rent over there, and the government rip off the Italians every step of the way - its like they pay tax on tax on tax on tax. I know we're getting that way over here, but the Italians have been getting screwed for years.

Amazeing country though - I love the place, and the food, OMG!!!!!