Undertakers, (I want to be one!)

Ghandee

I've been thinking of this for a long time now,


Undertakers must have poetry good jobs?

Right, apart from dealing with death all the time, and possibly some tragic funerals (kids for example) they must have made one of the best career choices ever.

Think about it.


The pays good (ever seen an undertakers bill?)
Cool uniform.
Get to drive/be chauffeured in nice cars.
Job variation. (pretty sure they'll only bury the one guy, one time)
Job security. (constant stream of clients)

Struggling to find anything bad about an undertaker job tbh, except maybe lifting the coffins, that'd be about the only real manual labour involved in the job.



Anyone here ever worked as, or is an undertaker?

Could you do the job?

Interested to hear AH opinions on this.

hedzball

Ya cause taking people from suicide scenes to the coroner is a good job.. I'd be well up for cutting the rope of a 15year old kid and putting him in a bag..

Its not a good job by any means..

The head you need and the psychological **** you would get out of it..

Cool uniform?.. lol








'hdz

mikemac1

Closed shop

The Masseys in Dublin compete with each other the same with the Mafia compete with each other :rolleyes:
All sewn up

Ghandee

mikemac1 wrote: »

Closed shop

The Masseys in Dublin compete with each other the same with the Mafia compete with each other :rolleyes:
All sewn up

The masseys compete with the John Deeres round these parts sir.;)

mikemac1

A Zetor is better!! :cool:

Run_to_da_hills

At €250 to remove a couple of fake coffin handles with a cordless screwdriver it must be lucrative.

http://www.herald.ie/news/exposed-cemeterys-sham-250-fee-to-dispose-of-coffin-handles-1765668.html

Max Power

Undertaking is illegal and dangerous. Shame on you OP.

monkeysnapper

mikemac1 wrote: »

Closed shop

The Masseys in Dublin compete with each other the same with the Mafia compete with each other :rolleyes:
All sewn up

Why do you assume op is from Dublin .... Sh1t I'm from Kerry, should I close my account now

Mocha Joe

Ghandee wrote: »

The pays good (ever seen an undertakers bill?)
Cool uniform.
Get to drive/be chauffeured in nice cars.
Job variation. (pretty sure they'll only bury the one guy, one time)
Job security. (constant stream of clients)

He's a WWE wrestler of course the pays good.
He does have a pretty cool uniform.
Of course he does. He's loaded.
Yeah different wrestling matches and cool storylines. Pretty cool.
He's The Undertaker. He can't be sacked.

Not sure you can just decide to be him though....

spurious

Split shifts - mornings for funerals, evenings for removals.

mikemac1

monkeysnapper wrote: »

Why do you assume op is from Dublin ....

This is the town forum

monkeysnapper wrote: »

Sh1t I'm from Kerry, should I close my account now

Don't you lot worship goats down there? Making them king at the Puc Fair?

Yeah, I think you should close your account you filthy heathen :P

My name is URL

You'd never be short of tae and a few sandwiches either

Ghandee

My name is URL wrote: »

You'd never be short of tae and a few sandwiches either

And pipe tobacco and brandy punch.

mattjack

One of my Uncles worked as a part time undertaker, his other job was a mechanic. The day before he died, he had serviced the hearse that collected his remains from his house.On the way to the funeral home the hearse broke down.

The driver rang his boss , who then rang the garage to complain about the service done on the hearse.

The funeral home didn,t want to pay for the service, the garage didn,t want to pay my Uncle for his shoddy work.

monkeysnapper

mattjack wrote: »

One of my Uncles worked as a part time undertaker, his other job was a mechanic. The day before he died, he had serviced the hearse that collected his remains from his house.On the way to the funeral home the hearse broke down.

The driver rang his boss , who then rang the garage to complain about the service done on the hearse.

The funeral home didn,t want to pay for the service, the garage didn,t want to pay my Uncle for his shoddy work.

That can't be true .... Please tell me this is a joke

Ghandee

mattjack wrote: »

One of my Uncles worked as a part time undertaker, his other job was a mechanic. The day before he died, he had serviced the hearse that collected his remains from his house.On the way to the funeral home the hearse broke down.

The driver rang his boss , who then rang the garage to complain about the service done on the hearse.

The funeral home didn,t want to pay for the service, the garage didn,t want to pay my Uncle for his shoddy work.

Lol, I bet he's not working for that garage anymore!

Sunnyisland

Your going down Ghandee going down :-)

Max Power

Don't they have to wash and clothe the bodies too?

seven_eleven

I have a strange fascination with death. although Ive never actually handled a dead body, I would love to see the embalming process or even a autopsy. The human body is amazing. The things they do during autopsies is crazy.

Red Hand

mattjack wrote: »

One of my Uncles worked as a part time undertaker, his other job was a mechanic. The day before he died, he had serviced the hearse that collected his remains from his house.On the way to the funeral home the hearse broke down.

The driver rang his boss , who then rang the garage to complain about the service done on the hearse.

The funeral home didn,t want to pay for the service, the garage didn,t want to pay my Uncle for his shoddy work.

That's gas. I suppose he regularly worked on clapped out old bangers whichever thing he was doing?

The human body bit would bother me all right. Having to cut them open and wash them and pump them full of chemicals. However, I would like the top-hat/overcoat/gloves side of things.

Ghandee

FionnMcCool87 wrote: »

Don't they have to wash and clothe the bodies too?

Wouldn't bother me tbh. We're all human.

mattjack

monkeysnapper wrote: »

That can't be true .... Please tell me this is a joke

No joke, its true.

Stained Class

OP. Don't bother.

It's a dying trade.

maglite

Stained Class wrote: »

OP. Don't bother.

It's a dying trade.

Dunno heard people are dying to use the service....:rolleyes:

Giselle

My name is URL wrote: »

You'd never be short of tae and a few sandwiches either

That should be tae and sangwiches!

Rasheed

I'd say go for it OP. You'll never be out of a job, recession or no recession.

Your head won't be wreaked listening to people you're working with.

And you'll get job satisfaction from helping a family grieve by giving their relative a nice burial/creamation etc.

Pottler

Don't tell anyone outside here this, but ye do know there's great money to be made digging graves despite the bad image? My mates a gravedigger, people tend to look down on him, especially as he gets a bit deeper. But he doesn't care, as he says himself, he gets his hole every day and just ignores the cheap digs.

Big Nasty

hedzball wrote: »

Ya cause taking people from suicide scenes to the coroner is a good job.. I'd be well up for cutting the rope of a 15year old kid and putting him in a bag..

Its not a good job by any means..

The head you need and the psychological **** you would get out of it..

Cool uniform?.. lol








'hdz

The forensics do all that sh1t dude.

The undertaker lads get to dress blacktie and chill all day.

Ann22

My hubbie remarked on this just there during the week, wondering if it was worth handing in cvs to the local undertakers. They all seem to be family run businesses. I think it'd be hard to look at so much heartbreak day in, day out.

Imagine dealing with a child's little body, horrific:(. You'd want to be hard as nails to switch off afterwards.

mikemac1

Ann22 wrote: »

You'd want to be hard as nails to switch off afterwards.

Just like doctors I'm sure a fair few turn into raging alcoholics

Able to do the job but a naggin in the jacket pocket and in the car always

Jake Rugby Walrus666

FionnMcCool87 wrote: »

Don't they have to wash and clothe the bodies too?

I want you to use all your powers, and all your skills. I don't want his mother to see him this way. Look how they massacred my boy

Red Hand

mikemac1 wrote: »

Able to do the job but a naggin in the jacket pocket and in the car always

I'm not a doctor or undertaker or anything even close to important as either of them, however I vouch for this whole heartedly.:)

MagicSean

Ghandee wrote: »

I've been thinking of this for a long time now,


Undertakers must have poetry good jobs?

Right, apart from dealing with death all the time, and possibly some tragic funerals (kids for example) they must have made one of the best career choices ever.

Think about it.


The pays good (ever seen an undertakers bill?)
Cool uniform.
Get to drive/be chauffeured in nice cars.
Job variation. (pretty sure they'll only bury the one guy, one time)
Job security. (constant stream of clients)

Struggling to find anything bad about an undertaker job tbh, except maybe lifting the coffins, that'd be about the only real manual labour involved in the job.



Anyone here ever worked as, or is an undertaker?

Could you do the job?

Interested to hear AH opinions on this.

You do know undertakers often have to remove dead people from their place of death?

The last body I helped an undertaker move had his face mostly eaten by maggots. Because he was lying on his face the edges of his face had kinda fused to floor and created a nice home for the maggots. He was also 25 stone and naked and had died on the toilet. The whole front of his body had filled up with his bodily fluids and had started to leak out.

He had to be peeled up from the floor and put in a body bag. As soon as he was moved the smell was overpowering. It still makes me sick thinking of it. The maggots also fell out of their nice home and covered the floor. Eventually he was in the body bag but then there was the issue of getting him down the very narrow stairs. He had to be carried because the stretcher wouldn't fit. It was pretty tough going, especially when the body bag started to tear along the zip. A second bag was added and the man was finally gotten onto the stretcher and wheeled out.

So in conclusion op, no I would not want to be an undertaker.

My name is URL

MagicSean wrote: »

You do know undertakers often have to remove dead people from their place of death?

The last body I helped an undertaker move had his face mostly eaten by maggots. Because he was lying on his face the edges of his face had kinda fused to floor and created a nice home for the maggots. He was also 25 stone and naked and had died on the toilet. The whole front of his body had filled up with his bodily fluids and had started to leak out.

He had to be peeled up from the floor and put in a body bag. As soon as he was moved the smell was overpowering. It still makes me sick thinking of it. The maggots also fell out of their nice home and covered the floor. Eventually he was in the body bag but then there was the issue of getting him down the very narrow stairs. He had to be carried because the stretcher wouldn't fit. It was pretty tough going, especially when the body bag started to tear along the zip. A second bag was added and the man was finally gotten onto the stretcher and wheeled out.

That's the way I want to go

DEFTLEFTHAND

I'd inquire with some of the firms in your area. See about getting an apprenticeship or something. I'm sure there's probably training courses etc but it might be a good way to get your foot in the door.

DEFTLEFTHAND

MagicSean wrote: »

You do know undertakers often have to remove dead people from their place of death?

The last body I helped an undertaker move had his face mostly eaten by maggots. Because he was lying on his face the edges of his face had kinda fused to floor and created a nice home for the maggots. He was also 25 stone and naked and had died on the toilet. The whole front of his body had filled up with his bodily fluids and had started to leak out.

He had to be peeled up from the floor and put in a body bag. As soon as he was moved the smell was overpowering. It still makes me sick thinking of it. The maggots also fell out of their nice home and covered the floor. Eventually he was in the body bag but then there was the issue of getting him down the very narrow stairs. He had to be carried because the stretcher wouldn't fit. It was pretty tough going, especially when the body bag started to tear along the zip. A second bag was added and the man was finally gotten onto the stretcher and wheeled out.

So in conclusion op, no I would not want to be an undertaker.

You're a Garda aren't you? I imagine you see a lot nasty scenes in your job. They say you never forget the smell of decomposing flesh.

hedzball

MCMLXXV wrote: »

The forensics do all that sh1t dude.

The undertaker lads get to dress blacktie and chill all day.

No..

At a suicide after forensics have taken their pictures and what all else..

The victim is removed by the undertakers..

I know of this first hand.

Sadly.









'hdz

Big Nasty

hedzball wrote: »

No..

At a suicide after forensics have taken their pictures and what all else..

The victim is removed by the undertakers..

I know of this first hand.

Sadly.









'hdz

Is that why you twitch?

'hdz

MagicSean

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

You're a Garda aren't you? I imagine you see a lot nasty scenes in your job. They say you never forget the smell of decomposing flesh.

Vicks Vaporub helps

seven_eleven

MagicSean wrote: »

You do know undertakers often have to remove dead people from their place of death?

The last body I helped an undertaker move had his face mostly eaten by maggots. Because he was lying on his face the edges of his face had kinda fused to floor and created a nice home for the maggots. He was also 25 stone and naked and had died on the toilet. The whole front of his body had filled up with his bodily fluids and had started to leak out.

He had to be peeled up from the floor and put in a body bag. As soon as he was moved the smell was overpowering. It still makes me sick thinking of it. The maggots also fell out of their nice home and covered the floor. Eventually he was in the body bag but then there was the issue of getting him down the very narrow stairs. He had to be carried because the stretcher wouldn't fit. It was pretty tough going, especially when the body bag started to tear along the zip. A second bag was added and the man was finally gotten onto the stretcher and wheeled out.

So in conclusion op, no I would not want to be an undertaker.

Somebody has to do the job. There are many horrible things in this world.

B.A._Baracus

seven_eleven wrote: »

I have a strange fascination with death. although Ive never actually handled a dead body, I would love to see the embalming process or even a autopsy. The human body is amazing. The things they do during autopsies is crazy.

You sir, have issues.

mattjack

MagicSean wrote: »

You do know undertakers often have to remove dead people from their place of death?

The last body I helped an undertaker move had his face mostly eaten by maggots. Because he was lying on his face the edges of his face had kinda fused to floor and created a nice home for the maggots. He was also 25 stone and naked and had died on the toilet. The whole front of his body had filled up with his bodily fluids and had started to leak out.

He had to be peeled up from the floor and put in a body bag. As soon as he was moved the smell was overpowering. It still makes me sick thinking of it. The maggots also fell out of their nice home and covered the floor. Eventually he was in the body bag but then there was the issue of getting him down the very narrow stairs. He had to be carried because the stretcher wouldn't fit. It was pretty tough going, especially when the body bag started to tear along the zip. A second bag was added and the man was finally gotten onto the stretcher and wheeled out.

So in conclusion op, no I would not want to be an undertaker.

In conclusion , nor would I like to be an undertaker.

BrokenArrows

If you dont mind dealing with bodies then yes it would be a good job.

But you do realise that they dont just chuck people in a coffin and bury them.

They have to actually deal with the bodies. Embalming, cleaning suiting up the stiffs.

Grimreaper666

Along with all the smells and the maggots try waiting to get paid!! It can take years in some cases or not at all in others and it's not like you can go and dig them up and take your coffin back!!!

seven_eleven

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

You sir, have issues.

No I dont. Im perfectly fit both mentally and physically. Its not like I enjoy it or anything, Its just interesting.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Grimreaper666 wrote: »

Along with all the smells and the maggots try waiting to get paid!! It can take years in some cases or not at all in others and it's not like you can go and dig them up and take your coffin back!!!

I saw a case on the paper in England recently where a firm removed a headstone from a grave after 5 years had elapsed without them being paid. The family immediately coughed up after that.

meoklmrk91

MagicSean wrote: »

You do know undertakers often have to remove dead people from their place of death?

The last body I helped an undertaker move had his face mostly eaten by maggots. Because he was lying on his face the edges of his face had kinda fused to floor and created a nice home for the maggots. He was also 25 stone and naked and had died on the toilet. The whole front of his body had filled up with his bodily fluids and had started to leak out.

He had to be peeled up from the floor and put in a body bag. As soon as he was moved the smell was overpowering. It still makes me sick thinking of it. The maggots also fell out of their nice home and covered the floor. Eventually he was in the body bag but then there was the issue of getting him down the very narrow stairs. He had to be carried because the stretcher wouldn't fit. It was pretty tough going, especially when the body bag started to tear along the zip. A second bag was added and the man was finally gotten onto the stretcher and wheeled out.

So in conclusion op, no I would not want to be an undertaker.

Wow, don't think it would be for me at all, that day must be vivid in you memory.

Big Nasty

Grimreaper666 wrote: »

Along with all the smells and the maggots try waiting to get paid!! It can take years in some cases or not at all in others and it's not like you can go and dig them up and take your coffin back!!!

Is that talking from experience or is that just a wild assumption on my behalf Grimreaper666? :pac:

Grimreaper666

MCMLXXV wrote: »

Is that talking from experience or is that just a wild assumption on my behalf Grimreaper666? :pac:

Experience.......

anhedonia

Grimreaper666 wrote: »

Along with all the smells and the maggots try waiting to get paid!! It can take years in some cases or not at all in others and it's not like you can go and dig them up and take your coffin back!!!

wait a sec, username, post-count, and thread topic, yikes!!!!

Mickey H

MagicSean wrote: »

The last body I helped an undertaker move had his face mostly eaten by maggots. Because he was lying on his face the edges of his face had kinda fused to floor and created a nice home for the maggots. He was also 25 stone and naked and had died on the toilet. The whole front of his body had filled up with his bodily fluids and had started to leak out.

Dude, were you Elvis' undertaker?