do you tell your dates you're on the dole?

Jezek

bluecode wrote: »

That's all very well and maybe it's different for women. But a man might feel a duty to entertain his date. Go for a meal or a few drinks, the cinema. All the usual stuff. All expensive. I don't think any woman would like to date a man who can't or won't pay his way. A man on the dole is going to struggle and for most of them their ego wouldn't allow themselves to be humiliated that way.

I do think a man would have less of a problem with a woman on the dole than vice versa.

You have a point but any one can entertain on the cheap with a bit of imagination, cook a meal at home (can be dirt cheap), take the date somewhere free (art exhibition, music gig - there are loads of these if you look around). Of course it's not ideal but I think people these days will be understanding.

VEN

curlygirly wrote: »

yea but you cant start off telling a lie. if things progress the truth will come out and that can mean bad news. if a guy told me he worked and then down the line told me he was on the dole, id wanna know when that happened and if he lied from day one id be out - simply cos he lied

and he could be married, 3 kids, different mothers, tragic :rolleyes: lifes full of surprises

curlygirly

cronin_j wrote: »

Ok, I understand you now.. I would agree, in my eyes you can always make money and get ahead if your willing, thats all you need.

However you need to meet these people and as a result you need to leave people meet you. You obviously like someone who has a but of drive, who wouldnt: so let me ask you: someone who is working away but has no ambition to rise up or get ahead and is just happy slogging away or you meet someone thats on the dole now but in the background they could be re-training, reskilling etc. that to me is someone id have more respect for.

I dont know. As a restaurant manager, I take a bit of offense to that as well cos lots of people would assume that being ' just a waiter' (as most people in my field are) isnt good enough. And people I know who are the dole wont take a restaurant job.

Lots of people in that industry wont 'rise up' and to me thats ok especially if they like what they do - but thats another debate for another time.

I see what you're saying and yeah, if I had to choose between dole now and great job later or **** job now and forever, I may go with #1. but thats only if I hated the '**** job' and not because other people thought it was ****.

am i derailing? haha

franktheplank

J-Lo - My love don't cost a thing

annascott

I wouldn't recommend changing your online status to unemployed. but any dates that you get will see that you aren't a professional layabout so telling them that you are between jobs should be ok. The way things are at the moment, more people are finding it harder to hold on to jobs. No one will think any less of you...
Good luck with finding something.

curlygirly

franktheplank wrote: »

J-Lo - My love don't cost a thing

thats great but unless your rent dont cost a thing, it's irrelevant.

rannerap

Not dating someone just because they are on the dole is crazy. My bf was on the dole when we got together, and due to lack of work he was on it for 2 years, through no fault of his own. There just wasnt much work going in his industry. I was working the entire time while also being in college. He got a job a few months ago and now makes an unbelivable amount per week, and I'm now on the dole. Circumstances change for people through no fault of their own

BillyMitchel

Sarannewrap wrote: »

Not dating someone just because they are on the dole is crazy. My bf was on the dole when we got together, and due to lack of work he was on it for 2 years, through no fault of his own. There just wasnt much work going in his industry. I was working the entire time while also being in college. He got a job a few months ago and now makes an unbelivable amount per week, and I'm now on the dole. Circumstances change for people through no fault of their own

Fair play, I hope he's looking after you now! Knew couples in similar circumstances but when the months became years it just became way too much and the relationship ended.

It must be love, love love. Nothing more nothing less love is the best!!

dundalkfc10

cronin_j wrote: »

You know what, I have worked since I was 16, worked 50 hours a week while I did my degree, went on a 3 day week about 2 years ago. I didnt know where to look. I went in and claimed for my other days, when I went in to start the whole thing up I was totally on edge, all sorts of things were going through my head was I a failure, would I just be another stat... Waiting in line though I was talking to an Engineer and an Architect. They were telling me they had been laid off 2 weeks before.

I realised it wasnt the tracksuit brigade that were the only ones in there. I didnt feel as bad. The entire fabric of society has been turned on his head. I eventually went to London to work, 13 months later I am back and starting a new job here on Monday...

Looking back on it the whole experience has changed my view on the dole. The money I claimed before I went to London was my own PRSI, thats what its there for Social Insurance... Dont judge those around you, they could be doing anything to better themselves and just might be down on their luck. I would certainly say they wouldnt look down on you. Your life goes on, you dont need a job to define you as a person..

Tracksuit brigade?

Apart from The OP, we seem to have another one stuck up their own hole.

What is wrong with wearing a tracksuit, I went to Uni for 4 years in Belfast, done a masters in Dublin
I'm now a working in a well paid job 4 years and guess what I wear into work every day, a tracksuit and wear a tracksuit 90% of the time (when i say tracksuit, nice pair tracksuit bottoms and a trendy hooded top)

Lone Stone

curlygirly wrote: »

This is my first time on the dole and I'm not sure how to tell guys that I'm on it. I do online dating and my most recent job as manager is listed and I am still looking for work in that field, daily & hourly but until I find it I feel like I should stop dating people.

so for people on the dole, do you tell new dates this?
and for others, how would you feel about dating someone on the dole?

just say you do "Freelance work" if thats to awkward due to questions just pretend your loaded and dont need a job.

dundalkfc10

sugarman wrote: »

Come off that, you know exactly what he meant.

Another troll on the loose.

No i didn't the tracksuit brigade?

The poster is one of these people who look down on their nose on people who wear tracksuits, hooded tops etc.... I have people who work with me who think the exact same as the poster and it really annoys me

toexpress

A friend of mine recently met a guy he liked online dating as well. He is on the dole. We were chatting about him and how much we admired his approach. He gets up early every morning he fills his day various tasks outside of applying for jobs.

However what it boiled down to is that my friend feels that he likes a certain lifestyle and that this chap wouldn't be able to sustain it. There is currently little or no prospect of this improving and so while the possibility of a relationship hasn't been written off he is very wary of getting involved. Now it may sound shallow etc but at the end of the day I can see the point and think it's a pretty reasonable one.

aaronjumper

Sarannewrap wrote: »

Not dating someone just because they are on the dole is crazy. My bf was on the dole when we got together, and due to lack of work he was on it for 2 years, through no fault of his own. There just wasnt much work going in his industry. I was working the entire time while also being in college. He got a job a few months ago and now makes an unbelivable amount per week, and I'm now on the dole. Circumstances change for people through no fault of their own

He is rich and he stayed with you? You must be very hot or very funny. :pac:

TwoShedsJackson

curlygirly wrote: »

I do online dating and my most recent job as manager is listed and I am still looking for work in that field, daily & hourly but until I find it I feel like I should stop dating people

If it's online dating you probably lied about your weight, why not just lie about your employment status as well?

curlygirly

curlygirly wrote: »

because I think it shows lack of ambition, to be honest. I ve been out of work for 7 weeks and the only reason I applied for it finally was cos my friends forced me to.

It does depend on the situation but Ive met several guys who live with their folks, are on the dole, in their late 20s-mid 30s, rely on public transport and are too good to work as a barman but have no problem spending all their cash at the bar 3 nights a week. If you dont pay rent, for petrol and so on , where the hell is your dole money going??

anyway bit of a rant. im talking purely from experience, not talking about everyone on the dole.

It's sad that the social stigma attached to being out of work still exists some narrow minded people. Most people on the sole these days aren't on it out of choice, they are there because their old job is no more and finding a new one is difficult. When shops such as Londis are getting a thousand CVs for one advertised job then you know times are hard.

How do you know they are too good to work as barmen? Working in a bar takes experience and no bar is going to hire someone whose untrained especially in this day and age when there is an abundance of recently laid off bar staff around. As for the not paying rent, anyone I know who still lives at home gives over 50 or 60 euro a week to help with running the house. Very few people live at home and expect their parents to pay for everything.o


And what's with the using public transport bashing. I don't drive and have no interest in learning so at times have to rely on public transport to get places. Does that mean that I'd be seen as less desirable by people?

This thread does feel like a veiled attack on those unfortunate enough to be out of work and reliant up the dole to survive. Most people claiming are doing do through no fault of their own.

Gee_G

curlygirly wrote: »

jesus some of these responses are horrible - ie the abortion one.

anyway i guess it's concerning cos i actually wouldnt date a guy on the dole - so expect guys would feel the same about girls.

as for not telling them - one question that always comes up is what you do for work. 'looking for work' doesnt sound fantastic.

for the dude/girl who said you dont claim the dole, good for you. ive been doing that for the last 16 yrs as well. that wasnt the question though.

Just out of curiosity, why wouldn't you date a guy on the dole?
sorry, I've just seen you making your point throughout the thread! Scrap that

sbsquarepants

strobe wrote: »

Being on the dole is grand, I love girls on the dole, they're more likely to have an abortion.

Well, it's something to do in between Jeremy Kyle and the re run of coronation street isn't it.

Red_Wake

No point in dating beneath your economic class. Will only pollute your gene pool.

[/LordSnoot]

Duggy747

Tell the person, if they got a stick up their arse about you being on the dole then you've handily dodged a bullet of being with an utter dry shìte who can't separate stereotype from the reality of being on the dole.

Logical_Bear

Im on the dole and cant even afford to go on a date:o

forever alone:D

Micky Dolenz

Just pick up people on the dole Q. Problem solved.

Career break is another good one.

pickarooney

You seem a little confused. If I were you, I'd forget about dating and just get a job. Then you won't have to justify your egregious hypocrisy to anyone.

General Zod

OP's theme song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiF6-0UTqtc

curlygirly

Sarannewrap wrote: »

Not dating someone just because they are on the dole is crazy. My bf was on the dole when we got together, and due to lack of work he was on it for 2 years, through no fault of his own. There just wasnt much work going in his industry. I was working the entire time while also being in college. He got a job a few months ago and now makes an unbelivable amount per week, and I'm now on the dole. Circumstances change for people through no fault of their own

That's part of my argument as well. There is always work - but why be a barman if you're wualified to be an architecht, right? I would much rather take a job that I'm over qualified for than stay home for 2 years. Some people wouldnt, though and that's their call but I wouldn't date someone who had that attitude. I know people with degrees who are successful but had to spend a year collecting glasses in pubs or folding clothes in some shop and I have loads of respect for them now. More than I would have if they stayed home because they refused to take a job beneath them.

Everyone is different though I suppose.

curlygirly

General Zod wrote: »

OP's theme song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiF6-0UTqtc

Do you even know what this song is about? It's about a woman with money who is dating a guy that uses all the things SHE provided herself, without providing anything in return. So yea - I don't mind that being related to me at all.

Nice try though. What are you, 15?

MagicMarker

dundalkfc10 wrote: »

Tracksuit brigade?

Apart from The OP, we seem to have another one stuck up their own hole.

What is wrong with wearing a tracksuit, I went to Uni for 4 years in Belfast, done a masters in Dublin
I'm now a working in a well paid job 4 years and guess what I wear into work every day, a tracksuit and wear a tracksuit 90% of the time (when i say tracksuit, nice pair tracksuit bottoms and a trendy hooded top)

Permit me to summarize your post in the native tongue of your people...

"Ah here, leave it ou!!!"

curlygirly

Deleted User wrote: »

It's sad that the social stigma attached to being out of work still exists some narrow minded people. Most people on the sole these days aren't on it out of choice, they are there because their old job is no more and finding a new one is difficult. When shops such as Londis are getting a thousand CVs for one advertised job then you know times are hard.

How do you know they are too good to work as barmen? Working in a bar takes experience and no bar is going to hire someone whose untrained especially in this day and age when there is an abundance of recently laid off bar staff around. As for the not paying rent, anyone I know who still lives at home gives over 50 or 60 euro a week to help with running the house. Very few people live at home and expect their parents to pay for everything.o

I know it takes talent to be a bar man! I'm in the industry, as I've said in my other posts. Bar man is just an example. The girl I know who has been on the dole with her folks and siblings absolutley refused to work in any field other than what she was trained in but told me to go apply to be an usher at the cinema. She would never do that, though.

Very few people I know who live at home, pay their folks rent. Again...that's people I know. I dont know how many times I have to say Im not talking about everyone on the dole, but people I know or have met. I dont know about guys Ive gone on a date with, as I dont ask if they pay rent but as for people I know as aquanitances or friends, yeah. they keep it to go out


And what's with the using public transport bashing. I don't drive and have no interest in learning so at times have to rely on public transport to get places. Does that mean that I'd be seen as less desirable by people?

Yeah, a woman generally much prefers a man who has a car. it can be the ****tiest car in the world but the reason teenagers look so forward to being able to drive is because it's a symbol of freedom. having to go by the dublin bus system or you're stranded in town, is crap.Again, this is MY preference. If I'm "up my hole" because of it, so be it. I have that right.

frankosw

Mince Pie wrote: »

providing they were looking for work and weren't career dole heads.

There actually isnt much difference between the two anymore.

There's a lot of people who claim to be "newly unemployed because of the recession" are enetering thier third and fourth year on benefits..seems to me its more of a career than some people care to admit

General Zod

curlygirly wrote: »

Nice try though. What are you, 15?

Inches.

How you doin'?

curlygirly

toexpress wrote: »

A friend of mine recently met a guy he liked online dating as well. He is on the dole. We were chatting about him and how much we admired his approach. He gets up early every morning he fills his day various tasks outside of applying for jobs.

However what it boiled down to is that my friend feels that he likes a certain lifestyle and that this chap wouldn't be able to sustain it. There is currently little or no prospect of this improving and so while the possibility of a relationship hasn't been written off he is very wary of getting involved. Now it may sound shallow etc but at the end of the day I can see the point and think it's a pretty reasonable one.

I feel the same way. I ve said it 100x - the life i made for myself, I provided for myself. No man gave it to me. Now I am used to that life and I don't want to have to carry someone and in turn would feel like crap being carried.

My friend who is on the dole told me that his ex wifes new bf is taking her on a trip and that he was never able to do that. And he obvioulsy felt badly about it but we all have standards. Am I gonna not date a guy cos he cant take me on holiday and to fancy dinners? no. that was never my thing. but if he is constantly pinching his pennies, that's gonna be an issue.

I dont plan on being on assistance for more than 4 weeks and when I say that, i mean i will not be on for more than weeks. The last guy I went out with told me he wants to find a job cos he s "sick of being a leech" so he's well aware of how serious his search has actually been

curlygirly

General Zod wrote: »

Inches.

How you doin'?

prove it and we ll talk.

General Zod

curlygirly wrote: »

prove it and we ll talk.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/75/Chandra_04.jpg/467px-Chandra_04.jpg

Ush1

Irish people don't go on "dates"!

curlygirly

Ush1 wrote: »

Irish people don't go on "dates"!

True. But I don't do the whole drunk & make out like we're in high school then be my bf the next day, thing. so if they wanna get to know me, they have no choice but to go on a date

Tefral

dundalkfc10 wrote: »

No i didn't the tracksuit brigade?

The poster is one of these people who look down on their nose on people who wear tracksuits, hooded tops etc.... I have people who work with me who think the exact same as the poster and it really annoys me

Ha ha I sat there last night writing that in a Hoody and tracksuit bottom.. But it wouldn't matter because I am not actually the one with the problem with it, you clearly are.

If you want clarification I was referring to the people who wear tracksuit bottoms tucked into their socks. (which would be fine if you werent cycling a bicycle in case you want to attack me for that too)

curlygirly

TwoShedsJackson wrote: »

If it's online dating you probably lied about your weight, why not just lie about your employment status as well?

and what if i did lie about my weight and he saw me and then wasnt attracted - isnt that his right? if men can say they only want thin women or women say they only want tall men, then why cant i say i want a man with a job?

oh but you can change weight, when you cant change your work situation - right?

no, not so much.

JonathanAnon

You'll only get away with the "I'm queueing for stamps" excuse twice before they'll start asking questions..

(on a serious note though, I understand how you feel.. I'm not making much money self employed and I feel exactly the same)

Grayson

curlygirly wrote: »

and what if i did lie about my weight and he saw me and then wasnt attracted - isnt that his right? if men can say they only want thin women or women say they only want tall men, then why cant i say i want a man with a job?

oh but you can change weight, when you cant change your work situation - right?

no, not so much.

Bet it has to be a "nice" job though.

I don't think I know a single guy who wouldn't go out with a girl because she's on the dole. The girl themselves matter, not their job status.

And actually, I looked at a couple of dating websites. It's funny looking at photo's of girls taken from odd angles attempting to make themselves look thin. It's the exact opposite of daft.ie.

curlygirly

Grayson wrote: »

Bet it has to be a "nice" job though.

I don't think I know a single guy who wouldn't go out with a girl because she's on the dole. The girl themselves matter, not their job status.

And actually, I looked at a couple of dating websites. It's funny looking at photo's of girls taken from odd angles attempting to make themselves look thin. It's the exact opposite of daft.ie.

Nope! If a guy can support himself, there is nothing sexier than that. And I don't care if he's a waiter or a lawyer. The last guy I dated was a doctor - but then the one before that worked in IT. Then there was a carer.The one I was mad over worked with his dad in a shop. I think a lot of you men sound really jaded thinking women are only money hungry.

It's the principle behind the job, not the job itself.

Icyseanfitz

money money money ha :pac: i couldnt give a flying fcuk about a girls career choice, i like people for who they are not what they do

MistyCheese

So what you're saying is, if I go on the dole I'll get lots of dates? :cool:

pickarooney

MistyCheese wrote: »

So what you're saying is, if I go on the dole I'll get lots of dates? :cool:

Well, you'll have plenty of time for them.

rannerap

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Fair play, I hope he's looking after you now! Knew couples in similar circumstances but when the months became years it just became way too much and the relationship ended.

It must be love, love love. Nothing more nothing less love is the best!!

He was always very good to me anyway! even when we didn't have much, it was a bit crap sometimes not being able to afford things or to go places but quality time is all that matters really! he does spoil me now though :pac:

aaronjumper wrote: »

He is rich and he stayed with you? You must be very hot or very funny. :pac:

He seems to think so :pac:

curlygirly wrote: »

That's part of my argument as well. There is always work - but why be a barman if you're wualified to be an architecht, right? I would much rather take a job that I'm over qualified for than stay home for 2 years. Some people wouldnt, though and that's their call but I wouldn't date someone who had that attitude. I know people with degrees who are successful but had to spend a year collecting glasses in pubs or folding clothes in some shop and I have loads of respect for them now. More than I would have if they stayed home because they refused to take a job beneath them.

Everyone is different though I suppose.

He did apply for jobs like that but as he had never worked in say a pub or a shop he couldnt get work as the jobs always went to people with experience. and the longer you are on the dole the less chance you have getting off it. I just finished my degree and have 2 other qualifications in the same industry, but I would still take a job in a shop while I looked for something within that industry

curlygirly

good girl. i ve been on it for two days and am going mental - mainly cos i stopped work 7 wks ago and have gone through my savings and used the dole as a last resort. if im not working in a few weeks , it wont be pretty!

rannerap

curlygirly wrote: »

good girl. i ve been on it for two days and am going mental - mainly cos i stopped work 7 wks ago and have gone through my savings and used the dole as a last resort. if im not working in a few weeks , it wont be pretty!

I finished work in August and only applied for the dole 2 weeks ago,used savings too etc. got approved a week after I applied! I don't find it too bad once you keep to a routine and keep busy while you wait for something to come along!

MagicMarker

lol at wasting savings before signing on, madness.

curlygirly

MagicMarker wrote: »

lol at wasting savings before signing on, madness.

...the fact that you think that's funny, speaks volumes about you.

ps - if you HAVE savings you cant sign on ; unless your savings are in your sock drawer. you need to show 3 mnths worth of bank statements. if theres a withdrawal of a couple grand.. theyre gonna catch on. thats if you're trying to cheat the system. some of us arent into that though.

rannerap

curlygirly wrote: »

...the fact that you think that's funny, speaks volumes about you.

ps - if you HAVE savings you cant sign on ; unless your savings are in your sock drawer. you need to show 3 mnths worth of bank statements. if theres a withdrawal of a couple grand.. theyre gonna catch on. thats if you're trying to cheat the system. some of us arent into that though.

It was six months bank statements for me. you are allowed have up to 3 grand I think it is. I live at home and have no real outgoings,so I didnt need much savings. I had about a grand to keep me going before I signed on. I also had to give credit union statements

Abi

I don't see why you shouldn't mention it, in fact it would work in your favour. If a potential partner can't get past it or sympathize with your situation, then you're weeding out the shallow arseholes.

Halloran springs

Sarannewrap wrote: »

It was six months bank statements for me. you are allowed have up to 3 grand I think it is. I live at home and have no real outgoings,so I didnt need much savings. I had about a grand to keep me going before I signed on. I also had to give credit union statements

Did you volunteer that information ? (That you also have a CU a/c)