do you tell your dates you're on the dole?

curlygirly

Abi wrote: »

I don't see why you shouldn't mention it, in fact it would work in your favour. If a potential partner can't get past it or sympathize with your situation, then you're weeding out the shallow arseholes.

I dunno if wanting the person you date to have a job makes you shallow. i think people are confusing wanting a partner to have the basics and wanting them to be stinking filthy rich. actually im learning it doesnt really matter what the guy thinks about it but that i myself dont feel comfortable with it so chances are im done dating until im back working. thats just me though!

rannerap

Halloran springs wrote: »

Did you volunteer that information ? (That you also have a CU a/c)

Yeah,I volunteered it, they didnt ask for it. Just 6 months bank statements. there is currently like 15e in there :pac: My savings were in my bank account for them to see.

Abi

curlygirly wrote: »

I dunno if wanting the person you date to have a job makes you shallow. i think people are confusing wanting a partner to have the basics and wanting them to be stinking filthy rich.

Well I wasn't really implying that bit. I think it takes a degree of shallowness / lack of empathy for someone who is on the dole and to consider them as a potential partner.

actually im learning it doesnt really matter what the guy thinks about it but that i myself dont feel comfortable with it so chances are im done dating until im back working. thats just me though!

It's a shame you feel that way, because you may come across someone also on the dole and struggling to find work, or someone who wouldn't think anything of it. Don't put your life on hold just because of a blip, you shouldn't quit dating over it. Stay positive and keep belting out CV's, as Del boy says "if you're not in, you can't win" (:

Thwip!

Lenin Skynard wrote: »

I imagine he should instruct you to get off the dole and on to his bed.

From dole to the pole so to speak

MagicMarker

curlygirly wrote: »

...the fact that you think that's funny, speaks volumes about you.

Yep indeed it does, it says that I'm not silly.

If you write off a car that will cost 5k to replace, and all your savings amount to 4k. Are you going to use up ALL your savings and only ask your insurance company to cover 1k, or are you going to expect your insurance to cover the costs, or the majority of them at least?

Of course, like any intelligent person, you're not going to waste your savings when you pay your insurance to cover you in such circumstances. Likewise, I pay my taxes/social insurance and when I lose my job I'm entitled to some financial assistance. You may think you're being a good citizen by using up every penny of your savings first, but it's simply not very clever.

StrugglingSoul

curlygirly wrote: »

This is my first time on the dole and I'm not sure how to tell guys that I'm on it. I do online dating and my most recent job as manager is listed and I am still looking for work in that field, daily & hourly but until I find it I feel like I should stop dating people.

so for people on the dole, do you tell new dates this?
and for others, how would you feel about dating someone on the dole?

It would be worse if you were a guy on the dole dating!

krudler

dundalkfc10 wrote: »

Tracksuit brigade?

Apart from The OP, we seem to have another one stuck up their own hole.

What is wrong with wearing a tracksuit, I went to Uni for 4 years in Belfast, done a masters in Dublin
I'm now a working in a well paid job 4 years and guess what I wear into work every day, a tracksuit and wear a tracksuit 90% of the time (when i say tracksuit, nice pair tracksuit bottoms and a trendy hooded top)

do you work in Lifestyle Sports?

curlygirly

StrugglingSoul wrote: »

It would be worse if you were a guy on the dole dating!

and theres a ****load of them.

9959

curlygirly wrote: »

no - im 100% serious.

You should never be 100% serious about anything, leave at least 10% for humour and frivolity, or you'll run into 'serious' trouble maintaining any relationship, with or without your 'shameful secret'.

curlygirly

9959 wrote: »

You should never be 100% serious about anything, leave at least 10% for humour and frivolity, or you'll run into 'serious' trouble maintaining any relationship, with or without your 'shameful secret'.

not sure it's even worth a response but yeah, i obviously meant i was serious about my question - not 100% serious in general.

ToddyDoody

All the time, before turning them into warm soft poo

Coffeeteasugar

Would tell them I'm looking for work and if that's not good enough they can rev off.

fat__tony

curlygirly wrote: »

no - im 100% serious.

No, you're a bloody hypocrite is what you are.

Chucken

curlygirly wrote: »

...the fact that you think that's funny, speaks volumes about you.

ps - if you HAVE savings you cant sign on ; unless your savings are in your sock drawer. you need to show 3 mnths worth of bank statements. if theres a withdrawal of a couple grand.. theyre gonna catch on. thats if you're trying to cheat the system. some of us arent into that though.

FYI:

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/social_welfare/irish_social_welfare_system/means_test_for_social_welfare_payments/how_to_assess_your_means_from_capital_for_social_welfare_payments.html

wilkie2006

Halloran springs wrote: »

I don't tell my dates I'm on the dole, because I have a job and don't claim the dole.

Or get any dates.

Crimbouser

yes, be honest about everything on the first date and save the expense of a second date. frugal.

phoenix999

The sister is dating an unemployed Brazilian. But she wouldn't swap him for anyone. He could charm the birds off the trees. Fcuker

Rodin

curlygirly wrote: »

This is my first time on the dole and I'm not sure how to tell guys that I'm on it. I do online dating and my most recent job as manager is listed and I am still looking for work in that field, daily & hourly but until I find it I feel like I should stop dating people.

so for people on the dole, do you tell new dates this?
and for others, how would you feel about dating someone on the dole?

If it is someone down on their luck, who wants to work and is actively seeking to work then it's not a problem.

If that is not the case, no way.

Defiler Of The Coffin

Just tell them you work for the Government

bugsy1977

How come ya got the sack curlygirl? and why have you not found a new job, its being 7 weeks now,maybe its because you couldnt manage a ****e!

curlygirly

curlygirly wrote: »

I know it takes talent to be a bar man! I'm in the industry, as I've said in my other posts. Bar man is just an example. The girl I know who has been on the dole with her folks and siblings absolutley refused to work in any field other than what she was trained in but told me to go apply to be an usher at the cinema. She would never do that, though.

Very few people I know who live at home, pay their folks rent. Again...that's people I know. I dont know how many times I have to say Im not talking about everyone on the dole, but people I know or have met. I dont know about guys Ive gone on a date with, as I dont ask if they pay rent but as for people I know as aquanitances or friends, yeah. they keep it to go out

If you're in the industry then why did you imply that anyone could work as a barman. In the current climate the chances of someone who has no bar experience getting a job in a bar is slim given how many bars and restaurants are closing down on a weekly basis.

You obviously know a lot of spoilt, selfish people as anyone i know who lives at home contributes to the running of the house. When I was living at home I always contributed, it was never asked of me but I wanted to to do it. Any friend of mine who is living at home, even those on the dole all hand over money to their parents each week.

curlygirly wrote: »

[/B]Yeah, a woman generally much prefers a man who has a car. it can be the ****tiest car in the world but the reason teenagers look so forward to being able to drive is because it's a symbol of freedom. having to go by the dublin bus system or you're stranded in town, is crap.Again, this is MY preference. If I'm "up my hole" because of it, so be it. I have that right.

Was discussing this with a few friends over the weekend and not one of them said that being able to drive was a big deal. They all said that ability to drive would be one of the last things they ever wanted in a guy. If you live in Dublin then there is absolutely no real incentive to drive as getting the bus is far easier. Sure it's not perfect but there's no time spend looking for parking, it's much cheaper and while you may have to endure the great unwashed masses it's not like you're in Bangladesh on a bus with 150 other people.

py2006

As awful as this sounds, there is a very different attitude to guys and girls on the dole in my experience. The majority of women would not be at all impressed with a guy on the dole as a potential date. They may say otherwise to your face or on here or whatever but they would be thinking otherwise.

Having said that, the times we live in, it is not all that uncommon for people to be on the dole and inbetween jobs.

Fizzlesque

py2006 wrote: »

As awful as this sounds, there is a very different attitude to guys and girls on the dole in my experience. The majority of women would not be at all impressed with a guy on the dole as a potential date. They may say otherwise to your face or on here or whatever but they would be thinking otherwise.

Having said that, the times we live in, it is not all that uncommon for people to be on the dole and inbetween jobs.

It's probably pointless responding to your comment, py, considering you've effectively said the majority of women either lie, or don't really know what their own attitude is, but I know you're a reasonable guy (or at least, I think you are, based on other posts of yours I've read) so I'll take that chance.

Do you make any distinction between a person who has been on the dole all through the boom times, has never/rarely worked and has no intention of ever working, considers welfare payments their due for as long as they live with no need to ever work and a person who is on the dole while they are in-between jobs or has been made redundant/lost their job?

I think this is an important distinction, and wonder if you do too?

py2006

Fizzlesque wrote: »

Do you make any distinction between a person who has been on the dole all through the boom times, has never/rarely worked and has no intention of ever working, considers welfare payments their due for as long as they live with no need to ever work and a person who is on the dole while they are in-between jobs or has been made redundant/lost their job?

I think this is an important distinction, and wonder if you do too?

Yes definitely. I've had to sign on myself between jobs. I rely on contract work a lot these days myself. Looks like it is going to be a quite spell between now and xmas so I may have to sign on for Dec. There is a distinction between the wasters alright.

With regard to my previous statement (may be a bit extreme) but I know that when out and get chatting to a women I would be very reluctant in the early stage of a conversation to say that I may be on the dole. Just from experience, I know it is not the best thing to say. Maybe if things progress then I may say it.

Ficheall

Sarannewrap wrote: »

My bf...

So many boardsies' dreams shattered right there

Fizzlesque

py2006 wrote: »

Yes definitely. I've had to sign on myself between jobs. I rely on contract work a lot these days myself. Looks like it is going to be a quite spell between now and xmas so I may have to sign on for Dec. There is a distinction between the wasters alright.

With regard to my previous statement (may be a bit extreme) but I know that when out and get chatting to a women I would be very reluctant in the early stage of a conversation to say that I may be on the dole. Just from experience, I know it is not the best thing to say. Maybe if things progress then I may say it.

Phew! I'm pleased to discover my view that you're a reasonable guy hasn't been shattered

I think when you're out and about chatting to potential dates it's fine to say that you are a carpenter/barman/dog-walker/writer/courier/whatever it is you last did or usually do, as opposed to saying that you're currently not doing any of the above and are on the dole. For me, if I was talking to a man in a pub/club, it would be more about finding out what they are about via what they did/do/enjoy/are good at/ended up doing (as can sometimes be the case) than learning about where they find the money to buy milk for their coffee or pay their rent.

I've worked in offices most of my adult life, and I hate when people ask me what I do because I want to say I'm a writer even though I don't make any money from writing, so I usually say "oh I just work in an office" and then feel like I'm sounding like I'm a really boring, nondescript run-of-the-mill office worker, so I usually find some way to say but I like to write in my spare time. To me, the fact I go to work and earn money to pay my mortgage is so ridiculously dull compared to the fact I love writing, even though it doesn't pay my bills.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, for me, I'd always be more interested in finding out what a man is interested in doing with his time, what he has done with his time, what he hopes one day to do with his time, than whether or not he's currently paying for the milk for his coffee from a job that pays him a regular wage or the dole.

I wouldn't say to someone "I'm working, I receive a wage" as part of a conversation, just as I wouldn't say "I'm not working, I'm on the dole" because neither are relevant to the conversation when you're getting to know someone. What you do with your time is what people really want to know, not how you paid for the pint you're drinking. I reckon.

rannerap

Ficheall wrote: »

So many boardsies' dreams shattered right there

I highly doubt that :pac:

Username99

curlygirly wrote: »

jesus some of these responses are horrible - ie the abortion one.

anyway i guess it's concerning cos i actually wouldnt date a guy on the dole - so expect guys would feel the same about girls.

as for not telling them - one question that always comes up is what you do for work. 'looking for work' doesnt sound fantastic.

for the dude/girl who said you dont claim the dole, good for you. ive been doing that for the last 16 yrs as well. that wasnt the question though.

Let me get this straight, your on the Dole but you wouldn't 'lower' yourself to date someone on the dole... The boom is long over, but we still appear to have some people left in crazy land.

LD 50

curlygirly wrote: »

jesus some of these responses are horrible - ie the abortion one.

What did you expect. It's AH

curlygirly

Deleted User wrote: »

If you're in the industry then why did you imply that anyone could work as a barman....

You obviously know a lot of spoilt, selfish people...

Was discussing this with a few friends over the weekend and not one of them said that being able to drive was a big deal.....

I didnt imply it was - I implied that the service industry is looked down on and the chances of an architecht working as a barman are low. Barman is example - same goes for waitress,shop assistant,cashier and so on.

I don't know a lot of seflish people but yea, have come across them, met them out or know them through other people. Whether they do or do not help their folks actually has no importance to my argument - someone else brought it in.

It's nice that girls you know dont need a guy who drives but MY gfs and I were talking last night and saying the opposite. If they know you dont have a car they likely didnt wanna hurt your feelings It's like how I make sure not to say I prefer to date tall men, in front of my short male friends. Different strokes for different folks.

curlygirly

Fizzlesque wrote: »

For me, if I was talking to a man in a pub/club, it would be more about finding out what they are about via what they did/do/enjoy/are good at/ended up doing (as can sometimes be the case) than learning about where they find the money to buy milk for their coffee or pay their rent...

I see what you're saying but for example, I met a guy online whose profile said he was a 'writer' and I should know better when I see that .We meet in person and he's actually a security guard - who writes for fun. There is nothing wrong with saying you'e a security guard, I dunno why he thought there was but the thing is you shouldnt really start everything off with a lie cos while you may like to write, you know that when someone asks what you do, they're asking about your job - that thing that allows you to buy milk for your coffee or pay your rent.

I actually am a writer and a painter, have been published and paid for my pieces which are hanging in cafes in restaurants but do I say I'm an artist? No. To each their own though.

curlygirly

Username99 wrote: »

Let me get this straight, your on the Dole but you wouldn't 'lower' yourself to date someone on the dole... The boom is long over, but we still appear to have some people left in crazy land.

It actually said nowhere in that post that I was better than anyone on the dole - I stated a preference. You have what I said in quotes right there...and I didn't mention being better than anyone. Not really spending any more time on replies like this.

Fizzlesque

curlygirly wrote: »

I see what you're saying but for example, I met a guy online whose profile said he was a 'writer' and I should know better when I see that .We meet in person and he's actually a security guard - who writes for fun. There is nothing wrong with saying you'e a security guard, I dunno why he thought there was but the thing is you shouldnt really start everything off with a lie cos while you may like to write, you know that when someone asks what you do, they're asking about your job - that thing that allows you to buy milk for your coffee or pay your rent.

I actually am a writer and a painter, have been published and paid for my pieces which are hanging in cafes in restaurants but do I say I'm an artist? No. To each their own though.

Well, there are a couple of things worth noting. The first one being, I wasn't saying to claim you're a writer when asked what you do for a living, if anything, I said I wished I could say I'm a writer because "I work in an office" doesn't paint a picture of who I am or what I am about as a person but my interest in writing does. The reason I made mention of all this was to point out that I, and a lot of the people I know, are usually asking "what do you do" because they want to open up a conversation, not because they want to know what steps the person in question takes to finance their general day to day living. Perhaps some people are filing information in their head about what my (or other's) pay cheques might look like, but I've never felt that was the case. And it was certainly never the case when I asked the question.

The other thing is, if there's a box to fill in with online dating (I don't know if there is, I don't remember ever seeing one in the online dating site I used during the summer, but there may well be on other sites) that specifically asks what job you do/ what you work at, then it would be a lie to put your hobby in there and pretend it's your job, but I was responding to PY who said he didn't feel comfortable telling women he talked to in pubs/clubs that he was currently not working/was on the dole, and rather than tell him to say his hobby of (say) handgliding was his job, I said he could talk about his last (paid) employment or his usual (paid) employment and not focus on the fact he wasn't being paid just right now. As he said himself, if the conversation went well and both parties wanted to pursue it further he could say then that he's in between jobs at the moment.

We may be completely different beasts in this regard, you and I, but I'm genuinely never asking someone about their earning power when I ask what they 'do', I'm interested in what line of work they're in, so it can open up (or close) my interest in them.

Bit of a blathery response, hope it makes sense.

asherbassad

I tell the dole office I'm on a date.

curlygirly

Fizzlesque wrote: »

Well, there are a couple of things worth noting. The first one being, I wasn't saying to claim you're a writer when asked what you do for a living, if anything, I said I wished I could say I'm a writer because "I work in an office" doesn't paint a picture of who I am or what I am about as a person but my interest in writing does. The reason I made mention of all this was to point out that I, and a lot of the people I know, are usually asking "what do you do" because they want to open up a conversation, not because they want to know what steps the person in question takes to finance their general day to day living. Perhaps some people are filing information in their head about what my (or other's) pay cheques might look like, but I've never felt that was the case. And it was certainly never the case when I asked the question.

The other thing is, if there's a box to fill in with online dating (I don't know if there is, I don't remember ever seeing one in the online dating site I used during the summer, but there may well be on other sites) that specifically asks what job you do/ what you work at, then it would be a lie to put your hobby in there and pretend it's your job, but I was responding to PY who said he didn't feel comfortable telling women he talked to in pubs/clubs that he was currently not working/was on the dole, and rather than tell him to say his hobby of (say) handgliding was his job, I said he could talk about his last (paid) employment or his usual (paid) employment and not focus on the fact he wasn't being paid just right now. As he said himself, if the conversation went well and both parties wanted to pursue it further he could say then that he's in between jobs at the moment.

We may be completely different beasts in this regard, you and I, but I'm genuinely never asking someone about their earning power when I ask what they 'do', I'm interested in what line of work they're in, so it can open up (or close) my interest in them.

Bit of a blathery response, hope it makes sense.

no, im not asking about earning power either. but i also think if you're not working, it's a lie to say you are ie listing your last job. if a guy told me what his last job was and down the line drops it on me that he actually wasnt doing that, id be unimpressed. it makes it so much worse cos then you know he thinks it's something that has to be hidden

Fizzlesque

curlygirly wrote: »

no, im not asking about earning power either. but i also think if you're not working, it's a lie to say you are ie listing your last job. if a guy told me what his last job was and down the line drops it on me that he actually wasnt doing that, id be unimpressed. it makes it so much worse cos then you know he thinks it's something that has to be hidden

Fair enough, I suspect we're coming at this from slightly different angles. I was thinking more along the lines of if someone says "what do you do", and they said "I'm a carpenter" or "I'm an architect", even if not currently working as a carpenter or an architect, I wouldn't consider that a lie, because the person would still be those things, just not necessarily working at their usual profession at the moment.

It sounds to me like you're thinking more along the lines of, if someone said "what do you work at" which is closer to asking if they're working - in that instance, then, yes, to pretend they are would be a lie.

I'm referring specifically to chatting to someone in a pub/club, not what you'd put on an online dating form.

I suppose it depends on which question was asked. I'd probably find it sad that a man felt he had to pretend he was working when he wasn't in the hope of keeping me talking to him - then again, 9 times out of 10 when I'm talking to a man on a night out it's just friendly banter, not potential romance.

Good luck with your job search, I hope you find something soon.

curlygirly

curlygirly wrote: »

I didnt imply it was - I implied that the service industry is looked down on and the chances of an architecht working as a barman are low. Barman is example - same goes for waitress,shop assistant,cashier and so on.

I don't know a lot of seflish people but yea, have come across them, met them out or know them through other people. Whether they do or do not help their folks actually has no importance to my argument - someone else brought it in.

It's nice that girls you know dont need a guy who drives but MY gfs and I were talking last night and saying the opposite. If they know you dont have a car they likely didnt wanna hurt your feelings It's like how I make sure not to say I prefer to date tall men, in front of my short male friends. Different strokes for different folks.

Very few people look down on the service industry, the type of people who do are generally tossers with an over elevated sense of their own importance. I know plenty of professionals who are working as barmen or waiters since they lost their previous jobs including one architect.

Obviously you do know a lot of selfish people, anyone who lives at home and contributes nothing to the day to day running of the house is selfish.

When you're with friends, good friends well then you don't have to worry about hurting feelings. If my friends thought that owning a car was something they think a guy needs then they would have said as much. Very few people see owning a car and ability to drive as a major attraction in a man especially if the girl herself can drive. To be honest if you were to turn down a really nice guy just because he can't drive or doesn't own a car, well then that says more about you than them.

mufcboy1999

asherbassad wrote: »

I tell the dole office I'm on a date.

wouldnt be surprised if thats the way it will turn out in the future

Jarrod

No, I don't tell them I'm on the dole. When it comes time to pay the bill I just 'nip off to the jacks', then call them about ten minutes later telling them I got an awful dose and I'm after ****ting myself and had to go home. They pay the bill and I avoid the awkward conversation of having to tell them I'm on the dole. On the third date you may have to actually **** yourself at the table or else they'll cotton on to your plan, but don't worry, at least they won't know you're on the dole.

VEN

curlygirly wrote:

why dont you go back to trying to figure out your rent allowance and keep your 'thanks' to retarded comments to yourself.

curlywurly, stop pm'ing me your vindictive remarks based on my post history on 'Rent' related issues.
Kind of sad you are having to do that, it's none of your business.

i will however continue to 'thank' other users comments that are not in your favour.

reported to mod

curlygirly

VEN wrote: »

curlywurly, stop pm'ing me your vindictive remarks based on my post history on 'Rent' related issues.
Kind of sad you are having to do that, it's none of your business.

i will however continue to 'thank' other users comments that are not in your favour.

reported to mod

sorry - are you talking to me?? I don't even know who you are...but for the record, anything you post on a public forum is everyone's business.

weirdos everywhere.

ps - I make it a point to never use the word retarded !

py2006

Get a room you two!

VEN

curlygirly wrote: »

sorry - are you talking to me?? I don't even know who you are...but for the record, anything you post on a public forum is everyone's business.

weirdos everywhere.

ps - I make it a point to never use the word retarded !

don't pm strangers with your nasty comments.
for the record, bashing users in uncalled for pm's on issues not related to this thread, as a form of bullying, is not tolerated.
you clearly have issues, take your tracky bottoms out of your uggs and lose the anger ya little weirdo.

curlygirly

VEN wrote: »

don't pm strangers with your nasty comments.
for the record, bashing users in uncalled for pm's on issues not related to this thread, as a form of bullying, is not tolerated.
you clearly have issues, take your tracky bottoms out of your uggs and lose the anger ya little weirdo.

once again, I have no idea what you're talking about. why would I PM you rather than address you on the main board like I have with everyone else?? and why would I bother PMing YOU and not the person whose comment you gave thanks to?

I find it funny that you're assuming I have uggs & track pants when you're the one asking how to pay your rent...the rent you have to share with several others.

I'm not entertaining your posts anymore.

VEN

curlygirly wrote: »

once again, I have no idea what you're talking about. why would I PM you rather than address you on the main board like I have with everyone else?? and why would I bother PMing YOU and not the person whose comment you gave thanks to?

I find it funny that you're assuming I have uggs & track pants when you're the one asking how to pay your rent...the rent you have to share with several others.

I'm not entertaining your posts anymore.

you PM'd me with that message ya liar! no matter, its forwarded to the mods.
STOP POSTING ISSUES RELATING TO MY RENT ON THIS THREAD!!! wtf like

py2006

I'll even pay for the room at this stage!

BillyMitchel

py2006 wrote: »

I'll even pay for the room at this stage!

Ill go half with you but Ill be watching.

K-9

VEN wrote: »

you PM'd me with that message ya liar! no matter, its forwarded to the mods.
STOP POSTING ISSUES RELATING TO MY RENT ON THIS THREAD!!! wtf like

Report any pm's you have an issue with, there's a button on the top right of the message. No more talking about pm's please.

ashers22

I know this is AH but mudderagod. My heart goes out to anyone on the dole at the moment. I just can't believe anyone would look down on someone who may be enduring financial or personal hardship due to the economic downturn. Jesus.

Rigol

This is possibly the most superficial, soul-less thread I've read on boards in my time here.
And not just some of the things the OP (real name Beyonce Knowles) was saying.
Some of the replies in this thread make it sound like an equation of a persons value based on shallow cliche social standards.
A man must be working or he'd be too ashamed to approach (fk you), women are automatically ruled out on weight, etc etc. Somebody joked about polluting your gene pool - sounds about right.
Hope none of these class A specimen Ubermench types in here ever suffer chronic illness or accident or other uncontrollable circumstances which reduce them to mere mortals.
mmmmm but no, some of them will, cause thats life.