Wednesday Funnies

MonkieSocks

This guy visits the doctors and says,

"Doc, I think I've got a sex problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."

The doctor says, "Come back tomorrow and bring her with you."

The next day, the guy shows up with his wife.

The doctor says to the wife,

"Take off your clothes and lie on the table."

She does it, and the doctor walks around the table a few times looking her up and down.

He pulls the guy to the side and says, "You're fine. She doesn't give me a hard-on, either."

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A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback.

On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a sheep.

Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch.

Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar.

"For fook's sake!" the bloke cried, "what the hell's going on here?

I've been here one hour and I've seen a bloke shagging a sheep, and now some bloke's **** himself off in the bar!"

"Fair dinkum, mate," the bartender told him, "you can't expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep"

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Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.

The first woman says, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."

The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!"

To which the first replies, "Whoa I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"