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Co worker becomes my ex girfriends new boyfriend
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30-11-2012 2:26pm#1:)Hello too all
Going to try and keep this as short as possible!
I broke up with my girlfriend around 3 and a half months ago. (Something i really did not want to do) but done it on a weak whim. For these reasons that happened all in space of a week. Was a long distance relationship that lasted a year and 4 months. She was getting friendly witht his guy from work, and any time she would talk about him, she wud put him down! She said if you seen him you would not be worried! Any ways here it goes!
1. girlfriend was going to work early
2. girlfriend went out to a staff party, no contact for the night.
3. Girl friend goes to beach with male co worker, a day later.
4. For the rest of the week she was meeting up with friends and staying over with them, going for dinner etc once again no contact for most of the week.
5. Working late, when she never had done before
6. She was geting lifts home of a "friend" from work for a while before all this also.
7. Very little contact for the whole week, which lead me to think somthing was up!
(Any time we both went out we wud always kept contact)
So after the break up, she was spending more and more time with this chap from work, Putting pictures up on facebook of him, putting pictures up on instagram of different places she had been, with him. In this time frame i was trying to explain to her why i broke up because i felt something was going on between the two of them! Of course i was stressed out seeing all of these things and deleted her off facebook ! I posted all her things down to her, and i asked her if i could have my laptop back. She told me "this is the only item i have left of you" Its a mac book pro and cost me 2,500 Euros ! A month ago i asked her to post it down, making sure i was being polite ! I sent her lots of texts that day and called her loads to get it back! She then told me she would post it!
At this stage she was still "Friends" with this guy. He rung me up an hour later telling me if I call her again he would rip my mouth from my face! I like my mouth for i need it for talking, most important! I got my laptop anyways!
So two weeks ago she calls me up at one in the morning! Sobbing crying, told me she was confused and is not herself! She changed her whole appearance And really really misses me and still loves me. She told me she was seeing this guy but its hard cause she still really loves me ! Of course i was worried about her! We were talking for most of that week! She was telling me how good i looked etc etc. I told her if she wants to meet up am willing, she told me she wants to but would not be fair on this new chap! She told me they where more friends than antyhing else !! Which is very confusing for me !
I then told her that I cant be talking to you if i still have feelings for her, and if she is seeing someone else, its just not fair ! So i told her if she wants to meet up some time give me a call but i won’t be talking to her when she is seeing this guy! She calls me up a 2 days later to say she found some clothes of mine! I told her she can do what she wants with them. I asked her what’s is going on with her and this chap. She tells me, He’s the most genuine guy she has ever met, He goes out of his way for her, and when i broke up he was there for support haha She told me there was not flirting going on before and she never done anything behind my back! She told me they both share the same values and morals lol But not the same interests, this lads a boy racer type. She’s likes art, photography music and travelling! She also keeps bring up fights we had in the past and sorted out in the past!
I have not contacted her in a while! And i suppose am not sure if i made the right choice. Yes i still love her, yes i wish things did not end the way they did! Just looking for other peoples perspective. This guy knew what he was up to ! And pretty much got her when she was at her weakest !
If you have got this far i thank you 0
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dreamvisions wrote: »:)Hello too all Going to try and keep this as short as possible!
I broke up with my girlfriend around 3 and a half months ago. (Something i really did not want to do) but done it on a weak whim. For these reasons that happened all in space of a week. Was a long distance relationship that lasted a year and 4 months. She was getting friendly witht his guy from work, and any time she would talk about him, she wud put him down! She said if you seen him you would not be worried! Any ways here it goes!
1. girlfriend was going to work early
2. girlfriend went out to a staff party, no contact for the night.
3. Girl friend goes to beach with male co worker, a day later.
4. For the rest of the week she was meeting up with friends and staying over with them, going for dinner etc once again no contact for most of the week.
5. Working late, when she never had done before
6. She was geting lifts home of a "friend" from work for a while before all this also.
7. Very little contact for the whole week, which lead me to think somthing was up!
(Any time we both went out we wud always kept contact)
So you were paranoid and jealous and you dumped her. That's fair enough. You don't seem to have any actual evidence that she was cheating with this bloke (maybe she was, maybe she wasn't) but you made your decision to end the relationship as you weren't happy. You are perfectly entitled to do that, just as she is perfectly entitled to start seeing someone else.dreamvisions wrote: »So after the break up, she was spending more and more time with this chap from work, Putting pictures up on facebook of him, putting pictures up on instagram of different places she had been, with him. In this time frame i was trying to explain to her why i broke up because i felt something was going on between the two of them! Of course i was stressed out seeing all of these things and deleted her off facebook !
With all due respect OP, you broke up with her. She is doing nothing wrong by seeing someone else.dreamvisions wrote: »I posted all her things down to her, and i asked her if i could have my laptop back. She told me "this is the only item i have left of you" Its a mac book pro and cost me 2,500 Euros ! A month ago i asked her to post it down, making sure i was being polite ! I sent her lots of texts that day and called her loads to get it back! She then told me she would post it!
I'm not sure of the relevance of this tbh.dreamvisions wrote: »At this stage she was still "Friends" with this guy. He rung me up an hour later telling me if I call her again he would rip my mouth from my face! I like my mouth for i need it for talking, most important! I got my laptop anyways!
You were right to ask for your property back, but it sounds like your ex was upset at the amount of calls and texts about this issue, hence his threat.dreamvisions wrote: »So two weeks ago she calls me up at one in the morning! Sobbing crying, told me she was confused and is not herself! She changed her whole appearance And really really misses me and still loves me. She told me she was seeing this guy but its hard cause she still really loves me ! Of course i was worried about her! We were talking for most of that week! She was telling me how good i looked etc etc. I told her if she wants to meet up am willing, she told me she wants to but would not be fair on this new chap! She told me they where more friends than antyhing else !! Which is very confusing for me !
She sounds like a very confused girl. Think about it OP, as far as she is concerned there was nothing going on with this other bloke but you dumped her. That could have been quite the shock. She's upset and she starts seeing this guy, who clearly likes her a lot, but she's not over you.dreamvisions wrote: »I then told her that I cant be talking to you if i still have feelings for her, and if she is seeing someone else, its just not fair ! So i told her if she wants to meet up some time give me a call but i won’t be talking to her when she is seeing this guy! She calls me up a 2 days later to say she found some clothes of mine! I told her she can do what she wants with them. I asked her what’s is going on with her and this chap.
OP, why don't you just take a complete step back? There's no use in saying you're not going to talk to her while she's seeing this bloke and then getting into a text conversation two days later about their relationship.dreamvisions wrote: »She tells me, He’s the most genuine guy she has ever met, He goes out of his way for her, and when i broke up he was there for support haha She told me there was not flirting going on before and she never done anything behind my back! She told me they both share the same values and morals lol But not the same interests, this lads a boy racer type. She’s likes art, photography music and travelling! She also keeps bring up fights we had in the past and sorted out in the past!
I have not contacted her in a while! And i suppose am not sure if i made the right choice. Yes i still love her, yes i wish things did not end the way they did! Just looking for other peoples perspective. This guy knew what he was up to ! And pretty much got her when she was at her weakest !
If you have got this far i thank you
Why are you laughing? People don't have to have the same interests in order to have a relationship. Maybe his intentions weren't exactly pure when he was supporting her but you dumped her. You ended the relationship so you don't really get to judge here. She has told you that nothing went on behind your back but you clearly didn't trust her. You can't have a relationship, particularly a long distance one, without trust.
My advice would be to cut contact with this girl and move on.0 -
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Thanks for taken the time to replyAhInFairness wrote: »So you were paranoid and jealous and you dumped her. That's fair enough. You don't seem to have any actual evidence that she was cheating with this bloke (maybe she was, maybe she wasn't) but you made your decision to end the relationship as you weren't happy. You are perfectly entitled to do that, just as she is perfectly entitled to start seeing someone else.
No real evidence, there was alot of coincidence to just ingnore! I really wanted to believe her you know! but when i found out they where hanging out it reconfrimed my first fears! But the choice was mine, i made my bed!
With all due respect OP, you broke up with her. She is doing nothing wrong by seeing someone else.
She not but it sort of comfirms my frist fears! Like if there was nothing going on why would she be with him ?
I'm not sure of the relevance of this tbh.
I just wanted to make it clear to why he rung me up!
You were right to ask for your property back, but it sounds like your ex was upset at the amount of calls and texts about this issue, hence his threat.
I was asking for my laptop back over the month here and there! But she would not talk to me like an adult, kept saying it wud cost to much, i told her i would collect it, but she was not happy with that!
She sounds like a very confused girl. Think about it OP, as far as she is concerned there was nothing going on with this other bloke but you dumped her. That could have been quite the shock. She's upset and she starts seeing this guy, who clearly likes her a lot, but she's not over you.
If there was nothing going on, i suppose they would still be friends! I mean i was reading between the lines. I just think she should not have put her self in that situation after i told her how i felt about it! I can understand she would be hurting too. But her actions before all this happend really spoke volumes
OP, why don't you just take a complete step back? There's no use in saying you're not going to talk to her while she's seeing this bloke and then getting into a text conversation two days later about their relationship.
I just wanted to know, if she does like him, and if there was any chance we could give it another shot!
Why are you laughing? People don't have to have the same interests in order to have a relationship. Maybe his intentions weren't exactly pure when he was supporting her but you dumped her. You ended the relationship so you don't really get to judge here. She has told you that nothing went on behind your back but you clearly didn't trust her. You can't have a relationship, particularly a long distance one, without trust.
Am laughing because she thinks he was just there for support! When its as clear as day he was making a move along time ago! She made her choice also in regards to how she acted before the break up, and not communicating with me when i wanted to talk about where we were at! I did trust her, and this was the frist time anything rasied my eye brow!
My advice would be to cut contact with this girl and move on. 0 -
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Thanks for your reply I think your right in what your saying! It was very messy and both of us are to blame! I know what i done was short sighted and i am paying for it now! But your right I need to move on and start to work from the inside out, maybe some time we can reconnect and both be in a better place! 0
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dreamvisions wrote: »I am looking for some sort of advise but i am also not sure to what, did i make the right dicission did i jump the gun, is this a rebound ahhhh What a mess!
Op, I think a direct response is best here. I am not insulting you but I think you need a harsh reply
You are being played with. You had the foresight to see that this guy wasn't just becoming friends with her (Logic and intuition should be mentioned) But you now have the added bonus of knowing you were right. (Like sure, we are supposed to believe she didnt flirt or do anything with him until you broke up with her :rolleyes:)
But whats all this crap about fair out of you? ... define fair?!?!?
The relationship went long distance. Then later you sensed she was hooking up with a guy. You broke up (Good foresight by you). You sent items of hers to her. Later during a conversation she says how much she "misses you" - but shes still with him!!!!! .... But the icing on the cake is that she wont give back your €2,500 laptop.... oh "because its all she has of you" - please. If that was worth 22.50 you would of gotten it back now (or it would be in the garbage)
Mate. I am not being harsh. You are a human being. No one has the right to use you.
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B.A._Baracus wrote: »Op, I think a direct response is best here. I am not insulting you but I think you need a harsh reply
You are being played with. You had the foresight to see that this guy wasn't just becoming friends with her (Logic and intuition should be mentioned) But you now have the added bonus of knowing you were right. (Like sure, we are supposed to believe she didnt flirt or do anything with him until you broke up with her )
But whats all this crap about fair out of you? ... define fair?!?!?
The relationship went long distance. Then later you sensed she was hooking up with a guy. You broke up (Good foresight by you). You sent items of hers to her. Later during a conversation she says how much she "misses you" - but shes still with him!!!!! .... But the icing on the cake is that she wont give back your €2,500 laptop.... oh "because its all she has of you" - please. If that was worth 22.50 you would of gotten it back now (or it would be in the garbage)
Mate. I am not being harsh. You are a human being. No one has the right to use you.
Hey Barcus stright forward answers are what i need, no offence taken
I suppose I want her to make the desision if she want's to reconnect with me. I don't want to get in the middle of her and this guy, and making it seem like thier relationship is affecting me! I am not going to be bad mouthing him even though i really want to! But when a guy is spending more time with your girlfriend then you are, any body would get a little restless! I just think she was desrespectful of me, getting lifts home from work was grand, but going out for drinks and going to the beach is just not on, then not answering her phone was just stressful!
She told me no flirting was going on between them, and i did not buy this, even when she was on her breaks from work she would be on the phone to me, then all of a sudden she would have to go cause some one was coming in!! There where little signs i was getting!
Am on instagram and the other day she hash taged pictures of me even doe her page is on private and i can not see them!
At this stage i do feel messed around, and every time i feel i am getting over this , she does somthing to remind me of her! Which is not on if she is seeing somebody!0 -
She's got a hold on you and she's using this to play you for whatever the hell selfish reasons she has at the moment. You've realised all of this and you took the right action because fundamentally, you have self respect and you know you deserve better. Now, you're having a crisis of confidence and you're letting doubt creep in. Don't forget that there was no smoke without fire here.
You sound like a pretty steady guy for the most part. You refer to the general turbulence in her life that preceded all of this and it sounds to me like you're FAR better off staying out of her life for now at least. It sounds to me like her house just isn't in order and she may just want you to 'fix' her. One thing for sure is that this is all about her.
Nothing here makes either of you a bad person. I wouldn't rule out both of you reconciling in the future but in the meantime but [cliche code red] if you love her, set her free.
iurecvmn Thanks for your reply
I have been conflicting in my desicision, for part of me wants to believe her! But i had to make a choice along the way do i believe her or do i believe my self! And this keeps on shuffling and changing! But all in all there was just to much coincidental events happing for me to believe her! And shes way too confused to sit down and talk too!
She has got alot of insecurities, she was over weight in her child hood and in fairness was not the prettiest child, but the grey feathers have come off and she is in fact beautiful with a perfect figure! She allways wanted reassurance from me!
I will and have let her go, if she wants to come back to talk i will talk to her! But i am also moving on with my life and keeping my self busy! Until emotions simmer down, I dont think we can talk effectivly! But in time who knows! We did have somthing meaningful.
Your post helped aot thanks 0 -
DeltaWhite wrote: »I think you were dead right to go with your instincts dude! Sorry to say this but I think you should just cut her out of your life, really hard thing to do and I always hate saying that to people on this because it's easier said than done, but to me, it looks like she had made her choice. How confused can she be??? She cant go on like a yo-yo going back and forth! And with the phonecall your man made to you... She obviously had some part in that, all the pics she's putting up on FB... If you ask me, she's looking for the sympathy card by ringing you crying and saying she's confused etc.
Honest opinion - Lucky escape. Imagine you were with her a very long time and then she does that behaviour along the way. How would you cope/put up with that?
Hey Deltawhite Thanks for your post
There where just too many coincidental events going on! I think shes getting some sort of enjoyment from me still suffering! She did ask me if i was seeing some one! I told her i did go on a date, she was asking me what she looked like , where did i go, was she pretty etc....
I don't think she can be that confused! I think she likes how near this guy is to her , he only lives 15 mins away. She likes the fact that hes picking her up, droping her off to places ! going out with him on a night out and he will not drink and drop her home! She even told me, that i never went out of her way for her like that! I lived 300 miles away and when we where together i made sure we went to diffrent loctaions and done diffrent things! I have no job, or a car, and still found time and valuable money to do these things! She even called me a dole head, been working for 13 years!
I just sad for how things worked out, but it is time to walk away and leave her be!0 -
dreamvisions wrote: »Hey Deltawhite Thanks for your post
There where just too many coincidental events going on! I think shes getting some sort of enjoyment from me still suffering! She did ask me if i was seeing some one! I told her i did go on a date, she was asking me what she looked like , where did i go, was she pretty etc....
I don't think she can be that confused! I think she likes how near this guy is to her , he only lives 15 mins away. She likes the fact that hes picking her up, droping her off to places ! going out with him on a night out and he will not drink and drop her home! She even told me, that i never went out of her way for her like that! I lived 300 miles away and when we where together i made sure we went to diffrent loctaions and done diffrent things! I have no job, or a car, and still found time and valuable money to do these things! She even called me a dole head, been working for 13 years!
I just sad for how things worked out, but it is time to walk away and leave her be!
No problem at all dude.. I know how it feels to be head wrecked in a situation like that
and I am also a firm believer in trusting gut instincts!
You have a good head on your shoulders and I think you've sussed it out for yourself! It's very hard to cut contact with people that you were/are very close to but in your case I think that would be the best for you and her!
You will both only be playing with each other's emotions, it is clear that you both have feelings for each other but that doesnt mean it is the right relationship for you. Get yourself out there and have a few dates and nights out with friends
if you both keep contacting each other you will just let this drag on and on, neither of you should have to live like that! So you should probably have a little chat with her about that
Good luck and you know yourself this isnt the end of the world 0
This discussion has been closed.
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