Tuesday Funnies

MonkieSocks

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam.

I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

"But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! “Said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,

"Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

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These two fleas are sitting in Florida.

One is shivering like crazy, saying "that has got to be the coldest ride I have ever had in my life!"

"How did you get here?" asks the other flea.

"I was in the moustache of some guy riding his motorcycle down the freeway."

"That is no way to travel to Florida" says the flea."

Here is what you do.

Go to the airport and find a lounge.

Have a sip of someone's drink so you are relaxed.

Find a really pretty girl and crawl up her leg and under her dress.

Go inside her panties and you will find a nice warm place to curl up and fall asleep.

The next thing you know, you are in Florida!

Remember that for next time.

We will get together next year and you can tell me how it went!"

The following year, the two fleas are back in Florida and the first One is shivering like crazy.

"That is the coldest trip to Florida I have had in my life!!!"

"What happened to the advice I gave you last year?"

"I did everything you told me to do!

I went to the airport and found the lounge.

I had a sip of someone's drink and I was good and relaxed.

I saw this gorgeous girl so I crawled up her leg and under her dress.

I went into her panties and found this warm, furry place to curl up and fall asleep.

The next thing I knew, I was in the moustache of some guy riding his motorcycle down the freeway!!"

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A man donates blood to his wife after she is badly injured.

A few years later they go through a bitter divorce and he demands his blood back.

So she throws a tampon in his face and says,

"There you go you miserable cnut,

I'll pay you back monthly."

And the moral of this story is...even if a woman eventually pays back everything she owes to a man, there will always be a string attached!