Nice guys should just accept bachelorhood?

beks101

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Would it be comfortable if the guy was really unattractive though? He could be comfortable and have good body language, but if the girl thinks he's ugly it won't count for much.

Well obviously yes, I've always been attracted to the guy in question, but that's as much to do with his confidence and personality and attention towards me as it has his looks. I don't tend to date Brad Pitts.

The attraction thing is always a risk. But how are you going to know whether or not she's attracted to you if you don't even bother?

beks101

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I think you'll find women are a lot more forgiving generally than men when considering looks. A below average man in looks can be highly attractive to most women whereas it doesn't really work like that for women. There personality has a lot less power to make them attractive IMO. Still a factor of course.

Amen to this. A lot more forgiving than some men would be, might I add.

Since moving to Canada I've actually fallen in love with Irish men and their ways, the banter, the sense of humour, the craic, the slagging...the whole 'wooing' process is odd as hell by any other standards, impossible to decipher sometimes but based overall on a sense of fun and 'having the craic' and equality that can often be lacking in other countries.

I've dated a fair few Canadian men*, a few of whom looked like they walked off the cover of a magazine, wonderful to look at but it'd rarely go beyond date 2/3/4 because conversation would run dry or I'd just feel uncomfortable by the pace of things or the 'formality' of the whole process, which has rarely happened to me with any Irish boyfriend I've ever had.

It's NEVER been the 'look' and ALWAYS has been the personality that brought things forward for me in any relationship I've ever had. My last three exes - hilarious, cheeky, intelligent but constantly taking the piss out of themselves (and me), gorgeous to me but by and large, pretty normal average looking lads to anyone else.


*Excuse any/all generalizations, Canadian men are fabulous too

RDM_83 again

1ZRed wrote: »

I love the lads who think great looks mean absolutely everything to everybody. It does for some, it doesn't for a lot of others.
You could be perfectly comfortable around someone who may not be particularly attractive to you, but their personality, confidence, body language and general sense of humor, or whatever else, could be a big decider in how you perceive them and then for you to build an attraction on.

So I wouldn't bank much on "if the girl thinks he's ugly it won't count for much" because there are many, many factors at play at deciding attractiveness, and that doesn't always just mean physical attractiveness.

I know many lads who wouldn't be the greatest looking guys in the world but they are the best craic to be around, genuinely comfortable in themselves and they have gone out with some unreal looking girls.
I figure a lot of them don't hang around pining over how good they could look or how women would prefer if they were better looking, etc, because all that sulking and obsessing isn't attractive to anyone.



I'd say the best thing you could ever do is to get comfortable with yourself because a lot of confidence comes with that, and that is an attractive quality to people.

I don't mean this in a being a dick way but your quite young and bi (i think from other threads excuse me if i'm wrong), and I'm not saying this in a bitter way but being comfortable in yourself and good craic is completely different to having confidence with pulling and i say this as some one thats attached and who's friends are nice guys and are literally all either attached, successful enough with woman on a regular basis or gay.
Being the pretty much the same people now as we were were at the age I guess you are it would have been a completely different story.
This being said i completely don't agree with the basis of this thread past the ages of about 21 /22 were most people have a bit of cop on

larchill

We are different! Like Duck Soup I too have observed people over the years & could fairly accurately 'sense' bachelorism/spinsterism. There are a few exceptions -


I can think of two women who had no activity on this front till their 30s when they 'settled down' in the usual way. Others have just drifted. Can I identify

the attributes of the average spinster/bachelor?

- Less social than the average person.
- Quieter than average.
- Are loners.
- Are percieved as less attractive to members of the opposite.
- Have never had any or little 'activity' with members of the opposite.


I could go on with this. The one thing I can say is that pepole who are attractive (not necessarily just physically) almost always end up with someone. The possible exception here is someone who chooses not to for lifestyle reasons. The rest of us have little or NO choice. There's a whole behavourial aspect to this. Having done some research on this area I've come up with the following links:-

- Book on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/reader/0275956687?_encoding=UTF8&page=22#reader_0275956687

- Another book on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/reader/0882823264?_encoding=UTF8&page=23#reader_0882823264


- Item on Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness


- Item on Wrytestuff.com:

http://wrytestuff.com/swa146100.htm

- The Love-Shy project:

http://www.loveshyproject.com/

That should keep ye all thinking! It seems that we're different alright, not just in not being with someone. There are behavour aspects to us that have us this way.

Daveysil15

beks101 wrote: »

The attraction thing is always a risk. But how are you going to know whether or not she's attracted to you if you don't even bother?

I think you misunderstood what I was saying there. I meant from a woman's perspective, if she found a guy to be very unattracttive physically, then the man been comfortable or confident probably wouldn't be enough to build attraction. It would improve his chances alright, but there needs to be some form of physical attraction.

RDM_83 again wrote: »

I don't mean this in a being a dick way but your quite young and bi (i think from other threads excuse me if i'm wrong), and I'm not saying this in a bitter way but being comfortable in yourself and good craic is completely different to having confidence with pulling and i say this as some one thats attached and who's friends are nice guys and are literally all either attached, successful enough with woman on a regular basis or gay.

I think it can be difficult to relate to 1ZRed and enter into an unbiased conversation with him because of his sexuality (that's not an insult to you 1ZRed) but its a bit like a man with 4 arms giving juggling advice to a man with 2 arms. If you're bi you'll have certain advantages over us poor heterosexual folk.

creeper1

creeper1 wrote: »

There are women that can (be) paid to satisfy your needs.

Yeah, using prostitutes. That is so something that nice guys, not alpha scumbags do.