Nice guys should just accept bachelorhood?

cantdecide

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

It's easy really, see someone you like, *walk over, *talk, *ask out.

*I've marked the areas that seem to cause the greatest difficulties to people.

Scanlas The 2nd

cantdecide wrote: »

*I've marked the areas that seem to cause the greatest difficulties to people.

Well if you can't do that you're in trouble.

blacklilly

cantdecide wrote: »

*I've marked the areas that seem to cause the greatest difficulties to people.

Most people can walk and talk

BraziliaNZ

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

Well if you can't do that you're in trouble.

That's kind of the problem with what seems like most men that use the internet anyway. If that wasn't a problem for anyone these threads wouldn't exist!

cantdecide

blacklilly wrote: »

Most people can walk and talk

Do you approach guys and chat and ask them out? If you do, fair play, you're in a minority IME.

Scanlas The 2nd

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

That's kind of the problem with what seems like most men that use the internet anyway. If that wasn't a problem for anyone these threads wouldn't exist!

The point being is you can't credibly moan about not finding women/men if you never even make an attempt to ask them out. No one is entitled to relationships or sex, it is your own responsibility to do something about it.

blacklilly

cantdecide wrote: »

Do you approach guys and chat and ask them out? If you do, fair play, you're in a minority IME.

I have done in the past but not in recent years

BraziliaNZ

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

The point being is you can't credibly moan about not finding women/men if you never even make an attempt to ask them out. No one is entitled to relationships or sex, it is your own responsibility to do something about it.

I've had plenty of girlfriends etc, but honestly I can't remember seeing a girl I thought was hot, walking over and trying to talk to her. It has just kind of happened, I've never launched myself like that on total strangers.

RossFixxxed

Someone has to make the effort, have some confidence and go say hi. That's often the first step.

People have to stop fearing failure, and lose the sense of entitlement to a relationship and that would be half the battle right there tbh.

Kimia

I really dislike the way the PUA types call women 'females'. Whenever I see that, I think to myself, here we go. It's always in such an objectifying context. 'The legs spread' - dear lord. If you're thinking that way, you really have no chance because you clearly just see women, oops sorry, females, as things to conquest.

Perhaps if these types just started seeing women as people, just like themselves, with all the same awkwardness, shyness etc, they would have much more success at finding a relationship. But I suppose it's so obvious that they're not looking for a relationship - which must explain a lot of their failure to meet someone.

I find it quite scary actually. I would be so unnerved if I realised I was being played. It's so creepy and weird.

Scanlas The 2nd

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I've had plenty of girlfriends etc, but honestly I can't remember seeing a girl I thought was hot, walking over and trying to talk to her. It has just kind of happened, I've never launched myself like that on total strangers.

I certainly have and it's one of my favourite things to do also I've been approached myself numerous times. My point was directed towards people who don't meet the opposite sex and also do nothing about it yet think they are entitled to meet to have sex and relationships.

BraziliaNZ

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I certainly have and it's one of my favourite things to do also I've been approached myself numerous times. My point was directed towards people who don't meet the opposite sex and also do nothing about it yet think they are entitled to meet to have sex and relationships.

What I mean is, for these down on their luck sorts, there are more ways than approaching total strangers. I've never really been into it and met people through just living my life I suppose.

Scanlas The 2nd

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

What I mean is, for these down on their luck sorts, there are more ways than approaching total strangers. I've never really been into it and met people through just living my life I suppose.

Of course there's numerous ways so long as they actually make the effort.

curlzy

I'm engaged to typical MR NICE GUY. He loves kittens/puppies/kids, has never raised his fist to ANYONE, always turns the other cheek. Is relaxed and level headed and constantly in a good mood and would do anything for a friend in need. Regularly gives to charity.

Why? . . . Demon in the sack :D:D.

Nice Guys don't finish last, that myth is total bullsh*t made up by bitter people that want a simple reason they have been constantly passed over, I'd bet any money they're not the Nice Guy they claim to be.

cantdecide

I'm glad to see there's a lot of people here with no hang-ups or shyness and I now regard myself as being in that category. Am I afraid to approach women in social settings? Not a bit! Am I a nice guy? Yes! Do I get the time of day? Feck no!! Some of us just don't fit in with the profile of the pub/ club scene...

Scanlas The 2nd

cantdecide wrote: »

I'm glad to see there's a lot of people here with no hang-ups or shyness and I now regard myself as being in that category. Am I afraid to approach women in social settings? Not a bit! Am I a nice guy? Yes! Do I get the time of day? Feck no!! Some of us just don't fit in with the profile of the pub/ club scene...

It's not you that doesn't fit in, it's what you don in that scene doesn't fit in.

cantdecide

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

It's not you that doesn't fit in, it's what you don in that scene doesn't fit in.

Explain...

Scanlas The 2nd

cantdecide wrote: »

Explain...

I bet you could be successful in the pub/club scene as could most if you changed the way you behave in these places. As could most guys.

I'd be willing to bet that you feel "in your head" in these places. Not relaxed in the moment. That can be changed and you'd learn to have your own fun in these places, this draws people to you.

Brain Stroking

curlzy wrote: »

I'm engaged to typical MR NICE GUY. He loves kittens/puppies/kids, has never raised his fist to ANYONE, always turns the other cheek. Is relaxed and level headed and constantly in a good mood and would do anything for a friend in need. Regularly gives to charity.

Why? . . . Demon in the sack :D:D.

Nice Guys don't finish last, that myth is total bullsh*t made up by bitter people that want a simple reason they have been constantly passed over, I'd bet any money they're not the Nice Guy they claim to be.

So if he was just average in the sack he wouldnt be with you? You seem to be implying that you're with him despite his niceness because he is good in bed.

cantdecide

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I'd be willing to bet that you feel "in your head" in these places. Not relaxed in the moment. That can be changed and you'd learn to have your own fun in these places, this draws people to you.

This might well be the crux of the issue; I will firstly say that I'm perfectly relaxed in these environments but they are not where I am most able to be myself. I don't regard "having your own fun" as being fun!! Engaging, chatting and exchanging experiences and ideas is what's fun to me.

It is a societal expectation that I have to play a character or adopt a persona if I wish to be successful and I'm probably not interested in someone who will expect me to be something other than what I am. Becoming this character doesn't fall under the category of self improvement so I feel it's a waste of energy, EVEN IF I could pull it off and be that person, which is something I probably couldn't do. It's just a bridge too far for some of us to be that person.

The reality is that this is a major disadvantage to me and anyone like me and I can pucker about it all day long if I want but it has been a stalemate to me my whole life. Be myself and get nowhere or be some pseudo version of myself that I probably can't even pull off and probably still get nowhere as a consequence.

curlzy

Brain Stroking wrote: »

So if he was just average in the sack he wouldnt be with you? You seem to be implying that you're with him despite his niceness because he is good in bed.

No dearie. If he wasn't a demon in the sack I wouldn't be with him, life is too short to go without explosive orgasms.

I'm not with him despite his niceness, and because he's good in bed. I'm with him because of his niceness, he's a wonderful, kind and generous person and also happens to be kinky as all hell and knows how to blow my mind in the bedroom. I found Mr Nice Guy and a sex god in one, hurray

You seem to be clutching at straws. Can you not get any? : (

Scanlas The 2nd

cantdecide wrote: »

This might well be the crux of the issue; I will firstly say that I'm perfectly relaxed in these environments but they are not where I am most able to be myself. I don't regard "having your own fun" as being fun!! Engaging, chatting and exchanging experiences and ideas is what's fun to me.

It is a societal expectation that I have to play a character or adopt a persona if I wish to be successful and I'm probably not interested in someone who will expect me to be something other than what I am. Becoming this character doesn't fall under the category of self improvement so I feel it's a waste of energy, EVEN IF I could pull it off and be that person, which is something I probably couldn't do. It's just a bridge too far for some of us to be that person.

The reality is that this is a major disadvantage to me and anyone like me and I can pucker about it all day long if I want but it has been a stalemate to me my whole life. Be myself and get nowhere or be some pseudo version of myself that I probably can't even pull off and probably still get nowhere as a consequence.

Why do you feel you need to play a character in pubs/clubs?

That could be the issue, you don't realise you can be yourself and do well. Be yourself and be playful and have fun and have a laugh.

StudentDad

For me it's plain and simple if you go to a meat market (pubs/clubs) you will be expected to behave like 'you're on the market.' If that is the expected norm well you can't complain if there are no 'buyers' - male or female.

SD

dttq

creeper1 wrote: »

Word of wisdom from a audio-blogger.:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61_R2X3Pr1I

He discusses the well known fact that women aren't attracted to nice guys. There are many reasons for this. Ranging from nice guys being too boring to not being like alpha males.

We are more like animals that we realise IMHO. In a animal environment it is only the alpha male. The baddest, strongest, most attitude filled stag that gets mating rights to all the females.

And if any of the other stags have the audacity to try to mate with females the alpha male will come and stick horns up his ass! Or murder the poor sod!!

The worst of the worst is the nice guy that takes care of the baby fathered by another man. Darwin (and me) would be disgusted by you.

So is bachelorhood a better options for nice guys. In my opinion it probably is. There are women that can paid to satisfy your needs. Way preferable to supporting to the child of another.

Is this another American male trying to fob oftinis books/ DVDs or whatever else on unsuspecting and gullible single males?

"Hey guys, are you tired of women never giving you the time of day? Well guys I have the answer you've been wanting answered in my book at Amazon. Youre single because you've been too damn nice, women hate that sort of thing! In my book I discuss how you too can become the loud, obnoxious, mean, sexist and abusive guy that women just can't get enough of.

In my book I give some valuable tips such as

(a) To be successful you need to lose the nice guy stuff. Next chick you meet in a nightclub, simply slap her on the ar$e and as loud as you can shout "you, me, my bed now"........she'll be so enamoured by your bad boy approach that she will fall for you on the spot.

(b) When she asks questions like "does my bum look big in this" don't be the pussy whipped nice guy, explain to her "yeah dear your arse is bigger than a gorrilas, cut down on the big macs. She will appreciate your brutal honesty and bad boy tell-it-like-it-is

(c) Women just love testing guys and respect guys who stand up them, and just HATE non-confratational nice guys. So next time she says she isn't in the mood to make dinner, don't just be the nice guy with "an ok honey". Give her a few slaps and she'll be running to the kitchen to whip up a big hearty meal. Because she is tired of all these walk over, non-slapping nice guys, she'll appreciate the fact that you aren't taking any nonsense from her.


And plenty more tips on how to break the nice guy deadlock. Buy my book and it won't be you looking for chicks anymore, you'll have chicks falling at your feet.

cantdecide

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I bet you could be successful in the pub/club scene as could most if you changed the way you behave in these places.

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

you don't realise you can be yourself and do well. Be yourself and be playful and have fun and have a laugh.

All of this, I do. Some of just don't do playful-banter-while-shaking-your-arse all that well. My nature is to be a bit of a wall flower but I am a friendly and personable and confident but hell, I just don't get the benefit of the doubt with strangers. I think when you're 6'4" with a shaved head, you're just a goal down before you open your mouth. I find when I'm introduced to women, it's a different story but when I introduce myself, I get nowhere. It's not an insurmountable problem but there is no one size fits all solution. Everyone is different.

blacklilly wrote: »

I have done in the past but not in recent years

I'm calling you on this, BL:P Explain why you you don't approach guys in the present:P

blacklilly

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

Why do you feel you need to play a character in pubs/clubs?

That could be the issue, you don't realise you can be yourself and do well. Be yourself and be playful and have fun and have a laugh.

I don't think its as much about feeling the need to play a character its more that not everyone feels completely comfortable in a pub setting.
A lot of people depend on alcohol to make them feel comfortable. I know when I'm not drinking i don't tend to feel totally comfortable in a pub setting because I'm surrounded by people under the influence. I also don't particularly like being chatted up by men that are under the influence either and I can find the whole scene a little unnerving

blacklilly

cantdecide wrote: »

All of this, I do. Some of just don't do playful-banter-while-shaking-your-arse all that well. My nature is to be a bit of a wall flower but I am a friendly and personable and confident but hell, I just don't get the benefit of the doubt with strangers. I think when you're 6'4" with a shaved head, you're just a goal down before you open your mouth. I find when I'm introduced to women, it's a different story but when I introduce myself, I get nowhere. It's not an insurmountable problem but there is no one size fits all solution. Everyone is different.



I'm calling you on this, BL:P Explain why you you don't approach guys in the present:P

Emmmm I've no excuse really but if I'm totally honest I guess its to do with a lack of confidence, I get too in my head and think that no guy will find me attractive

dd972

the older I get, the more convinced I am that random, arbitrary luck decides who gets hitched and who doesn't.

there are loads of attractive, educated, men and women who are seemingly stuck in a void of involuntary celibacy and singleton status despite all their efforts to change this with dating websites, trying to meet people through people, getting rat arsed in meat markets like Coppers to try and tempt fate and nudge Cupid's arrows.

then there are millions of boring, mediocrities who get ''the one'' parachuted into their laps via school, college, workplaces, mutual friends etc

then of course, not to forget, there are those who marry, have kids, buy houses and 6 months or 8 years later, it's been the worst single thing that's ever happened to them.

Scanlas The 2nd

cantdecide wrote: »

All of this, I do. Some of just don't do playful-banter-while-shaking-your-arse all that well. My nature is to be a bit of a wall flower but I am a friendly and personable and confident but hell, I just don't get the benefit of the doubt with strangers. I think when you're 6'4" with a shaved head, you're just a goal down before you open your mouth. I find when I'm introduced to women, it's a different story but when I introduce myself, I get nowhere. It's not an insurmountable problem but there is no one size fits all solution. Everyone is different.



I'm calling you on this, BL:P Explain why you you don't approach guys in the present:P

There's lots of ways you can improve how you approach women but I'd have to see and hear you to help out in a meaningful way. The problem could be as simple as not smiling when approaching or moving around and being too fidgety. When you expect people to be friendly there is a greater chance they'll be friendly in return.

Galwayguy35

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

There's lots of ways you can improve how you approach women but I'd have to see and hear you to help out in a meaningful way. The problem could be as simple as not smiling when approaching or moving around and being too fidgety. When you expect people to be friendly there is a greater chance they'll be friendly in return.

Why should he change anything about himself though?

If someone isn't interested it's best to move on and find someone who is.