So he wants a threesome with me and my friend

So some people in relationships entertain fantasies about other people? Some guys want threesomes and some do not? Some relationships incorporate the sharing of fantasies into the sex life itself while some do not? Some people have fantasies they want to make reality and some have fantasies they want to enjoy only in their head?

I am not learning anything new here Surely we knew all this already?

Sharing our fantasies is a big part of my relationship with the girls at the moment. We make it very clear which ones we would go along with in reality some day if the chance arose - and which ones are for the enjoyment of thinking about only. But whichever type they are we do enjoy the sharing of them. Clearly that is not for everyone but it works great for us.

There is no clear dividing line either. There are some we say "If that ever happened Id so go along with it" and some we say "No way do I want this one to happen for real" but there are also mid-way ones where we are not sure and likely will never be until it actually comes up in reality.

The only advice I would give the OP and anyone similar is that I have noticed a near consistent trend that anyone who makes such fantasies come real for the sake of doing them - arranging them - setting them up - all for the sake of making the fantasy a reality - all too often end up disappointed - let down - disillusioned - or worse.

Better is to let such things happen naturally. If some night a threesome with this friend shows up as a possibility and it feels right at the time then by all means go with it. Try to arrange it or force it and it can all too often be unnatural and uncomfortable and a huge let down.

Naturally flowing sex situations are the best and I have a few tales myself including ones where I went along with - and enjoyed - things I would never have thought myself into before or would ever have considered/fantasised about. But at the right time in the right moment it just was right.

ottostreet

Incredible. Incredible. Incredible.

Me bollix, this thread is winding me up no end reading all the new age bolloxology going on. Go have another incredible intimate chat about a threesome that neither of ye want with a girl that neither of ye know, but you know that she'd be flattered by the thoughts of it, and then come on here five minutes later and tell us all about how empowering and intimate it was.

Grow up kids, and get back to school, Christ the Christmas holidays on AH are gonna be painful.

Hrrmmmmmmmm there is much anger in you young padawan if such things wind you up that much. An early grave from heart failure I see in your future, hrmmmmmmm.

Seriously though as I said above - sharing fantasies and erotic scenarios with your partner(s) can be quite an intimate experience and many people incorporate such things into their sex life. Sexuality can be expressed in any number of ways outside a "Missionary position only" and "Lie back and think of Ireland" mentality. Sure if that is your thing no one should judge you or deride you for it. Exploring different forms of sexual expression and paths to intimacy is the choice of others however and an equally valid one.

I am not sure what is "new age" about that either and I certainly can not imagine why the sexual expression choices of others could or should be a source of rage and anger.

Noopti

Has yer wan actually described how she expanded upon the fantasy yet?

Can't be arse reading pages of constant *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge* to find out.

ottostreet

taxAHcruel wrote: »

Hrrmmmmmmmm there is much anger in you young padawan if such things wind you up that much. An early grave from heart failure I see in your future, hrmmmmmmm.

Seriously though as I said above - sharing fantasies and erotic scenarios with your partner(s) can be quite an intimate experience and many people incorporate such things into their sex life. Sexuality can be expressed in any number of ways outside a "Missionary position only" and "Lie back and think of Ireland" mentality. Sure if that is your thing no one should judge you or deride you for it. Exploring different forms of sexual expression and paths to intimacy is the choice of others however and an equally valid one.

I am not sure what is "new age" about that either and I certainly can not imagine why the sexual expression choices of others could or should be a source of rage and anger.

Actually, I'm satisfied completely with my sex life, and don't feel the need to share the juicy details in a 'look at me' manner. My girlfriend is unlikely to be 'thinking of Ireland' as she is from a 'wink wink nudge nudge' part of the world herself.

Looking at so called experts saying that somehow the un liberated Irish are the only ones to find polygamy and threesomes etc. disgusting is laughable, I know exactly where I'd end up if I was stupid enough to say something like 'I'd love to bang your best friend ha ha only joking not really though' to my non Irish, non European girlfriend. The Irish are no less open minded than any other nation.

If this thread was in the sex and sexuality forum, I'd take it a lot more seriously, as it wouldnt be going for the attention seeking aspect that a thread on AH entitled 'so he wants a threesome with me and my friend' demands.

Watching a 15 year old troll the **** out of an entire forum with the nonsensical 'empowerment' angle is plain frustrating.

My point exactly! If you are satisfied with your sex life as it is then that is really really great. Some people are not so lucky.

I am just taken aback at how angry it appears to make some people that others engage in sexual expression in a different way.

There is a lot of anger in this place

Gauss

ottostreet wrote: »

Actually, I'm satisfied completely with my sex life, and don't feel the need to share the juicy details in a 'look at me' manner. My girlfriend is unlikely to be 'thinking of Ireland' as she is from a 'wink wink nudge nudge' part of the world herself.

Looking at so called experts saying that somehow the un liberated Irish are the only ones to find polygamy and threesomes etc. disgusting is laughable, I know exactly where I'd end up if I was stupid enough to say something like 'I'd love to bang your best friend ha ha only joking not really though' to my non Irish, non European girlfriend. The Irish are no less open minded than any other nation.

If this thread was in the sex and sexuality forum, I'd take it a lot more seriously, as it wouldnt be going for the attention seeking aspect that a thread on AH entitled 'so he wants a threesome with me and my friend' demands.

Watching a 15 year old troll the **** out of an entire forum with the nonsensical 'empowerment' angle is plain frustrating.

Why are you assuming a "look at me" manner. People are discussing their sex lives as it's relevant to the topic at hand.

Why would you not ask your OH for something you want to do sexually?

If she says no then fine leave it at that.

ottostreet

taxAHcruel wrote: »

My point exactly! If you are satisfied with your sex life as it is then that is really really great. Some people are not so lucky.

I am just taken aback at how angry it appears to make some people that others engage in sexual expression in a different way.

There is a lot of anger in this place

People's sex lives don't make me angry, that's silly. Reading bull****, and watching trolling done badly is infuriating.

Quazzie

ottostreet wrote: »

People's sex lives don't make me angry, that's silly. Reading bull****, and watching trolling done badly is infuriating.

Well someone's obviously not getting any at home :P

I am not convinced it is trolling though I can see why one would suspect it.

However if reading bull gets you that worked up then perhaps After Hours is not the - hmmmm - wisest choice of forum to subscribe to? I was under the impression pointless bull is not just expected but almost required around here?

Coming to After Hours and complaining when people talk bull to me is a bit like going to a premier league football match and complaining about people chanting, singing and shouting

Gabriele

this post was amazing
that seriously the most pathetic thing I have never read, come on 99.9 of the heterosexual male population dreams about a threesome, it's a matter of power desires....
It's like saying: OMG the water is wet...
The OP just like to tease out

TwoShedsJackson

Gabriele wrote: »

eterosessual

New word of the day.

squirrelohara

Im sick of this **** popping up in the latest thread section. This girl just loves the attention. When the fcuk will this end

ottostreet

taxAHcruel wrote: »

I am not convinced it is trolling though I can see why one would suspect it.

However if reading bull gets you that worked up then perhaps After Hours is not the - hmmmm - wisest choice of forum to subscribe to? I was under the impression pointless bull is not just expected but almost required around here?

Coming to After Hours and complaining when people talk bull to me is a bit like going to a premier league football match and complaining about people chanting, singing and shouting

Actually, that's a fair point, I stopped using AH mostly because I found it inane. That's not intended as an insult to regulars at all, I find the whole tragedy thread, first post is a 'witty' joke thing a bit callous and crap.

I may be out of touch with what is expected in AH these days, for that I apologise. I stand by my points about this thread though, I believe it's a complete and utter troll thread.

RoyalMarine

Sorry, but if my partner said that I'd have to finish it with her.

ottostreet

Gauss wrote: »

Why are you assuming a "look at me" manner. People are discussing their sex lives as it's relevant to the topic at hand.

Why would you not ask your OH for something you want to do sexually?

If she says no then fine leave it at that.

'dear OH,

I want to bang your two sisters simultaneously

Yours sincerely

Ottostreet'

No thanks, I like having a girlfriend.

Also, quazzie, how did you know? :-(

Gabriele

TwoShedsJackson wrote: »

New word of the day.

sorry for that i am still sleeping, you must be glad i didn't write the post in plain italian :D

skyfall2012

I think this thread is a lot like having a threesome, you get bored of it after a while and start looking for something more meaningful.

Gauss

Gabriele wrote: »

this post was amazing
that seriously the most pathetic thing I have never read, come on 99.9 of the heterosexual male population dreams about a threesome, it's a matter of power desires....
It's like saying: OMG the water is wet...
The OP just like to tease out

What's pathetic about it?

Is there something wrong with asking to do something which you would like to do?

ottostreet

ottostreet wrote: »

I may be out of touch with what is expected in AH these days, for that I apologise. I stand by my points about this thread though, I believe it's a complete and utter troll thread.

Thing with trolls is they WANT a negative reaction. The moment you posted a post saying how angry it was making you was the moment you gave them exactly what they wanted.

Best way to annoy a troll is not to get angry but to force their troll thread into a meaningful discussion enjoyed by all. That really gets their wick

Ahava

monkeysnapper wrote: »

Jeez me to. God only knows what would happen if I told me missus that :eek:

Do you have fantasies about other people though? If you do, wouldn't you want to share it with your wife/partner?

We talked a lot about it last night and neither of us finds the idea (someone you chose to commit to for the rest of your life fancying other people) particularly exciting. We both agreed that this reality feels a bit heartbreaking.

But it is what it is. So you can either live in denial about it or find a way to share it and use it to spice up your life. Out of the two options, denial just wouldn't work for me, so I'm going for the next best thing. I know this approach would not work for everyone but i hope it is going to work for me, because the alternative is really not acceptable.

How do you choose to deal with it?

Gauss

ottostreet wrote: »

'dear OH,

I want to bang your two sisters simultaneously

Yours sincerely

Ottostreet'

No thanks, I like having a girlfriend.

Also, quazzie, how did you know? :-(

If that's what you want to do then ask for it.

You can't help what you fantasise about or want to do.

ottostreet

Gauss wrote: »

If that's what you want to do then ask for it.

You can't help what you fantasise about or want to do.

Are you the boyfriend?

lukesmom

He fancies your friend but wants to shag you too. I'd tell him to fk off. You should somebody who wants you and like most men can dream but leave it at that... a fantasy. Bet he has a tiny willy

Ahava

Gauss wrote: »

If that's what you want to do then ask for it.

You can't help what you fantasise about or want to do.

Now, I wouldn't go as far as asking for it... i'm not that liberated And that thing with fancying your partner's siblings can be a bit (a lot!) touchy... aw dear... i don't think i'd like to share it with him either... i think i'd keep that one to myself. And i really hope he'd keep it to himself too.

There... i guess i found limits to how far i'd be willing to go with that radical honesty idea

Jaxxy

Gauss wrote: »

If that's what you want to do then ask for it.

You can't help what you fantasise about or want to do.

What!? You think it's okay and your right to ask for something just because you've fantasised about it? Oh sure, go ahead and tell your partner/wife you want to have sex with her two sisters, who cares if that would hurt her feelings. You can't help it.

What a completely self-absorbed attitude you have.

Fromthetrees

Threesoms =
Threesoms in a relationship =

You're either in or out in a relationship.

If it's someone you don't love than it's grand, or your not going out with that long, or if yere just sex friends than it'd be fine too. The thing is that if you've been going out a few years and you're in love I think it could damage a relationship.

Saying that being up for threesoms makes one liberal is complete bullsh1t people, it just means you're not monogamous.

Culleeo

mirwillbeback wrote: »

I think he just loves you SO much that he feels he needs to extend that love to your friends, who are sort of an extension of you.

It's like he can't get enough of you, so wants the next best thing.

You're very lucky to be loved like that.

Quality reply, I genuinely laughed.

Fromthetrees

Fromthetrees wrote: »

Threesoms =
Threesoms in a relationship =

You're either in or out in a relationship.

I do not see the two as being mutually exclusive if all parties concerned are into it and are ok with it. I do not think "relationship" is a fixed word with the same meaning for everyone. For me a "relationship" depends on the people in it and what their boundries and limits and desires are. If people in a relationship are ok with threesomes then threesomes is what they can have. If one or more of the people in a relationship are NOT into them then they should not.

But the automatic assumption of "Relationship = no sexual contact with anyone outside that relationship ever" is one many have but one I do not agree with. It is entirely up the people in any given relationship.

Gauss

Jaxxy wrote: »

What!? You think it's okay and your right to ask for something just because you've fantasised about it? Oh sure, go ahead and tell your partner/wife you want to have sex with her two sisters, who cares if that would hurt her feelings. You can't help it.

What a completely self-absorbed attitude you have.

All you are doing is asking, if she says no that's fine.

If I was asked if she could fukc my brother I'd say no but I'd respect her for her honesty.

ottostreet

Gauss wrote: »

All you are doing is asking, if she says no that's fine.

And making Christmas dinner quite awkward.

Ahava

Fromthetrees wrote: »

Threesoms =
Threesoms in a relationship =

You're either in or out in a relationship.

If it's someone you don't love than it's grand, or your not going out with that long, or if yere just sex friends than it'd be fine too. The thing is that if you've been going out a few years and you're in love I think it could damage a relationship.

Saying that being up for threesoms makes one liberal is complete bullsh1t people, it just means you're not monogamous.

Yep, this is exactly what we concluded yesterday. Would have been fun to have a threesome if feelings weren't involved but it's just not worth the risk in a relationship.

I agree with what you said about threesomes and monogamy, too.

Jaxxy

Gauss wrote: »

All you are doing is asking, if she says no that's fine.

If I was asked if she could fukc my brother I'd say no but I'd respect her for her honesty.

Sure you would. And while you're fcuking her you'll be happy with the knowledge that she's picturing your bro.

Typhoon.

Ahava

Deleted User wrote: »

I do not see the two as being mutually exclusive if all parties concerned are into it and are ok with it. I do not think "relationship" is a fixed word with the same meaning for everyone. For me a "relationship" depends on the people in it and what their boundries and limits and desires are. If people in a relationship are ok with threesomes then threesomes is what they can have. If one or more of the people in a relationship are NOT into them then they should not.

But the automatic assumption of "Relationship = no sexual contact with anyone outside that relationship ever" is one many have but one I do not agree with. It is entirely up the people in any given relationship.

I think it's important that people ask themselves these questions and explore the answers within a relationship. I think it's a bit limiting when you decide that threesomes (or whatever else) are just wrong, because your parents, teachers, priests, society told you so.

In my situation we've gone full circle. We figured out that the potential price to pay for a bit of adventure would have been too high to pay. And we also figured that ultimately we like the idea of being monogamous, so a threesome is a no go for us. But other people in the same situation could conclude the opposite and be equally happy with it.

Saying that, i we're not gonna stop sharing this and other kinky fantasies, just because we know we're not gonna act on them.

Gabriele

Gauss wrote: »

What's pathetic about it?

Is there something wrong with asking to do something which you would like to do?

ok, but there should a limitation on stating the obvious....
I don't want to ruin the fun so be happy i just call it pathetic, I was being extremely diplomatic

marcopolo19

Hello looking for some new friends in the Cork area as just moved here,for a coffee,beer and a chat:)

Gauss

Jaxxy wrote: »

Sure you would. And while you're fcuking her you'll be happy with the knowledge that she's picturing your bro.

Yes fine with it, she is entitled to think whatever thoughts she wants. If she'd prefer to be with my brother she has my blessing to do so.

ItsNoAlias

Sex is awkward enough with two people without adding another person it. Two many hands... *shivers*

Totally disturbs me if I think about it too much, but the OP is right IMHO, as a fantasy, its perfectly natural. People should get over the fact that this guy talked about his fantasy, that is a perfectly natural and mature thing to do if you are in a commited adult relationship.

Would it be any different if his fantasy was to have her dress up as a My Little Pony and make noises like a yak? Its just talk and can lead to some exciting nights in, no need for another party to be involved at all.

TwoShedsJackson

marcopolo19 wrote: »

Hello looking for some new friends in the Cork area as just moved here,for a coffee,beer and a chat:)

Just admit you want a threesome.

Ahava

Ahava wrote: »

Saying that, i we're not gonna stop sharing this and other kinky fantasies, just because we know we're not gonna act on them.

I think this can be a good thing too yes. As you can see from many of the replies here there are many for whom it is NOT the right thing at all. A couple of posters have even indicated that the mere admission of attraction to anyone else from your partner would ruin sex because from then on you would believe they were picturing that other person or people during sex with you.

For me and the girls however sharing our fantasies, even the ones we never intend or want to make reality, is a big part of the sexual expression, foreplay and fun. We even are having a lot of fun working on a script for a film/porno which - while we might not ever film it for real - has been a very intimate and erotic experience writing it - working on it - imagining who we would cast in what roles and how and where we would film it and so forth.

Some fantasies have become reality though. Things we had discussed suddenly became attainable in reality and we just went with the flow. A couple of times we went with the flow on things we never discussed and I never would have pictured myself doing or wanting. Some of these things did even involve people outside our relationship.

For me communication and honesty is the focal point of my relationship and I like being open about fantasies for that reason too.

ItsNoAlias

ItsNoAlias wrote: »

Sex is awkward enough with two people without adding another person it. Two many hands... *shivers*

Totally disturbs me if I think about it too much, but the OP is right IMHO, as a fantasy, its perfectly natural. People should get over the fact that this guy talked about his fantasy, that is a perfectly natural and mature thing to do if you are in a commited adult relationship.

Would it be any different if his fantasy was to have her dress up as a My Little Pony and make noises like a yak? Its just talk and can lead to some exciting nights in, no need for another party to be involved at all.

thinly veiled My Little Pony fetish post

Gauss

taxAHcruel wrote: »

I think this can be a good thing too yes. As you can see from many of the replies here there are many for whom it is NOT the right thing at all. A couple of posters have even indicated that the mere admission of attraction to anyone else from your partner would ruin sex because from then on you would believe they were picturing that other person or people during sex with you.

For me and the girls however sharing our fantasies, even the ones we never intend or want to make reality, is a big part of the sexual expression, foreplay and fun. We even are having a lot of fun working on a script for a film/porno which - while we might not ever film it for real - has been a very intimate and erotic experience writing it - working on it - imagining who we would cast in what roles and how and where we would film it and so forth.

Some fantasies have become reality though. Things we had discussed suddenly became attainable in reality and we just went with the flow. A couple of times we went with the flow on things we never discussed and I never would have pictured myself doing or wanting. Some of these things did even involve people outside our relationship.

For me communication and honesty is the focal point of my relationship and I like being open about fantasies for that reason too.

May how many people are in your relationship, you mention the girls, is that two girls or more?

Just curious as I never met anyone in a relationship with more than two people.

Gauss

Gauss wrote: »

May how many people are in your relationship, you mention the girls, is that two girls or more? Just curious as I never met anyone in a relationship with more than two people.

Two yes. Over 7 years now. It is not a usual situation but we have met others in Ireland similar. The complexities of it are generally why I focus so much on honesty and communication as the foundation of the relationship though. It simply would not work if communication was not perfect.

The point is that such communication can be erotic and fun too. Sharing fantasies for the sake of the fantasy rather than for the sake of making them happen in reality can be a very erotic and intimate experience.

Clearly from the thread however it is not for everyone and they either do not feel comfortable sharing such things or envision having or sharing certain things as being potentially damaging -even terminal - to their relationships

Ahava

Gauss wrote: »

May how many people are in your relationship, you mention the girls, is that two girls or more?

Just curious as I never met anyone in a relationship with more than two people.

I was just gonna ask the same thing! So what's the story taxAHcruel?

Jaxxy

Deleted User wrote: »

Two yes. Over 7 years now. It is not a usual situation but we have met others in Ireland similar. The complexities of it are generally why I focus so much on honesty and communication as the foundation of the relationship though. It simply would not work if communication was not perfect.

The point is that such communication can be erotic and fun too. Sharing fantasies for the sake of the fantasy rather than for the sake of making them happen in reality can be a very erotic and intimate experience.

Clearly from the thread however it is not for everyone and they either do not feel comfortable sharing such things or envision having or sharing certain things as being potentially damaging -even terminal - to their relationships

I don't think it's the sharing of fantasies that is the problem for most people, it's more likely the inclusion of a specific individual known to both parties into their bed and/or into their monogamous relationship that bothers them. Your kind of lifestyle would not suit everyone, but that doesn't mean they can't explore different types of fantasies.

Ahava

Deleted User wrote: »

Clearly from the thread however it is not for everyone and they either do not feel comfortable sharing such things or envision having or sharing certain things as being potentially damaging -even terminal - to their relationships

Yeah, i find the level of discomfort/rejection of the idea quite surprising. And i'm not just talking about the idea of a threesome, but the idea of honestly telling each other what you fantasise about. I think i expected more of a 50/50 split and i certainly didn't expect to be perceived as a troll... that sure was a surprise for me.

Saying that, there are a good few people who didn't feel comfortable posting in the forum and sent me PMs instead who have a view on these things similar to my own.

Quazzie

Ahava wrote: »

Saying that, there are a good few people who didn't feel comfortable posting in the forum and sent me PMs instead who have a view on these things similar to my own.

All males aged 25-40 no doubt

opinion guy

Ahava wrote: »

Saying that, i we're not gonna stop sharing this and other kinky fantasies, just because we know we're not gonna act on them.

And do feel free to share your other kinky fantasies with us all here on After Hours....:pac:

Ahava

opinion guy wrote: »

And do feel free to share your other kinky fantasies with us all here on After Hours....:pac:

Gosh, i couldn't do that, i have a feeling i'd be totally slaughtered!