Do people enjoy their own weddings?

ash23

If I ever get married I think it will be a very low key affair, preferably abroad with immediate family only(or maybe just bride, groom and my daughter). Then a big "afters" when we get home with buffet, cutting of the cake and the first dance (which are the only elements of a traditional wedding I really would want).

I abhorr stress (and it actually makes me ill) so I couldn't cope with organising a big wedding.
My 3 sisters did the traditional style wedding day (all in the same year!) and my mum has said to be that she'd love if I just eloped lol.

Vojera

I hope I enjoy my wedding in March! The planning has been great craic, not stressful at all. I suppose it would be classed as a typical Irish wedding (apart from it being two girls getting married ) because there have been 180 people invited.

The way I see it, myself and my OH could have had a small do, but for us it's an excuse to give our friends and family a great party. When will we ever do it again? I get on really well with my extended family and the only time we're ever all in the same room is at weddings and funerals, so it's great to have a positive opportunity to get everyone together

My OH's sister and her husband eloped to Vegas and had a party when they came back, and that was right for them, but it sounded like the saddest, loneliest day to me. They shared their wedding cake with strangers in a bar and had their wedding dinner in Subway.

Then again, one of my friends and her husband eloped to New York and their photos here lovely and their day sounded great.

So, each to their own, I guess.

Eviledna

bluewolf wrote: »

People who say they didn't dream about it aren't just trying to be cool

Where did I say anything about people trying to be cool? I said that perhaps it may be cooler (read: more popular/ socially accepted) to be nonchalant about the wedding process, and I think that the number of responses in this thread are indicative of that too. My point was that some might want to say feckit to that new social norm and buy into the fuss, if just a little. We can celebrate our choice on this, because now we do have one, as it's not that long since women were told how to have their wedding by their family or new husband. My point is that just because we now have a choice, it doesn't mean that choosing something near the traditional isn't appropriate or acceptable, that would be resistance just for the sake of it.

Two different options /opinions on weddings do not have to belittle each other.

eviltwin

Just out of interest, those of you who have had or are having big weddings did you pay for it yourself?

I only know one person who had a big white wedding - 150+ guests - and her family paid for most of it and that meant she had to invite a number of people she probably wouldn't have normally asked. Anyone else I know has paid for it themselves and that has been a big factor in size.

I know for us because we were paying for it all in cash - we decided early on we were not going to go down the borrowing route - that it meant we had no choice but to have it small.

username123

eviltwin wrote: »

I know for us because we were paying for it all in cash - we decided early on we were not going to go down the borrowing route - that it meant we had no choice but to have it small.

Between elopement and party when we got back, we spent the same as if we'd had a traditional wedding. We saved for it and paid for it all ourselves.

lily09

As a newlywed I can honestly say I enjoyed my wedding. Had relativlly small wedding and still dreaded walking up the aisle. However on the day the music started and I began the walk , all my friends and family turned around smiling and I cannot describe the feeling of being just so happy!the photos of me walking up the aisle look like I was walking the red carpet. I know for lots of people weddings are a chore but we kept the list intimate enough so everyone invited was in our immediate circle.
Bits of the wedding were hard, I was exhausted and uncomfortable by midnight but changed into flpflops and removed spanx to let it all hang out and was revived...
All in all I look back at my wedding day as a day that I got to spend with all my favorite people.
Btw never once realised the significance of the day even as I said my vows etc still look back on it as a party.

John Mason

our wedding was exactly how we wanted it.

it was very non-traditional - no church/white dress/bridemaids/flowers etc.

it was the best wedding i have ever been at. we have been to 4 weddings since and not one has touch ours for the absolute brilliance of the day.

Scarinae

One of my sister's friends invited her friends and family to a garden party, and when they got there it turned out that she and her boyfriend had got married earlier that day and this was their reception. The only people who knew in advance were their parents and their kids. Apparently they had a great time with minimal stress.

I don't like lots of attention (I found this really uncomfortable at my 21st, for example), so if I got married I'd probably cut out traditions like the first dance. I also don't wear white (too pale!) so I'd probably wear a different colour. I know my parents wouldn't put me under pressure to invite distant relatives or whatever, as my brother got married this year and they were very relaxed about it.

Dolbert

eviltwin wrote: »

Just out of interest, those of you who have had or are having big weddings did you pay for it yourself?

We are having approximately 120 people at ours in a few months and we're paying for it all ourselves. We are having a traditional white wedding, but I'd just like to point out that traditional does not necessarily equal big money... we got a great deal with our hotel and have also been cheeky enough to call in favours all around from friends and family who are more than happy to help!

Can I ask, how many of you who are adamant that you won't have any traditional aspects to your wedding are actually engaged/ wedding planning? The reason I ask is that, while it's easy to say you'll do x, y and z differently, the reality of planning is somewhat different. We were all set to hire a marquee and caterers for a massive barbeque, until we actually crunched numbers and were surprised to discover that both the workload and cost involved would be more than letting our (admittedly very reasonable) hotel take care of it. Of course if you just prefer the idea then go for it!

daenerysstormborn3

Dolbert wrote: »

Can I ask, how many of you who are adamant that you won't have any traditional aspects to your wedding are actually engaged/ wedding planning? The reason I ask is that, while it's easy to say you'll do x, y and z differently, the reality of planning is somewhat different. We were all set to hire a marquee and caterers for a massive barbeque, until we actually crunched numbers and were surprised to discover that both the workload and cost involved would be more than letting our (admittedly very reasonable) hotel take care of it. Of course if you just prefer the idea then go for it!

We are engaged and party planning and our wedding won't have any traditional aspects at all.

eviltwin

Dolbert wrote: »

Can I ask, how many of you who are adamant that you won't have any traditional aspects to your wedding are actually engaged/ wedding planning? The reason I ask is that, while it's easy to say you'll do x, y and z differently, the reality of planning is somewhat different. We were all set to hire a marquee and caterers for a massive barbeque, until we actually crunched numbers and were surprised to discover that both the workload and cost involved would be more than letting our (admittedly very reasonable) hotel take care of it. Of course if you just prefer the idea then go for it!

I'm married 4 years and had a non traditional wedding. Once we had decided where to have the party the rest was quite easy. I bought my dress on ebay, didn't have any of the trimmings like rings, flowers, a cake etc. A friend did the catering.

My brothers wedding this year was all done by the hotel, as you say it was less hassle and cheaper for them ( they live overseas ). I know they loved the day and wouldn't have had it any other way and probably thought mine was a wasted opportunity but each to their own.

Its the only wedding you will have - hopefully! - so its important to do it exactly how you want to.

Vojera

eviltwin wrote: »

Just out of interest, those of you who have had or are having big weddings did you pay for it yourself?

We're paying for everything ourselves, bar our cake (which some of our friends are going together to buy) and our make-up (which our friend who is a trained make-up artist is doing for us).

Paying for it ourselves was very important to us as it meant independence to do things our way, invite only people we want etc. My OH's family have tried to stick their oars in a few times-wording of invitations, inviting people we don't like-and my own mum has been critical of the amount we spent on our dresses (while wanting to spend almost the same on her own outfit), but because we're paying for it ourselves we've been able to put the foot down.

We're in the lucky position of not having to go into debt for the wedding, and I know that if we didn't have as much saved as we did then we'd be planning something completely different because I'd rather do it small and pay for it myself than have the wedding we're having now but doing it according to someone else's wishes.

The Big Red Button

Well, I wouldn't go spending my hard-earned money on a party that I wouldn't even enjoy!

I don't plan on getting married, but if I ever do, I'd imagine it'll be a very casual affair. Definitely no religious aspects. Can't see myself in a big white dress. I don't like flowers.

Probably a very low-key civil ceremony, followed by a nice meal with immediate family and close friends, followed by a piss-up in the pub with whoever wanted to join us. Sounds pretty ideal to me.

Having said that, I love big Irish traditional weddings ... as a guest! Would be an absolute nightmare, to me, to have one myself, though.

Twee.

The last wedding I was at had the happiest bride I ever saw! The couple are very into their country/Irish country music so had a band and DJ playing that, with a few top 40 thrown in. Obviously not to everyone's taste (especially the younger guests), but the two of the them spent the whole night on the dance floor. Myself and the OH even attempted to jive a few times, with mixed results

The only way you're gonna enjoy your own wedding is to do it YOUR WAY. +1 to Chatterpillar, why spend all that money and time on a party you wouldn't go to if you were invited

pwurple

chatterpillar wrote: »

That's a bit mental! Like, if he needed an op, would they not just go ahead and do it? If he needed it, and he (presumably) wasn't able to give consent himself, and there was no next-of-kin there to do it? Would they actually need that permission?

Yeah, he was unconscious. We got it from his mum, so it was fine. It was just a bit of an eye opener to see how we were both still linked to our respective parents for everything, instead of to eachother. We knew we were together for good, but the world didn't.

Anyway, I love weddings of all shapes and sizes. I love the traditional ones, the quirky ones, and everything in between. As long as someone is celebrating something, I'm there.

There were a couple of years where we had a lot of weddings to go to. 8 in one year. I'm sorry to say I actually was a bit 'oh no' when an invitation came to another one, as it was expensive in both time and money to use our weekends for hens, stags and weddings. But we go to one every year or so now, so I am back to loving them again.


On the hosting thing. We insisted on paying for our own at the time, but in hindsight I think we should have thought about it more. There is a big difference between being the host and the guest of honour at a party. I've thrown a few parties for people since, and it is much more fun to be one or the other.... Both is hard. And I think that is maybe where brides get stressed. It is hard to enjoy your own wedding if you are worried about the wrong starter going to your coeliac cousin, or the band nit playing the things you arranged.

Squ

eviltwin wrote: »

Just out of interest, those of you who have had or are having big weddings did you pay for it yourself?

We paid for it (200) ourselves

Squ

irishbird wrote: »

it was the best wedding i have ever been at.

I think everyone thinks that of their own

liliq

I had so much fun at my wedding!
I hate being the centre of attention, but wanting to have a good chunk of both our families and a good handful of our closest friends there, I knew for certain parts of it I would have to be. It wasn't as bad as I thought as we didn't invite anyone we didn't want to, bar 2 people who we didn't know that well. Everyone else of the 110 there were very close to us.
I was in college up until 2 weeks before so did most of the planning bar booking the ceremony, venue and band in two weeks.
I just decided that it was basically meant to be a big party- no one else was going to notice whether the flowers perfectly matched my knickers, (or that my hair dresser was only found at 11am that morning, or that the baker thought our wedding was actually the next day so the cake was only half decorated, or my son wasn't walking yet so didn't go down the "aisle" with us, or blah blah blah). The people we loved were there, we got married, had some great food and great music in a lovely venue. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, it was FUN!

sashafierce

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Vojera

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

IIRC they started organising about 6 months beforehand. They were initially going to Italy but found there was a LOT of red tape to sort through and NY was a lot simpler. They went in January , which maybe isn't as busy a time? Their photos have snow all over Central Park and look amazing.

I'm not too sure exactly how they went about the organisation, tbh, but there didn't seem to be a lot of hassle.

username123

Vojera wrote: »

They were initially going to Italy but found there was a LOT of red tape to sort through and NY was a lot simpler.

We investigated lots of countries with regards to an elopement and found that some places require lots of notice, red tape, documents, blood tests etc... whereas others require very little. Regarding the US, individual states have different rules on it.

The best thing is to check out the rules online for different places and then decide what suits best. We went to South Africa, all we needed was our passports. We had some emails and one phonecall with the minister prior to going, then we met him on the day we arrived for an hour or so, and then had the wedding 2 days later. He sorted all the paperwork, it was seamless.

sashafierce

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Pawwed Rig

We had a great time at our wedding. One of the most fun days we ever had. We purposely kept the guest list small (maybe 50 people) so got to chat with everyone at some stage. We had no drama before or during and it ended up (after gifts) being not that expensive.

Penny Dreadful

sashafierce wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

I didn't dream of my wedding all of my life, never played at being the pretend bride when I was little etc etc.
Got married in June and had an absolute ball and loved the entire day.
Its a special day and a special experience, make it your own and you'll enjoy it.

beertons

I'm married 2 years now. Had an absolute ball. Wife did too. If i didn't know who a guest was in the church, by the time the reception was over i did. Make sure you have a good top table, that if anything arises, they can step in for you and take care of it. We saved hard for 2 years for ours, probably over spent, but it was the best party/celebration us and many of our guests were ever at. We'd do it all again too, if it wasn't for the mortgage now.

John Mason

Squ wrote: »

I think everyone thinks that of their own

i know

the OP asked "Do people enjoy their own wedding" and i answered that i did - not really sure what the issue is

Squ

irishbird wrote: »

i know

the OP asked "Do people enjoy their own wedding" and i answered that i did - not really sure what the issue is

Ok

ShiftStorm

My husband and I thoroughly enjoyed our day in december 2010 (yes, during *that* winter! We actually had a white wedding). The only downside was that it went too quickly!

Like Dolbert, we had looked into anything else other than a hotel wedding but found it came to be very expensive for the amount of people we were looking to invite. In the end, we got an amazing last minute deal for 30euros a head with everything included at a beautiful little hotel. We also pulled in favours from various talented friends too so overall, our wedding cost us 6,000 approx in total.

And we loved it every minute of it!

ponderousanon

Wow that's an incredible deal! Could I ask where you got married? We also have looked into doing it differently but its triple the cost... although a hotel wedding definitely wasn't the original dream, the main thing is having everyone there you want for a special celebration and I can only imagine enjoying it!... though the prep can be a pain

Sleepy

Currently planning our own and we're having the wedding we can afford rather than the one of our dreams and tbh, there's definitely a level of keeping the families happy involved too (my dream wedding would be a clifftop in Amalfi with only close friends, my other half's would be to get married by a celebrant out beyond the break on 3 surf boards and for us to surf back to the beach after the I Do's for a session in a pub).

It'll be the usual hotel ballroom but with as much of a spin as we can put on it to make it suit ourselves. There's a few guests that are invited to keep the future MIL happy but by-and-large are guests have been invited because we want them there. I believe I'm not too popular with some of my cousins at the moment over picking and choosing which cousins to invite but tbh, I don't give a monkey's: not inviting them is no judgement on them personally, just on the lack of any meaningful relationship I have with them.

So, neither of our are getting our dream weddings and we have a compromise between what we want, what can afford and what won't cause too much upset amongst our respective families and friends. Still looking forward to it immensely though: 49 days to go!

ShiftStorm

ponderousanon wrote: »

Wow that's an incredible deal! Could I ask where you got married? We also have looked into doing it differently but its triple the cost... although a hotel wedding definitely wasn't the original dream, the main thing is having everyone there you want for a special celebration and I can only imagine enjoying it!... though the prep can be a pain

The Station House Hotel in Kilmessan. http://www.stationhousehotel.ie/weddings/winter-weddings/ (I see their price has gone up but only by 6 euro) It was a beautiful wedding and the food was amazing and you can swap some things around in the deal if you like.

I knew that they had a winter deal and I called them in August 2010 to see if they had any winter dates for that year left. She gave me Friday 17th Dec 2010 and we thankfully managed to get an appointment with the registrar within the right amount of time. I think the hotel bill came to 3,900.

Then with the remaining 2,000 we bought our rings and stuff to wear for the bridal party:

Rings: we went to a jewellers in Powerscourt town house called Corrs to get our wedding bands (750 in total I think and mine had diamonds in it) and we bought my engagement ring in a chain jewellery store. The trick is not to mention it's an engagement ring! I got a sapphire and diamond white gold ring for 270.

Then for the bridal party: I bought my dress in Barnardos bridal. He and his two groomsmen bought their suits in Next for 120 each - much nicer than hiring them and they get to keep them! We got the bridesmaid dresses on sale in debenhams. It was approx 1,000 for all of that.

A friend of ours dj'ed, another friend made our cake, another did my flowers, another designed our invites, another decorated the church, another drove me to the church in their fancy car, another was our photographer and a group of my friends did the music both in the church and before the dj. We also had another friend playing the piano as people arrived! We have talented friends So those were their wedding presents so it saved them money too!

PM if you need any other tips!

Sleepy

Was at a wedding in the Station House recently and two things to watch out for: if your numbers are much above 100, steer clear as it's a small function room and secondly, if you're the sort that wants a 5am end, they closed the residents on us at about 3:30ish even though there it was a quiet crowd... Don't think they'd be anywhere near €30 a head these days either, best quote I got from them was for €45 a head. It's a nice place though and we enjoyed ourselves.

We're going with the Riverside Park in Enniscorthy ourselves: €28 a head for a fairly comprehensive "winter special" package and no corkage on the wine or champagne for the toast. Including the wine for a fair comparison I think that works out around €33 a head (1/2 bottle of good wine a head).

The wedding forum and sites like weddings online are very useful (but remember that many wedding sites rely on advertising from wedding suppliers so most don't allow any negative comments on their advertisers and remove them from their forums).

Lia_lia

I have worked in hotels since I was 15 to pay for college...which means I have worked at loads of weddings. The thing I notice about weddings here is that they are all the same I really don't understand it. I suppose that's what people like and are used to, I don't know.

My best friend is organising her wedding now, I'm being the maid of honour. Even-though she is quite..er.."alternative"..she still seems to be going for the same kind of wedding that most Irish couples do. Mainly to make her friends and family happy. Each to their own!

If I ever get married (which I doubt...thought of it depresses me) it'll be abroad and with just a few people. BEACH PARTAY!

ShiftStorm

Sleepy wrote: »

Was at a wedding in the Station House recently and two things to watch out for: if your numbers are much above 100, steer clear as it's a small function room and secondly, if you're the sort that wants a 5am end, they closed the residents on us at about 3:30ish even though there it was a quiet crowd... Don't think they'd be anywhere near €30 a head these days either, best quote I got from them was for €45 a head. It's a nice place though and we enjoyed ourselves.

We're going with the Riverside Park in Enniscorthy ourselves: €28 a head for a fairly comprehensive "winter special" package and no corkage on the wine or champagne for the toast. Including the wine for a fair comparison I think that works out around €33 a head (1/2 bottle of good wine a head).

The wedding forum and sites like weddings online are very useful (but remember that many wedding sites rely on advertising from wedding suppliers so most don't allow any negative comments on their advertisers and remove them from their forums).

We had 130 guests at the meal and it worked out brilliantly for us in terms of space. Many of our guests were up until 5am and didn't have any problems either. The winter deal is now €36 a head according to their website.

€28 a head is a great deal though!

Glenbhoy

Tombo2001 wrote: »

Getting married next week and honestly cant wait for it to be over...wrong attitude I know, just dont like being centre of attention.

I'm a guy (not one of the ones who lurks around the LL, but I saw the title on the main board, honest!!).

Anyway, I was exactly the same as the above, just wanted the whole thing over with and so on, but as it turned out, it was an incredible day, definitely one of the best days of my life, I think you just have to relax and enjoy it. Remember, for the most part, people are pretty understanding, they know it's your day (you won't actually appreciate that it is until it starts) and they will try and help you in any way they can.

Enjoy and good luck.

lazygal

We did - in fact we had two weddings so double the fun! Got married legally with just our parents and went for champers and a slap up meal. We then had a humanist wedding with the big reception afterwards a week later. Both were brilliant.

What made us enjoy the big day was:
Everything was saved for, so no financial pressure.
Didn't spend over budget on anything.
Had a free bar and loads of food because we wanted our guests to feel looked after.
No boring church malarky.
Sticking to a strict guestlist and not giving into family pressure for a larger wedding.
Not asking all the awkward relatives who've made other events memorable for the wrong reasons.
Telling our parents what the plan was and not asking for opinions, which meant we didn't cave on things that were priorities for us.

lazygal

tomthetank wrote: »

What annoys me is this Irish 'custom' of getting married in a church, the big white wedding, despite the fact that in many cases neither bride nor groom have any religious beliefs or have been within spitting distance of a church for a good few years.

This was the case with the last three weddings I've been to. Sure even my own mother tells me she'd be devastated if I got married anywhere else, despite the fact that I can't remember (nor care to) the last time I went to mass.

I'm SICK of those weddings. I'm not into church weddings, but church weddings hosted by a la carte Catholics have to be one of the most hypocritical things ever. I've been to so many where the couple have been living together for years with or without kids, so there's a few rules gone out the window, either sex before marriage or using contraception. I find church weddings incredibly boring, all the standing, kneeling (which i don't do any more), shaking hands, religious songs and worst of all the fact a lifelong union being solemised is presided over by a celebate man in a dress.

I wouldn't NOT go to a ceremony, as I was peeved that more than one guest skipped ours and turned up to the reception without explanation but I will not listen to any moaning or complaining on the part of such couples about ANY aspect of planning a church wedding, eg having to do a premarriage course, pay for the use of the church, only have certain songs, because any couple I know who had or is planning a church wedding are the most a la carte "I don't believe in the bad stuff like hating gay people and covering up sexual abuse of children, but I've no imagination when it comes to where I'll get married" Irish Catholics.

meeeeh

I haven't been to a wedding ceremony that isn't boring, church or civil. So what if people decide to do a church wedding without believing in everything. Is it really that much worse than making some silly corny vows in civil/humanist/whatever ceremony. Large portion of people getting married will break those vows and split anyway.

Whispered

lazygal wrote: »

I'm SICK of those weddings. I'm not into church weddings, but church weddings hosted by a la carte Catholics have to be one of the most hypocritical things ever. I've been to so many where the couple have been living together for years with or without kids, so there's a few rules gone out the window, either sex before marriage or using contraception. I find church weddings incredibly boring, all the standing, kneeling (which i don't do any more), shaking hands, religious songs and worst of all the fact a lifelong union being solemised is presided over by a celebate man in a dress.

I wouldn't NOT go to a ceremony, as I was peeved that more than one guest skipped ours and turned up to the reception without explanation but I will not listen to any moaning or complaining on the part of such couples about ANY aspect of planning a church wedding, eg having to do a premarriage course, pay for the use of the church, only have certain songs, because any couple I know who had or is planning a church wedding are the most a la carte "I don't believe in the bad stuff like hating gay people and covering up sexual abuse of children, but I've no imagination when it comes to where I'll get married" Irish Catholics.

What a judgemental post.

We had a catholic wedding, because at the end of the day we wanted to be married and didn't really care about how we got there. Knowing that the ceremony would mean a lot to our religious families, we made the decision to do it for them. We still got what we wanted at the end of the day, I'm sitting here with the man I love and he's no less my husband because we were, in your judgement, hypocritical.

Thankfully, the friends we had at the wedding totally understood and supported our decision to have our wedding as we wanted it.

pwurple

Whispered wrote: »

What a judgemental post.

We had a catholic wedding, because at the end of the day we wanted to be married and didn't really care about how we got there. Knowing that the ceremony would mean a lot to our religious families, we made the decision to do it for them. We still got what we wanted at the end of the day, I'm sitting here with the man I love and he's no less my husband because we were, in your judgement, hypocritical.

Thankfully, the friends we had at the wedding totally understood and supported our decision to have our wedding as we wanted it.

Damn right that was a judgemental post! People can be as A La Carte as they want, what responsibility do they have to reach a holy enough standard for someone elses sensibilities? That is surely between them and their deity of choice? People's faith or lack of faith is their own business. A catholic not going to enough masses for your liking before they have a church wedding is prety close to an athiest doing christmas, easter and every other christian festival going, with bells on. No kind or tolerant person gives a monkeys about either set of choices, or makes remarks about either their wedding or contraceptive choices. That one is particularly unclassy.

Keep an open mind and maybe understand that faith means different things to different people.

The next wedding I will be at is a jewish catholic one, and I hope there are no snivelling bitter guests turning their noses up and saying the wedding makes them SICK, because the bride doesn't keep kosher, or that the groom only goes to mass at funerals, weddings and christmas. If I heard them say anything of the kind I would be asking them to politely leave.

sam34

pwurple wrote: »

The next wedding I will be at is a jewish catholic one, and I hope there are no snivelling bitter guests turning their noses up and saying the wedding makes them SICK, because the bride doesn't keep kosher, or that the groom only goes to mass at funerals, weddings and christmas. If I heard them say anything of the kind I would be asking them to politely leave.

if it isn't your wedding you would have no right whatsoever to ask other guests to leave, and by doing so you would probably be spoiling the day for the couple more so than any comments made by those guests.

Orchidgirl

Woke up this morning freaked out and its not for months!

jackofalltrades

pwurple wrote: »

People's faith or lack of faith is their own business.

The problem is though that it's not. When you have a catholic wedding your also making a commitment to bring your potential children up in the Catholic church, which you'll probably do if your having a wedding to keep relatives happy. This puts pressure on the parents of unbaptised children to get them baptised just so that they can get into their local school.

And the local schools are still predominantly under catholic patronage, because 84% of the population considers themselves to be catholic. This high percentage also give the Catholic church a strong mandate when it comes to exercising it's views on other social issues.

This all wouldn't be a problem if all these people were actually practising Catholics, who followed the doctrines of the church. But a significant proportion aren't and through their continuing identification of themselves and their children as Catholic are enabling an organisation who's views have very little support in modern Ireland.

(Apologies for going further OT)

pwurple

Wait, so

jackofalltrades wrote: »

84% of the population considers themselves to be catholic.

But it's

an organisation who's views have very little support in modern Ireland.

? What?

I have three points on this.
First of all, going by the current census, nearly half of all children are born outside marriage. In limerick it's 54.9%. There are also plenty of married people who never have children, either through choice or infertility. So blaming the governance of our schools on someones wedding venue is a bit much.

Secondly, there are no state schools in this country. Every school is built on private land and set up privately, they then apply for public funding. Always has been this way, since the dawn of our republic. There is nothing stopping any group who wants a different type of school. Sitting on your arse, wringing your hands and expecting someone else to do it isn't how it happens though. The reason there are plenty of catholic schools is that catholic parish communities bought the land and built the schools for themselves. Feel free to do similar if so inclined. Plenty of groups have done, and continue to do so. As fellow humans, I hope we would strive to be inclusive, and make our own space in the world, rather than tearing down others who are different to ourselves.

And finally, I question if this particularly vile attitude is reserved specifically for catholics by ex-catholics? I suspect it is a function of some kind of inner self-loathing for their own past. For some reason I doubt the same inspection of devoutness, with ensueing disapproval to the point of making them "SICK", is inflicted on their muslim, hindu, buddist or even anglican couple 'friends' weddings.

RainyDay

pwurple wrote: »

Secondly, there are no state schools in this country. Every school is built on private land and set up privately, they then apply for public funding. Always has been this way, since the dawn of our republic.

Perhaps you should read up on the role of the VECs in setting up and operating community schools.

meeeeh

I thought that wedding is a day when a couple celebrates their love and not a referndum on school policy. If it was up to me I'd take all religion out of curriculum in all public schools. It would make huge savings in education. but people should be allowed to get married as they wish. Besides should we also start demanding that people who didn't attend at least 20 masses per year shouldn't be buried by priest?

lazygal

meeeeh wrote: »

Besides should we also start demanding that people who didn't attend at least 20 masses per year shouldn't be buried by priest?

I'd love a rule like that. It'd stop a la carte catholics like my parents insisting on having a sham of a requim mass funeral for family members who were atheist in life.

The Big Red Button

lazygal wrote: »

I'd love a rule like that. It'd stop a la carte catholics like my parents insisting on having a sham of a requim mass funeral for family members who were atheist in life.

Same. If I died tomorrow, my funeral would probably be a big Catholic bullshit ceremony, with some priest who's never met me in his life shiteing on about how I was such a good Catholic servant. :rolleyes:

Fair enough, it's not like I'll be around to be bothered by it, and I guess whatever would give my parents peace and would help them through is the best thing. Still annoys me to think about it, though!

I can't control what'll happen after I'm gone, but I sure as hell won't ever be partaking in any sham Catholic wedding, and no child of mine will be baptised (unless it's by their own choice, when they're old enough to decide for themselves.)

meeeeh

As an atheist I don't give a damn what my funeral would be like. It will be for the living that care about me to decide how they want to say goodbye.

lazygal

meeeeh wrote: »

As an atheist I don't give a damn what my funeral would be like. It will be for the living that care about me to decide how they want to say goodbye.

I won't care either. But I'd hate my loved ones left behind to have to sit through a sham sendoff ceremony just because its seen as 'how things are done'. I've had to hear priests lamenting the 'loss of faith' of relatives who died suddenly and weren't able to 'return to the fold' and it wasn't pleasant for those of us who knew the deceased wouldn't have believed a word of the ceremony.