First Christmas without Dad

coathanger

I have just read the above & wish I could send it onto "friends" of mine,I lost my beloved Dad in July this year & faced my 1st Christmas without him & I am devasted.I found friends were fine at the time Dad passed away,but since then they have dwindled away.I said to one "friend" when i saw her about a month after Daddy had passed away,why she hadnt called or texted or dropped in,she lives 5 mins away,she said she had her own problems to deal with.I honestly thought she would be there for me,another friend came to stay the night & I explained that I wasnt upto going out but would be happy to have a few drinks & stay in & catch up,she was fine with that,but asked why I wasnt upto going out...she came down we stayed up half the night talking,that was 7 weeks ago & I never heard from her since.Another friend send me a lovely card & seemed to know how I was feeling & told me to ring her when I was up for talking,so I rang her & broke down crying,she stayed on the phone only a few mins & then said she had to go,that was 2 weeks ago & I havent heard from her since.A neighbour asked was I organised for Xmas,I said that I havent done a thing as I wasnt doing Xmas & she said you have an excuse,I was taken aback with it tbh.

Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to get it off my chest & also to say to people whose friends have lost people close to them,dont avoid them cos you are felling uncomfortable,& dont expect them to be the same before they lost their loved one,they need your time & patience & most of all your love & understanding,unfortunately its a time when I have found out who my true friends are & I am sad to stay that I only seem to have good time friends..

Taltos

OP - as the thread you posted in was over a year old I have given you your own thread as it may still be a sensitive issue for the original poster.

Taltos

Lorna123

Maybe your friends think that you don't want to go out and would rather be on your own. They might also feel that being around you is depressing. I don't mean this in an unkind way but in order to get back into the real world you have to make an effort. You sound a bit depressed to me and even though you have a good reason to be missing your Dad you don't want this to go on and on. He would want you to have a good time at Christmas and he wouldn't want you to be miserable without him. You will never forget him but don't dwell on the sorrow of him not being there anymore. Look to the future now and if you cannot get out of this depression you are in then maybe you should seek Counselling. Your friends probably just don't know how to get you out of this so they are avoiding you. Dealing with the death of a parent is hard and especially at Christmas, but just know that your Dad would not want you to feel like this, he would want you to be enjoying life. You will always have your good memories and just to please your Dad now, have a good night out with your friends. Happy New Year.

coathanger

Lorna123 wrote: »

Maybe your friends think that you don't want to go out and would rather be on your own. They might also feel that being around you is depressing. I don't mean this in an unkind way but in order to get back into the real world you have to make an effort. You sound a bit depressed to me and even though you have a good reason to be missing your Dad you don't want this to go on and on. He would want you to have a good time at Christmas and he wouldn't want you to be miserable without him. You will never forget him but don't dwell on the sorrow of him not being there anymore. Look to the future now and if you cannot get out of this depression you are in then maybe you should seek Counselling. Your friends probably just don't know how to get you out of this so they are avoiding you. Dealing with the death of a parent is hard and especially at Christmas, but just know that your Dad would not want you to feel like this, he would want you to be enjoying life. You will always have your good memories and just to please your Dad now, have a good night out with your friends. Happy New Year.

Thanks for your kind words Lorna,am staying in tonight,would be too much of a damp squib to be around people tonight,but will think on your suggestions.

Happy New Year to you & yours!

john_cappa

How did you get over the Xmas and new year ?


I found it ok. Just another day as such.

coathanger

I found it very tough,we went to my sisters & Dad was always at the top of table & she had set a place for him,it was a lovely gesture but very tough,we both cried at it.We lit a lantern & released it that evening & it flew over in the direction of where Dad used to live as a boy,so that was comforting.

We had a funeral on the Thursday after the Christmas,so we were walking behind the hearse & it brought it all back again,so all in all very tough,glad to see the back of it to be honest.

Glad you got through yours ok

john_cappa

coathanger wrote: »

I found it very tough,we went to my sisters & Dad was always at the top of table & she had set a place for him,it was a lovely gesture but very tough,we both cried at it.

While I think these grand gestures are nice I think they are also largely pointless. There is no need to upset yourself so much with them. And they are very very upsetting.

Its not easy either way but all part of life I suppose.