Why does it bother others so much that you don't drink?

anhedonia

Squ wrote: »

We all have little wierd sides to our reasonings, that's just one of mine..

Prob not the best place to post it..

Please elaborate on what you think non-drinkers might be 'hiding' ?

Or even better, examples of what you discovered non-drinkers to be 'hiding'.

Please elaborate, in any way you wish, as I cannot wrap my head around this.

Felexicon

supackofidiots wrote: »

seriously lads. why come on to a non drinkers forum and start posting this drivel. you're antagonising posters at best and trolling at worst. this is a fairly placid forum a lot of us keep it fairly civil on here, many are off the drink through choice ,force or circumstance or all three but posts like both of yours don't help anyone.

Ok so the OP asked a question, I give a response, but in your view because I'm on the opposite side of the debate to you I must be a troll? Seems legit.
Also point to a post I've made that you find antagonising in any way.
If anything can be taken from this thread, it seems that non drinkers have a bigger problem with drinkers than the other way round.

I've come in here as a drinker and given an honest answer to a question asked by the OP, if that bothers you, unfollow the thread.

Squ

anhedonia wrote: »

Please elaborate on what you think non-drinkers might be 'hiding' ?

Or even better, examples of what you discovered non-drinkers to be 'hiding'.

Please elaborate, in any way you wish, as I cannot wrap my head around this.

One was an alco who wouldn't admit it. Pure tea totaler when out with us, condescending about it as you like, but spending all his cash on spirits to drink alone. Only found out about it when his wife asked me for help.


The other is a lad who forced himself not to drink as he didn't trust himself with drink on board. His words, not mine so cant elaborate further.

@SupPackOfIdiots
If you want treads with only like mined posts, i think a hosted forum is for you. But calling a poster you either don't understand or don't agree with a troll, is against the common charter. If you genuinely think someone is a troll, drop the back seat modding, and report the post(s).

Dave!

Take it easy everyone. No more antagonising the natives with inflammatory comments, and if someone trolls don't respond please.

Thanks

Tar.Aldarion

It's their inference that they are doing something wrong/questionable that you have decided not to. You think that is annoying, try being vegetarian... Or like my boss and vegetarian who doesn't drink. Sure every meal is an ordeal listening to people.

Wattle

My favourite reaction is: 'What? You don't drink? Not even wine'?

Umm wine is a drink. Haven't you ever heard of Winos?

Orchidgirl

Only at the start of completely cutting it out now, but on a previous sober night out someone went as far as to pour vodka in my water

FamousSeamus

I have no problem with people not drinking, I've gone out many nights not drinking myself and still had the craic although people were still shocked a drinker could go out without drink :pac: I didn't start drinking till I got to college and I remember heading out at home and I actually got treathened by people to drink, which to today i still don't see why it bothered people so much!!

I must agree that many drinkers get very annoyed with people who don't drink and do try to force it upon them and often it looks likes the drinkers are ashamed of their drinking and don't want this sober person to stand out (its just how I view it) If you are confident in what your doing then you won't try change other people (that goes for non-drinkers too) you'll just enjoy their company. As for sober people being boring thats not true, I know many sober people being mad craic in a club and many drinkers who are a bore (thats not to say I don't know boring sober people too).

Well thats my 2 cents anyway, don't think I made any point just talked usual rubbish:p

anhedonia

Squ wrote: »

One was an alco who wouldn't admit it. Pure tea totaler when out with us, condescending about it as you like, but spending all his cash on spirits to drink alone. Only found out about it when his wife asked me for help.


The other is a lad who forced himself not to drink as he didn't trust himself with drink on board. His words, not mine so cant elaborate further.

ok the first guy is an @sshole, nothing worse than an ex smoker/drinker who becomes a preacher and condescends towards those who still indulge. If you can still enjoy a drink/smoke then more power to you, keep on keepin on.

My issue is with your post where you said that you dont trust all non drinkers as they are either hiding something or aggressive when they drink. This is a prejudice you hold against non drinkers, as you are stereotyping all non drinkers based on a couple of examples.

For me personally, I hammered it fairly hard for a decade in typical weekend warrior fashion and then chose to move on. Am I now not to be trusted because I prefer my life without alcohol ?

Squ

anhedonia wrote: »

ok the first guy is an @sshole, nothing worse than an ex smoker/drinker who becomes a preacher and condescends towards those who still indulge. If you can still enjoy a drink/smoke then more power to you, keep on keepin on.

My issue is with your post where you said that you dont trust all non drinkers as they are either hiding something or aggressive when they drink. This is a prejudice you hold against non drinkers, as you are stereotyping all non drinkers based on a couple of examples.

For me personally, I hammered it fairly hard for a decade in typical weekend warrior fashion and then chose to move on. Am I now not to be trusted because I prefer my life without alcohol ?

Its just me.. I cant explain it without going over old ground...

Ive taken the warning from Dave on board, so am hesitant to say things that folks might take offence to.

Athena86

When people ask me why dont I drink, my answer to them is, why do you drink? Now I think thats a difficult question to answer because frankly there is no sensible reason (in my opinion) why people drink. ( I should add in that I used to drink) A lot say 'to relax' but drink lures you into a false sense of relaxation - then you start to associate relaxing with drinking - pull the other one. The only way to truly relax is listening to yourself, your body and learning to relax. bit of a rant there but who cares.

FamousSeamus

Athena86 wrote: »

When people ask me why dont I drink, my answer to them is, why do you drink? Now I think thats a difficult question to answer because frankly there is no sensible reason .

I've actually asked that to people before and the reply I got was 'cause its the Irish thing to do' and 'everyone else does it':pac:

I only drink if I'm heading out on the town but I couldn't tell you why as I don't need it to relax or have fun so I suppose I do it for the social aspect (even though I can do that without drink), my head hurts now!!

Felexicon

Athena86 wrote: »

When people ask me why dont I drink, my answer to them is, why do you drink? Now I think thats a difficult question to answer because frankly there is no sensible reason (in my opinion) why people drink. ( I should add in that I used to drink) A lot say 'to relax' but drink lures you into a false sense of relaxation - then you start to associate relaxing with drinking - pull the other one. The only way to truly relax is listening to yourself, your body and learning to relax. bit of a rant there but who cares.

Listen to my body? I listened to it last night and all I could hear was the sweet whisper of "pints please". Needless to say I answered the call and felt incredabley relaxed.

On a serious note though if I was asked why I drink I would say it's how I socialise with my mates, I enjoy the buzz and the complete banter panter I turn into when I'm sauced.
It's really hard to pin down something specific for my liking a drink or 12 on a Saturday. Why do I like, chocolate and tea and smokey bacon Tayto. I just do, I don't know why and I shouldn't have to explain that to anyone.

Lord TSC

I find it utterly baffling to see someone say they don't trust someone cause they don't drink. That, what? It doesn't matter how nice or helpful someone is, no matter what they do, they aren't trustworthy because they've decided that getting ratfaced isn't their idea of fun.

I'm fairly certain if I made a grand statement of "I don't trust non-gamers because they don't play games", or "I don't trust people who don't read books as a past-time", I'd be laughed off the boards.


And then drinkers wonder why non-drinkers are so defensive?

God, I love when I go to America or pretty much anywhere in the world. The question of "Do you drink" doesn't even come up. You do or you don't, and there's nothing further than that.

"You want a drink?"
"No."
"Ok".

Squ

Teamshadowclan wrote: »

I find it utterly baffling to see someone say they don't trust someone cause they don't drink. That, what? It doesn't matter how nice or helpful someone is, no matter what they do, they aren't trustworthy because they've decided that getting ratfaced isn't their idea of fun.

I'm fairly certain if I made a grand statement of "I don't trust non-gamers because they don't play games", or "I don't trust people who don't read books as a past-time", I'd be laughed off the boards.


And then drinkers wonder why non-drinkers are so defensive?

God, I love when I go to America or pretty much anywhere in the world. The question of "Do you drink" doesn't even come up. You do or you don't, and there's nothing further than that.

"You want a drink?"
"No."
"Ok".

You didnt quote a post of mine, but im going to presume you were commenting on my posts, firstly have you read all of them in full?

Note, i have never questioned anyones lifestyle decisions.

Lord TSC

I'm replying to the notion that you don't trust people who don't drink, and addressing the issue at large. Sadly, that ideology seems common in Ireland, despite how horrible it is.

Announcing you don't trust someone because of their lifestyle IS questioning someone's lifestyle decision btw.

Felexicon

Teamshadowclan wrote: »

I'm replying to the notion that you don't trust people who don't drink, and addressing the issue at large. Sadly, that ideology seems common in Ireland, despite how horrible it is.

Announcing you don't trust someone because of their lifestyle IS questioning someone's lifestyle decision btw.

So are you saying you would describe your lifestyle as non drinker.
If that's your biggest thing in your life I feel a bit sorry for you tbh

Lord TSC

:rolleyes:

Cause that's totally what I said...

anhedonia

Felexicon wrote: »

So are you saying you would describe your lifestyle as non drinker.
If that's your biggest thing in your life I feel a bit sorry for you tbh

He didnt say that.
Your sympathy isnt needed.
I didnt think any previous posts by ye were trolling, but this certainly is.

libnation

Squ wrote: »

Its just me.. I cant explain it without going over old ground...

Ive taken the warning from Dave on board, so am hesitant to say things that folks might take offence to.

The fact of the matter is you said you don't trust non drinkers, even though people have given up drink or never drank for so many reasons (medical, religious, gave up after many years like me) and you are carrying this prejudice over to these potentially innocent people.

You've given hidden aggression and hidden secrets as reasons for not drinking. a) there's nothing wrong with staying off drink if it makes you aggressive (and it makes everyone aggressive) and b) the only things people could be hiding are crimes they've committed and I'd just love to know what crimes the non drinkers you have met have committed versus the ones your drinker friends have.

I sure don't trust those violent celiacs and their lack of beer drinking. They must be hiding something.

Squ

libnation wrote: »

The fact of the matter is you said you don't trust non drinkers, even though people have given up drink or never drank for so many reasons (medical, religious, gave up after many years like me) and you are carrying this prejudice over to these potentially innocent people.

You've given hidden aggression and hidden secrets as reasons for not drinking. a) there's nothing wrong with staying off drink if it makes you aggressive (and it makes everyone aggressive) and b) the only things people could be hiding are crimes they've committed and I'd just love to know what crimes the non drinkers you have met have committed versus the ones your drinker friends have.

I sure don't trust those violent celiacs and their lack of beer drinking. They must be hiding something.

I never said it was right

Lord TSC

Well at least you can admit that It's more than a lot of people can.

Sunnyisland

In my personal opinion I have found that the only people who really 'question' me are people who I would consider have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol in the first place. The majority of true 'normal' drinkers in my life - you know the ones - they have a pint or two now and again - and leave the second half of their second drinks ---- don't even blink.
These days I couldn't give a rats arse what anyone says or thinks - but I do agree that - when we say we're giving up smokes ---- everyone's jumping through hoops to congratulate us....... I suppose the fact that smoking IS bad for everyone but drinking isn't ? has a lot to do with it.

Lord TSC

I suppose the fact that smoking IS bad for everyone but drinking isn't ?

Tell that to people dying of liver disease. Or who get into accidents involving drunk drivers. Or who wreck their lives due to drink.

For quite a while, no one thought anything was wrong with smoking heavily, but perceptions changed and realities became recognized. I can only hope that the delusion about the damages alcohol can cause also change in time...

Squ

Teamshadowclan wrote: »

Tell that to people dying of liver disease. Or who get into accidents involving drunk drivers. Or who wreck their lives due to drink.

For quite a while, no one thought anything was wrong with smoking heavily, but perceptions changed and realities became recognized. I can only hope that the delusion about the damages alcohol can cause also change in time...

Does anyone argue the damaging affects of alcohol abuse? I've certainly never come across them.

Alcoholics/binge drinkers know the damage they're doing to themselves and those around them, but bury their head in the sand.

Sunnyisland

Squ wrote: »

Does anyone argue the damaging affects of alcohol abuse? I've certainly never come across them.

Alcoholics/binge drinkers know the damage they're doing to themselves and those around them, but bury their head in the sand.

Can you explain what you mean by the above in bold ?

Sunnyisland

Team Shadowclan wrote: »

Tell that to people dying of liver disease. Or who get into accidents involving drunk drivers. Or who wreck their lives due to drink.

For quite a while, no one thought anything was wrong with smoking heavily, but perceptions changed and realities became recognized. I can only hope that the delusion about the damages alcohol can cause also change in time...

I am not in the camp of saying everyone who drinks alcohol has problems,Actually since I stopped drinking when I have been out socialing I have been with many a person who can have just the one/two pints and the one/two glass of wine,

I myself still cant relate to that as still in my mind whats the point in drinking if your not going to get drunk/tipsy.slaughtered ???

For people who have not gone over the edge in there drinking habits there are many a studies that a glass of wine is quite healthy and drinking under the allowed amount of units does no harm at all.

Squ

realies wrote: »

Can you explain what you mean by the above in bold ?

No, I've had enough of this thread.

Felexicon

realies wrote: »

I am not in the camp of saying everyone who drinks alcohol has problems,Actually since I stopped drinking when I have been out socialing I have been with many a person who can have just the one/two pints and the one/two glass of wine,

I myself still cant relate to that as still in my mind whats the point in drinking if your not going to get drunk/tipsy.slaughtered ???

For people who have not gone over the edge in there drinking habits there are many a studies that a glass of wine is quite healthy and drinking under the allowed amount of units does no harm at all.

So are you saying that anyone who has more than one or two pints on a night out has gone over the edge?

baby and crumble

I'm gonna jump in here. I don't drink at the moment, because I'm on medication that reacts HORRIBLY to it.

Even before that I was never a drinker. I don't like an awful lot of alcoholic drinks- whiskey is my tipple of choice when I do drink, and tbh only good stuff. Which means it's expensive. And I'm broke. Why would I go out and spend good money that I don't really have for no real reason? I can go out and chat away with people til the cows come home without drinking.

As for the boring thing, I honestly find NOTHING more tedious than being around people who only think and talk and look forward to the weekend so they can go out and get ****faced. And there are A LOT of people like that. I'm all for people doing whatever they want to enjoy themselves- good luck to them. I don't really care if people are wrecking their livers etc., it's up to themselves. But I have better things to do than sit around trying to converse with someone who can't string a decent sentence together and looks like he's about to puke.

That said, I highly enjoy going out for the evening with friends, whether they're drinking or not. Luckily most of my friends are sound and nice when they're drinking and don't judge me for not. I have a few times had the "you don't really drink at all, do you?", mostly from people I don't know all that well. But it's a personal choice, like someone who doesn't really eat pizza.

Sunnyisland

Felexicon wrote: »

So are you saying that anyone who has more than one or two pints on a night out has gone over the edge?

I am not saying it I am posting what offical guidelines are towards what safe drinking is


Low risk weekly guidelines for adults are:

• up to 14 standard drinks in a week for women, and
• up to 21 standard drinks in a week for men.

Drinks should be spaced out over the week, not consumed in one sitting. Drinking more than the safe levels may cause harm.

http://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=what%20is%20safe%20drinking%20alchol%20in%20ireland&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CDUQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hse.ie%2Feng%2Fservices%2Fhealthpromotion%2Falcohol%2F&ei=wgPsULS_A9CQhQe0gIFY&usg=AFQjCNHYeUhlF0nV7cia2lBfreW6vxhSCQ&bvm=bv.1357316858,d.ZG4



If you are honest, you know the point where you start to lose control, or behave differently because of alcohol. Your main target should be not to have more than this.

Felexicon

realies wrote: »

I am not saying it I am posting what offical guidelines are towards what safe drinking is



Low risk weekly guidelines for adults are:

• up to 14 standard drinks in a week for women, and
• up to 21 standard drinks in a week for men.

Drinks should be spaced out over the week, not consumed in one sitting. Drinking more than the safe levels may cause harm.

http://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=what%20is%20safe%20drinking%20alchol%20in%20ireland&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CDUQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hse.ie%2Feng%2Fservices%2Fhealthpromotion%2Falcohol%2F&ei=wgPsULS_A9CQhQe0gIFY&usg=AFQjCNHYeUhlF0nV7cia2lBfreW6vxhSCQ&bvm=bv.1357316858,d.ZG4



If you are honest, you know the point where you start to lose control, or behave differently because of alcohol. Your main target should be not to have more than this.

Of course I know that point and I frequently go beyond it but we are talking about maybe twice or three times a month which I feel is acceptable and given my exercise level I feel my body can deal with it at this stage of my life.
As I've said in this thread before I feel alot of the non drinkers here seem to be people who have had an unhealthy relationship with drink in the past and they can sometimes find it hard to understand how people such as myself feel like the amount I drink is not a problem when to them it caused many personal issues in the past.
I'm not saying I'm right and everyone should do as I do but I also don't beleive that someone who has suffered an alcohol illness before has the right to tell me the because I choose to go out for a rake of pints with my mates at the weekend That I am in someway a bad person

Felexicon

baby and crumble wrote: »

like someone who doesn't really eat pizza.

Surely nobody doesn't like some sort of pizza though(or should that be dough :pac:)

Lord TSC

Squ wrote: »

Does anyone argue the damaging affects of alcohol abuse? I've certainly never come across them.

Alcoholics/binge drinkers know the damage they're doing to themselves and those around them, but bury their head in the sand.

I was responding to the post which said "I suppose the fact that smoking IS bad for everyone but drinking isn't ?" I was responding to the notion that people, as you said, ignore the damages. You're right, it is burying heads in sand. In fairness Squ, despite your prejudices, you seem to have you're head screwed on in terms of recognizing that ignorance.

Felexicon wrote: »

I'm not saying I'm right and everyone should do as I do but I also don't believe that someone who has suffered an alcohol illness before has the right to tell me the because I choose to go out for a rake of pints with my mates at the weekend That I am in someway a bad person

See, this is what gets me. This is the part of the argument that royally ****** me off.

No one is saying you're a bad person. I don't think anyone in this topic has said "People who drink are bad people". One person tried to say I was a sad person because I didn't drink, but as far as I know, no one has tried to imply you're a bad person (and if they did, they are sanctimonious idiots).

This idea that non-drinkers are full of themselves and think they are better than drinkers really irks me, because for the most part, very, very few non-drinkers actually articulate that sort of opinion. And as with most things, you shouldn't judge an entirety of a group because of the vocal ramblings of a minority.

But for some reason, a huge chunk of drinkers seem to think non-drinkers think they are bad people. I've know plenty of heavy drinkers who are brilliant people, and I've met plenty of non-drinker who are complete ***holes who I'd want nothing to do with. But this goes back to the "I don't trust non-drinkers" problem; drinkers seem to feel as if non-drinkers are judging them, when the reality is most non-drinkers just desperately want to be left alone when it comes to their lifestyle choice.

People attack non-drinkers for being over defensive, but that comes from the constant attacks leveled at them over the years. Of course we're defensive; we have people coming in telling us we're not to be trusted and that we're somehow worse people for choosing not to drink. I'm not saying all drinkers have a problem with non-drinkers but there is a huge amount of drinkers who spend a lot of time attacking non-drinkers, and then get annoyed when the non-drinkers get defensive. Post this topic on After Hours and watch the horrid abuse that rains down on non-drinkers for simply choosing not to get drunk.

Newsflash; this board is called "Non Drinkers Group". The topic is "Why does it bother others so much that you don't drink?". Of course there's going to be a premise of annoyance on the part of non-drinkers, and of course the negative aspects of alcohol are going to be discussed on this board. If someone comes into the topic on the attack, then of course there's going to be a defense involved. If you're looking for people to tell you how great alcohol is, this board is never going to be that place. And you're right; for most people here, the problem with alcohol comes from various other aspects of their life. That's not an insight. That's common sense.

BUT! (And this is key to this whole rant) For the majority of non-drinkers, we just want our decision to be respected, and not have to put up with the same questions every time we go out. The majority of non-drinkers are not judging you because you drink. We may judge you for the way you act while drunk, but I'd imagine every person, regardless of drink or not, judges everyone else for their actions, regardless of sobriety or not. Meanwhile, a lot of non-drinkers have to try and hide their choice because they know if they don't, then they will be judged, very negatively, and have to endure a barrage of questions. The non-drinker will have to put up with constant "Ah go on, ya dry arse auld ****e" taunts all night, and then have the drinkers say they were being judged, despite the fact the non-drinker has stayed shut up.

So again I say, someone who drinks is not a bad person. Someone who goes on and on and on about how someone who doesn't drink should...well, there's a case there. If you want to drink, off with ya. Hope you have a good time, I genuinely do. But realise that the non-drinker wants to make a different choice that night and not have to put up with that constant judgement either!

FamousSeamus

@ Teamshadowclan, I didn't want to quote your post cause it was long but I agree with what you said. I know many people who go nuts if they know a non-drinker and won't stop going on about it till they drink, usually its me (a drinker) who has to tell them to stop and let the person alone. My grilfriend doesn't drink (she doesn't want to and doesn't see the point of it) but she comes out with me and my mates when we get drunk and never says a thing (if anything shes handy to get us in a taxi). But when ever we head out with her family they give her awful abuse with her mother buying drink and going "drink that now" and everyone acting like they achieved something for making her drink, it's always annoyed me why drinkers do this to non-drinkers and then act surprised when non-drinkers are defensive!!

Drumpot

SolarFlash wrote: »

It's a fear thing, your not drinking makes the drinker question their drinking and sub-consciously they know drinking is very risky and that they really shouldn't be doing it and hence the anger rage thing. Tell them to feck off.

Agreed . .

I think whenever anybody is doing something more healthy or correct then ourselves we instinctively feel uncomfortable and/or inadequate and/or embarrassed. . It can be a subconscious thing or it can be just out of conformed habit . .

Drumpot

Squ wrote: »

Alcoholics/binge drinkers know the damage they're doing to themselves and those around them, but bury their head in the sand.

I will give you the benefit of the doubt about this post which is showing a complete ignorance and misguided assumption on alcoholism , especially putting it in the same sentance as binge drinking . .

By this logic most people with a mental illness (eg depression) are simply "burying their head in the sand" to the problems they face . .

Lola B

I don't drink because drinking gives you cellulite, and I have far too nice an ass to ruin it with drink:cool:

Sunnyisland

Lola B wrote: »

I don't drink because drinking gives you cellulite, and I have far too nice an ass to ruin it with drink:cool:

Pictures or gtfo

















someone had to say it,sorry

Lola B

Haha but geniunely that is what I would love to say to some people. Fellas who drink a lot tend to be pasty with beer bellys and the girls inevitably lose their figures and get riddled with cellulite. I do feel pressured to drink sometimes and I'd love to say: not if that's what I'm going to look like!

It's the only thing that might shut them up!

derkav

Dare2baDaniel wrote: »

I am 23 and I last drank when I was 21. When I met new people I get the same reaction when they discover I don't drink,

1) They stare wide-eyed at me, with an expression on their face as if I just told them I have just been let out of prison for murder.
2) They say ''SERIOUSLY?'' about 5 times
3) They ask me why repeatedly.


When I answer people and tell them I don't like drinking, they feel the need to probe and probe and keep asking me ''why, no seriously why?, you're messin', seriously though why?''

I find this irritating and rude. Why does it bother people so much that we don't drink?:(

ROTFL.... This happens to me all the time. I used to drink but stopped over two years ago. I just hated the way it made me feel both while drinking and after the event. Now I get teh same as above and my family are convinced that I will have a drink if im not driving or if I'm on a break away:mad:!! Some people just don't get it. I have found that if I drink a non alcoholic beer I simply don't get asked any questions. I love the taste of beer as opposed to soft drinks too so It all works out well.