rant (sorry)

shadowgirl

my son is 15 and is quite good, he does all the teenage things, moodieness, ect
but when it comes to school, he fights me all the way.

i told him yesterday to get his uniform sorted for tomorrow, only to find out he hasn't got it or his books sorted.

i asked him why they were not sorted and he said "he isn't going to school"

an argument started over this and i am sitting on my bed in tears over this, he is a flaming nightmare where school is concerned, he is a bright intelligent lad, but hates school.
he is not being bullied, he just finds school really boring.
where as i on the other hand feel education is very important.

can anyone point me in the direction of someone who can help me with this situation re: him getting his education?

i'm so fed up with the constant arguments with him over school.
i wish he could have a teacher come in and home school him

sorry for the rant, i had to let steam off somewhere

Mickolob

Tell him if he does'nt get his act together he will be joining a dole queue and you will not be there to support him . Explain to him the importance of education and the fact that in 3 years he can give up on education forever once his A-Levels are done . Find out what he wants to do in life and ask him how he is going to achieve it

PizzamanIRL

Don't look elsewhere for help. You're his mother, you lay down the law. It's easier said than done I know.

And don't be upset over the arguments or whatever he says during them. You know he doesn't mean what he says.

January

By law he has to go to school until he is 16, or you will end up with a fine or prison.

seavill

I'm sure you have had that conversation a few times already and has had no effect.

Most 15 year olds cant see past tomorrow never mind 3 years down the line. They have head the lecture of no education no job probably 100 times and home and another 100 times from each teacher in school.

I would suggest if you have not tried already to figure out why he is bored in school. You say he is intelligent so is he bored because he is picking up the stuff much quicker than the others and everything is too easy for him. Is he bored because he just has no interest in the subjects he is doing. More than likely the answer you will get at first is "I dunno im just bored" but unless you find out the reason behind it I feel you are at a hiding to nothing.

I presume he is maybe in 3rd Year? if he is discuss which subjects he wants to keep on and why. Is there a job he would like to do later in life. Maybe he could get some experience at it at the weekends and have something to aim for.

Is he active, sports/groups etc.? Is he bored in his life in general or just with school.

I don't mean to sound smart but I am a teacher now, so always liked school a bit, always enjoyed going without actually wanting to be there every min of the day, was never a genius or anything just never minded school but if my mother had told me on Saturday to get my uniform ready for Monday first day back from the hols it probably would have ended up in an argument too.

But in all seriousness unless you get to the root of the problem I feel these arguments are going to continue

Mickolob

Oh dear a teacher shortening holidays to "hols" . What has happened to the world ?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

Mickolob wrote: »

Oh dear a teacher shortening holidays to "hols" . What has happened to the world ?

Is hols a word ?

spoken like a true teacher

Let it go man, let it go.

Morag

shadowgirl wrote: »

my son is 15 and is quite good, he does all the teenage things, moodieness, ect
but when it comes to school, he fights me all the way.

i told him yesterday to get his uniform sorted for tomorrow, only to find out he hasn't got it or his books sorted.

i asked him why they were not sorted and he said "he isn't going to school"

an argument started over this and i am sitting on my bed in tears over this, he is a flaming nightmare where school is concerned, he is a bright intelligent lad, but hates school.
he is not being bullied, he just finds school really boring.
where as i on the other hand feel education is very important.

can anyone point me in the direction of someone who can help me with this situation re: him getting his education?

i'm so fed up with the constant arguments with him over school.
i wish he could have a teacher come in and home school him

sorry for the rant, i had to let steam off somewhere

We'd stroppiness last night and again this morning.
It's just the horror of having to go back to school and the grind and put up with all the other teens in the classroom not able to do what he wants for the day and then there is the fact that it is the new year and the countdown clock for exams has really started.

I'd suggest giving him a week settle back into his routine, if he's bored in school get him to bring a book to read when he's got time. If he's very bright and have a chat with his tutor/yearhead to see what extra work he can be given, or find something he does enjoy and use that as a carrot for good work in school.

What does he want to be/do with his life?

My lad knows what he wants to do and so it's a case of reminding him that he will need some sort of college course so that means doing well to gets the points needed, so it's eyes on the prize when he gets pissed off.
Does your school have a guidance counselor?

January

Mod Note: Unhelpful and off-topic posting will not be tolerated in this forum.

deelite

If the situation persists would you consider speaking to the Home School Liaison Officer - I think most schools have one or share with other local schools? Might be worth a try - and I believe they are extremely helpful as they want children to remain in school for as long as possible.

seavill

deelite wrote: »

If the situation persists would you consider speaking to the Home School Liaison Officer - I think most schools have one or share with other local schools? Might be worth a try - and I believe they are extremely helpful as they want children to remain in school for as long as possible.

Very few schools have one anymore as they were cut in budget a few years back. Deis schools I think kept them and some schools continued to pay out of their own budget but they would not be wide spread like a number of years ago although you could be lucky

mariaalice

I had all this with my youngest daughter who is now nearly 20, we went out for lunch the other day and for once she talked about what happened when she was a teen, first off she said despite having lot of friends in school she found it boaring...boared with all the subject except business and maths she hated English, history German and basally anything else to do with school such as sports/choir/ school play ect...she was very head strong and thought she was alway right adults including teachers were just a nuisance who were nakey and stooping her form having fun, she also told me of varier tricks she used to get out of school, she did her leaving which I am so glad of now, as to how we made it work, first off she went to a largely middle class school where someone drooping before leaving cert is as rare as hens teeth secondly she was slightly afraid of crossing her father not because he was/is violent or anything its just that he has what people describe as presents and she knew not to mess with him where as with me she was fooling me up to the eyeballs.

Anyway she told me she regrets it now and would like to have done better in school , she now realised she had some great teachers especially her maths teacher, but is grown up now enough to realise that she did not have the sense or maturity at 15 to see that she would regret what she was doing, she did go to college but drooped out and now has a job and is going back to college.

There are few approaches you can try, coming down hard on him and having an attitude of you wont best me on this and you are going to school no discussion, workers sometimes depending on your personality but it will only make him resentfully and he will be a nightmare for the school.

Talk to the school guidance councillor with you son and try and work out between yourself and your son some sort of agreement about school.

School is not for everything and perhaps discuss the possibility of him leaving school if he gets an apprenticeship ( not just a job an apprenticeship ) It would be important that he finds the apprenticeship himself because that would show you and himself that he is serious about this.

What does not work is telling him that he needs an education and will regret it in the future if he does not work now ( while that might be true a teenager can not see this they don't have the long term view of life its all about the here and now )




.

Beti87

If so how do you write .. perhaps your son is having problems in school .. can someone teases him, laughing at him, mocking ... There can be many problems and he does not tell you not to take a "shame" at school ...

If you are bored .. you might want to talk to the teachers .... maybe if the lessons are boring la .. too easy should you move to a higher level if it is available in your school .. or just change the school ...

CookieMonster.x

I'm 17 and I can see what he means! School can be quite boring at times for me too as in most classes there is no challenge. Many subjects involve learning things straight off so they tend to get a bit boring! I was quite apprehensive about going back to school purely because of the thoughts of getting back into the routine of homework, study and tiredness day in day out!
If he is quite bright, you should get him tested for CTYI. They run courses during the summer for bright children and teenagers. I have been attending It since I was 6 an I can tell you it has been a very enjoyable and beneficial experience. You get to study university style courses at that level such as medicine, law, veterinary science, journalism, novel writing, psychology etc. I think it would be wise to get him tested as if he finds school very boring and is smart, it may provide stimulation and a challenge for him.
Also, just a word of advice, I have a friend who ended up hating school and just wouldn't go in to school at all during and after TY. He is extremely smart and was just getting nothing out of school. Anyway, it turned out he had depression so just be on the lookout for any signs.
Of course he may just be a typical awkward teenager either! Ask why he doesn't want to go and try to get to the root of the problem. If there are no problems and he's just being awkward, you just need to make him go.

Twoandahalfmen

Im 17, and have had enough of school. I would love to drop out but cant for 2 reasons
1) I need my leaving cert as i dont want to be on the dole for the rest of my life and know what course i want for my furure

2) My mam and dad wont let me

School can gete very boring and you get sick off it i love school up until i finished 4th year.when i started this year i just got sick off it and cant wait to leave and really hate it, but i dont really have anyother options at the moment.

Dr Sunshine

I have similar problems with my daughter. I think as Cookie Monster pointed out the important thing is to find the reason behind your son's reluctance to go to school. He may be bored if he is very bright, or may be suffering from depression. Try to listen to him and see if you can get to the bottom of it.

Also I found it helpful to talk to the school - they see this regularly - and may be able to help by talking to your son and encouraging him.

Hope you find a solution.

somefeen

The biggest reason he probably finds school boring is that its boring.
Come on, have you ever been more bored in all your life as the time you spent in school?
I left first chance I got, made an agreement with my parents that if I could find a job I could leave. So I did.
Work was harder than school but I learnt alot more from it, I grew up. And even though I was working in a **** hole, with arsehole workmates earning hardly anything I was happier.
Of course after a while I changed my mind about everything and now I'm about to finish my 4th year of a degree but I have no regrets. Leaving school was the best thing I ever did and even though it made life a bit more difficult it hasn't held me back at all.

If I were you I'd say to your son. Leave once you turn 16 if you want but your getting a job. And remind him that as soon as he leaves, he'll be a working man and need to get his act together to hold down a job.

iguana

January wrote: »

By law he has to go to school until he is 16, or you will end up with a fine or prison.

He doesn't. In Ireland how to educate their children is the choice of the parents/guardians. If the OP decided to educate her son in some other way that's entirely her choice. It's only when children are in the school system but regularly fail to attend that the courts get involved.

Abi

From Citizens Advice;

The legislation governing school attendance in Ireland is the Education (Welfare) Act 2000. Under the Act the minimum school leaving age is raised to 16 years (was 15), or the completion of three years of post-primary education, whichever is the later.

Parents are required to ensure that their children from the age of 6 to the age of 16 attend a recognised school or receive a certain minimum education. There is no absolute legal obligation on children to attend school nor on their parents to send them to school.

Article 42 of Bunreacht na hÉireann (the Constitution) acknowledges that the primary and natural educator of the child is the family and guarantees to respect the right and duty of parents to provide, according to their means, for the religious and moral, intellectual, physical and social education of their children. Parents are free to provide this education in their homes or in schools recognised or established by the State

I remember at that age getting very bored of school, it's like Id just run out of steam. What didn't help was I was earning my own money outside of school, and I felt too grown up for school. Once teenagers hit that point its very hard to keep them in school.


I know it's probably best to stay as truthful as you can with your children, but would a little white lie here be such a bad thing? If the OP told him that it was an offence and could be sent to prison if the school reported it, might it scare him into going?

My heart goes out to you Shadowgirl, can't be easy dealing with this.