Thursday Funnies

MonkieSocks

A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.

The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.

The following Sunday, he talks for two hours and 48 minutes.

The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than eight minutes.

The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes.

But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up

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Little Johnny has just been toilet trained and decides to use the big toilet like his daddy.

He pushes up the seat and balances his little penis on the rim.

Just then the toilet seat slams down, and little Johnny lets out a scream.

His mother comes running to find Johnny hopping round the room clutching his genitals and howling.

He looks up at her with his little tear stained face and sniffles"K-k-k-k-kiss {sniff} it better."

Little Johnny's mother shouts, "Don't start your father's sh1t with me!"

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At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A retired Chief Petty Officer, drunk and with a ragged dirty look came to apply for the position.

The director wondered how to send him away.

They gave him a glass of wine to taste.

The old Chief tried it and said, "It's a Muscat three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers.

Low grade but acceptable."

"That's correct," said the boss. "Another glass, please."

"It's a cabernet, eight years old, south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at eight degrees.

Requires three more years for finest results."

"Absolutely correct. A third glass."

''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive,'' he calmly said.

The director was astonished and winked at his secretary to suggest something.

She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.

The old Navy Chief tried it.

"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get the job,

I'll name the father."