Addiction

mr.jingle

I don't know if this belongs here but it's really one of the few places i go on boards and enjoy the banter and debate's on here and it's one of the few things that i know a bit about even if i can't keep it in check.

But anyway I'm addicted to gambling.
I've tried giving my bank card to people, tried getting myself banned from shops, opened but now have myself banned from online betting from most firms.

Today though was the last straw i was out watching the big football games in the local with a few of my friends, go in to do a bet on the 2nd match. 1 and a half hours later a missed call a couple of texts of where are you? what are you doing? and i'm still in there backing cartoon racing! Cartoon racing what the hell is wrong with me if it was on the screen i was backing it was horrible the very last stage i went up with a €1 coin scraping the barrel to do a bet that is just ****ing ridiculous and it's not the first time it's happened.

Go out with friends to have a good time and ruin it by trying to be the big man winning tonnes of cash but instead lose all I have to my name by being an idiot. I walked home in pure embarrassment i didn't even grab my coat I walked literally 30 mins home in the freezing cold shivering when i got in the door with a look from my dad as if he knew what i'd done.

It's the lowest of the low this feeling. I just can't do this gambling thing anymore I haven't got the right head on my shoulders for it. It's time to stop as I just get myself down and get in bad moods and i change and that means people change there ways around me. I've missed too many engagements(Friends band playing gigs,Euro 2012 finals in the local, I've missed parties/meeting up of friends and even worse family things there's loads of these days I've missed through this) to keep this going coming up with excuse after excuse but no longer can i do this and it is time to come clean.

I'm a nice guy, I've never once hurt anyone and only want to go out and have a good time enjoy myself and be normal. I love horse racing and i'd sit and watch racing all day long but without having a few quid on it just isn't the same and I always want to go up and do something 'just so i can have an interest' my excuse to do a bet. All i wanted was to be like them old fella's do a 50 cent lucky 63 and sit there and be happy and enjoy the racing but i just couldn't do it.

I'm not looking for attention i'm not looking for people to feel sorry for me I just needed to get this off my chest as everyday that passes this disease thats eating me alive takes another little chunk of my life and takes another piece out of me and I for one am sick of it. I'm 28 now and it's time to cop on.

This could well be the most embarrassing thing I've ever wrote on this but I hope it's the best thing I put up and shows to people that life isn't always as it seems on the outside and bottling stuff in makes things ten times worse I've always tried bottling it up but now I can barely type as i can't keep it in anymore so no more bookies no more gambling and no more losing money i don't have anymore.

Sorry for taking your time from you but I just had to do this I had to start somewhere but if you've got this far i appreciate that you've looked at what this disease does and has done to me and hopefully i can keep it up and stay away from gambling

Thank you mr.jingle

ste2010

Fair play to you jingle..I'm sure if its change your seeking you've just done the first thing in getting wherever it is you want to go..speak to a hypnotist..they're only around 80euro.
You'll prob only need to go once and the good thing is they'll find te source of your addiction and remove it unlike therapists who'll drag the experience out for hours and charge you a fortune

Juwwi

Nothing embarrassing about what you wrote mr jingle.

Im sure its tough today but Im pretty sure in a few days it wont seem half as bad especially when pay day comes.

Keep the head up and good luck in beating the habit.

Well done for posting that dude. And well done too for already trying a few strategies. I suppose the most important steps are recognising there is a problem and wanting to do something about it

I can't really offer any thoughts on where to go from here based on experience but I would think GA are well worth chatting to. A few lads I know have gone there and it's worked well for some.

You have a family and network of friends to help you, you're not thinking you can make money from betting, you know you can't, this is no doubt good.

It's no joke at all, I have know one or two lads who we all think ended their lives over gambling, I also know one or two who were involved in dangerous businesses that combined with gambling issues got them in awful positions due to lumps of cash being lost.

Like anything else talking about the issue can be great so don't bottle anything up, if you can confide in your close friends that you are trying to stop betting they can help when you are out and about and feel the urge to have a bet, I emphasise close as we all have acquaintances that are utter w@nkers

The very best of luck with it, you're missing nothing by giving it up as you know, betting for all to many is a negative in their lives.

Slattsy

Fair play to getting that up.
Some weight off your shoulders there already right? Good stuff.

I'd a mate in the same boat. Very similar story.
Here's what we did.

Cancelled everything he'd set up online. Cancelled credit card. Cancelled lazer. That meant he couldn't do anything online.

Second thing was to stop watching racing. And sport mostly. Apart from Liverpool that was all he watched. Less chance to get tempted by doing this.

Thirdly is where you'll rely on your buddies. When we're out we NEVER leave to go to the bookies next door. We never mention bets, odds anything to do with racing, first goal scorer etc. We just drank and watch the football. No talk of gambling whatsoever.

That worked for him. Been about 2 years since he placed a bet.

Good luck.

Yakuza42

Fair play man hope all goes well for you from here on in.

mr.jingle

It's certainly been a weight off the shoulders as I know some people on this who know who i am but i even came out and told my manager in work about it tonight and he was very supportive now it's onto the family tomorrow and see what they say.

I don't know if i could give up watching racing though as it's a sport i love! It will be hard but sure it was never going to be easy.

The one thing i'll never live down though was my last bet was on a €1 on a Glenlow Park race on a 16/1 shot! It actually gets worse the more i think about it :rolleyes:

UrbanSea

All the best jingle. First and biggest step is admitting it. That was the hardest part, best of luck, I always thought you seemed like a sound fella from your posts

thesandeman

I think (but not certain) there may be a Forum on Boards for people with problems like yours. I can't find it as I'm on mobile but maybe Urban or someone else might be able to dig it up.
Hope everything works out for you.

And +1 on Gamblers Anonymous if you are serious about things.

UrbanSea

That would be personal issues. Jingle I could move it there if you wanted opinions from other people, wasn't sure if you just wanted it left here to let us know

Cavehill Red

Fair play, mate. I've known a lot of people in your position, and very few able to admit it to themselves never mind anyone else.

Now you know a truth, and you've paid for it, so it's yours and you need to own it - gambling is not for you. There are those who can gamble for enjoyment. That's not you. There are those who can take it or leave it. That's not you either. There are those with the discipline to only gamble on what they know, or only on things they're interested in watching. That's not you either.

First things first: as people have said, you need to break the habit, change your behaviour so that it sticks. You might need help with this, from professionals, or a support group like GA, or from your friends. All the strategies suggested so far are worth considering, but only you know whether you're the support group type, or whether you feel comfortable telling your mates about this or whatever.

It might be you look to go 'cold turkey' all by yourself, the hardest way and least likely of success. I don't know what you'll do, but you know you need to do something, so have a think about what you feel most comfortable with and progress from there.

Very importantly, remove the opportunity for betting on a whim. Eradicate all your online options and do not register any new bank cards ever in future. Perhaps you might even consider emailing the main online bookies and asking them to bar you online.

Make a promise to yourself not to enter a betting shop, ever. There's nothing in there of interest for you. Who wants to be among those toothless, smelly old men and the sad-eyed unemployed immigrants all day long, losing money you can ill afford? Stay out in the sunshine and live your life. You're a young man. That place holds nothing for you and never did.

Start saving for something. Put money aside every week, somewhere inaccessible, like in your Da's hands. Save for something big, like a car or a blow-out holiday, or an engagement ring. Something that yells 'NEW EXCITING NON-GAMBLING LIFE!' to you. Save what you can, but save the same amount every week, and monitor how it grows, paying attention to how to truly accumulate wealth.

Good luck with the rest of your life. May it be a rewarding and fulfilling one in which the spectre of compulsive gambling never darkens your mind or mars your behaviour or spoils your relationships or fouls your future ever again.

Motivator

Fair play to you. First thing tomorow is get the family involved, they'll support you & help you out no question about that. Get yourself down to the bookies in your area & fill out the self exclusion forms, make sure to bring a friend or a family member with you when you do it. Find out where GA meetings are held in your area & make sure you go every week. Don't worry, things will sort themselves out but only if you're 100% serious about giving up. I'm sure it took a lot for you to open up about it, but as others have said admitting it is the first step.

I wish you well, give us some feedback once you get yourself sorted out. You will be fine.

ft9

Well done Jingles, Everyone makes mistakes, you just have to be sure to learn from them.
You seem like a wise chap. I don't really have any advice to offer, but plenty of encouragement.

I hope you have success in erasing gambling from your life, I know from that post you will.

nocoverart

5/1 says you'll quit. Ah no, sorry! bad joke. On a serious note that's a good thing you've done by admitting it. You definitely seem to have the right attitude to stop gambling. My brother had major problems with gambling but came out the other side. If he can do it, anybody can

mdwexford

When I started my first job and started gambling I often went to the bookies for evening racing after work on a Friday and blew my weeks wages. I learned very quickly this wasn't what I wanted to be doing with my money.

Couple of guys I know are similar and they constantly have a bet running and are on Flashscore checking Iran football results or other such tripe. Even backing small it adds up at the end of the week.

You really have to want to stop and it seems to be a very hard thing to do for some people.

Hope you have to sense and willpower to do it.

rossom

I'm sure it took an awful lot of bottle to come out with all of that on here Mr. Jingle but absolutely fair play. You've clearly come to the stark realisation that you have a serious problem and are suffering from addiction and fully understanding it and admitting it is a massive step on the road to eradicating gambling from your life.

Like the others on here have said, make sure to fully confide in your family and close friends who will no doubt be 100% supportive of you and who will understand the severity of your plight. Although you probably are, its nothing to be embarrassed about as it is something that has completely taken over your life and now you are taking active steps to remove it that demon will have lifted a great deal off your shoulders. I echo the sentiments highlighted earlier to impose a self ban by contacting online bookmakers you have an account with (and those who you don't) to prevent that aspect of temptation whilst I would also go into all of your local bookmakers and inquire about self-exclusion as well. You should definitely contact GA (http://www.gamblersanonymous.ie/) to see what options are open to you and after having a quick look you may also find it very helpful to listen to the testimonies of individuals who have similar issues with gambling as you do.

With regards to continuing watching horse racing, I have absolutely no idea whether or not you'll be able to continue watching it without a bet but I certainly would give it a go if you love the sport so much. I'd attempt to watch it in the company of family or friends (who will prevent you from betting and reassure you if you get an urge) and be sure to go nowhere near checking a horses form - as a situation could easily arise where you get really annoyed if a horse you fancied to win does and you didn't have a bet on. Its clear that you want to continue to watch horse racing and if that is the case make sure you make plans to be kept under lock and key for the Cheltenham Festival as I am sure your cravings will be at their strongest then.

You've taken a major step by admitting to yourself that you have a problem and now you have equipped yourself with the tools to hopefully kick the addiction. Every individual is different and normal practices may not work for you but if you find one way isn't successful be sure to explore other avenues until you find the key. Talking through issues (be it with family, friends or online) helps put the entire situation into perspective and you seemed a clued-in individual who is ready to own his addiction.

Given the response you have received on here, if you find it easier to help alleviate your issues by posting on here then I am sure I and many others will be able to help you through your issues.

All the best mate in what is clearly going to be a very difficult battle but with a support network in place I am sure you will be able to eradicate your addiction.

Lapin

mr.jingle wrote: »

The one thing i'll never live down though was my last bet was on a €1 on a Glenlow Park race on a 16/1 shot! It actually gets worse the more i think about it :rolleyes:

Keep that fresh in your mind as motivation not to do it again.

The worst thing you can ever do is try to win that Euro back.

It will cost you a lot more in the long run.

mr.jingle wrote: »

Go out with friends to have a good time and ruin it by trying to be the big man winning tonnes of cash but instead lose all I have to my name by being an idiot. I walked home in pure embarrassment i didn't even grab my coat I walked literally 30 mins home in the freezing cold shivering when i got in the door with a look from my dad as if he knew what i'd done.

Rock bottom. This is a perfect example of the misery gambling is causing you, and more motivation to keep you focused in the coming weeks and months.

As you said, your Dad probably suspects what is happening. Tell him everything. He's on your side. As others have suggested, it may be a good thing to surrender your income to someone you trust as soon as you get it. He may be able to help you here. Put your money in a post office account and ask him to keep hold of the savings book, allowing you only the minimum you need to spend on yourself.

This may require swallowing some pride, but those who care for you and want to help you won't see it that way. It may take a bit of time but at 28 you have plenty of that on your side.

The fact that you realise you have a problem and are taking steps to address it now will save you a long future of the miserable hold your addiction has over you.

Give yourself a chance and don't be too hard on youself either. You'll need to make some sacrifices over the coming weeks but think of these as alterations to your lifestyle rather than see them as some kind of punishment to yourself. Watching the football down the pub on a Sunday may have to be put on hold for a while if the temptation to nip out to the betting shop remains, but this doesn't mean an end to your social life. Maybe watch the games with your friends taking turns in each others houses for a while. If you go out for a drink, do so in the evenings when the betting shops are closed.

There is some priceless advice offered by the others already on this thread and everyone here encourages you all the way and will continue to do so.

You've taken the first step by asking for help and there is nothing embarrassing about that at all. It takes guts.

The day will come when you will be in a position to offer advice of your own. And nobody's advice is better than those who speak from personal experience. Keep in touch with us here and let us know how you're doing (but avoid the other threads in this forum). Best of luck mate.

Don't go chasing any losses you made in the past - Your future is worth a lot more.

Cavehill Red

Lapin wrote: »

Don't go chasing any losses you made in the past - Your future is worth a lot more.

Absolutely crucial point. This is a major failure of logic with most gamblers, including all gamblers who have a problem. What's lost is lost and not coming back. Forget it. It's a bad memory that will soon fade, and nothing more, unless you let it haunt your present and guide your future actions.

12gauge dave

I had a gambling problem last year my lowest point was putting €500 on red in roulette online at like 5am and losing was so low! What i did was started exercising and working out and it took my mind off it and im fine now!

My advice is take up a new hobbie start join a boxing club start playing football for a team? Do something to fill the spare time in which u were gambling!

Society never sees gambling addiction as a major problem it should be made more aware!

Good luck anyway mate i sincerely wish you the best:)

Let us know how u get on

Colonel Sanders

Best of luck Mr Jingle

Biggest step was admitting it to yourself & having the balls to say it out loud.

Nulty

It's strange how we are so familiar with the the names who post on here but we often realise that we know nothing about the people behind the username. I would recognize your username in a flash mr. jingle and from my experience of you you are a very affable guy. I'm sorry to hear you've had such a weight to carry around with you for all this time. If your offline personality is anything like your online one I'm sure you have the friends and family to help you through this.

It's far more common than we think. Addiction of gambling, alcohol, you name it. There is nothing to be ashamed of. We forget that this stuff is designed to get us as people. Your just unfortunate as to be succeptable to gambling - like your Achilles heel. We all have at least one.


All the best mr. jingle and if your situation allows, it would be great to have you post here in the future..

Squ

I helped my mate through this. He tried to go to his family, but his folks were to caught up in worrying if the parish found out, so just buried their head in the sand and distanced themselves from him.

The formula that finally worked, was he'd keep a daily diary of how he felt during the day, times he felt vulnerable, then compiled that into a daily email to me.

The act of compiling the days events into the email helped him to see his weaknesses from a third person. It also meant nothing was bottled up, everything was on the table.


We reviewed the emails weekly for three months, now monthly for the past year.

Seems to be working.

Squ

mr.jingle wrote: »

This could well be the most embarrassing thing I've ever wrote

Folks will tell you not to be embarrassed. Easier said than done. The best way to get over the embarrassment (and you've already taken the biggest step) is to see peoples reactions. Chatting with friends/family and seeing their warm reactions will encourage you to beat this.

Good man.

meriwether

I don't think you can watch horse racing without the urge to bet if you have a gambling addiction. Everythign revolves around the odds, something which is not as prevalent in other sports coverage.

Good luck to you.

I got interested in horses when I got a summer job in a bookies.
If there's one thing that teaches you to gamble responsibly, its working behind the counter of a bookies.

If I was in charge, cartoon racing and football would be outlawed, and FOTB's would not be permitted in the shops.

mr.jingle

UrbanSea wrote: »

That would be personal issues. Jingle I could move it there if you wanted opinions from other people, wasn't sure if you just wanted it left here to let us know

Thats entirely up to you Urban as your the boss around here! As I said I wasn't sure where to post this I just had this safe guard way of thinking that you guys in here would understand the situation and I think it is safe to say with the reaction from people on here Im delighted I did it.

Thanks to all of you I was up most of the night just wondering how to approach this and what steps to do. Ive an appointment with my Gp today just to see if ive any other underlying problems or if it is just this that has been holding me back. Ive my first GA meeting hopefully by the end of the week and Im just about to ring sky to see if they can cut atr from my list of channels as its like a natural reaction when I have the remote in my hand to press 415!

Thanks again for the messages of support its greatly appreciated considering I dont even know anyone here personally it feels great to know people care

Thanks again Mr.jingle

Just to add, there's nothing to be ashamed about Mr J, I reckon a gambling problem is an illness that some people get. You're getting the ball rolling in dealing with it, the majority don't, again, well done

Overthelast

Well done Mr Jingle. Its clear you want to break an addiction, which clearly has become destructive. If you want something bad enough, you will succeed - that I have no doubt about. I have friends who have successfully cracked destructive addictions - and some who are still struggling (drink/gambling/ciggerattes etc).

The ones who succeed have 2 common traits:

1. Admitting there is a problem.
2. Wanting to break it bad enough.

From your op, I've no doubt you want to break the addiction and as a consequence, will ultimately succeed.

ft9

Closing my online accounts has been on my mind for a while. I find I play for higher stakes online as compared to in shop as it's a lot easier to type a number than hand over your money. I would never have said I have a problem with gambling, and I often thought about it and asked myself do I have a problem.

Anyway, after reading this thread last night, it saddened me to think that a regular on here was having such issues and got me thinking about my own gambling. I decided to close all my accounts today, in order to be more responsible with my money. I am not erasing gambling from my life as I feel in control, I love racing, am involved in racing, and the only fear I had was getting out of control online in the future.

I went to live chat on all the bookies websites with whom I have accounts and asked to close my account. They all asked why I wanted to close. This is what I said.
"I'm not overly concerned. This is more of a preventative measure as I have seen what gambling can do to peoples lives While i feel I am totally in control now I could not be 100 percent sure that in the future I will remain in control. I want to respect my money more than I have in the past."

I thought they wouldn't want me to close my account without a fight, which was not the case in fairness.
PaddyPower said from the reasons I gave they recommended I self exclude for good, I can never open an account with them ever again. Which I agreed to.
Bet 365, William Hill and StanJames advised I self exclude for a period ranging from a minimum 6 months to 5 years. So those accounts are gone for 5 years.

I tried to log in to Coral to close that account only to be informed I was no longer allowed to place bets with them, whatever thats about I don't know because I don't think I ever won a bet with them.

Anyway, thanks Jingles, you potentially saved me a lot of hassle in the future. I genuinely feel like a weight has been lifted off me, which is strange because I don't think I have a gambling problem. Best of luck in your quest.

Howjoe1

meriwether wrote: »

I don't think you can watch horse racing without the urge to bet if you have a gambling addiction. Everythign revolves around the odds, something which is not as prevalent in other sports coverage.

Good luck to you.

I got interested in horses when I got a summer job in a bookies.
If there's one thing that teaches you to gamble responsibly, its working behind the counter of a bookies.

If I was in charge, cartoon racing and football would be outlawed, and FOTB's would not be permitted in the shops.

Interesting you say you would ban football. I never had that on the list of "high risk" for addictiveness ? I say that has a football man but maybe I'm losing more on it than I relealise.

Getting back to OP, Good luck Mr Jingle and hope you get through this. It really is a case of taking one day at a time and closing all accounts & unsubsribing to email offers. Sign a form in your local bookies to self ban. It's the brave thing to do. Act now and don't let excuses get in the way.

ft9

Howjoe1 wrote: »

Interesting you say you would ban football. I never had that on the list of "high risk" for addictiveness ? I say that has a football man but maybe I'm losing more on it than I relealise.

Getting back to OP, Good luck Mr Jingle and hope you get through this. It really is a case of taking one day at a time and closing all accounts & unsubsribing to email offers. Sign a form in your local bookies to self ban. It's the brave thing to do. Act now and don't let excuses get in the way.

I'd say he meant cartoon football.

anuprising

been through this with a mate . you have to realise you have an addiction .your addiction is gambling .same principle as all addictions . first thing you should do is gain the support of your friends and family . alcohol while not your primary addiction ,leads to a weakness causing you to gamble so try stay off it for the moment .

what you can try to do in the early days is transfer your addiction away from gambling . a lot of addicts transfer addictions to sport or fitness ,gym etc .you will have an addiction for the rest of your life but you can choose what your addicted to with the help of qualified professionals ,a less harmful addiction ,while you learn how to combat addictions in general.

you sound like you want it to work ,so i wish you all the best and am confident anyone can beat this with the right support network and encouragement from those nearest and dearest to you .

meriwether

Howjoe1 wrote: »

Interesting you say you would ban football. I never had that on the list of "high risk" for addictiveness ? I say that has a football man but maybe I'm losing more on it than I relealise.

Getting back to OP, Good luck Mr Jingle and hope you get through this. It really is a case of taking one day at a time and closing all accounts & unsubsribing to email offers. Sign a form in your local bookies to self ban. It's the brave thing to do. Act now and don't let excuses get in the way.

Cartoon football.

kennyb3

12gauge dave wrote: »

My advice is take up a new hobbie start join a boxing club start playing football for a team? Do something to fill the spare time in which u were gambling!

This is the single best piece of advice yet, you have an addictive personality.

So get addicted to exercise - be it cycling, running etc. Or do a course - you need something to focus on anyway.

Not only will this give you something to obsess about but it will also use up your time.

Also as other have said i'd avoid watching sport that generally is high on gambling (horse racing, greyhounds (and even football if that's what you use to bet on)).

Best of luck dealing with your problem.

mr.jingle

I have a huge hobbie that normally takes up my time from march to October in my pitch and putt that keeps me occupied throughout those months but by the end of last season I had stopped playing to an extent and ended goin up for a bet and staying from 12 noon to near 9 at night. I think as soon as the season ended I was up backing all the time even times when I was walking out of work to do bets and sneaking back in and the more I look at it the worse it gets and the more I feel angry about it. I cleaned out my room today and found at least 30 losing dockets thrown around the place adding up to over €200. Madness

GRMA

If you love horse racing why not take up riding?

Showjumping is great fun and the competition and buzz of winning an event (in any sport I guess) could help replace the buzz you get from gambling

klairondavis

Fair play for coming out and facing up to the problem. I was in a similar enough position when I was younger. Once we got a few bob in our pockets we'd be down the bookies backing any old rubbish from the gaff tracks in England. I spent full days down there during college pissing money away like it was going out of fashion. Thankfully I had few financial commitments at the time and I was able to get a handle on it. I am now much more disciplined about punting. I have a limited weekly deposit set on all of my accounts and anytime I go racing I leave the ATM card at home and just bring enough cash with me. I could have easily gone the other way and ended up developing a serious addiction had I kept on down that road.

I would advise you leave racing alone for a while and take up some other sort of hobby like some posters here have suggested. Maybe cancel or block ATR, RUK and C4 on your tv and block the racing/betting websites on your computer. Go completely cold turkey from it for now at least. If you literally have to watch racing then just watch the races, change the channel or go grab a cup of tea when they cut to a show of the betting.

It shows a lot of bravery on your part to admit that it's getting the better of you. I don't know your personal circumstances but judging by your post you don't have a mortgage hanging over you and you haven't any outstanding debts as a result of your gambling. That's a positive place to be in compared to a lot of other people who have gambling problems.

Hulk Hands

The hobbies thing is huge OP. Boredom is a real obstacle in this. The vast majority of males need adrenaline rushes, it's natural. You have to find ones that are helpful rather than detrimental. Do you play sport bar the pitch and putt? Soccer, GAA etc? Something like that to focus on could really help and playing competively will give you a different sort of 'buzz'. If that's not an option, something like video games is a great way to pass time. I honestly got a bigger thrill from coming from behind to beat some time wasting youngster on Fifa last week than I did from winning a poker tournament a day later. It's terrific that you have the pitch and putt already. Focus on becoming the best you can. Good luck

Itziger

Jingle, I don't post much in this forum but I must say I do know where you're coming from. About 10 years ago I started betting a bit more than I used to online. Only had one or two accounts. Never really did research or anything. What I found though was that the stakes were getting much bigger by the month. It started with 10 euro bets and went up to 1,000. I could have been in major trouble.

Bottom came when I put a grand on a John Oxx horse to win the Irish Guineas - roughly 2004 we're talking. Came in 3rd I think. Then an hour later I chased the loss on a slight odds on filly and she won! I lost about 100 euro only. It gave me the fright of my life man. I was and still am married and back then had 2 kids. Now we have 4, what I would have done had the betting continued, I don't know. I found it in myself to stop and now just have a couple of bets around Cheltenham time and maybe Prix de lArc if we go as we do most years.

Well done on coming out. Great first step and now you follow up by arranging for professional help. One thing I will say though, whatever about the pitch and putt (like an ole bit of golf myself) you might want to think about running or some such. Clears the head, gets the blood flowing, tires you out..... I've found it very rewarding. In fact I've only realised while typing this that I started into it soon after I stopped gambling!! Check out the absolutely brilliant running forum on here.

Good luck in any case.

Rezident

Mr J, I know you probably have known for a while that gambling is not good for you but it sounds like now you have the leverage to make the change in your life. It's easy to know something logically and still not do it, we all do that often, but it sounds like you now have the emotional knowledge that you need to sort this problem out once and for all. Where you are right now, with the determination I can sense form your post, is a great opportunity for you to literally change your life. Make the most of it.

hucklebuck

Fair play to you Jingle. The step of admission is a big one.

You have received sound advice, some bookies allow you to self exclude for this reason so you may not necessarily have to talk to anyone.

I dont agree with the advice on getting rid of your laser card, you need money to live. Your best bet is to set up an online account with no laser/ debit card option, add up all your expenses for the month (mortgage, bills, tax, insurance) and have a standing order to transfer the total into your online account on your payday.

Next step, try to save the money you were losing on betting per month out of each monthly pack cheque. Set up a savings and current account with rabo direct and put your savings into the savings and the balance of your wages in the current account.

Now you can set up a weekly standing order for 1/5 of your monthly balance after your expenses and savings. This will leave you with spending money every week and if you fall off the wagon you have limited yourself to one weeks wages without risking savings or your house or having utilites cut off. Plus by doing 1/5 of your monthly wages, you can have an 8 week bonus at Christmas without touching your savings.

Plan something nice for you/ partner/ kid/ family out of the savings, you will find it much more rewarding than giving it to a stupid bookie.

Plus the reason I said a rabo direct account is their accounts have keypad security so you can give this to someone you trust and ask them not to give it to you until a day after you ask for it (this will be your cooling off period if you are itching to back something with the money and you will be thinking about your plan for the money and curb your interest in squandering the money on a bet)

A really good idea is to immerse yourself into something that will be beneficial to you, run a half marathon, have targets in a gym, get some qualifications etc. The reason you got addicted to gambling is because you have an addictive personality, by immersing yourself in something else you can become addicted to this instead.

Someone recommended a hypnotist, this could be a very good idea. Do some research and if you get a good one it shouldn't take more than two/ three sessions. Don't scoff and believe as you should never underestimate the power of the mind and suggestion.

As a kid I had really bad asthma, my mam was a nurse and she knew of a guy called Dr Gibson ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Stanley_Gibson)
he was in Naas but I think he has passed away, after a few sessions he had all but cured my asthma. He was so good he used hypnosis instead of a general anesthetic to perform operations. So do your research and you won't know yourself.

There are books and cds on amazon but research them to make sure you get a good one.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=gambling+hypnosis&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Agambling+hypnosis

Finally, if you ever want to talk it over with someone anonymously then drop me a pm.

Best of luck buddy

byronbay2

Hi Mr. Jingles. As others have said, the decision to go public (to family and friends) and confess to having a gambling problem is the first and most important step in recovery. You might feel embarrassed and humiliated now due to a perceived "weakness" but I can promise you that there is no need - you will get overwhelming support from everyone you know, who will recognise your courage and admire your determination to beat this illness.

You might not want to hear this now but you need to stop drinking (and drug-taking, if that's something you indulge in) for at least 6 months while you concentrate on getting gambling out of your life. [Once you are confident that you are over the worst, you could go back to having a few drinks (no more than 3 or 4) again.] You need to realise what an immense struggle you have ahead (gambling addiction is harder to kick than drink or drugs and the treatment programme is longer) and you need to put everything else on the backburner to give yourself the best chance of success.

Assuming you have closed all your accounts and self-excluded where relevant, the next step is to receive professional help. This is absolutely vital! There is no harm in going to Gamblers Anonymous and a lot of people find it helpful to discuss their situation with fellow travellers, but you MUST speak to a qualified counsellor who is trained and experienced in dealing with compulsive gamblers. I would recommend gambleaware.ie, who have a freephone number 1800 753 753. The other option is Dunlewey House (Northern Ireland-based) on 1800 936 725. You can speak to these groups on the phone and they will organise an appointment with a counsellor in your area to begin treatment. This is a free service - there is no charge for the counselling.

You need to be prepared for the withdrawal symptoms - depression, irritability, palpitations etc. These are perfectly normal in your situation but you need to educate yourself on what to expect so you are ready to deal with them. Another important fact to remember is that very few compulsive gamblers quit without at least 1 relapse - learn from it and don't let a stumble stop you from reaching your goal. Also, as others have said, it is important to fill your time to keep your mind off gambling. Starting some new physical activity is ideal, as a healthy body/clear mind is a vital tool in fighting addiction.

Sorry for the long post but if it's TL/DR, I will summarise as: you have a long and tough road ahead (don't underestimate it) but you can succeed if you get professional help, educate yourself, overcome relapses and accept help/support from your friends and family. Good luck!!:)

convert

Wow, congratulations on posting that, Mr Jingle. That took a huge amount of courage to do that.

I can't add much to what others have already posted, but it's clear that you've taken the two most important steps to recovery: admitting there is a problem and actually wanting to resolve it. And closing your accounts is a huge step in the right direction.

Others have posted links to Gamblers Anonymous and other organisations that can help, and I'd stronly urge you to contact one of them as they've seen this before and will be able to give you the best advice and support available based on your story.

Whatever you do, make sure you don't go through this alone, and enlist the help and support of your family and friends, too. They'll want to help you and make sure you get through the rough patches that you'll inevitably face.

Some people mentioned the personal issues forum on boards.ie. Here's the link for it: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=127

Their charter is quite strict re. the advice that other posters can give, but they can point you in the right direction, and may even mention other organisations you can contact. If you like, you can post anonymously there.

Congrats again, mate, on making the first step, and I wish you the best of luck with everything.

mr.jingle

Once again thanks for the messages and PM's i've gone through them all and as I've said before it's really appreciated. It's been near enough 2 days now and have to say i've been grand walked by a couple of shops and have to say was tempted but just haven't got the nerve to do it. Councilling session has been arranged and the road begins the end of the week

Colonel Sanders

mr.jingle wrote: »

Once again thanks for the messages and PM's i've gone through them all and as I've said before it's really appreciated. It's been near enough 2 days now and have to say i've been grand walked by a couple of shops and have to say was tempted but just haven't got the nerve to do it. Councilling session has been arranged and the road begins the end of the week

Best of luck mate

Francie Barrett

mdwexford wrote: »

When I started my first job and started gambling I often went to the bookies for evening racing after work on a Friday and blew my weeks wages. I learned very quickly this wasn't what I wanted to be doing with my money.

Same thing happened to me. Got my first job about 20 years ago, earning about £100 a week. Was living at home at the time and had no real expenses, so quickly ended up blowing most of that in the bookies. It was shocking just how easily I accepted working 40 hours a week just to spend all my money in the bookies. After a stern talking to from my father, I capped my spending at £5 a week (if I went to the Galway races, I allowed myself £10) and told myself that if I blew that, then tough sh1t. I've always spent well within my means since then.

I think with the advent of internet betting, it's more dangerous than ever for those of us with addictive personalities to get sucked into developing gambling problems. My teenage nephew managed to blow his life savings of €3k before managing to run up another €6k on his fathers credit card (luckily the bank stopped anymore withdrawals). When I was talking to him about it, he sounded just like I was when I was his age 20 years ago. If I lost £10, I would be thinking I would need to bet £20 to win it back. If I lost that £20, I would just put a £40 bet on to break even. Luckily for me, once I blew my wages, even though I was broke for the week, at least I couldn't get into debt. With credit cards and gambling accounts linked to your bank, it's frightening just how quickly you get yourself into a hole.

I am pretty certain that there are people reading this in denial. I would strongly suggest that everyone think about this topic. If you feel that your gambling gets out of control, then you need to put limits on what you're spending. If you find yourself breaking those limits, then you need to stop. If you can't stop, you need to talk to GA. There's no shame in it whatsoever. The smartest person I know (he has a mathematics Phd!) who had never even had a bet until his 30's developed a gambling problem after playing a one-armed bandit for the first time in Vegas a few years back.

mr.jingle

GRMA wrote: »

If you love horse racing why not take up riding?

Showjumping is great fun and the competition and buzz of winning an event (in any sport I guess) could help replace the buzz you get from gambling

Somehow I don't see a 19 stone man going showjumping

mr.jingle

mr.jingle wrote: »

Somehow I don't see a 19 stone man going showjumping

Any interest in lifting weights etc?
Can be quite addictive, all the endorphin's etc. Gym's are open all day every day, great way to kill time

paddymayoman

Francie Barrett wrote: »

Same thing happened to me. Got my first job about 20 years ago, earning about £100 a week. Was living at home at the time and had no real expenses, so quickly ended up blowing most of that in the bookies. It was shocking just how easily I accepted working 40 hours a week just to spend all my money in the bookies. After a stern talking to from my father, I capped my spending at £5 a week (if I went to the Galway races, I allowed myself £10) and told myself that if I blew that, then tough sh1t. I've always spent well within my means since then.

I think with the advent of internet betting, it's more dangerous than ever for those of us with addictive personalities to get sucked into developing gambling problems. My teenage nephew managed to blow his life savings of €3k before managing to run up another €6k on his fathers credit card (luckily the bank stopped anymore withdrawals). When I was talking to him about it, he sounded just like I was when I was his age 20 years ago. If I lost £10, I would be thinking I would need to bet £20 to win it back. If I lost that £20, I would just put a £40 bet on to break even. Luckily for me, once I blew my wages, even though I was broke for the week, at least I couldn't get into debt. With credit cards and gambling accounts linked to your bank, it's frightening just how quickly you get yourself into a hole.

I am pretty certain that there are people reading this in denial. I would strongly suggest that everyone think about this topic. If you feel that your gambling gets out of control, then you need to put limits on what you're spending. If you find yourself breaking those limits, then you need to stop. If you can't stop, you need to talk to GA. There's no shame in it whatsoever. The smartest person I know (he has a mathematics Phd!) who had never even had a bet until his 30's developed a gambling problem after playing a one-armed bandit for the first time in Vegas a few years back.

Did your nephew's parents know about his gambling? I couldn't imagine telling my parents I'd blown 9k on it. I don't go out to the pub for sessions much but I put 10 or 20 euro into betfair and it keeps me going a week or 2. But I do realise how quick you can get into trouble, the only way that you won't feel too bad by losing is not betting what you can't afford.

Best of luck to the OP by the way, brave thing to do opening up about your problem, I hope you find a good hobby to take your mind off it.

hucklebuck

RoverJames wrote: »

Any interest in lifting weights etc?
Can be quite addictive, all the endorphin's etc. Gym's are open all day every day, great way to kill time

Good shout Rover and if done correctly the weight will fall off you too.

When I need to lose weight I start lifting weights, increase your protein intake and make sure you have plenty of brown carbs, fruit and veg.

Protein and carbs should each be 40% of your intake and go to the gym every second day.

The abs diet is a great book for weight loss using weights you bulk up too

Squ

hucklebuck wrote: »

When I need to lose weight I start lifting weights, increase your protein intake and make sure you have plenty of brown carbs, fruit and veg.

Protein and carbs should each be 40% of your intake and go to the gym every second day.

The abs diet is a great book for weight loss using weights you bulk up too

This was great for me. I also bought a punch bag. Great cardio.

I alternated days between the gym and the bag.

Fūcking fat feel off and stayed off cause i wanted to keep the change. Stopped buying shīte in the weekly shop also.

Pearlstone

Very brave post Mr.J. I signed up here after reading your post to wish you all the best. As some of the other posters have already said it is a tough road that you face but you will get a lot of support from your family and friends and indeed also your fellow posters on here.Well done.