Passing of my Mother

callmepetardu

Last Monday, I got a phone call from my dad to say that my mother was very ill, and there was an ambulance at the house. I'm in college in Galway, and my family are all in Dublin, so naturally I couldn't be there. An hour later, I got a phone call from my dad again, telling me to pack my things because I had to be home that night. I asked him what was happening, and he said the paramedics were still with my mam but hadn't said anything. But I could tell from his voice that there was something more - I knew she was gone. Upon the arrival of my best friend and his mother to bring me back to Dublin, they confirmed what I already knew.

Over the years, my mother suffered from various medical issues and many other things, but she had been so well for a few months and I genuinely hadn't ever seen her any healthier. I'm glad she's out of pain, but it doesn't make it any easier.

My parents separated 3 years ago, so it was only me, my brother and my mother at home. The house is eerily quiet now, and I don't quite know what to do with myself now.

I don't even know what posting this is going to achieve, but if anybody can give me any way to help me accept the fact that she's actually gone, that'd be great. It hasn't really sunk in yet, I can't believe I'm never going to see her again.

I needed to post this somewhere, and this is the only place I could think of.

Lisha

My sincerest condolences op
I wish you and your family the strenght to get through the next few days
Right now I would not look beyond the funeral, take it one day at a time

Best wishes op

Edit I just reread realized the funeral is most likely over by now
The house must feel so empty, I'm sorry op
Will it just be you and your brother living st home now?
On a practical level I suppose you have to get practical things in order like household bills etc, would your dad help you?
Would your Mom have had sisters who would offer any advice ?
Really just take it one day at atime
Do you feel up to going back to college yet?

I'm so sorry I know you must miss your mother do much .
All the best op

TheBody

Reall sorry for your loss. My mother passed away on the 21st of December. For me, it's just the strangest feeling ever. I'm not sure if I've fully got to grips with the finality of it all. For some reason I was able to carry on and I'm sure you will too. That's not to say you will forget your mother. Indeed it's probably we will both always have that feeling that our mothers are missing but I think that's ok.....I hope it's ok.

Anyway, hang in there.

6480

sorry for your loss , i know what ur going through , my dad passed away on 13/01/2013 a sudden heart attack that night at home , he was never a min sick , and i had been working with him all that day before , i am finding it hard as me and him worked together on a dairy farm here at home , i am lost with out him but i am slowly getting there ,my head is all over the place and i am forgetting alot of things i have to get done from day to day , u never know whats around the corner , even this reply to you has helped me a bit , hope you can get a bit of ease here , feel free to talk to your friends and family

LegacyUser

My mother also passed away suddenly last week. It was such a shock. I cannot really take the enormity of it in. I wish I could speak with her now and just see her but I know I can't. It's a terrible feeling and my hear goes out to the OP and others who are going through this.

swervring

My mam also passed away on 25/01/13. she was absolutely fine and then she was gone. I can't quite believe that she's actually gone - it feels like im waiting for someone to tell me its all over & everything is going to go back to normal. I feel guilty for the time when i'm not thinking about her or feeling sad, i feel awful for all of the times we fought and all of the time we wasted. But i always thought she'd be around for many many more years

callmepetardu

I had a two week period where I was ok, and for the last 10 days I've been in a slump. I tried going back to college, but I've absolutely no motivation. When I did go to lectures, nothing was registering in my mind so I've taken this week off.

It's bizarre, I'm flipping from being ok to being in tears a couple times a day, and the little things are really starting to hit me. All the things she'll never experience and the likes Never had the chance to be a grandparent, to see me or my brother get married or to graduate from college.

I'm stuck in a mental rut and I really don't know what to do now. Does anybody have any advice as to what I should do?

3greenrizla's

callmepetardu wrote: »

I'm stuck in a mental rut and I really don't know what to do now. Does anybody have any advice as to what I should do?

What would your mother advise?

I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum (to cancer) almost 15 years ago when I was 15 so I might be able to offer some advice (although every situation is obviously different). I consider myself to be a cold person when it comes to bereavement & I am sorry if I offend anyone.

OP, you need to look after yourself first & then your brother. You both have a long few days/weeks ahead and need to be there for each other.

Your hand is going to go numb and you will get very tired of the terms "Sorry for your loss" & "God has a plan".

Remember that it is OK to laugh. You are going to hear an awful lot of bullsh*t over the next while. I think it's better to laugh about it than get angry.

When friends ask if there is anything they can do, ask them to do dishes, make tea & be there when you need a break.

Schools, Colleges & Courts will take the recent loss of a parent into account - talk to someone at your college.

Long term it does get "easier" & your mother will never leave you. You will always have her voice in the back of your head.

3greenrizla's

Sorry, I only noticed the date of the OP. callmepetardu, I hope your hand has recovered.

I think you should talk to someone in your college.

6480

callmepetardu wrote: »

I had a two week period where I was ok, and for the last 10 days I've been in a slump. I tried going back to college, but I've absolutely no motivation. When I did go to lectures, nothing was registering in my mind so I've taken this week off.

It's bizarre, I'm flipping from being ok to being in tears a couple times a day, and the little things are really starting to hit me. All the things she'll never experience and the likes Never had the chance to be a grandparent, to see me or my brother get married or to graduate from college.

I'm stuck in a mental rut and I really don't know what to do now. Does anybody have any advice as to what I should do?

i know how you are feeling as i had the same thing today , try and think of all the good times you had and try and belive that she is still there with you every day looking over u and guiding you

swervring

This might sound very odd, but the other day I remembered this song called Postcards by the Blizzards, and immediately i remembered it i had to listen to it. It made me cry but it also gave me comfort - its all about how the person will always be there with you but its not cringey... just give it a listen. I'm having days where I'm fine & I feel so guilty for feeling fine, and then some days where I have to force myself to get out of bed. It still feels like a horrible bad dream

Mam of 4

My Mam died a year ago last November and I still have bad days when it seems too much to deal with.

But, I also have good days where I can say my mam would have loved this or enjoyed this. Some days I forget she's gone and think I must tell her such and such.

Take it easy on yourself, go with how you're feeling, talk about her, the tears turn into smiles eventually.

I still talk to my Mam in my head, know she hears me,

Might not be of much help what I've said but just look after yourself, a lot of us understand how you're feeling.

Take care..

Cullen82

Truly sad to read how you found out, I'm sorry...she is happy now

I lost both my parents when I was 24\26 a few years ago. I eventually brokedown almost losing everything and everyone around me...I still feel very alone sometimes (I live alone)

The one thing that came of it, I have only realized recently is that they inspired me to do something great. I travelled over 30 countries, worked in Africa for 2 years across 12 of them as a tour guide...I realised we all need to make the most of what we have, I'm currently waiting to train as a skydive instructor this year in New Zealand...I'm afraid of heights.

The next while will surely be quiet, sad and sometimes may feel pointless but this is not what your mother would have wanted....she would want you to take what she has given you and do something she would be proud of. Hopefully one day you can pass everything she has given you to someone else

Until then, we all share the same losses in life and genuinely care for others which is why I shed a tear at your first paragragh....I don't know your name but I feel your loss already. Be proud

callmepetardu

Thanks everybody for the kind words

I've started to think of the happier times now, and looking at old pictures and stuff like that. I miss her like crazy, it's been a month and a half and I genuinely still walk around the house looking for her when I'm home at the weekends. I keep expecting to find her.

I've developed insomnia which isn't nice, getting 3 hours sleep maximum a night! Been to GP and although she didn't solve my problem, talking to her and bursting into tears was oddly soothing.

I'm only 19 and my brother is 12, neither of us quite know how to feel as life is starting to flow again for everybody else. He's finally started talking about my mam though, which is a relief!

The way I've came to look at it is that death is as much a part of life as life itself. Everybody will lose people they love, and for that reason people know how to be supportive. I'm determined to be the best I can be and really make my mam proud of me now, as cheesy as that sounds :P

Cullen82

callmepetardu wrote: »

Thanks everybody for the kind words

I've started to think of the happier times now, and looking at old pictures and stuff like that. I miss her like crazy, it's been a month and a half and I genuinely still walk around the house looking for her when I'm home at the weekends. I keep expecting to find her.

I've developed insomnia which isn't nice, getting 3 hours sleep maximum a night! Been to GP and although she didn't solve my problem, talking to her and bursting into tears was oddly soothing.

I'm only 19 and my brother is 12, neither of us quite know how to feel as life is starting to flow again for everybody else. He's finally started talking about my mam though, which is a relief!

The way I've came to look at it is that death is as much a part of life as life itself. Everybody will lose people they love, and for that reason people know how to be supportive. I'm determined to be the best I can be and really make my mam proud of me now, as cheesy as that sounds :P

It doesn't sound cheesy, it sounds courageous and the right way to go about rebuilding your happiness