People who rent - effects on children?

2rkehij30qtza5

I'm interested to know other people's views on this.

With so many people now renting houses and not living in houses they own or have mortgages on...do you think that if has any effect on your children from the point of view of having to move house every so often?....versus owning a house and possibly not having to move around as much?

Do you think it offers less stability? For example, you are at the mercy of the landlord as to how long you will be able to stay in the one house..

Do you feel it stops your children from 'putting down roots'?

yellowlabrador

On the continent it's the norm. We moved every 3 to 6 years. The advantage is that you can then either get a bigger or smaller place according to your needs. The places are unfurnished and many people will live in the same property for decades, sometimes their whole lives. We used to look forward to the move, enjoying the new bedroom etc. It also means that you're not stuck with the neighbours from hell and also you have more mobility with the job market. Rents were government controlled too, no need for rent allowance as they were also index linked. I would love to move to a more modern, smaller and better insulated house now my children have left home, but can't as it's council property and they know they wouldn't find a new tenant easily in this area.

pwurple

We rent, it has no effect on my child. Why would it? The child knows no difference. A home is a home.

I have tenants in a house I own too (the one I was in before i got married). They have children, and have just renewed their lease for the 5th year running. They can stay there til the end of their days if they want, I'm happy, they're happy.

People move house for all sorts of reasons, work, family etc. I doubt being kicked out due to being a renter is one of them, unless they are a partciularly bad tenant.

By the way, you are not 'at the mercy' of your landlord. There are strict rules on how to evict people.

Moonbeam

My parents mostly owned our houses and we moved house a good bit.
I went to the same school for the 1st 11 years but yes it does have an impact.
You have no friends that you grew up with,when someone asks you where you are from you need to think about it.
I don't think owning a house makes to much of a difference but it is nice to staying in the one laces for a while.

planetX

It did in my case - 2 supposed longterm rentals cut short meant that we moved 3 times in 3 years, child was 7 -10. It was a nightmare, and that feeling of instability and isolation has stayed with both of us.

Neyite

When I was young, we moved a series of times. To a small child its a big adventure to move to a new street. I love it! If you have the same school and you are in the same locality I dont see how it could be negative.

It would be different if the child was changing schools often or losing friends as a result - then I would say its disruptive for a time maybe.

strandroad

Same as Neyite above, I moved a few times when I was a kid but as long as it is the same locality, school and set of friends I don't think it matters at all. Actually it was fun as we were getting new rooms etc. What mattered for me was when we moved cities, changed schools etc. so I would be very careful when it comes to this.

Miss Lockhart

I think it will vary on a case by case basis. Comparing Ireland and the continent is not really valid though as the whole rental system is so different (in a bad way) here, where the system was only really designed for temporary life as a student or young worker starting out.

I think there are a whole host of issues to be considered apart from the possibility of having to move. Not being able to decorate how you like, not being able to have a pet, etc. These issues don't affect all rentals (but they do the majority) and they wouldn't be a problem for everyone, so like I say it's different for different people.

I grew up renting and I know I would not like that for my family.

wolfpawnat

I grew up in a council house, and knew we could move if there was reason to. At 17 I moved several times with my family, disrupting my Leaving Cert and other things.

I am now a mother myself and am renting. I don't like how you can't really make things yours, such as a lovely wall in a bedroom for a child or something, but in another respect it is handy. I am in a two bedroomed apartment, and am pregnant with no 2. Although it matters little for a while, when it comes time to get baby out of the parent room, if it is a girl, it may not be great to have her in with her brother, or because of the large double bed, I cannot get in two singles for two boys so I will have to move meaning I only have to worry about packing and the like and not current house prices (rental prices are a tad more stable) and property taxes.

ash23

I've moved a number of times but my child has always stayed in the same school. In one way, its been hard for her leaving friends she has made. In another though, she is very good at approaching people and making new friends.

I don't think it's had any very big effect on her though.

PS - I've moved 11 times in the 10 years since having my daughter.

hollster2

ive moved twice my first house she was too small to have friends kept her in the same school doesnt seen to bother her, she has loads of friends were we are now, only thing one brat said to her wen she said it was her house he made a big deal to her it wasnt she was quick 2 defend herself!

pwurple

wolfpawnat wrote: »

I grew up in a council house, and knew we could move if there was reason to. At 17 I moved several times with my family, disrupting my Leaving Cert and other things.

I am now a mother myself and am renting. I don't like how you can't really make things yours, such as a lovely wall in a bedroom for a child or something, but in another respect it is handy. I am in a two bedroomed apartment, and am pregnant with no 2. Although it matters little for a while, when it comes time to get baby out of the parent room, if it is a girl, it may not be great to have her in with her brother, or because of the large double bed, I cannot get in two singles for two boys so I will have to move meaning I only have to worry about packing and the like and not current house prices (rental prices are a tad more stable) and property taxes.

You can paint the rooms in rented places if the landlord allows. We have done it here. We put up removable bliks on the walls as well.

And, as annoying as it is to move as your family gets larger, believe me it is 100 times more difficult when you have to sell a house and buy another one, instead of moving to different rental. Renting is perfect for us at the moment. Flexible, easy. And if it freezes or floods, it's the landlord who fixes it. Loving it!

Neyite

pwurple wrote: »

You can paint the rooms in rented places if the landlord allows. We have done it here. We put up removable bliks on the walls as well.

And, as annoying as it is to move as your family gets larger, believe me it is 100 times more difficult when you have to sell a house and buy another one, instead of moving to different rental. Renting is perfect for us at the moment. Flexible, easy. And if it freezes or floods, it's the landlord who fixes it. Loving it!

Thats one of the reasons we are actively choosing to rent instead of buy our own. In a month, we could pack up and take off wherever we need to. We can emigrate within a couple of months if unemployment was a concern, and not have to worry about a mortgage being left behind or struggling with repayments in negative equity.

I feel a steady income is a lot more beneficial to children's' upbringing than being able to decorate a room for them. What good is a lovely bedroom when mam and dad are in despair because they are struggling with the mortgage and are trapped in the property? Thats not a happy household.

And like you say, its usually when you have just paid out for something that another expensive item goes on the blink, so its great just to ring up the landlord and get them to fix it.

Muir

I am a grown up child whose parents have always rented. Only ever had to move once, and actually I was really excited about it at the time. Most of my friends had moved house at some point and I actually used to feel like I was missing out because we hadn't moved house. It has made me quite driven to own my own house though.

anncoates

Why not rephrase the OP to ask what effect moving around a lot has on children. As it is, the implication is that people that own their house never sell and move and that people who rent never stay in the one place.

I moved here from England at 10 and it was difficult for me. Looking back I would try not to move a child between countries at that age for that reason but life (and parents are) is not perfect and it hasn't that much of a long-lasting effect ion me.

2rkehij30qtza5

anncoates wrote: »

Why not rephrase the OP to ask what effect moving around a lot has on children. As it is, the implication is that people that own their house never sell and move and that people who rent never stay in the one place.

I moved here from England at 10 and it was difficult for me. Looking back I would try not to move a child between countries at that age for that reason but life (and parents are) is not perfect and it hasn't that much of a long-lasting effect ion me.

People who own are less likely to move as often as people who rent. Of course homeowners move too-I'm not saying that they don't.

The issue is also how people feel being at the mercy of a landlord. If the landlord decides to sell the property then the tenants often have to move. If the landlord dies, properly might have to be vacated. If the landlord wishes to terminate a tenancy in accordance with regulations, then he/she can do that. If you own a home and live in it, these issues will not effect you. Yes, you can get ousted from your home for not paying your mortgage or if you have to emigrate/ move to another area etc. but these things are less likely to effect you if you own a house.

This thread is specific to how people feel about renting when they have children and whether they think it effects the children with regards to moving around, not being able to say for 100% certainty if they will be in the same property in 12 months time etc. If you are a homeowner you would more likely be in the same property unless you were moving areas/defaulted on your mortgage/chose to sell up. With renting, you could still be in the same area but a different dwelling on a more regular basis.

anncoates

Kaylani Mammoth Woodchuck wrote: »

The issue is also how people feel being at the mercy of a landlord.

Being at the "mercy" of a landlord is overstated.

My wife rents a house (and has a mother and 2 kids there for the last 5 years) and a long-term tenant is desirable for any landlord I would have thought.

Like I said, my parents lived in 3 different places (in the same city) in England when I was a kid and the only negative thing I remember was moving here and even that didn't really have long-term effects.

pwurple

Kaylani Mammoth Woodchuck wrote: »

The issue is also how people feel being at the mercy of a landlord. If the landlord decides to sell the property then the tenants often have to move. If the landlord dies, properly might have to be vacated. If the landlord wishes to terminate a tenancy in accordance with regulations, then he/she can do that. If you own a home and live in it, these issues will not effect you. Yes, you can get ousted from your home for not paying your mortgage or if you have to emigrate/ move to another area etc. but these things are less likely to effect you if you own a house.

This thread is specific to how people feel about renting when they have children and whether they think it effects the children with regards to moving around, not being able to say for 100% certainty if they will be in the same property in 12 months time etc

Well to answer that one, children are completely and utterly oblivious to whether the monthly charge for the house is paid into a mortgage, or to the landlord. How would they even know the difference, it's not their bank account?

Landlords do die, or sell, but often the tenant will stay in these circumstances, just get a different landlord. Long term tenancies confer a huge amount of rights.

Everyone is distrupted by moving, but as families grow in size, or change jobs, people sometimes just have to move. It's adjusted to quickly enough, depending on the change. My friends recently moved from one side of the road to the other with their 3 children, as the other side of the street were 4 beds, and they were in a 2 bedroom place. Waited for a place to come up, months notice, over they went. Moved in a weekend, same friends, same schools, no difference, very little stress. Trying to organise that with a house sale would have been a nightmare.

Take the floods last year. Houses completely destroyed and made unlivable by flood damage. Those renting were able to just go rent elsewhere in a month if the damage was bad. Not so for the owners, some still doing repairs a year later, confined to living upstairs. There are advantages and disadvantages to both, but unless there is an actual MOVE involved, children don't know any different.

The 'being at the mercy of a landlord' thing is just a perception. It's not reality I'm afraid. If anything, the landlord is at the mercy of the tenants a lot of the time.

2rkehij30qtza5

Well you are at the mercy of a landlord. If your wife decided to turf out the tenants for whatever reason she could do that as long as she operates within the law. Effectively her tenants could be out of that house within 4 weeks or thereabouts.

If you have a mortgage and default you can still stay much longer in your home.

Yes most landlords want long term tenants but if the following scenarios existed (which wouldn't if you are a homeowner) then you could be forced to move out at short notice (a month or so).
1. Landlord wants to move back into property or has family who he/she wants to move into it.
2. Landlord wishes to change tenants due to longevity of tenants (extra rights after certain length of time etc.)
3. Landlord wishes to sell house
4. Landlord dies
5. Landlord must sell property due to financial circumstances or is forced to do so by banks


Etc
Etc
Etc

None of these issues effect you if you live in a house you own (unless it's extravagant and bank forces sale...you will still get a year or so in it though).

My point is that you are dependent on one individual as opposed to an organisation (bank) whether you can stay living in a rental property.

Children will not have the same home for their childhoods (and I know this effects people who own too) but as I said it's more likely to effect renters.

ash23

I know what you mean OP.
I moved into a place with my child and 6 months later the LL sold the house and we had to move. Around the same time, I was very ill also and it was a very very hard blow on top of everything. I was upset, my daughter was upset.
However, in all my years of renting, that has never happened to me before. In fact, the last house I had to leave abruptly and against my will was a house I bought with my now ex.

So I don't feel I'm at the mercy of a LL anymore than if I bought another house I'd feel at the mercy of my partner/husband.
Life happens and things change but you can't dwell on it too much.

movingsucks

I've had 8 family homes over four areas growing up. My husband had similar.
Some were owned some were rented.
Various reasons for moving I won't bore you all with. I could write an essay on it.
Some moves were worse than others. One thing I do remember and the thing I hated most was having to leave every time people were viewing when our houses were for sale. Or if we were there, strangers tramping around your bedroom etc.
Do I care that I don't have a best friend next door neighbour I grew up with?
No.
Am I unsettled now? A bit.
I adjust very quickly to a new area or new home. I don't miss the old one. It's like it doesn't exist anymore.
Do I want the same for my child? No, but sometimes it can't be helped.
If I won lotto plus tomorrow I'd buy outright, maybe... But a mortgage scares me and I'd take my chances on a rental for now. I've seen what can happen with home ownership and rental and I know which I prefer.
Does moving suck? Oh yes MOVINGSUCKS.

2rkehij30qtza5

We are renting and we have had to move 3 times in 4 years, only once out of choice. In the other instances: house #1 was totally damp and had we owned it we would have fixed the problem ourselves but landlord was unwilling, home #2 the landlord sold the house after our year's lease was up and now house #3 we found out the landlord will not be renewing the lease as he is moving back to Ireland soon from the UK and will be wanting his house back when the lease is up.

It's a nightmare. We are great tenants. House immaculate, I even get a cleaner in. We keep the garden perfect...not a grass blade out of place. We have laid fertiliser, planted flowers etc. and now we don't get the benefit of another summer out of it.

We fix everything ourselves, never bother the landlord. Rent always on time. We own our own house (x2) but not in the town we live in. We bought houses ourselves before we were married and even though they are lovely properties we can't live in either of them or sell them due to negative equity. So we know what it's like to be landlords too and yes, we want our tenants to stay longterm but at the same time if either of our properties would sell tomorrow I would oust the tenants and sell up!

We have children and it's been a nightmare being at the mercy of landlords for the past few years. If we owned the house we lived in then we would be more settled than all this moving around. Personally I think from the children's points of view it's totally unsettling and from our own perspectives it's totally unsettling. You just never know whether you will be living in the same house this time next year, even if you wanted to. That wouldn't happen if you lived in a house you owned.

ash23

Kaylani Mammoth Woodchuck wrote: »

That wouldn't happen if you lived in a house you owned.

It could though. Nobody knows what will happen in a year. You own two houses and live in neither so you know things change.
Loads of things could happen, unexpected change in job, number of kids, relationship, finances, health, economy etc etc.

IMO, owning a house just means more stress because when these unforseen things happen it's a nightmare trying to get out of a mortgage and sell a house (as you know yourself).

One of my biggest regrets in life is buying a house and I curse the day I did.
Buying that house has given me far more headaches and stress than renting ever has so I don't think renting is necessarily the worst thing in the world.

2rkehij30qtza5

ash23 wrote: »

It could though. Nobody knows what will happen in a year. You own two houses and live in neither so you know things change.
Loads of things could happen, unexpected change in job, number of kids, relationship, finances, health, economy etc etc.

IMO, owning a house just means more stress because when these unforseen things happen it's a nightmare trying to get out of a mortgage and sell a house (as you know yourself).

One of my biggest regrets in life is buying a house and I curse the day I did.
Buying that house has given me far more headaches and stress than renting ever has so I don't think renting is necessarily the worst thing in the world.

My qualms are more about the effects of moving my children around every year. Just when we are settled and know the neighbours etc we seem to have to move again. I don't want this for my children.
I want them to be able to put down 'roots' and call a place "home" as opposed to "somewhere I lived for a year".

ash23

Kaylani Mammoth Woodchuck wrote: »

My qualms are more about the effects of moving my children around every year. Just when we are settled and know the neighbours etc we seem to have to move again. I don't want this for my children.
I want them to be able to put down 'roots' and call a place "home" as opposed to "somewhere I lived for a year".

Fact is, had you not bought the other houses, you'd be in a position to buy a house now that your circumstances are different. So owning has it's own headaches and problems.

If you're moving within the same area and the kids aren't changing schools and can still visit their friends etc, then I don't see the harm being honest.
In fact, I find because of moving around, I know a lot more people than I would if I had just stayed in the house I bought.

You can put down roots and have a home. Something I learned when my ex and I split is that a house is just bricks and mortar. A home is something completely different and depends entirely on the people in it and not the name on the deeds.

pwurple

Kaylani Mammoth Woodchuck wrote: »

We are renting and we have had to move 3 times in 4 years, only once out of choice. In the other instances: house #1 was totally damp and had we owned it we would have fixed the problem ourselves but landlord was unwilling, home #2 the landlord sold the house after our year's lease was up and now house #3 we found out the landlord will not be renewing the lease as he is moving back to Ireland soon from the UK and will be wanting his house back when the lease is up.

It's a nightmare. We are great tenants. House immaculate, I even get a cleaner in. We keep the garden perfect...not a grass blade out of place. We have laid fertiliser, planted flowers etc. and now we don't get the benefit of another summer out of it.

We fix everything ourselves, never bother the landlord. Rent always on time. We own our own house (x2) but not in the town we live in. We bought houses ourselves before we were married and even though they are lovely properties we can't live in either of them or sell them due to negative equity. So we know what it's like to be landlords too and yes, we want our tenants to stay longterm but at the same time if either of our properties would sell tomorrow I would oust the tenants and sell up!

We have children and it's been a nightmare being at the mercy of landlords for the past few years. If we owned the house we lived in then we would be more settled than all this moving around. Personally I think from the children's points of view it's totally unsettling and from our own perspectives it's totally unsettling. You just never know whether you will be living in the same house this time next year, even if you wanted to. That wouldn't happen if you lived in a house you owned.

You had some bad luck, but that can happen buying or renting.

#1 You moved into a damp house. Your mistake here I'm afraid. Damp can be seen when you go to view a place if you look for signs of it. Don't move in with any repairs needed, until they are completed. And you can just as easily buy a house, and have to move out to replace a roof. We did as children. We had to move down the road for 6 months while the house roof was being replaced. My parents were paying both the mortgage and rent at the same time. Must have been horrendous, but we hadn't a clue.

#2 A landlord doesn't suddenly sell a house, they were obviously planning it, and probably even trying to sell it when you moved in. Tell the landlord if you want a lease for longer than a year. And also, you could have bought that house yourself if it was for sale. Why didn't you?

#3 Is indeed the law, and is bad luck.

You are at the mercy of the universe, just like the rest of us, not the landlords in particular.

You've just highlighted another big problem with owning. You can't sell them now in a downturn, and are stuck with them, in a financial limbo. If you had actually rented in the first place instead of buying, you'd probably be in a much better position now.

By the way, if you ever do go to 'oust' your tenants, you may find it a lot harder than you think. Eviction is a hard thing to do in this country. Take a look at the property forum here for plenty of examples.

2rkehij30qtza5

pwurple wrote: »

You had some bad luck, but that can happen buying or renting.

#1 You moved into a damp house. Your mistake here I'm afraid. Damp can be seen when you go to view a place if you look for signs of it. Don't move in with any repairs needed, until they are completed. And you can just as easily buy a house, and have to move out to replace a roof. We did as children. We had to move down the road for 6 months while the house roof was being replaced. My parents were paying both the mortgage and rent at the same time. Must have been horrendous, but we hadn't a clue.

#2 A landlord doesn't suddenly sell a house, they were obviously planning it, and probably even trying to sell it when you moved in. Tell the landlord if you want a lease for longer than a year. And also, you could have bought that house yourself if it was for sale. Why didn't you?

#3 Is indeed the law, and is bad luck.

You are at the mercy of the universe, just like the rest of us, not the landlords in particular.

You've just highlighted another big problem with owning. You can't sell them now in a downturn, and are stuck with them, in a financial limbo. If you had actually rented in the first place instead of buying, you'd probably be in a much better position now.

By the way, if you ever do go to 'oust' your tenants, you may find it a lot harder than you think. Eviction is a hard thing to do in this country. Take a look at the property forum here for plenty of examples.

I'm not talking about eviction or anything with my own tenants. My point is that if I could sell my property tomorrow then I would. I would give the tenants proper notice etc. and respect them totally as they are good tenants and I am lucky. It was just a point that they are at my mercy with regards to staying in my property the same way as I am at the mercy of my own landlord.

The first house re: the damp wasn't out fault. It had just been painted and we rented it in September. By November black mould was appearing all over the walls. It wasn't something that could easily be seen when we signed up to the house. And we did check out the house but unfortunately a coat of new paint hid a multitude.


House #2 we did ask for a long lease and we were promised it by the agency. We didn't directly deal with the landlord in that case. I have no idea why he decided to sell or what the circumstances were but again, not our fault. And no we couldn't have bought it as we both bought properties in the early 2000's before we were married, or even going out with each other for that matter. My husband lived in his house and I lived in my apartment. Then we got married and the property crash happened. And we moved back home due to work.

Anyway, whatever about all of that. My main concern is the moving around re: my kids and the fact that they won't have a house longterm in the same place.

Yes, as Ash said, there's more to a home than bricks and mortar but constantly moving has its pitfalls too. Other posters on this thread who have grown up in rented accommodation have stated a desire not to have the same for their own children.


I lived in two houses growing up. One from age 0-8 and another one (near enough) aged 8 onwards. Some of my best friends are my neighbours growing up. I still call round to the homeplace and know all the neighbours there for years. My kids won't have that.

ash23

Kaylani Mammoth Woodchuck wrote: »

Yes, as Ash said, there's more to a home than bricks and mortar but constantly moving has its pitfalls too. Other posters on this thread who have grown up in rented accommodation have stated a desire not to have the same for their own children.


I lived in two houses growing up. One from age 0-8 and another one (near enough) aged 8 onwards. Some of my best friends are my neighbours growing up. I still call round to the homeplace and know all the neighbours there for years. My kids won't have that.

Others have stated though that their kids haven't been affected by moving at all.
I just think that you're a bit dead set in your views that renting = moving = bad effect on kids.

You're ignoring the fact that many of us rent by choice or necessity, many of us rent and rarely move, some own houses and move a lot etc etc. It's impossible to have a "one fits all" approach to something like this.

Living somewhere all the time has it's negatives too. For example a friend of mine has a daughter whose BFF lives next door. They NEVER play with other kids, being far too secure in their friendship. My daughter has a BFF but also has a number of other friends too and mixes very easily. She has always had to put herself out there as the "new kid on the block" and it's been a benefit to her because she's very confident.

You might feel it's a bad thing to move, you might feel it's bad for your kids, but you can't expect everyone to feel the same. Sometimes it's an adventure. It is what you make it but it's not always bad.

2rkehij30qtza5

ash23 wrote: »

Others have stated though that their kids haven't been affected by moving at all.
I just think that you're a bit dead set in your views that renting = moving = bad effect on kids.

You're ignoring the fact that many of us rent by choice or necessity, many of us rent and rarely move, some own houses and move a lot etc etc. It's impossible to have a "one fits all" approach to something like this.

Living somewhere all the time has it's negatives too. For example a friend of mine has a daughter whose BFF lives next door. They NEVER play with other kids, being far too secure in their friendship. My daughter has a BFF but also has a number of other friends too and mixes very easily. She has always had to put herself out there as the "new kid on the block" and it's been a benefit to her because she's very confident.

You might feel it's a bad thing to move, you might feel it's bad for your kids, but you can't expect everyone to feel the same. Sometimes it's an adventure. It is what you make it but it's not always bad.

True. I suppose everything has its negatives and positives. Thanks.

anncoates

At the risk of sounding blunt: some kids might feel a little bit unsettled by moving home and some may not.

If they. however, have a loving stable family, it's hardly going to be a trauma, relatively speaking is it?

Not having a go here at all, but I often think so much of modern parenting (and I'm guilty of it all the time) involves punishing oneself because of failing some kind of peer consensus (abetted by the Internet) about the "ideal upbringing" of children.

Electric Sheep

Jesus. "At the mercy of a landlord". Grow up.