Guardianship implications

LegacyUser

Im hoping some of you can help me because I'm so stressed.

I am not married to my child's father. We were in a relationship and he was obviously very active in our child's life at that time so I awarded him guardianship as I believed was his right as the father.
However since then our relationship has ended and he no longer bothers to play a significant part in our child's life despite my best efforts to make regular arrangements etc. However as much as he doesnt want to take regular responsibility for his child, every few weeks he will turn up demanding to take the child at inappropriate times (late on a school night etc) or expecting to take the child regardless of whether the child wants to go with him (which is made worse by his lack of regular visits- catch 22). When I refuse to allow him certain days for whatever reasons he has threatened to collect the child from school against my wishes, and as he is guardian the school/minders wont interfere so I cant stop this happening if he were to do so.

I just want to clarify that I WANT him to see the child- but regularly- not sporadically and on his terms/at short notice/against my wishes. Its not fair to the child and the routine I have set.

Firstly I'd like to ask can I apply for an access order so that unless the father sticks to his awarded/regular times he cannot make these demands and should he take the child from school he is breaking the order?
I am aware though that I do not want to force visits upon him out of obligation either as I dont want any resentment there towards the child.
Also, (sorry!) I believe he is not in a position to plan set days due to his job hours changing- is this an issue with access orders?

Secondly, as the father is not even contributing financially/physically/mentally to the childs upbringing I am terrified that in the case of my death, because he is guardian my child will be in his care. Is it possible to appoint someone else as a guardian in case of my death? And if so, do I need his consent to do so? I understand it will be joint with him but id rather he wasnt sole guardian if I die?

Lastly, is there any way of proving his absence/lack of involvement should I end up in court or anything? I understand that direct debits can be used as proof of maintenance paid by fathers etc. however if it was needed (would it be??) what should I have ready or is the burden of proof on him to show involvement should it ever arise as an issue? The school obviously knows my involvement as does the minder is this enough? As there is no maintenance he has no proof but nor do I.

Sorry, I know its a long post but as you can imagine I have alot of worries about all this!

I've googled and searched the citizens info site but am still none the wiser!

Orion

You need to speak to a family law expert for some of this but my 2c is:

every few weeks he will turn up demanding to take the child at inappropriate times (late on a school night etc) or expecting to take the child regardless of whether the child wants to go with him (which is made worse by his lack of regular visits- catch 22). When I refuse to allow him certain days for whatever reasons he has threatened to collect the child from school against my wishes, and as he is guardian the school/minders wont interfere so I cant stop this happening if he were to do so.

Guardianship is not the same as access. Being guardian does not give him the right to demand access or make unreasonable demands. Guardianship purely gives him the right to a say in the education, religion, and upbringing of the child - with the child's best interests at heart. In this case, I believe (and I'm open to correction on this from teachers who frequent here) that you can tell the school that you are the only person (or designated others) who can pick up your child from school. Being guardian does not mean he can take the child whenever he wants.

I just want to clarify that I WANT him to see the child- but regularly- not sporadically and on his terms/at short notice/against my wishes. Its not fair to the child and the routine I have set.

That is perfectly reasonable and this is where you should speak to a family law expert regarding either agreed or court appointed access.

Firstly I'd like to ask can I apply for an access order so that unless the father sticks to his awarded/regular times he cannot make these demands and should he take the child from school he is breaking the order?
I am aware though that I do not want to force visits upon him out of obligation either as I dont want any resentment there towards the child.
Also, (sorry!) I believe he is not in a position to plan set days due to his job hours changing- is this an issue with access orders?

Access orders can be flexible in cases like this - the judge will take it into account if it comes to it. Best way to to agree access but if he is unreliable or making unreasonable demands maybe an access order is best.

Secondly, as the father is not even contributing financially/physically/mentally to the childs upbringing I am terrified that in the case of my death, because he is guardian my child will be in his care. Is it possible to appoint someone else as a guardian in case of my death? And if so, do I need his consent to do so? I understand it will be joint with him but id rather he wasnt sole guardian if I die?

He should be paying maintenance. He is working so unemployment is no excuse not to. You should also seek a maintenance order if he won't help financially with the child's upbringing. A judge will also take this into account when making an access order. Regarding guardianship, he is a joint guardian and should anything happen to you he will be the sole guardian. The only way to change this is to have a judge revoke it. A judge will only make this order if it is in the best interests of the child - he won't take your feelings into account at all.

Lastly, is there any way of proving his absence/lack of involvement should I end up in court or anything? I understand that direct debits can be used as proof of maintenance paid by fathers etc. however if it was needed (would it be??) what should I have ready or is the burden of proof on him to show involvement should it ever arise as an issue? The school obviously knows my involvement as does the minder is this enough? As there is no maintenance he has no proof but nor do I.

You can't prove a negative. In other words, if you say he's paid nothing and he says he's given you cash there's no way to prove otherwise. However, in the digital age, it's likely a judge would take a bushel of salt with any claim that he's paid maintenance in cash.

Sorry, I know its a long post but as you can imagine I have alot of worries about all this!

No need to apologise - this is what we're here for

I strongly suggest you go to FLAC and speak to one of their legal advisors if you can't afford a solicitor yourself.

I've googled and searched the citizens info site but am still none the wiser!

RubyWoo83

I am separated from my daughters father and also made him a guardian. I did this on separation because he is a great father and I wanted him to have custody of our daughter should anything ever happen to me, it also means that should anything happen to our daughter while in his care, he will be able to consent to medical treatment.

I did check with a friend of mine who is a solicitor before signing, and was advised that in terms of access/custody it generally wouldn't make a difference unless it was a case of an unfit mother, the mother generally has custody of the child but the father would have a right to apply for access.

There is some info at the following link that might be of use but it does sound like you'll have to go down the legal route in this case and that might not be a bad thing considering you are receiving no maintenance etc.

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/cohabiting_couples/custody_of_children_and_unmarried_couples.html