Sexist mothers at toddler group

Gee_G

Lola18 wrote: »

Oh there's a clique in my one too but I just try to get on with everyone. She said that men should go to a pub to socialise...I think it's great to see fathers at these groups!! She has now said "let's be ladies not knackers" I fuming!!!

I think this whole thing is a bloody disgrace, I know it would take a lot for my fiance to go to one of these groups,no more then any other daddy's, I'd say it's daunting and first. Fair play to them for going. And for a little bully like that to say who can and can't attend!
In your last post you say she said that about being ladies,was that in the same conversation? Stand up to this woman. There's far too many like her in the world! needs taking down a peg or two

Lola18

Gee_G wrote: »

I think this whole thing is a bloody disgrace, I know it would take a lot for my fiance to go to one of these groups,no more then any other daddy's, I'd say it's daunting and first. Fair play to them for going. And for a little bully like that to say who can and can't attend!
In your last post you say she said that about being ladies,was that in the same conversation? Stand up to this woman. There's far too many like her in the world! needs taking down a peg or two

No she said that just today,It was actually in a Facebook message as I hadn't got her number. I sent her a message asking her to please contact me as I just wanted to sort it out, yesterday I liked someone's picture which had the quote " I'm not perfect and I don't try to be but before you go pointing fingers just make sure your hand are clean" I just liked the quote, had nothing to do with her but now she thinks I liked it because that's what I thought of her! My head is actually melted at the min! I'm after being in tears many times this weekend.

lounakin

Lola18 wrote: »

No she said that just today,It was actually in a Facebook message as I hadn't got her number. I sent her a message asking her to please contact me as I just wanted to sort it out, yesterday I liked someone's picture which had the quote " I'm not perfect and I don't try to be but before you go pointing fingers just make sure your hand are clean" I just liked the quote, had nothing to do with her but now she thinks I liked it because that's what I thought of her! My head is actually melted at the min! I'm after being in tears many times this weekend.

Please don't let this bully get to you! I've encountered a few mothers in groups who I thought were plain old bullies, it's disgraceful and shocking. We all support you here, even though it's only cyber-support

aristotle25

MintyDoris wrote: »

I haven't come across this attitude in this scenario but I saw a LOT of sexism against my partner in the hospital I gave birth in. He was treated like a complete nobody by most of the staff.

Well as a recent new Dad whose partner attended one of the big maternity hospitals in Dublin I can say 90% of the time the doctors and nurses acted like I wasn't even in the room with them.

Even there were times I would ask a question and the nurse\doctor would answer the question looking at my partner. I must say the consultant was good, she involved me during the planned C-section (just talking about what they were doing etc) and the team they had in the operating room were the same as were the team based around the operating room.

But up to that point you might as well not have existed as a guy in there. It is probably because it is all about the mother and child and I didn't get offended by it, we laughed it off really.

Kevhog1988

The one my child attends is mostly single mothers who attend.... Personally i would find it too intimidating to go...

NapoleonInRags

aristotle25 wrote: »

Well as a recent new Dad whose partner attended one of the big maternity hospitals in Dublin I can say 90% of the time the doctors and nurses acted like I wasn't even in the room with them.

Even there were times I would ask a question and the nurse\doctor would answer the question looking at my partner. I must say the consultant was good, she involved me during the planned C-section (just talking about what they were doing etc) and the team they had in the operating room were the same as were the team based around the operating room.

But up to that point you might as well not have existed as a guy in there. It is probably because it is all about the mother and child and I didn't get offended by it, we laughed it off really.

I had exactly the same experience with both of our kids - and like you didn't get too offended. As long as Mother and Baby are being looked after, I'm happy. This gender-snobbery with the toddler groups on the other hand......I wonder what approach would they take with a (male) same sex couple who had adopted a kid?

Oral Slang

That's just dreadful carry on. I've never been to a proper toddler group - I used to go to a breastfeeding group, go to different place centres, classes etc. Hoping to start going to a toddler group in the next few weeks, but would be disgusted if that happened at any that I was a part of.

My little one was in gymboree for a few weeks & then clap handies & I had said to my partner to bring her to them before but he wasn't comfortable doing this - have only seen a man once at either of them. These places are all about the children interacting together & the parents getting a chance to meet with adults during the day, so to say that they're for women only is ridiculous.

lounakin

One of my female friends moved back here from abroad for work, she has a 1 year old and her husband is staying at home for the moment. He's not from here and wants to meet other parents with their children. I told him to go to a parent and toddler group and he liked the idea... I hope I didn't send him somewhere he wasn't comfortable!
I really think more dads should try, perhaps braving their own intimidation. Dads are great. I love mine!
I have yet to go to any of those meetings but want to create my own. I am a little scared though because I was part of an online support group in which I felt really bullied and if those were the people in the toddler groups then I didn't want to be a part of that.

On a brighter note, my partner was in the delivery room with me and came along to a few antenatals at the Rotunda. He had a very good experience, was always included in discussions and was never ignored in the delivery room.

IvyTheTerrible

God, I'd be disgusted if my OH was told not to come to the toddler and parent group!

The Parent-baby group I go to encourages mums, dads, grandparents and nannies to come. Granted, there are more mums that other groups but we do have some dads. One of the two group organisers is a man too. I like it, everyone has a different take on parenting, makes things interesting.

0ctober

Sorry to hear about your experience OP. I used to go to a parent and baby group every week when I was on maternity leave and like that there was one woman who was a bit obnoxious. She made it pretty clear she didn't want to have anything to do with me or another girl, and I reckon it was because we were a good bit younger, I'm 23 and she was around the same age, cos she was fine with the older mothers. Stupid things like she would turn her chair away so she wasn't facing you, ignore you if you spoke to her or else talk over you or change the subject whenever you tried to contribute anything to the group! It was all very passive aggressive. I just made a point of making sure I sat nowhere near her and just tried my best to ignore her. Eventually she stopped coming because she went back to work thank god. But like that all she did was bitch about her husband/friends/mil/the phn etc. She wasn't coming to the group for support or friendship, just somewhere to moan. The best advice I can give is to just ignore her, easier said than done though. But don't let her stop you going to the group, otherwise she has won and will continue to bully others.