Too much of a people pleaser?

LegacyUser

Working away at the moment in a challenging job
I started strong, I was put in charge of some interesting areas, I was given a few projects and I thought I was doing ok but lately I've made a few errors

Clients complain, managment and team leaders started singling out people who they think are weak and I was one of these. Weak members of the team were pulled into a meeting yesterday, strong members were not

I fall behind in my own work sometimes and I got told there was internal & external complaints about the quality of my work.
Ok, I'll take feedback but I was told in front of all my teammates .

But dammit, I'll work even harder to improve and I want a stunning appraisal next summer.
I'm mature, I'll take criticism and work to be better.


A problem is is I seem to spend hours every day helping everyone.

Person beside me never finished their tasks and wants to go home, hey ask me and I stay late and do it.

Another teammate who actually is considered better then me fooked up a report, customers complain, he disappeared home and I stayed until 8pm to fix it. I don't get paid for this! And certainly got zero thanks for doing it.
He was told twice to fix it, never did and somehow it's now my name on the corrected report with apologies.
Any manager who looks at it will assume I messed up. I hung myself tbh.

I want to be a star, I want to be considered good.

But I'm spending so much time helping and training everyone that I'm falling behind in my own job and now they are considered good and the boss think I'm going backwards!


How do you say no to people?
I'm not a teamleader or a trainer, I'm the same grade as everyone else.

Maybe I lack confidence and just trying so hard to please people. I've been in this situation in previous jobs, I'm repeating old behavior

I need good appraisals, I can't keep putting myself under pressure to make everyone elses life easier.
But I can't say no to people

Taltos

OP - your issue is more appropriate in Work Problems.
Please note anyone who has followed this from PI the WP charter now applies.

Thanks
Taltos

Wanderer2010

Its a good quality that you want to help people but one of the Rules of Life (TM) when it comes to helpful people in the workplace is that they will always, ALWAYS be seen as a pushover, a walkover, someone that people can use when they dont want to do their own work and then more than likely laugh about you to other people. Sounds harsh but thats life, and right now you are doing it for a fake smile from other people.

Practice makes perfect, the next time someone wants to drag you away from an important project, say "Im afraid I cant help, Im swamped with this", and smile. Dont apologize, just state your case and move on. If they persist, just repeat "I cannot do it, Im too busy here", they might be snippy for a while but they will get over it, nobody is invincible in a workplace and if you dont do it someone else will. If you do this you can put 100% into your projects and your work will speak for yourself at review time. Sadly a walkover wont get the respect of the boss by their behavior so try to change your habits now for the future, good luck.

Whiplashy

Helping other members of your team is a good quality to have. But there is a difference between helping them and being a push over. You are definitely leaning more towards push over at the moment. Your colleagues will not respect you for this. You need to put a stop to it straight away. When someone asks you to do there job for them, politely tell them that you are far to busy at the moment.

The really worrying thing here is that you have allowed yourself to be put in the firing line for others. I'm all for helping (not doing for them) my team but my own work has got to be finished to the highest possible standards first. That's what you are judged on. Your work. And if that means you never have the time to help others out then so be it. It's nice to help but it's not actually your job. I'm sure they won't be lining up to save you when you end up getting your P45 for inferior work.

tony81

You are actually a weak member of staff - because you are not prioritising your own workload and as a result your work is suffering. You need to prove yourself to be a performing team member and you can only do this if you focus on your own work.

When you gain your manager's trust you can focus on helping/training other team members (and your effort should be recognised by your manager)

Even then, you need to have good influencing skills. I did a one-day "influencing people" course which I found very useful.

The main lesson:
You should never do anything for anyone without realising the scope of what you're being asked to do, and without that person "owing you one". When someone says "will you do me a favour" consider the following:
a. how long will it take? do you have the time?
b. can you do the work? (or is it something messy. possibly being pawned off onto you?)
c. should you do the work? (did your co-worker get your managers permission to give you the task? Is a lazy co-worker just trying to skive and let you pick up their slack?)
d. is it a once-off? (i.e. in the case of a report, is the person going to specify a report in the guise of a once-off, then request it the following month, and the following month.. to the point where you're hung out to dry when you refuse to produce it)
e. what's in it for you? Use favours as a currency.. e.g. them: "can you finish this report, I need to leave early for an appointment". you: "I'm very busy myself. I'll be working late if I finish it. Can you cover the email account for me in the morning if I do this for you now?"

Selfheal

You know, it can be valuable to remember that a "No" to others is a "Yes" to yourself.