When you're fine but not fine

December2012

Dad died about two weeks ago. Today I'm sad, he was really into politics and the dail and had opinions on goings on much like the past 24 hours In Leinster house and Frankfurt.

Today I'm fine, but I'm not fine. I'm sad and close to tears.

Do I tell people? My husbands at work in a big meeting but we are not getting on very well right now.

tricky D

Having gone through this recently myself, you'll be a bit 'all over the place' (for want of a better phrase) for a while going through the denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance 5 stages of grief. It's all perfectly natural and not always a linear process.

If you want to talk to a 3rd party, contact the Bereavement Counselling Service on 01 839 1766 for an appointment (free service, donations welcome) and/or check their website: http://www.bereavementireland.com/ where there is lots to assist at this time. Note: if you do call, they might not be in touch until Monday for understandable reasons I won't go into here.

molly09

December2012, I am so so sorry for your recent loss. Two weeks ago is no length, grieving can take years and there will always be stuff to remind you of your dad.
You should definently talk to someone, if you feel your husband may not be very supportive, maybe you could talk to a freind or another family member. Other family members are probably thinking the same as you with all the stuff in the news in the last few hours.
Its ok to cry and actually crying is a form of healing so dont feel bad about having a good cry and missing your dad. Try and remember some of the good times together also!!

December2012

Thank you,

I probably wasn't clear in my post - I mean what do you do for those "flashes" when you feel really strong emotions, but are otherwise functioning grand and happy about other things?

Taltos

Personally just focus on breathing through them, try to redirect to a happy memory but do your best not to dwell. Not sure if they ever go away, but hopefully you will cope better with them, they will occur less frequently and by redirecting your thoughts if and when they do happen you will soon automatically focus on the good.

December2012

I suppose that's another part of it - we weren't that close. Although I love him dearly and he me, we didn't share a lot of time together or do things together.

And with his progressive illness hitting as I turned into adulthood, we simply don't have many shared experiences that I can remember fondly.

Taltos

OK - so focus on another happy memory, use it as an anchor, over time it will become reflexive.
Try not to dwell on the past, we all know that doing so just sucks you down over time.

Sorry