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How to help a 34 month oldf with grief

  • 08-02-2013 8:51am
    #1
    CathyMoran
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,458 ✭✭✭


    My 34 month old son is finding it incredibly hard to deal with the fact that his beloved grandmother is dying, he even got sick on purpose so that he could go to the hospital and spend time with his granny. The problem is that she is in a hospice, painfully thin and has been asleep for a few days. How do we help him to cope with the grief?


Comments

  • #2
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    OP - sorry for the pain you're going through.
    Your post reminds me of one of the others here and my advice is similar - consistency.

    As tough as it is this is a crucial point in your child's learning. If you "reward" their "mis-behaviour" (please don't take offense) you are inadvertently teaching them that by getting sick or crying too much they can get what they want. This is one of those times you may have to use a bit of tough love - reassure your child, but not overly so, the more normal you can act around them (even with your heart breaking) the better they will cope in the long run.

    At 36 months there is only so much your words will count here so focus on your actions, your tone of voice and your smile. You may have to revert to some of the earlier training you used, but only for a short while. Doubtless the child is picking up on the anxiety and feelings of pain around them and unlike others I don't think they should be kept isolated from that, instead by leading by example you can help them learn how to cope better with this type of situation.

    Normal routines and consistency are the key in my opinion.


  • #3
    alibride
    Registered Users Posts: 105 ✭✭alibride


    Hi
    Its a very had time for all involved and esp to try and explain it to a baby!! my son was the same age when my mom passed away. In hosp he thought she was asleep but when i explained she had gone to heaven i might awell have said Dublin!! he had no idea!! And he was full of questions it was very hard for me as i was grieving. I had my 2nd baby a few wks later so that took his mind off it but for months later he'd always ask so i was listen to the colm hayes show and a lady from barnardo s was on and she said be truthful and tell them her heart stopped beating and she died!! for for a child of that age it went over his head.!!
    he did say one day when she gets better can she come back from heaven and that broke my heart as i miss her desperately and wish it was that easy.
    now 2 yrs later he sleeps with her blanket and remembers her for all the things she did with him - i talk about her a lot and tell him how much she spoiled him.
    sorry i cant be of more help - take care its a very hard time


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