Divorce questions??

Munstermad

Hiya, can anyone tell me if ex wants divorce, do I have to accept this and if I can't afford it (wont be cheap very acrimonious seperation) am I responsible for costs? Thanks Happy Valentines Day!

Taltos

OP a good place to start is the links section - for example http://www.divorceinireland.net/

In terms of cost - that is getting into the legal area and how much you want or are willing to fight it - that is not something we can speak to. Again the links have one for free legal aid.

In terms of who is responsible - that is definitely legal and one we cannot help with.

Munstermad

Thanks, I do want the divorce but I have no way of paying for it.. So was wondering could I refuse and wait till I can?? Am in no hurry, he on the other hand has gf who is likely pushing for a ring .
Will check that link and ask my solr.. Cheers!!

sffc

What is important is you both want a divorce so why not start there ? If you have a separation agreement that has worked for four years the divorce should be a rubber stamping exercise and hence not expensive . Or does he want to open everything up again ?
What I sense (sincere apologies if I'm wrong ) is that you see the divorce as "Round Two " and a chance to win concessions (such as having him pay your legal costs ) by exploiting your ex's wish to remarry . Why he wants the divorce is not important . He has a right to one if you guys have been separated for enough time (four year rule ) and adequate provision has been made for children etc . There are procedural delaying tactics but personally I think they are immoral . They cost big money so surely that defeats the purpose ??

Munstermad

sffc wrote: »

What I sense (sincere apologies if I'm wrong ) is that you see the divorce as "Round Two " and a chance to win concessions (such as having him pay your legal costs ) by exploiting your ex's wish to remarry .

God no, I want this 4 year battle over and he could marry today if I could manage it! My concern is that am I going to be forced into another huge debt which I simply cannot manage because he is likely to want the divorce asap..... The home myself and the kids live in is at risk of reposession beacause my earnings cannot cover the "joint" mortgage, let alone a huge legal bill from an already acrimonious seperation. We very much live from paycheck to paycheck...I've had huge legal bills from trying to secure a modest maintenance agreement with him... So the divorce with all the issues that need resolving is not going to be cheap... If I won the lotto in the morning I'd pay for both sides just to get it over with...:eek:

sffc

Munstermad wrote: »

God no, I want this 4 year battle over and he could marry today if I could manage it! My concern is that am I going to be forced into another huge debt which I simply cannot manage because he is likely to want the divorce asap..... The home myself and the kids live in is at risk of reposession beacause my earnings cannot cover the "joint" mortgage, let alone a huge legal bill from an already acrimonious seperation. We very much live from paycheck to paycheck...I've had huge legal bills from trying to secure a modest maintenance agreement with him... So the divorce with all the issues that need resolving is not going to be cheap... If I won the lotto in the morning I'd pay for both sides just to get it over with...:eek:

Firstly sincrere apologies as promised . My only problem is with your "modest maintainance agreement " - you agreed it too . Like it or not you are the one looking for changes to it . I'm presuming that you can go to the District Court under your Separation Agreement to seek more maintainance - this shouldn't be as costly .
You talk about "other issues that need resolving" so I'm also presuming that your SA is not very comprehensive - again you signed it too . Unfortunately when you sign a legal paper it doesn't record the amount of pressure you feel to sign . Also unfortuntely the Judge is bound to give grave consideration to any previous SA's in Divorce proceedings .
There might be some good news - his obligations to you and the kids do not stop or even freeze on divorce and subsequent remarraige . His means may change considerably and in a positive way due to his marraige . You need to see your solicitor again I'm afraid ....

Munstermad

Apology not necessary but you presume an awful lot tbh, I do realise you are only going on the information I gave though.
There is no formal separation agreement in place, so I did not agree or sign anything in this regard, there are maintenance, access and attachment of earnings orders in place and it was a long hard battle to get that level of security.... I did not agree or sign the last maintenance variation order, the judge put in place as he was out of work temporarily due to an injury and was on reduced pay, hence the modest maint amt...... Yes I could bring him back to court to increase the amount but that would be costly as I would not do this without a solrs guidance, and every time I put something legal in place he gets agitated and finds some form of retribution, it makes for a very stressful time... I wish I could wave a wand and give him what he wants, but I cant. My fear is the mounting debts from future and past legal battles, and loosing the family home because ex refuses to pay or communicate in any form with myself our the bank, leaving us on the verge of repossession... Hence my dilemma with the costs of an impending divorce... And yes you are right, its back to the solr, and back on this terrible roundabout again...

Abi

Munstermad wrote: »

God no, I want this 4 year battle over and he could marry today if I could manage it! My concern is that am I going to be forced into another huge debt which I simply cannot manage because he is likely to want the divorce asap..... The home myself and the kids live in is at risk of reposession beacause my earnings cannot cover the "joint" mortgage, let alone a huge legal bill from an already acrimonious seperation. We very much live from paycheck to paycheck...I've had huge legal bills from trying to secure a modest maintenance agreement with him... So the divorce with all the issues that need resolving is not going to be cheap... If I won the lotto in the morning I'd pay for both sides just to get it over with...:eek:

I think it would be fair to say that divorce can be put on hold for now, as the separation itself isn't clear. The elements of a separation which must be dealt with prior to an application for divorce are; Anything to do with property and assets, access to children and maintenance of the children.

If you're struggling to make ends meet, then I suggest you go back to court for a variation of maintenance.

Whether they're looking for a ring on her finger or not is irrelevant, its the protection of yours and your childrens home and that you can pay bills and eat. Once you have your official separation, then divorce can come into it.

If you're struggling to make ends meet, have you not sought free legal aid? If it is as bad as you say I think you may very well be entitled to it. Don't put yourselves needlessly into further debt. If entitled, they can help you get your full divorce after too.

Taltos put a link in his post which you will find info about free legal aid.

Taltos

chainsawman - we have removed your post.
Please per our charter do not ask questions on a thread that effectively hijack said thread. Similarly we cannot give legal advice, which is the nub of what you are seeking.

Taltos

James Jones

Abi wrote: »

I think it would be fair to say that divorce can be put on hold for now, as the separation itself isn't clear. The elements of a separation which must be dealt with prior to an application for divorce are; Anything to do with property and assets, access to children and maintenance of the children.

and

Abi wrote: »

Once you have your official separation, then divorce can come into it.

are not true at all. According to Section 5 of the Family Law (Divorce) Act, 1996, a Legal Separation is not required for a divorce application. The only separation required is that the parties have lived apart for 4 of the previous 5 years:

5.—(1) Subject to the provisions of this Act, where, on application to it in that behalf by either of the spouses concerned, the court is satisfied that—

(a) at the date of the institution of the proceedings, the spouses have lived apart from one another for a period of, or periods amounting to, at least four years during the previous five years,

(b) there is no reasonable prospect of a reconciliation between the spouses, and

(c) such provision as the court considers proper having regard to the circumstances exists or will be made for the spouses and any dependent members of the family,

the court may, in exercise of the jurisdiction conferred by Article 41.3.2° of the Constitution, grant a decree of divorce in respect of the marriage concerned.

According to Section 6, a Judicial Separation is an alternative to a divorce, not a requirement.

James Jones

Munstermad wrote: »

Hiya, can anyone tell me if ex wants divorce, do I have to accept this and if I can't afford it (wont be cheap very acrimonious seperation) am I responsible for costs? Thanks Happy Valentines Day!

The parties are normally responsible for their own costs unless their behavior substantially increase the costs unnecessarily. For example, consistently adjourning for no reason etc.

According to Section 5(1), to grant a divorce, the court must be satisfied that

(a) at the date of the institution of the proceedings, the spouses have lived apart from one another for a period of, or periods amounting to, at least four years during the previous five years,

(b) there is no reasonable prospect of a reconciliation between the spouses, and

(c) such provision as the court considers proper having regard to the circumstances exists or will be made for the spouses and any dependent members of the family

It sounds to me that Section 5 (1)(c) might be applicable.

Taltos

James Jones - please take care that you don't stray into offering legal advice here as it is against our charter to do so.

Thanks
Taltos

hiltonhater

Munstermad wrote: »

Hiya, can anyone tell me if ex wants divorce, do I have to accept this and if I can't afford it (wont be cheap very acrimonious seperation) am I responsible for costs? Thanks Happy Valentines Day!

Firstly yes, you do have to accept it unless you have valid reasons for not wanting to divorce! My own ex thought that just by saying no to divorce that it would never happen - he was wrong. Not only is divorce certainty but the fact he has dragged it out for absolutely no reason means that now my legal team are seeking costs off him for my own legal bill which would have been half what it is now had he been a little less bitter over the years. Also to add we never sought judicial separation, just went straight for the jugular

Good luck

hiltonhater

Just want to add that if you are in a bad way financially maybe you would be entitled to legal aid? It is not free but very much a cheaper way of dealing with this and other potential matters you have pertaining to your maintenance agreement etc.

sffc

Sorry if I presumed too much before OP but as you said yourself I can only go on what is written and the devil is in the detail in these matters .
It's all too late now but your case actually proves the need not to "go to the jugular" by rushing to or waiting for divorce especially with dependants mortgages etc . Much better to get legally separated first by Deed of Separation (agreement) or even Judicial Separation . The expense of the latter usually makes people roll up the sleeves and sort out the former . Time is on your side then - in my own case we reached agreement after 18 months so our SA will have been in place for 2 and a 1/2 years minimum before divorce . This makes it very hard for either side to mess around looking for more .
Don't like telling you this OP but you don't have a right to reside in the family home with financial security regardless of other factors . None or us do . From what you write your husband is not well off and has had some hard times . Even if the two of you were still together things wouldn't be too rosey . The fact is you are apart so your incomes now have to fund two households . There is less to go round . If he appears to be better off than you it's because he has a partner . It's not his fault he has one and you don't .
You may write back and tell me he could pay more . If that's true the courts and legal profession are at fault as-well as him . You pursued him legally . A judge decided what was fair after hearing form someone who was well legally represented or at least spent well on legal representation . Sorry but I must presume that the order was fair .
Believe it or not I do sympathise but there are two sides to every story . I have a funny feeling there are other benefits you are entitled to but maybe aren't claiming . If you haven't already make a trip to the Citizens Info .