Don't want to move on

LegacyUser

My older brother died in 2009. He was 21. Now over 3 years later and things haven't improved much in a long time. I never really showed my emotions on the issue, the whole thing has been extremely rough on my parents so i hide my tears until im in bed alone, i dont want to let them see me upset because they are hurt enough.

One thing that has been bothering me for a long time, is time passing by. I think the more time that passes, the further i am away from the last time we spoke, the times we spent together, the further i am from him. I often find myself late at night watching new clips and reading articles online about his death. Trying to get back to that time. I kills me that this year it will be 4 years on, i just dont want time to move on.

How to i change my mindset on this?

lukesmom

Hi firstly my condolances on the loss of your big brother. I, like you lost my little brother in 2011 very suddenly and tragically. I have no advice for you on how to change your mindset as these things you are doing are a mirror image for what I also do. I also cry myself to sleep at night. I find myself typing his name into google and looking up the obituary. I even go to his facebook page back to the time he died, to see the messages from his friends. If both of us are doing this, then there must be others too. It must be normal even though it feels nothing of the sort. Hang in there and keep going. All I can advise is to try the hardest you can to live some sort of a life for yourself through this grief, as I try so hard to do. I tell myself as my brothers life was cut short at 22 then I must live mine for him as that is most definitely what our brothers would want.

Sadderday

I am sorry for your loss and there is a grieving process which is healthy but cannot be rushed.

Your brother is your blood and that can never be changed. You can look back on pics and meet with his friends or speak to your family to talk of good times with him, funny times, times your proud of, times you laughed together.

You have to try look back on these times so very fondly. Look back and smile. Think of him everyday and try smile.

Go on with your day and tell people the funny stories; see other people smile back. Your brother lives on in your memory, however long ago it stretches - it's there. Family and Friends will i'm sure have good memories and you can smile and laugh at his traits and the way he did things. Sometimes people don't want to talk about it but once you get going with memory lane, you find solace and you will be surprised people will join you.
It's like therapy; you will begin to feel better and think fondly of your brother. You will always miss him just like you will always remember him. You just need to try remembering him in a way that will allow you to live your life as full as it can be. Dont let a passing weigh you down; there is the power there to lighten you up and live your life. Don't try to eliminate him from your thoughts, just smile and when your having a bad- imagine what he would have said to you... your his blood so i'm sure you will always be close to the mark. Your instinct and thoughts are always going to be closer to the advice he would give than anyone elses. I am sorry & I hope that you begin to feel better soon.

lukesmom

Sadderday wrote: »

I am sorry for your loss and there is a grieving process which is healthy but cannot be rushed.

Your brother is your blood and that can never be changed. You can look back on pics and meet with his friends or speak to your family to talk of good times with him, funny times, times your proud of, times you laughed together.

You have to try look back on these times so very fondly. Look back and smile. Think of him everyday and try smile.

Go on with your day and tell people the funny stories; see other people smile back. Your brother lives on in your memory, however long ago it stretches - it's there. Family and Friends will i'm sure have good memories and you can smile and laugh at his traits and the way he did things. Sometimes people don't want to talk about it but once you get going with memory lane, you find solace and you will be surprised people will join you.
It's like therapy; you will begin to feel better and think fondly of your brother. You will always miss him just like you will always remember him. You just need to try remembering him in a way that will allow you to live your life as full as it can be. Dont let a passing weigh you down; there is the power there to lighten you up and live your life. Don't try to eliminate him from your thoughts, just smile and when your having a bad- imagine what he would have said to you... your his blood so i'm sure you will always be close to the mark. Your instinct and thoughts are always going to be closer to the advice he would give than anyone elses. I am sorry & I hope that you begin to feel better soon.

Such a beautiful post ^. I know it wasn't for me but I got a lot out of it x

Sadderday

lukesmom - I read your post too, of course it was meant for you and I think for everyone that reads it and might be feeling something similar at the present time.

We have to stick together ya know.

Take Care

CaraMay

Op I do the same....

I have no religion in me but my sibling (who passed) had a friend who is Buddhist. The friend recently told me that Buddhists believe that if we don't accept the death and let go of the person that their soul stays here and doesn't move on to full peace until we let them.

I don't even know if I believe in souls but I try every day to accept and let my sibling go (just in case it's true ).... When I don't want to accept the loss I feel guilty for keeping them here so I'm trying hard to accept the situation, let them go and move on... It's very hard.