Relationship Finance - what is fair?

dellas1979

It sounds like she is a little insecure/concerned about you seeing her as a free-ride. I know the bills are being split 50/50, but I just think she doesnt want you to see her as a way of saving money, which is what most of the posts are about.

Maybe offer to take one/two of the bigger bills on full. And leave her with the smaller ones.

Tar.Aldarion

fits wrote: »

I actually cant believe the response in this thread. Do people really expect the girlfriend to give him free accommodation? There are expenses associated with keeping a property, whether she has a mortgage or not.

I think 50% of bills plus a nominal amount of rent is absolutely fair.

Do you think he would not be paying half of those additional expenses as things stand?

ahnow

Hold on a minute, I cannot believe what people are saying on this thread! OP you cannot expect to move in with someone and live rent free-she might have inherited the house but if theres an extra person living in it there is additional wear and tear, and hidden costs that have to be paid for. Things break, things have to get repaired, general upkeep. You simply cannot expect to live somewhere rent-free--that is unbelievable!!!

fits

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

Do you think he would not be paying half of those additional expenses as things stand?

I think that the owner of a property is responsible for some rather large expenses that a relatively new partner should not have to think about. Would be better that he pay rent rather than half the cost of a new roof, to use an extreme example. or washing machine etc. Clearly he doesn't have the means for those large one off expenses anyway.

Chucky the tree

I've no problem with her asking for something extra. Even if someone offer me rent free and 50% bills I'd still throw in a bit more because I'm feel like scab otherwise tbh. I think simply paying some form of rent and then not having to deal with the extras will make life easier, but explain this to her. As it stands you'll have to cover the cost of everything in the house if you don't pay extra - new washing machine, TV, all repairs, new carpet, tiles etc. Problem is if you break up and move out obviously this causes a bit of hassle.

Katy89

Mr. Blank wrote: »

Anyway we both spoke about it and she agreed that 50% was quite fair, but maybe giving her a token rent would be a good idea as a jester of faith. But I should also make the point, my girlfriend is already planning our summer holiday so believe me what ever I save will be going strait back into our relationship.

from your original post I found it quite difficult to give a statement to the situation, but after reading this, I would count myself to the 'warning of this girl group'.

so she's planning the holidays and are you taking part in this plannings and therefore where your hard earned and very little savings go??
it doesn't sound like...
OP, I don't know you and your personality, maybe you like somebody is planning with your money and life in general.
this girl sounds to like being in control of your affairs.

your decision whether you want this.

good luck

ShaShaBear

Katy89 wrote: »

from your original post I found it quite difficult to give a statement to the situation, but after reading this, I would count myself to the 'warning of this girl group'.

so she's planning the holidays and are you taking part in this plannings and therefore where your hard earned and very little savings go??
it doesn't sound like...
OP, I don't know you and your personality, maybe you like somebody is planning with your money and life in general.
this girl sounds to like being in control of your affairs.

your decision whether you want this.

good luck

+1 on this. It sounds like she is trying to extend her "looked after" lifestyle. If you are paying her rent, half of her bills AND saving towards taking her on holidays that she is planning, then you're in for a bumpy ride. Did she ask if you could afford this holiday? Is she paying her own way on this holiday, ie paying for her own accommodation and travel expenses? Or is she booking it all and expecting you to foot the bill?

clint_silver

ShaShaBear wrote: »

+1 on this. It sounds like she is trying to extend her "looked after" lifestyle. If you are paying her rent, half of her bills AND saving towards taking her on holidays that she is planning, then you're in for a bumpy ride. Did she ask if you could afford this holiday? Is she paying her own way on this holiday, ie paying for her own accommodation and travel expenses? Or is she booking it all and expecting you to foot the bill?

Its seems to be the common consensus here that some figure is due as rent. What that figure is has to be decided but one would have thought it should be agreeable figure less than any market rate.

As soon as he moved, in its half their bills, not half hers.

Saving towards holidays is what couples do.

kaiserjim

Both move into new rented accomadation split everything down the middle. That's truly fair. She can rent out her house but what you both earn is your own business.

ShaShaBear

clint_silver wrote: »

Its seems to be the common consensus here that some figure is due as rent. What that figure is has to be decided but one would have thought it should be agreeable figure less than any market rate.

As soon as he moved, in its half their bills, not half hers.

Saving towards holidays is what couples do.

If they can both afford them. Doesn't sound like the OP is very enthusiastic about this holiday his GF is planning or the fact that any money he saves by moving will go towards it.

sffc

There's elephants in the room here guys and they need to be outed. Nobody wants to admit it but a huge difference in incomes DOES matter in a relationship particularly as in this case where the girl is better off than the guy. It's not anything like as socially acceptable for a guy to be funded by a girl (being rent free is being funded) . I have no doubt disquiet has been expressed to some degree by her friends and parents.
Then there's the legal situation. If OP pays rent he can legally be a tenant and the girl has less risk of falling foul of the new cohabitation laws. They would give the OP rights to the house after five years or two if they have children.
Personally I can't see the OPs problem - he'll get to live in a much nicer place than he could otherwise afford. He'll have his gf with him and save further on transport. He'll also get to go on a great holiday with the savings! He'll get her lifestyle for a knockdown price.
He's not happy though - the reality is he wants to live his old modest lifestyle but with less expenses and squirrel away the savings. She I presume is also to live this lifestyle and anytime she wants to splash out fund him aswell.
This ain't gonna work - too much too soon.

tatli_lokma

elephants in the room indeed....and also an echo!

LittleBook

Mr. Blank wrote: »

I graduated from college last year and I have got my first job- its part time and it doesn't pay a lot. I drive and I have college loans so what ever I earn goes towards paying bills. I can just about meet my living expenses if i don't spend money on going out. I am currently setting up a small business.

Mr. Blank wrote: »

I think both our financial situation are both relavent in this situation because it's a dilemma relating to personal finances, so if she has a solid income with little expenses and I have a small income with more expenses I think this is very relavent in terms of paying rent.

When I say I can just about meet my expenses I mean including rent of course. Right now I am paying rent where I am staying. But my household bills are quite low, my girlfriends are quite high, so even though I would be saving money by moving in, it wouldn't be a huge amount and if I were to pay rent also I would have nothing at all. It would how ever be something if i could save and it would help me out a lot and give me some breathing space. But just about.

Leave the fact that she's your girlfriend out of this for the moment ... you are being invited into a new living arrangement. You can either afford it or you can't. So if you can't afford to live in the lifestyle to which your girlfriend is accustomed (big house, summer holidays) and repay your college loans and start your new business, end of story!

Mr. Blank wrote: »

Anyway we both spoke about it and she agreed that 50% was quite fair, but maybe giving her a token rent would be a good idea as a jester of faith. But I should also make the point, my girlfriend is already planning our summer holiday so believe me what ever I save will be going strait back into our relationship.

If doesn't look like you can afford to be in a relationship with this woman for the moment to be honest. And it's a little too early (in my personal opinion) for anyone to be subsidising the lifestyle of anyone else ... you've only been together a few months. But further down the line, when there is more of an investment in the relationship and a real commitment, you can discuss compromises.

For the record, I earn more than my partner and would have no problem subsidising him if he needed it ... but we're in love, together 6 years and engaged, while you two "really like" each other. There's no obligation on you to make this move at this point.

kiffer

Hmmm... If I owned my own home outright like that I don't think I would ask a girlfriend for rent money... bills yes, a dig out on repairs if things got tough yes. But rent on a property I'm not actually paying for? No. That would feel weird.

tatli_lokma

But would it not equally feel weird to ask someone to move in, and wonder if possibly the motivation for them agreeing is cos they can save money on their current situation??

I think OP's GF is not asking that he pay her any more than he currently pays in outgoings. So as for him complaining that he is broke, he won't be any better off paying rent to an unknown landlord. And with an unknown landlord he wouldn't be paying for repairs/new washing machine/ landlord insurance etc etc. So if the OP and his GF sit down and have a reasonable adult conversation about this, there is no need for OP to be worse off than he is now and no need for the GF to be better off. A communal fund that OP pays into to cover the additional expenses of owning a home, which would be no more than he would pay in rent anyway, is a reasonable expectation. Otherwise he is getting all the financial gain, and she is not. If finacial gain/loss is an issue, and it seems to be, then by moving in together the ideal situation would be that neither one is better/worse off by the move. To do this they need to make decisions about who pays what and how much. Any excess money that comes into the household should be squirrelled away for either home maintenance (basic) or a joint expenditure.

mood

OP you should only be moving in with someone if you see a longterm future together. It sounds like that is not the situation. You don't even love her yet.

kiffer

Little Ted wrote: »

But would it not equally feel weird to ask someone to move in, and wonder if possibly the motivation for them agreeing is cos they can save money on their current situation??

I think OP's GF is not asking that he pay her any more than he currently pays in outgoings. So as for him complaining that he is broke, he won't be any better off paying rent to an unknown landlord. And with an unknown landlord he wouldn't be paying for repairs/new washing machine/ landlord insurance etc etc. So if the OP and his GF sit down and have a reasonable adult conversation about this, there is no need for OP to be worse off than he is now and no need for the GF to be better off. A communal fund that OP pays into to cover the additional expenses of owning a home, which would be no more than he would pay in rent anyway, is a reasonable expectation. Otherwise he is getting all the financial gain, and she is not. If finacial gain/loss is an issue, and it seems to be, then by moving in together the ideal situation would be that neither one is better/worse off by the move. To do this they need to make decisions about who pays what and how much. Any excess money that comes into the household should be squirrelled away for either home maintenance (basic) or a joint expenditure.

If I was asking someone to move in with me it wouldn't be so I could save money on my rent/mortgage it would be because I wanted to live with them... she's doing the asking (if I read that correctly) it's not like he went "you've got free accommodation? Score! I should move in for free!"

Even if he doesn't pay her rent she is gaining financially in the form of half bills.
She's already considerably more financially secure than he is... no debt, no rent, more pay and a financial safety net.
Asking him to pay rent as a test of how serious he us sounds a bit shiityy really and I doubt that's why she's doing. I think it's more likely she doesn't understand how tenuous his financial situation is. Sure your no worse off paying her as you would be some landlord... so why not... or why not leave it six months, spend 3 or 4 nights a week with her and keep the freedom of having your own place?

mood

If I were the girl in question I would get legal advice regarding the situation, talk to the boyfriend about it and discuss the possibility of getting a agreement drawn up (if legally advised) to protect my assets. The situation could be revised when and if things get more serious a few years down the line.

LegacyUser

I think your girlfriend is right to charge you some rent, for one, if you weren't going to move in perhaps she would rent a room to a tenant and have an additional income from it and secondly, it is irrelevant what her financial situation is, she should not be expected to support you financially, nor is she responsible for the debts you might have incurred.

A nominal amount however would be fair.

XxMCRxBabyxX

If the gf is that worried and distrustful (going by comments made here) of the bf then surely the couple shouldn't be moving in together in the first place? They're not long together as is and she is the one that suggested moving in?

CommanderC

It is none of your business how well to do her back ground is, how much she earns or whether she owns a property or not.

She is offering you a place to live, splitting the bills 50/50. If you want to take up her offer then you should be offering to pay her a rent contribution at least. What she spends it on, whether her car, repairs to the house or whatever, is none of your business.

If you want to live somewhere- you pay for it !!! If you can't afford it then simply tell her no.

Also, it sounded from your post that the 'extra' amount that she is asking you for is well below what you would pay if renting in your own right, yet you are still complaining.

Sorry if I am coming across as being harsh.

Calhoun

CommanderC wrote: »

It is none of your business how well to do her back ground is, how much she earns or whether she owns a property or not.

She is offering you a place to live, splitting the bills 50/50. If you want to take up her offer then you should be offering to pay her a rent contribution at least. What she spends it on, whether her car, repairs to the house or whatever, is none of your business.

If you want to live somewhere- you pay for it !!! If you can't afford it then simply tell her no.

Also, it sounded from your post that the 'extra' amount that she is asking you for is well below what you would pay if renting in your own right, yet you are still complaining.

Sorry if I am coming across as being harsh.

I would do this OP but i would also make it clear to her that you have same rights as a normal tenant, i.e any landlord responsiblities fall to her.

That way you get the 50/50 split, she gets her rent less the liability of co-habitation and you are not obligated to pay for stuff that is not your responsiblity.

Other than that i would not move in with her until you guys were ready to settle down as this looks like the start down a road i would not like to travel.

LegacyUser

Calhoun wrote: »

I would do this OP but i would also make it clear to her that you have same rights as a normal tenant, i.e any landlord responsiblities fall to her.

That way you get the 50/50 split, she gets her rent less the liability of co-habitation and you are not obligated to pay for stuff that is not your responsiblity.

Other than that i would not move in with her until you guys were ready to settle down as this looks like the start down a road i would not like to travel.

He wouldn't be a tenant, he would be a lodger as the owner of the property is living there it falls under the rent a room scheme which means the OP would not have any of the rights a tenant renting a property would have.

It really doesn't sound like your ready to move in together at this stage OP. You seem to have issues with your OH that are likely to develop into resentment if you move in now. Maybe put it off for another while and work on our relationship. If you do move in together I do agree with several others that you should pay something towards 'rent' - just because she owns the property out right does not mean there aren't expense such as insurance etc that need to be covered as well as maintenance costs. In a normal rental situation these would fall to the landlord but the landlord would have income from rent to put towards it. Two people using a property is going to add extra wear and tear so a contribution should be made towards that and if she spends it on her car or whatever and the fridge breaks then tell her tough she should have saved your 'rent' to help with those costs.