Sometimes get embarrassed when people find out I'm gay.

Intouch9

Hey guys,

Background: Have been here a while, lurking mostly, posting when something takes my interest. Started a thread ages ago on how I was finding it hard to make gay friends and never actually acted on it.

Anyway: I'm pretty sure I have some sort of an issue that I need to work through with being gay. I'm comfortable with myself, having known I was gay since I was 16 (I'm 25 now!). I'm out, to friends, family, colleagues etc... and I can be camp with the situation calls for it.

My BF is quite open and would no problem talking about our relationship in public, over dinner or talking about being gay or whatever and when this happens, I actually start going red, feeling awkward. Similarly, if I was at a party and chatting to my friends and one of them raised the fact that I was gay, I get embarrassed if others hear. I have no problem saying it myself and am comfortable raising it, but if I'm taken off guard and, it's different.

I want to get to a place where I'm completely comfortable with myself and am wondering if anyone ever felt similar and if so, how you overcame it.

Thanks!

boredboard

Hi Intouch9
I have felt something similar, but with time I feel more and more confident in who I am; and care less and less about what people think. I have noticed with time this is happening naturally.
I believe that your sexuality is a private thing and some people are more private and guarded than others and that (imo) it's natural to feel awkward when something private is raised among people you may not know.

Rushed reply but hope it's of some benefit to you.

Goodshape

I think I was pretty much the same for a few years after first coming out (at 21, I'm 29 now). I was "fine" with it, but not necessarily comfortable when the subject came up.

Got better with time. These days I really do feel like it's no big deal (well, most of the time anyway). I'm happy to talk about relationships if that's the topic – and wouldn't hesitate or feel awkward telling someone "oh, actually, I'm gay" if they're assuming otherwise.

Though I still wouldn't be a 'kiss and tell' kinda guy; at this stage I'd just consider that to be my personality. I like having a private life and don't feel the need to be 'comfortable' talking about intimate details of my sex life.


So yeah, maybe just give it some time. Practice makes perfect and all that.

baby and crumble

Yeah, OP, I felt the same for ages. It just felt weird. I think because for so long the only person who knew about my sexuality was me. And for a long time, I built it into this massive thing in my head- to hear other people referring to it was really bizarre, and felt uncomfortable. But it really is something that you get more and more comfortable with it in time. You can't rush feeling comfortable about something.

Intouch9

Phew! Thanks to all of you for responding. Feeling a bit better about it now.
Legends!

Walker77

Intouch9 wrote: »

Hey guys,

Background: Have been here a while, lurking mostly, posting when something takes my interest. Started a thread ages ago on how I was finding it hard to make gay friends and never actually acted on it.

Anyway: I'm pretty sure I have some sort of an issue that I need to work through with being gay. I'm comfortable with myself, having known I was gay since I was 16 (I'm 25 now!). I'm out, to friends, family, colleagues etc... and I can be camp with the situation calls for it.

My BF is quite open and would no problem talking about our relationship in public, over dinner or talking about being gay or whatever and when this happens, I actually start going red, feeling awkward. Similarly, if I was at a party and chatting to my friends and one of them raised the fact that I was gay, I get embarrassed if others hear. I have no problem saying it myself and am comfortable raising it, but if I'm taken off guard and, it's different.

I want to get to a place where I'm completely comfortable with myself and am wondering if anyone ever felt similar and if so, how you overcame it.

Thanks!

+1 I find it a challenge to do this. This is normal

ewan whose army

Don't worry I am sure alot of people have felt this way. It took me a while to identify as gay even after I came out. I used to feel like it made me different from everyone else, borderline abnormal. I started to get over it when 99% of people don't care about it ! If I tell a friend I am gay its either "cool dude" (from a guy) or from some of my girl friends "aww thats sweet".

I am very open about my sexuality now, it helps me feel better about myself, I am even happy that I am gay! Once you accept your sexuality life becomes far better.

johnreck

that slight embarrassment you feel that little surge of adrenaline when some one you dont know starts talking about your sexuality.
is a real normal thing its about control and preparation. when you decide to talk about yourself your in control and you have that well rehearsed script in your head. when someone just starts talking about it, or you, well that control is diminished, its not about being open, happy, or even comfortable with your sexuality.
i guess its about ownership. also as said in earlier posts some people are more private and and reserved in areas that they consider to be there private life.
its just who you are and certainly not an issue.. nor anything you should be worried, embarrassed or apologetic about.
if my other half started to discuss our sex life over dinner with friends or family he would have sore shins for a month.
and if someone is gong on about your sexuality or any part of your personal life that makes you uncomfortable, just let them know.
its not about being snotty but about being allowed to have your privacy and about it and you being respected. its for you to share if and when you wish to,

keepkeyyellow

'So yano gay sex how does that work?'
'Do I look like a focking biology teacher? Ask your mother'

'Hey hey hey is my dress cool'
'God get some self confidence in yourself'

'We should go to the George sometime'
'I have enough friends'

Being gay doesn't define my personality etc etc etc

However sometime it's nice to be someone's 'first' gay

DazMarz

One of my (female) friends' reactions when I told them:

"I'm so happy for you... you're so brave... OH MY GOD! I HAVE A BOY I CAN GO SHOPPING WITH NOW!"

Dear, oh dear...

coolperson05

DazMarz wrote: »

One of my (female) friends' reactions when I told them:

"I'm so happy for you... you're so brave... OH MY GOD! I HAVE A BOY I CAN GO SHOPPING WITH NOW!"

Dear, oh dear...

Hahaha I love this! All modesty seems to disappear when the girls find out! They'll tell and describe very detailed things to their 'new gay best friend' that maybe we didn't need to hear!! :rolleyes:

Locker10a

coolperson05 wrote: »

Hahaha I love this! All modesty seems to disappear when the girls find out! They'll tell and describe very detailed things to their 'new gay best friend' that maybe we didn't need to hear!! :rolleyes:

Yup ! I find this too! While I find it entertaining hearing the inside stories from girl-friends about how Tommy,Colin or Sean etc. (or who ever they're sleeping with) perform in bed! It sometimes pisses me off that im just the Gay best friend , almost an accessory, sometimes it genuinely upsets me because some people make me feel really disposable like a handbag or something

TO_ARTHUR!

coolperson05 wrote: »

Hahaha I love this! All modesty seems to disappear when the girls find out! They'll tell and describe very detailed things to their 'new gay best friend' that maybe we didn't need to hear!! :rolleyes:

Tell me about it man. The girls try and tell you stuff about their relationships with some of my friends who are lads. I always steer the subject away but so many times, have I nearly said I'm just a gay guy, I'm not a relationship consultant.

But @Intouch9, I know the feeling you talk about, it used to happen to me but thankfully, it's something you get over and grow out of. When I was younger, I would apologize if I told someone I was gay because I thought I'd made the situation awkward. Nowadays, I just tell someone if they ask me, no big deal and they're always cool with it. There's no need to feel embarrassed when you tell someone or they find out that you are gay.

TO_ARTHUR!

desaparecidos wrote: »

"Sometimes get embarrassed when people find out I'm gay"

You should be.

Explain your post. Why should should we be embarrassed?

Annasopra

desaparecidos wrote: »

"Sometimes get embarrassed when people find out I'm gay"

You should be.

If you can't add anything useful - don't post here again

Ash885

The reason why I think it might be uncomfortable/embarassing is when sexuality is brought up, you can get very anxious on if people see you in a different light; you spend so long buzzing it over in your head that when someone says it so casually it can take you off guard. But it's amazing how a three letter word like 'gay' can mean so many things for other people. I guess that's where the fear can stem; what's that other person's view on it, does it change anything etc...

Petey89

I can feel like that a lot, i think its because im worried about how people will react to it, I came out when i was 20 only 3 years ago and iv been ina relationship for over 2 years, Its when im with new people i just dont bring it up or talk about it incase things got awkward. My bf is really comfotable with being gay and has no problem talking to anyone about it he is a few years older than me and has been out since his teens so thats understanable. I really think my problem is just afraid of other peoples reactions. I love being gay and my partner but i know people who have been beaten up for being gay and i have experienced some verbel bullying walking down the street from idiots that dont even know me. For instance I was walking home from the shop one day and a car drove past an just shouted ****** at me i didnt even know them, and i wouldnt be camp or anything most people are surprised when they find out im gay for some reason. But i suppose there will always be idiots trying to put me down so im a bit better at dealing with it now, just keep my head up and ignore the haters.