Coming out or not when I'm visiting apartments

XxMCRxBabyxX

tunedout wrote: »

No sex is not sex. The anal pipe on a man is not intended for that purpose, excrement on the penis etc.

The vagina on a female is intended for the purpose of sex.

That is how it is different for me, one is sick and one is not.

This is why you have shown yourself to be homophobic.

oisindoyle

tunedout wrote: »

No sex is not sex. The anal pipe on a man is not intended for that purpose, excrement on the penis etc. .

It's interesting that all you see when you condemn a gay person/s is sex..
There is more to gay people (and life) than sex.Why the obsession with other peoples sex lives ??.
For your information a recent study found that over 67% of gay men DO NOT engage in anal sex ,whereas 54% of hetrosexual people do .
Funny that isn't it .

tunedout wrote: »

The vagina on a female is intended for the purpose of sex..

Well not quite ...

tunedout wrote: »

That is how it is different for me, one is sick and one is not.

and there we have the prsjuice and hatred of gay people ,,but you're not homophobic sure you're not !!

pwurple

deuve82 wrote: »

From my point of view, when you're a visiting an apartment both sides may say every possible point of conflict: pets, smoking, parties, one night stands allowed or not... and since we are not living in an advanced society in which not the 100% of people is tolerant with homosexuality, I prefer to come out and be sure that I'm not going to have problems with my mates.

Sounds like a good plan alright. House shares can be awkward for all sorts of unexpected/ridiculous reasons. I remember one houseshare nearly coming to blows over one housemate having a preference for watching the soaps, while the others preferred the news. As weird as it is to discuss sexuality with complete strangers, it is probably best to be upfront about it in case you do run into a bigot.

Best of luck!

wonderfulname

tunedout wrote: »

No sex is not sex. The anal pipe on a man is not intended for that purpose, excrement on the penis etc.

The vagina on a female is intended for the purpose of sex.

That is how it is different for me, one is sick and one is not.

User infracted for this post

Blatent homophobia is not acceptable as per forum charter.

tunedout

Ok well it seems i cant say anything here without being considered homophobic. To be honest , everyone who is not gay is homophobic by yer conditions.i disagree with the infraction above, maybe sick was too strong a word but its an unpleasant thought for me, id best leave ye at , because theres no point arguing with a group who are blind to the other side of the story and who complain about people who make a decision based on whats comfortable for them and whats not.

XxMCRxBabyxX

tunedout wrote: »

Ok well it seems i cant say anything here without being considered homophobic. To be honest , everyone who is not gay is homophobic by yer conditions.i disagree with the infraction above, maybe sick was too strong a word but its an unpleasant thought for me, id best leave ye at , because theres no point arguing with a group who are blind to the other side of the story and who complain about people who make a decision based on whats comfortable for them and whats not.

Not everyone posting on here is gay. I'm straight and I still think thst you are homophobic. Your comments have made it clear that you are whether you want to believe it or not.

There's being 'comfortable' and there is discriminating against others. You have done the latter.

Slutmonkey57b

deuve82 wrote: »

Hi again guys,

Thanks for all your opinions, I don't care if we've lost the focus a little bit, it's always interesting to see different views of the same thing.

From my point of view, when you're a visiting an apartment both sides may say every possible point of conflict: pets, smoking, parties, one night stands allowed or not... and since we are not living in an advanced society in which not the 100% of people is tolerant with homosexuality, I prefer to come out and be sure that I'm not going to have problems with my mates.

But that's my theory and now I'm facing the reality, and mine is that I'm still in my crap apartment after lose a really good opportunity. The people of that apartment took their decision based in their prejudices, I'm pretty sure that in their lives (tunedout, I think is the same for you, tell me if I'm wrong) they haven't met a gay guy who has shown them that our life is as common as a straight life. So I'm not sure yet, but I think for the next time I'm going to close my mouth and run the risk. Or, if I say something, it'll be directly on their faces, not by a text.


ps.: "Homosexual noises" lol!! XD

Op, I think you did the right thing in bringing it up the way you did. It's very easy to jump at an offer of a flat (or from the other side agree to let someone move in) and then discover you're in the middle of an uncomfortable situation because of a conflict with your housemates. You can't cover every possible angle of everyone's foibles, prejudices, or annoying habits beforehand, but you can have the foresight to pick up on what you know are the obvious ones, like pets, smoking, parties etc. In this case, it's regrettable that your sexuality was a sticking point for someone in the apartment. It shouldn't have been, but I don't see much traction in making an issue of it with the tenants.

I'd drop a line to the landlord and thank them for their time, but say unfortunately you can't take it because of this. Unless you're prepared to be the person to expend a lot of time and energy making a stand, going to court is a remedy that would make a point but wouldn't get you a room right now.

Ultimately it's their loss. You made a good impression, proved you were a perfectly good prospective tenant / housemate, and only lost out due to someone else's problem. Hopefully the person they do choose turns out to be a nightmare and they'll have the chance to see how a pointless prejudice cost them.

tunedout

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

Not everyone posting on here is gay. I'm straight and I still think thst you are homophobic. Your comments have made it clear that you are whether you want to believe it or not.

There's being 'comfortable' and there is discriminating against others. You have done the latter.

Ok, but irrelevant of what i have said or not, this thread isnt about me. Fine, lets assume im a homophobe.

But I still respect other peoples preferences for comfort and privacy, and i dont care what they base their assumptions on. If they dont want to live with someone because their fat, they smoke, dont smoke, are muslim, are religious, non religious, gay, straight, traveller, female/male then that should be their right. If they are not comfortable with a traveller or muslim beliefs/dress codes then I find nothing wrong with that. If someone doesnt want to live with me because i drink alcohol or i am male or i am non religious then thats fine, i dont feel discriminated against, i respect their desires.

Cavehill Red

I once lived with two krishna conscious lads in a house share years ago. They were vegetarian by religious conviction and really got upset seeing sausages and bacon in the fridge. At first we got another fridge in, and one was vegetarian and one was not. But then there were issues about cooking meat on pans and pots, so then there were twice the pans and pots. Eventually, some housemates were referring to one fridge as 'the morgue' all the time and rolling their eyes and dramatically leaving the room at the sight of meat, while other flatmates lost patience about having their dinners morally judged and began giving out about hearing chanting through the walls, which until then hadn't been an issue. In the end, the krishna lads moved out and everyone stayed friends.
Bottom line is that you can have incompatible living arrangements without being intolerant or phobic or a bigot. People in a house have to be able to get along or it won't work even with the best will in the world.

Cavehill Red

tunedout wrote: »

But I still respect other peoples preferences for comfort and privacy, and i dont care what they base their assumptions on. If they dont want to live with someone because their fat, they smoke, dont smoke, are muslim, are religious, non religious, gay, straight, traveller, female/male then that should be their right. If they are not comfortable with a traveller or muslim beliefs/dress codes then I find nothing wrong with that. If someone doesnt want to live with me because i drink alcohol or i am male or i am non religious then thats fine, i dont feel discriminated against, i respect their desires.

As clarified earlier in the thread, that is their right. While a landlord cannot discriminate against who he leases to on sexual preference grounds (or any of the other stated grounds), tenants can make their decision about who they wish to live with on any grounds they like without fear of legal penalty.

Stabshauptmann

I've lived in 7 places in Dublin in the past 8 years, with 30 or so people.
My advice is to find out enough info about potential house mates to discern if you would be compatible.

If you live an openly gay lifestyle, then there is no point hiding that fact when looking to share accommodation.

baby and crumble

tunedout wrote: »

No sex is not sex. The anal pipe on a man is not intended for that purpose, excrement on the penis etc.

The vagina on a female is intended for the purpose of sex.

That is how it is different for me, one is sick and one is not.

I'm a lesbian, so seeing how there's no 'male anal pipe' involved, I'm assuming I'm ok???

Slutmonkey57b

baby and crumble wrote: »

I'm a lesbian, so seeing how there's no 'male anal pipe' involved, I'm assuming I'm ok???

Lesbians always get a free pass, because Lesbian sex is, like, hot and stuff. Scientific fact, Bro. Just look it up. No Homosexual noises involved.

manic mailman

tunedout wrote: »

....

To summize, your views (to me) are as follows: Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?



OP, (and this is purely my preference) - I'd be up front about it from the get go. There was a guy that I had previously intended on moving out with a few months back but when he found out I was gay his opinion of it/me, etc changed despite him pleading that he was "fine with it".

(Sorry Mods for being frivolous re: the top part here but I really can't stand this nonsense sometimes - and feel the need to respond in kind.....blessed internet memes to the rescue).

tunedout

manic mailman wrote: »

To summize, your views (to me) are as follows: Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?



OP, (and this is purely my preference) - I'd be up front about it from the get go. There was a guy that I had previously intended on moving out with a few months back but when he found out I was gay his opinion of it/me, etc changed despite him pleading that he was "fine with it".

(Sorry Mods for being frivolous re: the top part here but I really can't stand this nonsense sometimes - and feel the need to respond in kind.....blessed internet memes to the rescue).

All people who are not gay, are, implicitely, homophobic.

What sad logic.

tunedout

Anyway, I'm just glad common sense prevails in this country and people can legally decide not to live with someone based on the persons sexuality. Although, it would be a very sad state of affairs if this was not the case.
Peoples comfort zones should be respected without them suffering the label of phobics.
I'm astonished at how blind and unwilling people are to see the situation from another point of view.

Let me give one final example, I am comfortable coming out of the shower in my current house of lads, changing with my door open etc. if one lad was gay i would not be so comfortable. Therefore, i might be more relunctant on this single point for example to live with a gay person. And why should I? Whats the problem with me making a choice on this basis?

tunedout

baby and crumble wrote: »

I'm a lesbian, so seeing how there's no 'male anal pipe' involved, I'm assuming I'm ok???

Im not even getting into this as its conpletely in the erong direction.

Slutmonkey57b

tunedout wrote: »

Im not even getting into this as its conpletely in the erong direction.

Wasn't that your objection to the gay sex too? *confused*

tunedout

Slutmonkey57b wrote: »

Wasn't that your objection to the gay sex too? *confused*

No. It wasn't. Mate.

m.j.w

When a women is sharing an apartment and states females only is this seen as a discrimination? No! In my view people should be allowed to decide who they share there homes with.

The Clown Man

Lol that tunedout guy was hilarious!

To the OP, for what it's worth, as a straight guy I'd see no fault at all in telling them after you have got a chance to get to know them and get on well with them. I say that because all anyone is ever afraid of is what they don't know. If they know you and like you they won't give a **** what you are doing and might even learn a bit on the way.

The odd chance that they might be of the few that would use the "you lied to us" ploy knowing right well it's none of their ****ing business anyway. You'd know they were though and I'm guessing you'd hardly want to live with them in the first place.

People are irrationally afraid of what they don't know, but it seems, the stupider the person, the more afraid they seem to get. Maybe because a less stupid person would seek educate himself and maybe know more about the unknowns before deciding on anything irrationally and illogically, whereas the more stupid person would go find a stone to hit something with.

You've seen two distinct layers of stupidity here;
Pretty Stupid, but giving they guys in the apartment you visited the full and maybe unwarranted benefit of the doubt, maybe put on the spot and made to think fast, resulting in poorer decision making than normal which they may even regret themselves, and
Really Stupid, thinking that calling homosexual noises and such sick, is 1. A perfectly acceptable stance, 2. An excellent point to communicate in a generally nonspecific argument against all forms of non-heterosexual engagement, 3. In a LGBT forum.

Anyway, I digress.

I'd say if you find a group of halfway intelligent people, some of whom might even fall into Pretty Stupid above, tell them after spending some time to get on friendly terms. That will make the news easier to manage for anyone who might be in the Pretty Stupid category, who won't give a crap once they know you.

Dunno if that is good advice or not but hey!

oisindoyle

tunedout wrote: »

Anyway, I'm just glad common sense prevails in this country and people can legally decide not to live with someone based on the persons sexuality. Although, it would be a very sad state of affairs if this was not the case.
Peoples comfort zones should be respected without them suffering the label of phobics.
I'm astonished at how blind and unwilling people are to see the situation from another point of view.?

But it is YOU who cannot see that the numerous comments you made are homophobic .It has nothing to do with "another point of view",it is homophobia pure and simple ,

tunedout wrote: »

Let me give one final example, I am comfortable coming out of the shower in my current house of lads, changing with my door open etc. if one lad was gay i would not be so comfortable. Therefore, i might be more relunctant on this single point for example to live with a gay person. And why should I? Whats the problem with me making a choice on this basis?

So what are you afaid of exactly? Do you think that just because you are coming out of a shower a gay guy is going to jump up ?
Again it is down to ,,,,,,,,,"Homophobia is basically the irrational fear or revulsion due to, or bias against homosexuality "
You can try to dress it up whatever way you want but the bottom line is you are homophobic

liquoriceall

I think what you have all failed to realise is that tunedup is hot and no gay man could resist so really tunedup is doing everyone a favour by not subjecting some poor young lad to unrequited lust........me Id be fine with my safe lesbian noises lol

The Clown Man

tunedout wrote: »

Let me give one final example, I am comfortable coming out of the shower in my current house of lads, changing with my door open etc. if one lad was gay i would not be so comfortable. Therefore, i might be more relunctant on this single point for example to live with a gay person. And why should I? Whats the problem with me making a choice on this basis?

No I get it, cause in fairness you do come across as irresistible. I'm just looking up "man crush" now to make sure I'm still straight. Dude, I can see what you mean. Close the ****ing room door.


You know, what's made this thread so enjoyable for me is that I've read all your posts as Karl Pilkington - and it's hilarious!

baby and crumble

tunedout wrote: »

Let me give one final example, I am comfortable coming out of the shower in my current house of lads, changing with my door open etc. if one lad was gay i would not be so comfortable. Therefore, i might be more relunctant on this single point for example to live with a gay person. And why should I? Whats the problem with me making a choice on this basis?

You live in a house full of men, walk around naked and change with your bedroom door open? That's a bit gay, isn't it?

Lingua Franca

Of course not, he just doesn't like being around gay men because they make him think funny thoughts about gay sex and that makes him uncomfortable.

nordisk celt83

tunedout wrote: »

No sex is not sex. The anal pipe on a man is not intended for that purpose, excrement on the penis etc.

The vagina on a female is intended for the purpose of sex.

That is how it is different for me, one is sick and one is not.

Revolutionary enlightenment right there!!!

Darn, no more blowjobs, fingering, jizzing in hands, sheets, chests or other body parts... They're not intended for sex!!!


May as well ban kissing and holding hands while we're at it too; they're intimate affection not intended for having sex.

the_syco

OP, if you do end up in a house with someone like tunedout, do us all a favour, and ensure you get yourself a screamer :pac:

=-=

Maybe ask on daft for a gay house? Google brings up these two examples;

From 2009; http://www.daft.ie/discussions.daft?dcn%5Bdiscussion_id%5D=118612&dcn%5Bforum_id%5D=3

From 45 days ago; http://www.daft.ie/searchteamup.daft?s%5Bbrowse%5D=1&s%5Bsearch%5D=1&s%5Bmovein_date%5D=0&offset=50&id=68699

It seems you go onto http://www.daft.ie/searchteamup.daft and ask for X house, say your gay, looking for a gay friendly house, and people reply.

=-=

From the point of view of a straight dude, I don't really care either way about your sexual orientation. In saying that, I wouldn't be able to live with any ultra holy religious freaks.

tster

A certain someone on here seems very passionate about all this. Reminds me of the Simpsons, he's so anti gay he's obviously secretly super gay!! :P

face1990

tunedout wrote: »

Im not even getting into this as its conpletely in the erong direction.

I'd say it's quite a relevant question. Would you be happy to live with a lesbian? Or does your aversion to homosexuality only apply to male homosexuals?

You said that what makes gay sex 'sick' is the lack of a vagina, so is the lack of a penis equally sick?


At the end of the day, you can choose who you want to live with, and hold whatever views you wish. But that doesnt change the fact that your views of gay people are out-dated and bigoted.

Annasopra

Cavehill Red wrote: »

As clarified earlier in the thread, that is their right. While a landlord cannot discriminate against who he leases to on sexual preference grounds (or any of the other stated grounds), tenants can make their decision about who they wish to live with on any grounds they like without fear of legal penalty.

Actually I changed that because I am unsure.

CdeC

tunedout wrote: »

Ok well its clear people here are blind to other peoples preferences here.I fully agree with the house for refusing if thats not what they wanted or they were not comfortable with that sort of thing.

I didn't realise people from the past could post on boards....amazing. !!!!

oisindoyle

tster wrote: »

A certain someone on here seems very passionate about all this. Reminds me of the Simpsons, he's so anti gay he's obviously secretly super gay!! :P

Well you know ,Scratch beneath a homophobe and you will find a closet case,

Annasopra

mango salsa wrote: »

I think this thread discussion is perhaps going down the road of not actually answering the OPs questions at all and isn't giving him any advice. Tunedouts issues are overtaking the thread.

I don't feel this is particularly helpful because the OPs request for advice is getting totally lost.
Please keep further contributions on this thread to answering the OPs questions



As always pm me with feedback as per the charter

Folks I think the side discussion on turnedout is done in this thread. Please try to keep this thread to relevant advice to the OP from now on.

boredboard

OP I think you had a lucky escape... so therefore it may possibly be the best approach to up front about your sexuality and if you are you will end up with decent housemates.

tunedout

face1990 wrote: »

At the end of the day, you can choose who you want to live with, and hold whatever views you wish. But that doesnt change the fact that your views of gay people are out-dated and bigoted.

Great I'll settle for that so, I can live with being labeled a homophobe by someone who is an easily offended homosexual.

Very ,very mild set of conditions to be labelled a homophobe by a homosexual.

Annasopra

tunedout wrote: »

Great I'll settle for that so,

Ok great - Now back to giving the OP advice.....

tunedout

mango salsa wrote: »

Ok great - Now back to giving the OP advice.....

Ok, my advice to the OP is yes Op you should tell them when your visiting because even non-homophobic people might not be comfortable living with a homosexual.

The same way a house full of gays might not want a straight person living with them.

The same way I've seen houses for rent that said 'Looking to rent room to gay professional'. I think thats normal and not heterophobic.

People often feel more comfortable living with people who share the same interests as them. Sexuality can be considered a major interest.

So yes, I think sexuality should be disclosed if you are a gay moving into a house of straight people.

I dunno, I just fail to see what difference it makes whether you're gay or straight, or black or white, or canadian or japanese. I will never get it. It's something that boggles my mind.

Anyway, OP - my first reaction is no, you shouldn't tell them because it's none of their business, but in saying that - if you would be more comfortable being up front about it then that's what you should do. It's entirely up to you, but if you're happy not to say anything, you're certainly not obliged to.

what the hell!

whoopsadaisydoodles wrote: »

I dunno, I just fail to see what difference it makes whether you're gay or straight, or black or white, or canadian or japanese. I will never get it. It's something that boggles my mind.

Anyway, OP - my first reaction is no, you shouldn't tell them because it's none of their business, but in saying that - if you would be more comfortable being up front about it then that's what you should do. It's entirely up to you, but if you're happy not to say anything, you're certainly not obliged to.

What about a gay Canadian Japanese now that's a totally different story!

what the hell!

what the hell! wrote: »

What about a gay Canadian Japanese now that's a totally different story!

As long as she kept her homosexual noises to a minimum, although - it's probably only men who can make them

tunedout

Deleted User wrote: »

I dunno, I just fail to see what difference it makes whether you're gay or straight, or black or white, or canadian or japanese. I will never get it. It's something that boggles my mind.

It clearly makes a difference for some people, maybe not for you, but definitely for some (most I would say) people. You will not be the only one living in the house so you should consider other peoples preferences also.

Deleted User wrote: »

Anyway, OP - my first reaction is no, you shouldn't tell them because it's none of their business, but in saying that - if you would be more comfortable being up front about it then that's what you should do. It's entirely up to you, but if you're happy not to say anything, you're certainly not obliged to.

It definitely is their business if you intend sharing the sitting room or kitchen with them. And if you want to have homosexual activity with someone in the sitting room, then it's definitely their business. Especially if they are not comfortable with that, which is an entirely reasonable position.

tunedout

Deleted User wrote: »

As long as she kept her homosexual noises to a minimum, although - it's probably only men who can make them

oh ha ha ha. LOL. ROFL. LMAO. LMFAO.
that is hilarious.

tunedout

Consider 3 lads who go out 2 nights a week. And they go out on the pull for women etc. They are looking for a 4th lad who they can get on well with and is happy with going out drinking etc also in the same clubs as them. They meet this 4th lad who seems like good craic etc, then they get a text from him saying he's homosexual.

If you think it's unreasonable for the 3 lads to decide that maybe it's not in anyone best interests and the gay person shouldn't move in because he might feel isolated or left out or not suited to the group that they form then there is something very wrong with you indeed, it is that simple.

Anyone who fails to see this point as being valid is too blinded by righteousness, or too far up on their high horse screaming 'discrimination' to see that actually the 3 lads made the right decision.

Awake&Unafraid

tunedout wrote: »

It clearly makes a difference for some people, maybe not for you, but definitely for some (most I would say) people. You will not be the only one living in the house so you should consider other peoples preferences also.


It definitely is their business if you intend sharing the sitting room or kitchen with them. And if you want to have homosexual activity with someone in the sitting room, then it's definitely their business. Especially if they are not comfortable with that, which is an entirely reasonable position.

Are you just assuming that every gay person has "homosexual activity" non stop or something? I fail to see how being a gay person changes how you use a kitchen or sitting room?
Whether you're gay or straight, if you begin sexual activities in the middle of a sitting room or kitchen while other housemates are there, that's inappropriate regardless of sexual orientation.

If a straight couple were to start having sex on your couch while you were there, you'd be ok with that? You'd be ok with heterosexual noises?

Your blatant homophobia and inability to accept you've made some very homophobic comments disgusts me.


I fully agree with whoopsadaisysoodles advice to the OP.

Annasopra

tunedout wrote: »

Consider 3 lads who go out 2 nights a week. And they go out on the pull for women etc. They are looking for a 4th lad who they can get on well with and is happy with going out drinking etc also in the same clubs as them. They meet this 4th lad who seems like good craic etc, then they get a text from him saying he's homosexual.

If you think it's unreasonable for the 3 lads to decide that maybe it's not in anyone best interests and the gay person shouldn't move in because he might feel isolated or left out or not suited to the group that they form then there is something very wrong with you indeed, it is that simple.

Anyone who fails to see this point as being valid is too blinded by righteousness, or too far up on their high horse screaming 'discrimination' to see that actually the 3 lads made the right decision.

Em - just because he is gay - they can't get on well with him or go drinking with him?

tunedout

mango salsa wrote: »

Em - just because he is gay - they can't get on well with him or go drinking with him?

Of course they can. But can they go on the pull with him? No.
Can they/do they want to go to the places where the gay person would have a better chance of enjoying himself/finding someone for the night. No.
Would they be off put by seeing the gay person doing what is natural to him. Possibly.

tunedout

Awake&Unafraid wrote: »

Are you just assuming that every gay person has "homosexual activity" non stop or something? I fail to see how being a gay person changes how you use a kitchen or sitting room?
Whether you're gay or straight, if you begin sexual activities in the middle of a sitting room or kitchen while other housemates are there, that's inappropriate regardless of sexual orientation.

If I am in the sitting room with my girlfriend I have no problem putting my hand around her or kissing her or holding hands with her. The other lads in the house have no problem with this either and have no problems doing it themselves.

If there were 2 gays doing it we would be uncomfortable with that because it would not be natural to us.

Now do you see? Or still blind I suppose.

Awake&Unafraid wrote: »

Your blatant homophobia and inability to accept you've made some very homophobic comments disgusts me.

Your blindness and inability to see other peoples points of view disgusts me.

Like I said, homophobic is a word used very lightly around here so I'm not impressed or surprised in any shape or form to be told I'm homophobic. So you can stop calling me that, because, really, to me, that word means nothing here. Every word out of your mouth about homosexuals has to be positive and pro homosexual or else you are homophobic.

Seems to me like, if you don't like homosexual activity on your couch, then you're a homophobe. Most the country is homophobic in this case.

Awake&Unafraid

How would that affect living with him though, the point of this thread is accomodation, not going out on the pull.

Unless I'm mistaken, if you move in with somebody it doesn't mean you're then joined at the hip, does it

You're coming up with pointless arguments to try and back yourself up. Just because you move in with someone doesn't mean you have to start going out with them.

L.Jenkins

TunedOut, why don't you just come out and say, "I don't want to live with Gay people because ...!" Quick way of ending the argument as opposed to beating around the bush. You seem to be giving every excuse possible, while avoiding your true sentiment towards the LGBT Community.