Coming out or not when I'm visiting apartments

Walker77

deuve82 wrote: »

Hi again, guys, gals:

T h a n k s to all for all your comments, even for the side discussion. As I said in my first post, I don’t know how the things are working in this country, so this is helping me lot.

Tunedout, I don’t think that you’re an homophobic, you’re trying to show us your point of view and that’s exactly my aim with this thread. But definitely you are not gay friendly. I think that you can live with the “gay thing”, but only if it is far from you. That’s not fair, but maybe it’s not your fault, maybe in your life you haven’t had the chance to meet a gay guy who can show you how similar is your life and ours. At the end hate, love, jealous, sex and every single feeling is the same for you and for me, there are no differences. Let me ask you something: I’ve read that you’re living with guys who are your friends and they are straight as you. Now just try to figure out that tomorrow one of them discovers that he’s gay... what would you do? Try to erase his memory and your memory about all the times naked together? Would you kick him out? Would you move? I’m pretty sure that it will be shocking for you at the beginning, but after 10 times watching him kissing another guy under your same roof, it’s not going to be shocking, it’s going to be normal and he’s still going to be your friend. I’m sure, that happened to me in the past, with my classmates at the university, and they’re my friends.

My issue in that apartment was a prejudices issue, that’s all. They're a straight couple and another gay. I was almost inside, I repeat, after one hour of chat we were in a good mood and we agreed in every single point about our way of sharing. I don’t want to blow my own trumpet, but I’m a good flatmate (I’m usually cooking!), my group of friends is huge and mixed, I don’t have any strange/illegal habits... A common person with a common life! And I’m pretty sure that after a couple of months sharing when they realised that I’m gay it wouldn’t be a problem because, I repeat, (after all) they were so nice with me.

I don’t want to lose another apartment because of prejudices, this feeling is pissing me off and I didn’t come to this country to be unhappy or to life in a gay ghetto because I don't have another possibility.

Well said good luck with the house hunting.

LittleBook

deuve82 wrote: »

Being polite, I decided to text them afterwards: "Thanks again for your time, you're so nice! One last thing: as I already said, I prefer to be honest, so I think I should say to you that I'm gay. I hope it won't be a problem. See you soon!". And their answer, about 20min later: "To be honest, it could be a problem".

Slightly off topic but ... they said it could be a problem ... then what happened?

Sorry if I've missed a post already answering this, thread is really hard to troll ... I mean trawl through. :rolleyes:

Chloris

I'll probably get another infraction for this but the only reason I came back to this thread was that I forgot about even posting in it until I saw the e-mail from mango salsa.

The OP's anecdote shows that homophobia actually is a factor in finding a place to rent. When you're living in a house, you want to feel at home. If you're uncomfortable, you will be unhappy. I would be uncomfortable if my housemate was a gay man (not at all if they were female, it's a hygiene thing), so I'd want to know in advance in case the people you move in with are massively against living with gay people. That's all I was saying.

On another note, Douglas Street in Cork is mostly inhabited by lesbians. That might be a good place to look for a house share if you're going to let your sexual orientation dictate your entire life.

Walker77

Chloris wrote: »

I'll probably get another infraction for this but the only reason I came back to this thread was that I forgot about even posting in it until I saw the e-mail from mango salsa.

The OP's anecdote shows that homophobia actually is a factor in finding a place to rent. When you're living in a house, you want to feel at home. If you're uncomfortable, you will be unhappy. I would be uncomfortable if my housemate was a gay man (not at all if they were female, it's a hygiene thing), so I'd want to know in advance in case the people you move in with are massively against living with gay people. That's all I was saying.

On another note, Douglas Street in Cork is mostly inhabited by lesbians. That might be a good place to look for a house share if you're going to let your sexual orientation dictate your entire life.

Excellent point

manic mailman

Chloris wrote: »

... it's a hygiene thing...

What are you getting at here?

Daith

Chloris wrote: »

On another note, Douglas Street in Cork is mostly inhabited by lesbians. That might be a good place to look for a house share if you're going to let your sexual orientation dictate your entire life.

The OP isn't. Other people are letting another person's sexual orientation dictate who they want to live with.

paulmorro

Chloris wrote: »

I'll probably get another infraction for this but the only reason I came back to this thread was that I forgot about even posting in it until I saw the e-mail from mango salsa.

The OP's anecdote shows that homophobia actually is a factor in finding a place to rent. When you're living in a house, you want to feel at home. If you're uncomfortable, you will be unhappy. I would be uncomfortable if my housemate was a gay man (not at all if they were female, it's a hygiene thing), so I'd want to know in advance in case the people you move in with are massively against living with gay people. That's all I was saying.

On another note, Douglas Street in Cork is mostly inhabited by lesbians. That might be a good place to look for a house share if you're going to let your sexual orientation dictate your entire life.

I'd reply in length to the absurdity of parts of your post but my hands are so unhygienic the keyboard is stiiiicking.

smcgiff

Have only read the first 40 posts, but here's my 2c's (apologies if already covered).

The OP's level of English may have not helped him here. There's a possibility that his text could have been taken as a come on (don't shoot!).

If I were in a flat looking for a flatmate and if a girl had sent me a similar text I'm not sure I'd want her around either (I'm married, but live some time away from home in a shared apartment) as it could be seen as suggestive.

But, I can see how the OP wants to be comfortable living in the apartment and doesn't want to hide his sexuality. So, it's a tricky one. Best communicated better I suppose.

paulmorro

smcgiff wrote: »

Have only read the first 40 posts, but here's my 2c's (apologies if already covered).

The OP's level of English may have not helped him here. There's a possibility that his text could have been taken as a come on (don't shoot!).

If I were in a flat looking for a flatmate and if a girl had sent me a similar text I'm not sure I'd want her around either (I'm married, but live some time away from home in a shared apartment) as it could be seen as suggestive.

But, I can see how the OP wants to be comfortable living in the apartment and doesn't want to hide his sexuality. So, it's a tricky one. Best communicated better I suppose.

Would you use the same reasoning (it being suggestive) not to share an apartment with a straight man? And if you wouldn't, why not?

Daith

smcgiff wrote: »

The OP's level of English may have not helped him here. There's a possibility that his text could have been taken as a come on (don't shoot!).

I read the OPs post and I don't see how it could? Can you explain further? There's a couple and a guy living in the apt? The couple would hardly see it as a come on?

smcgiff

paulmorro wrote: »

Would you use the same reasoning (it being suggestive) not to share an apartment with a straight man? And if you wouldn't, why not?

Not sure I follow - how could it be suggestive coming from a straight man?

smcgiff

Daith wrote: »

I read the OPs post and I don't see how it could? Can you explain further? There's a couple and a guy living in the apt? The couple would hardly see it as a come on?

I only read the first page (40 posts), and assumed it was a bunch of lads. It does seem less suggestive when there's a couple and another bloke. Unless the single bloke took it the wrong way.

paulmorro

smcgiff wrote: »

Not sure I follow - how could it be suggestive coming from a straight man?

Sorry, thought you were a girl and talking about a lesbian.
Anyway fair enough if you look at it that way I guess. But do you not think it a bit cynical to think that people can't live together without the undertones of something more?

Daith

smcgiff wrote: »

I only read the first page (40 posts), and assumed it was a bunch of lads. It does seem less suggestive when there's a couple and another bloke. Unless the single bloke took it the wrong way.

I don't see how "btw I'm gay" is anyway suggestive to be honest.

smcgiff

paulmorro wrote: »

But do you not think it a bit cynical to think that people can't live together without the undertones of something more?

Not sure cynical is the word, but if they took it the wrong way it wouldn't have helped the OP.

Hopefully in the three or so other pages people have better suggestions fot the OP how he brings it up. Of course he doesn't have to tell his new flatmates, but it seems he wants to be up front with them.

smcgiff

Daith wrote: »

I don't see how "btw I'm gay" is anyway suggestive to be honest.

Context, what you quoted wasn't his text.

Can you imagine if I had visited an apartment and sent a text to three girls*.


"Thanks again for your time, you're so nice! One last thing: as I already said, I prefer to be honest, so I think I should say to you that I'm straight. I hope it won't be a problem. See you soon!".

* I know now it wasn't three girls...

Daith

smcgiff wrote: »

Context, what you quoted wasn't his text.

Fine I still don't see anything suggestive in this post

"Thanks again for your time, you're so nice! One last thing: as I already said, I prefer to be honest, so I think I should say to you that I'm gay. I hope it won't be a problem. See you soon!".

If you do fine, I don't.

L.Jenkins

I don't see anything in text apart from honesty and it shouldn't be a reason to deny someone accommodation.

smcgiff

Itzy wrote: »

I don't see anything in text apart from honesty and it shouldn't be a reason to deny someone accommodation.

Okay, if you are the only person renting apartments then the OP is fine.

I'm trying to point out where the OP can improve his communication.

Daith

smcgiff wrote: »

Okay, if you are the only person renting apartments then the OP is fine.

I'm trying to point out where the OP can improve his communication.

So how would you recommend and word how he would tell a straight couple and a guy that he is gay in a text? I'm honestly struggling to see anything wrong with what he sent.

smcgiff

Daith wrote: »

So how would you recommend and word how he would tell a straight couple and a guy that he is gay in a text? I'm honestly struggling to see anything wrong with what he sent.

First of all, should he mention it at all? By bringing it up he's suggesting there's an issue with it.

If he is going to mention it may be best face to face. That way he can address their predjudices (if any).

L.Jenkins

If the OP was a complete and utter sex fiend regardless of orientation, I'd be concerned. I don't see an issue with communicating and being up front. If the recipient misconstrued the message, that's their problem, not the OPs.

smcgiff

Itzy wrote: »

If the recipient misconstrued the message, that's their problem, not the OPs.

No, clearly it's the OP's. He's the one without a flat.

paulmorro

smcgiff wrote: »

First of all, should he mention it at all? By bringing it up he's suggesting there's an issue with it.

If he is going to mention it may be best face to face. That way he can address their predjudices (if any).

He shouldn't HAVE to. But as you can see in this thread there are people blind with prejudice still out there. Face to face might avoid miscommunication but given what he wrote I think you're stretching to suggest that's the case.

Daith

smcgiff wrote: »

First of all, should he mention it at all? By bringing it up he's suggesting there's an issue with it.

If he is going to mention it may be best face to face. That way he can address their predjudices (if any).

Ok but that's the entire point of this topic? Should you have to tell someone that you're gay when looking for a room.

However I thought you said there was a problem with the way he phrased his text.

"The OP's level of English may have not helped him here. There's a possibility that his text could have been taken as a come on (don't shoot!)."

So it's why I asked you what was wrong with his text? Or do you think he just should have communicated face to face instead of a text.

Sorry not having a go at you at all! Just getting confused.

L.Jenkins

smcgiff wrote: »

No, clearly it's the OP's. He's the one without a flat.

That's besides the point. The entire argument is based on their orientation and not their residential status.

smcgiff

paulmorro wrote: »

given what he wrote I think you're stretching to suggest that's the case.

Perception is reality - but, I'm off out shopping with the missus - let's hope I communicate better with her.

All the best to the OP.

smcgiff

Itzy wrote: »

That's besides the point. The entire argument is based on their orientation and not their residential status.

Clearly I misunderstood - I thought the OP was looking for advice as to how he can get an apartment and be up front about his sexuality. My bad.

paulmorro

smcgiff wrote: »

Perception is reality - but, I'm off out shopping with the missus - let's hope I communicate better with her.

Well great but that's a really forced perception.

Annasopra

manic mailman wrote: »

What are you getting at here?

I think it's a lazy generalisation that all men are unhygienic

Paramite Pie

I think it's best to let people get to know you first so they're less likely to be prejudiced once they realise your a normal person who just happens to be gay. There's still alot of silly notions about gay people out there.

People worry far too much about what goes on in our bedrooms... they really fixate on it....

Also moving into a house that has mixed male/female tenants is a good idea and people might be more open.

bp1989

I've lived with 5 other guys for the past 6 months and not one of them knows I am gay. Why do you feel the need to tell them? It's nobody's business but yours and who you choose to tell....but choose wisely.

--LOS--

I think what we've learned here is that yeah you should mention it, in case you end up living with tunedout

tunedout wrote: »

What I would really love to see is how many of you would honestly agree, and be comfortable with living with a traveller. I know I wouldnt, because I wouldnt be comfortable with that. But i suppose most people here would have no problem with that because they would "never" discriminate anyone based on that ground etc etc yada yada

Too righteous, is what it is here.

I know he's gone now but I just want to say yes I would live with a traveller (insert black, asian etc), because like homosexual or w/e it is just a label and doesn't define the person.

Timmyctc

--LOS-- wrote: »

I think what we've learned here is that yeah you should mention it, in case you end up living with tunedout



I know he's gone now but I just want to say yes I would live with a traveller (insert black, asian etc), because like homosexual or w/e it is just a label and doesn't define the person.

This.
I think there was an AH thread recently about Ballymun and how all people from there are lovely/rough kants and it really highlighted how even in areas that can be really really rough you find lots of absolute gems of people. The exact same is true of any group of people, race or sex or sexual orientation; anything.

tunedout

deuve82 wrote: »

Tunedout, I don’t think that you’re an homophobic, you’re trying to show us your point of view and that’s exactly my aim with this thread. But definitely you are not gay friendly. I think that you can live with the “gay thing”, but only if it is far from you.

Well I'm back after my ban sorry if I caused any offence to anyone. I guess to summarise my point:

I think people shouldn't be offended if people prefer to live with someone who are in the same category as them (even if those categories include sex, religion, age, sexuality etc). If it is considered discrimination to include these categories when choosing who to live with, then almost everyone in the entire country can be considered discriminatory.


Looking back at my posts I can see how they'd be misinterpreted especially where i used the word 'sick'. But what I meant was the thought of homosexual activity is not a pleasant thought for me.

And as an example one of the reasons I 'might' be uncomfortable with living with a homosexual person is , just to give an example, there is a thread on this very forum with the thread title "Turning a Straight Guy - Every gay man's fantasy?".

That could create a very uncomfortable an awkward situation if my housemate tried to 'turn' me. I am not saying this is a fantasy for every gay man. But the fact that it is a fantasy for 'some' is enough for me to not want to take the risk of this situation arising.

That is just one example of why I might not like to live with a homosexual person, and on that basis, I think it is better for all involved if homosexuality is disclosed before moving in with someone.

Those were the main points I was trying to get across. Sorry again if any offence caused.

jaffacakesyum

tunedout wrote: »

Well I'm back after my ban sorry if I caused any offence to anyone. I guess to summarise my point:

I think people shouldn't be offended if people prefer to live with someone who are in the same category as them (even if those categories include sex, religion, age, sexuality etc). If it is considered discrimination to include these categories when choosing who to live with, then almost everyone in the entire country can be considered discriminatory.


Looking back at my posts I can see how they'd be misinterpreted especially where i used the word 'sick'. But what I meant was the thought of homosexual activity is not a pleasant thought for me.

And as an example one of the reasons I 'might' be uncomfortable with living with a homosexual person is , just to give an example, there is a thread on this very forum with the thread title "Turning a Straight Guy - Every gay man's fantasy?".

That could create a very uncomfortable an awkward situation if my housemate tried to 'turn' me. I am not saying this is a fantasy for every gay man. But the fact that it is a fantasy for 'some' is enough for me to not want to take the risk of this situation arising.

That is just one example of why I might not like to live with a homosexual person, and on that basis, I think it is better for all involved if homosexuality is disclosed before moving in with someone.

Those were the main points I was trying to get across. Sorry again if any offence caused.

I know what ya mean, sure it's some heterosexuals fantasys to beat the crap out of, and rape and murder people.

I know that's not all heterosexual peoples fantasys. But the fact that it's a fantasy for 'some' is enough for me not to want to take the risk of the situation arising.

LOL!

Fair play to you though for at least admitting you are uncomfortable with homosexual people. Strangely enough, I don't get annoyed with people who are homophobic, I get annoyed with people who cover up their nonsense. I know you're not admitting you're a homophobe here but you're at least admitting you're uncomfortable with gays for no good reason only for the fact that 'some' may try and turn you (very unlikely, btw).

I suspect you aren't a troll though and perhaps in the future will be more open minded about not necessarily living with but being around different sexualities, orientations, races and religions. Sure it's too short a life not to

paulmorro

tunedout wrote: »

Well I'm back after my ban sorry if I caused any offence to anyone. I guess to summarise my point:

I think people shouldn't be offended if people prefer to live with someone who are in the same category as them (even if those categories include sex, religion, age, sexuality etc). If it is considered discrimination to include these categories when choosing who to live with, then almost everyone in the entire country can be considered discriminatory.


Looking back at my posts I can see how they'd be misinterpreted especially where i used the word 'sick'. But what I meant was the thought of homosexual activity is not a pleasant thought for me.

And as an example one of the reasons I 'might' be uncomfortable with living with a homosexual person is , just to give an example, there is a thread on this very forum with the thread title "Turning a Straight Guy - Every gay man's fantasy?".

That could create a very uncomfortable an awkward situation if my housemate tried to 'turn' me. I am not saying this is a fantasy for every gay man. But the fact that it is a fantasy for 'some' is enough for me to not want to take the risk of this situation arising.

That is just one example of why I might not like to live with a homosexual person, and on that basis, I think it is better for all involved if homosexuality is disclosed before moving in with someone.

Those were the main points I was trying to get across. Sorry again if any offence caused.

Wow, your attempt on balance is pathetically inept.

Paramite Pie

tunedout wrote: »

Looking back at my posts I can see how they'd be misinterpreted especially where i used the word 'sick'. But what I meant was the thought of homosexual activity is not a pleasant thought for me.

Of course the 'thought' of it is unpleasant to you, if it turned you on you wouldn't be very straight would you? Some straight people (esp women) would consider certain heterosexual activity unpleasant (how many straight girls wont go anal for example, some won't even give a blowjob) so we all have our hang ups.

However I would prefer if you felt indifferent to these acts.. I doubt you spend too much time thinking about them anyways.

tunedout wrote: »

And as an example one of the reasons I 'might' be uncomfortable with living with a homosexual person is , just to give an example, there is a thread on this very forum with the thread title "Turning a Straight Guy - Every gay man's fantasy?".

It's more to do with everyone wanting what they can't have. Most gay people have a crush on someone who happens to be 'straight' and to be honest, if they turned someone then they obviously weren't 'straight' in the first place.

tunedout wrote: »

That could create a very uncomfortable an awkward situation if my housemate tried to 'turn' me. I am not saying this is a fantasy for every gay man. But the fact that it is a fantasy for 'some' is enough for me to not want to take the risk of this situation arising.

That is just one example of why I might not like to live with a homosexual person, and on that basis, I think it is better for all involved if homosexuality is disclosed before moving in with someone.

But if you moved in with someone who many months later reveals they're gay then you'd probably feel more comfortable around them as you'd already know them.

I also don't know of any guys who ever tried to actually turn anyone. Also imagine if you had a hot lesbian roommate. You gonna tell me you wouldn't fantasize about her? Ever? Not the same as acting on it, which would be inappropriate.

tunedout wrote: »

Those were the main points I was trying to get across. Sorry again if any offence caused.

I think you learned your lesson....... just avoid any words which could be perceived as an insult!:p

oisindoyle

tunedout wrote: »

Well I'm back after my ban sorry if I caused any offence to anyone. I guess to summarise my point:

I think people shouldn't be offended if people prefer to live with someone who are in the same category as them (even if those categories include sex, religion, age, sexuality etc). If it is considered discrimination to include these categories when choosing who to live with, then almost everyone in the entire country can be considered discriminatory.


Looking back at my posts I can see how they'd be misinterpreted especially where i used the word 'sick'. But what I meant was the thought of homosexual activity is not a pleasant thought for me.

And as an example one of the reasons I 'might' be uncomfortable with living with a homosexual person is , just to give an example, there is a thread on this very forum with the thread title "Turning a Straight Guy - Every gay man's fantasy?".

That could create a very uncomfortable an awkward situation if my housemate tried to 'turn' me. I am not saying this is a fantasy for every gay man. But the fact that it is a fantasy for 'some' is enough for me to not want to take the risk of this situation arising.

That is just one example of why I might not like to live with a homosexual person, and on that basis, I think it is better for all involved if homosexuality is disclosed before moving in with someone.

Those were the main points I was trying to get across. Sorry again if any offence caused.

Well no nothing was "misinterpeted" you made some quite offensive , blatant homophobic comments .

As for your illusion that some gay guy might try to "turn you",again you come across as someone who basically hasn't got a clue and assumes all gay guys are just out to try it on with any guy around

..Pathetic that you think like this ...

You need to open your eyes get rid of your blinkered opinion of gay PEOPLE ,get rid of your homophobia and maybe get yourself a bigger shovel ,because you are digging a bigger hole !

tunedout

I just wonder about the case of a guy who is shy and nervous around girls.

Is it discrimination if he chooses his flatmates to be males only.

Although, his shyness and nervousness could be treated as irrational as there is nothing to suggest a girl would cause him any harm I wouldn't label him as being femaphobic and discriminant and all that , rather I'd let the guy be comfortable in his own living space and appreciate his wishes.

LegacyUser

Honestly, I don't understand why you needed to send a text message so early on telling them about your sexual orientation. Not to be crude, but it was a little OTT. It's none of their business.

As you're new in Ireland, I would inform you, for future reference, that talking about sex of any kind, or personal issues in general, with people you've just met is quite taboo (unless when intoxicated, under the guise of anonymity or privileged enough to be an upper-class bohemian). Not to be patronising or to put you off. I wish Irish people weren't so shy or secretive, but they are.

Sometimes when personal issues are brought up, especially sexual ones, regardless of what orientation is involved, it can dampen down the mood a bit. I wouldn't tell people that I was gay so straight up (no pun intended) without at least becoming good friends with them beforehand; it's too personal.

Besides, sexual orientation is a rather small element of one's identity and persuasions; it's only society that blows these issues out of proportion. That's why it's important to get to know a person and let them become aware of other traits of your character first.

Of course, I'm not implying that the alleged homophobia from those prospective roommates was right. However, in some cases, I know that discrimination based on gender grounds is quite common, unchallenged and rather accepted (regardless of how morally or ethically wrong it may be), e.g., there are many rent advertisements looking for "females only" or "men only".

I fail to see why advertisements looking for "straight men only", "gay/bi men only", "straight women only" or "gay/bi women only", etc., should be regarded as any more or less discriminatory, unchallenged or acceptable than the aforementioned.

Perhaps there are practical reasons for this or merely personal preference? Is it really homophobia, heterophobia, misogyny or misandry?

If I post an advertisement on a dating agency's website saying that I would prefer to meet bears to twinks, brunettes to blonds and tall men to short men, am I really being any less discriminatory?

(BTW, in the event that anyone accuses me of homophobia, I'd inform them beforehand that I am also gay and these are my opinions, which I assure you are not approached from a point of ignorance.)

oisindoyle

tunedout wrote: »

I just wonder about the case of a guy who is shy and nervous around girls.

Is it discrimination if he chooses his flatmates to be males only.

Although, his shyness and nervousness could be treated as irrational as there is nothing to suggest a girl would cause him any harm I wouldn't label him as being femaphobic and discriminant and all that , rather I'd let the guy be comfortable in his own living space and appreciate his wishes.

Whatever way you want to dress it up ,it still comes down to the fact that you are homophobic ,have a silly ignorant attitude towards gay PEOPLE.

The OP asked for opinions he got various.The thread seemed done and dusted until you came back and tried to "justify" your opinion of gay guys,it ain't working.

We all know where you stand ,so good night now and God bless.

I'm off to bed now to fantacize about you .......................NOT

floggg

tunedout wrote: »

Well I'm back after my ban sorry if I caused any offence to anyone. I guess to summarise my point:

I think people shouldn't be offended if people prefer to live with someone who are in the same category as them (even if those categories include sex, religion, age, sexuality etc). If it is considered discrimination to include these categories when choosing who to live with, then almost everyone in the entire country can be considered discriminatory.


Looking back at my posts I can see how they'd be misinterpreted especially where i used the word 'sick'. But what I meant was the thought of homosexual activity is not a pleasant thought for me.

And as an example one of the reasons I 'might' be uncomfortable with living with a homosexual person is , just to give an example, there is a thread on this very forum with the thread title "Turning a Straight Guy - Every gay man's fantasy?".

That could create a very uncomfortable an awkward situation if my housemate tried to 'turn' me. I am not saying this is a fantasy for every gay man. But the fact that it is a fantasy for 'some' is enough for me to not want to take the risk of this situation arising.

That is just one example of why I might not like to live with a homosexual person, and on that basis, I think it is better for all involved if homosexuality is disclosed before moving in with someone.

Those were the main points I was trying to get across. Sorry again if any offence caused.

tunedout wrote: »

I just wonder about the case of a guy who is shy and nervous around girls.

Is it discrimination if he chooses his flatmates to be males only.

Although, his shyness and nervousness could be treated as irrational as there is nothing to suggest a girl would cause him any harm I wouldn't label him as being femaphobic and discriminant and all that , rather I'd let the guy be comfortable in his own living space and appreciate his wishes.

Do you think gays are incapable of exercising self control? Given that "scoring birds" is one of your main hobbies, I'm sure you've tried plenty of times to chat up a girl who wasn't interested in you.

If so, I would hope that after she let you know she wasn't interested, you respectfully left her be.

Why do you not think a gay guy would do the same?

Being turned is only a risk if you think you might actually want to be turned on some level.

I don't throw this sort of thing around lightly, but to be honest I think the man doth protest too much here. You only seem to be able to focus on the sexual side of being gay, you're fear of being chatted up, you're nervousness around them. It's reminds of 10 things I hate about you - couple pretend to hate each other but are really head over heels in love.

floggg

AnAnonInput wrote: »

Honestly, I don't understand why you needed to send a text message so early on telling them about your sexual orientation. Not to be crude, but it was a little OTT. It's none of their business.

As you're new in Ireland, I would inform you, for future reference, that talking about sex of any kind, or personal issues in general, with people you've just met is quite taboo (unless when intoxicated, under the guise of anonymity or privileged enough to be an upper-class bohemian). Not to be patronising or to put you off. I wish Irish people weren't so shy or secretive, but they are.

Sometimes when personal issues are brought up, especially sexual ones, regardless of what orientation is involved, it can dampen down the mood a bit. I wouldn't tell people that I was gay so straight up (no pun intended) without at least becoming good friends with them beforehand; it's too personal.

Besides, sexual orientation is a rather small element of one's identity and persuasions; it's only society that blows these issues out of proportion. That's why it's important to get to know a person and let them become aware of other traits of your character first.

Of course, I'm not implying that the alleged homophobia from those prospective roommates was right. However, in some cases, I know that discrimination based on gender grounds is quite common, unchallenged and rather accepted (regardless of how morally or ethically wrong it may be), e.g., there are many rent advertisements looking for "females only" or "men only".

I fail to see why advertisements looking for "straight men only", "gay/bi men only", "straight women only" or "gay/bi women only", etc., should be regarded as any more or less discriminatory, unchallenged or acceptable than the aforementioned.

Perhaps there are practical reasons for this or merely personal preference? Is it really homophobia, heterophobia, misogyny or misandry?

If I post an advertisement on a dating agency's website saying that I would prefer to meet bears to twinks, brunettes to blonds and tall men to short men, am I really being any less discriminatory?

(BTW, in the event that anyone accuses me of homophobia, I'd inform them beforehand that I am also gay and these are my opinions, which I assure you are not approached from a point of ignorance.)

I hate this whole "it's nobody's business but you're own, be discrete about who you tell blah blah blah."

Yea, it's only one aspect of who you are, but why should you have to hide that aspect? They don't have a right to know, but you have a right to be who you are.

I was at a working meeting the other day, and it took me a full 10 minutes to learn the two people I was meeting were straight, just from stories they told about their other halves.

Why shouldn't we be able to be equally open? I'm not going to go around hiding aspects of my life or not being able to be as open as anybody else about their lives.

Hiding it suggests there is something to be ashamed of. There isn't.

greyed

Didn't read the entire thread, but that is unreal!

I was in this exact situation a few months ago. I decided the best approach to take was to causally state somewhere in the conversation that I'm gay during the viewing. I figure its the best time to do it, rather than waste my time living in a place I wasn't happy. I've had enough of that nervous sketchy bull**** in my teenage years.

I viewed a couple of places where there was a lot of competition, when I liked a place I would tell them and I never had any issues and never sensed any awkwardness, so I'm surprised to hear your story, sorry man That said, I can't say for sure that wasn't the reason I didnt get a particular place haha, but I doubt it

tunedout

floggg wrote: »

You only seem to be able to focus on the sexual side of being gay, you're fear of being chatted up, you're nervousness around them. It's reminds of 10 things I hate about you - couple pretend to hate each other but are really head over heels in love.

This would be another big worry about living with a gay. I've seen it mentioned a few times here, an expression of discomfort with the idea seems to lead gays to think that the person is actually gay. This is a big worry. It's a complete failure in terms of judge of character and could lead to a very awkward situation if the gay saw it as a reason to attempt to 'turn' a person. The most worrying part is a few people have mentioned it so it must be part of some common fantasy, that the straighter the person, or the more discomfortable the person is with homosexuality the more appealing they are to the gay.

tunedout

oisindoyle wrote: »

Whatever way you want to dress it up ,it still comes down to the fact that you are homophobic ,have a silly ignorant attitude towards gay PEOPLE.

The OP asked for opinions he got various.The thread seemed done and dusted until you came back and tried to "justify" your opinion of gay guys,it ain't working.

We all know where you stand ,so good night now and God bless.

I'm off to bed now to fantacize about you .......................NOT

Yes, and guys who are shy and nervous around girls have a 'silly ignorant' attitude towards female PEOPLE.

Do you agree? Probably not bias I guess.

People can be shy and nervous around things they're not comfortable with, or are mysterious to them. Thats normal. Not silly and ignorant

Vojera

tunedout wrote: »

This would be another big worry about living with a gay. I've seen it mentioned a few times here, an expression of discomfort with the idea seems to lead gays to think that the person is actually gay. This is a big worry. It's a complete failure in terms of judge of character and could lead to a very awkward situation if the gay saw it as a reason to attempt to 'turn' a person. The most worrying part is a few people have mentioned it so it must be part of some common fantasy, that the straighter the person, or the more discomfortable the person is with homosexuality the more appealing they are to the gay.

No one is going to try to turn you. There's nothing appealing to "the gay" about homophobes. Or do you think I watched Prime Time the other night and thought that the woman who kept referring to gay relationships as "friendships" was just the sort of sexy challenge I needed?

I don't understand why you felt the need to come back to this thread after your ban to spout the exact same non-arguments, but it smells of troll to me.

wonderfulname

tunedout wrote: »

This would be another big worry about living with a gay. I've seen it mentioned a few times here, an expression of discomfort with the idea seems to lead gays to think that the person is actually gay. This is a big worry. It's a complete failure in terms of judge of character and could lead to a very awkward situation if the gay saw it as a reason to attempt to 'turn' a person. The most worrying part is a few people have mentioned it so it must be part of some common fantasy, that the straighter the person, or the more discomfortable the person is with homosexuality the more appealing they are to the gay.

Hello again, I trust you have had a good look at that charter I pointed you towards in light of your previous ban, I'd like to point out that your discomfort and rather strange assumption that any gay man would find you remotely attractive for it are in your own head, do in fact constitute homophobia, and if you wish to discuss them further you should do so respectfully and open mindedly. Also, 'gay' is not a noun.

Perhaps you should be looking into why you feel as you do, rather than lambasting others for disagreeing. Please PM with any queries or issues you may have relating to appropriate conduct on this forum, I'd rather not have a repeat of your last visit.

Annasopra

tunedout wrote: »

This would be another big worry about living with a gay. I've seen it mentioned a few times here, an expression of discomfort with the idea seems to lead gays to think that the person is actually gay. This is a big worry. It's a complete failure in terms of judge of character and could lead to a very awkward situation if the gay saw it as a reason to attempt to 'turn' a person. The most worrying part is a few people have mentioned it so it must be part of some common fantasy, that the straighter the person, or the more discomfortable the person is with homosexuality the more appealing they are to the gay.

I'm not sure where to start

Firstly I think that you make some incredible assumption that all gay men are predatory on straight men and that we all have weird fantasies about turning homophobes - Do you know how incredibly stupid that sounds?

a; I don't as a gay man fancy all straight men,
b; I don't as a gay man try it on with all straight men,
c; I don't as a gay man act as a predator to all straight men,
d; I don't as a gay man have some weird fantasy about turning homophobes.

There are some gay men who do a and/or b and/or c and/or d

There are thousands like me who don't

I feel genuinely sorry for you if you can only live with other men who, like you practice heterosexuality as a hobby, as it seems to me that it gives you a very narrow view of the world

Secondly - just in terms of your language - I highlighted some of your post in bold above. I think you almost see gay people as some of separate species rather than as people - almost like we have gay stamped on our foreheads and we all think the same way, act the same way etc. I am not "a gay" or "the gay". I am a gay person or a gay man. I am a human.