Amusing Pub Tales

Nic Neptune

EDIT: Wow, what a mature, intelligent population Ireland has.

lmao

Care to share one or two of them?

southsiderosie

Nic Neptune wrote: »

I was talking to a guy who used to live in a pub, and he had the most hilarious stories to tell.

So has anyone else got some amusing pub tales?

Do you?

Boombastic

Yes I have

BBDBB

me too


great isnt it

dodderangler

Nic Neptune wrote: »

I was talking to a guy who used to live in a pub, and he had the most hilarious stories to tell.

So has anyone else got some amusing pub tales?

Worst story ever

Oh, I laughed so hard at that tale now my belly hurts

Mr. Wong

"i ain't sayin' nothin'"

Johnny Tightlips

hoodwinked

This one time at a bar camp....





does a bar camp even exist...



what colour do i turn the text to make it invisible? i use the black and orange boards! :eek:

Thatnastyboy

Friend of mine used to live in a pub, was telling me he got talking to a chap who found it interesting

Anyway, he was about to tell the lad some of the wacky/funny/mad stories from the pub, and yer man just walked off.

humberklog

Nic Neptune wrote: »

I was talking to a guy who used to live in a pub, and he had the most hilarious stories to tell.

So has anyone else got some amusing pub tales?

Peter Ustenoff? Is that you?

Cracking read.

Artful_Badger

I used to live in a pub. I have the most hilarious stories to tell.

BBDBB

why the long face?

demanufactured

I knew a woman once....but she died soon after...

jd007

So....





Whats everyones favourite humming noise?

lmao

Nic Neptune wrote: »

EDIT: Wow, what a mature, intelligent population Ireland has.

And it's what will help this country get out of the mess it's in!

I just had to thank the edited OP

SteelyDanJalapeno

Thatnastyboy wrote: »

Friend of mine used to live in a pub, was telling me he got talking to a chap who found it interesting

Anyway, he was about to tell the lad some of the wacky/funny/mad stories from the pub, and yer man just walked off.

Ain't nobody got time for that

Artful_Badger

Strawberry Milkshake wrote: »

I just had to thank the edited OP

I just farted.

Artful_Badger

Artful_Badger wrote: »

I just farted.

I just smelt it !

demanufactured

Nic Neptune wrote: »

EDIT: Wow, what a mature, intelligent population Ireland has.

You started it!

Boombastic

Nic Neptune wrote: »

EDIT: Wow, what a mature, intelligent population Ireland has.

Yes it does

ColeTrain

Ordered a pint the last night. Ended up having 3 more.

WoollyRedHat

I was talking to a guy who used to live in a pub, and he had the most hilarious stories to tell.

No fecking way, I know your man well!! Small world ey.

Here, did he tell ye the story of what happened with these two lads, one had a moustache, or maybe he didn't, he might have had a beard, can't remember it was dark,and then that other chap, tall fellow , well tall for his age, bit of a character, can't remember his name, anyway not really important, both were fond of a few jars .. well I 't bore ye with the full details, he must of told ye that one, had me laughing in stitches for days on end.

Old Perry

Had an old fella tell us once, in the smokin room, of his father dieing, the father asked for a packet of woodbines on his death bed for the trip, so his brother asks ' would ya like a packet of matches with em' his father replied 'nah your grand, theres plenty of fire where i'm going!! '......gave us a good laugh at the time.

fasttalkerchat

There was one... the guy nicknamed Dulux because his mates reckoned he only has one coat.
I love when you fall in with a crowd and they fill you in on some ingenious scam. One night in a pub in Longfort I met a fella who had burned out his own car several times to claim the insurance... he always left a few years between scams to play it safe haha.

For anyone familiar with Armagh, there is a pub landlord known as Hitler. His pub changed names many times but was always known as Hitler's. One day a family of German tourists walked in to a pub wanting to try and Irish breakfast. Unfortunately they were told no food was served and were leaving when someone shouted across "Have you tried Hitler's".

ColeTrain

Old Perry wrote: »

Had an old fella tell us once, in the smokin room, of his father dieing, the father asked for a packet of woodbines on his death bed for the trip, so his brother asks ' would ya like a packet of matches with em' his father replied 'nah your grand, theres plenty of fire where i'm going!! '......gave us a good laugh at the time.

fasttalkerchat wrote: »

There was one... the guy nicknamed Dulux because his mates reckoned he only has one coat.
I love when you fall in with a crowd and they fill you in on some ingenious scam. One night in a pub in Longfort I met a fella who had burned out his own car several times to claim the insurance... he always left a few years between scams to play it safe haha.

For anyone familiar with Armagh, there is a pub landlord known as Hitler. His pub changed names many times but was always known as Hitler's. One day a family of German tourists walked in to a pub wanting to try and Irish breakfast. Unfortunately they were told no food was served and were leaving when someone shouted across "Have you tried Hitler's".

You're being way too descriptive lads. Any change of being more vague?

fasttalkerchat

This may have been on boards before but here goes: http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/deep-inside-the-chain-pub-piss-dungeon

Lapin

I was reading an OP's post on After Hours once. He had the most amazing things to say.

Then he got the hump and edited his post.

Boombastic

I walked in to a bar once, the barman said, 'Why the long face', I wasn't impressed as it hurt

Lapin

Boombastic wrote: »

I walked in to a bar once, the barman said, 'Why the long face', I wasn't impressed as it hurt

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walked into a pub.

The barman looked at them and said, 'whats this some kind of joke'?

Boombastic

Lapin wrote: »

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walked into a pub.

The barman looked at them and said, 'whats this some kind of joke'?

So a guy walks in to a bar...:pac:

somefeen

Boombastic wrote: »

I walked in to a bar once, the barman said, 'Why the long face', I wasn't impressed as it hurt

There has to be a burger joke in there somewhere

Where To

My dyslexic friend walked into a bra once.

Lucky bastard.

BillyMitchel

I just let fag ash fall in my eye because I'm laughing so hard, I'm obviously not in a pub though because smoking is banned.

Does that count OP?

danniemcq

bit of a long one but...

when working in my local for a birthday party i had the misfortune of going for a sh*t at the worst possible time. As i was relieving myself i heard a womans voice along with another guys as they entered the toilets. The other cubicle door opened and closed and amongst a few shuffling noises there was the undoing of a belt buckle. As i listened closer it became very VERY apparent that she was getting a good hard ramming from someone. oh how i laughed and finished dropping the kids off. It was only when i came out to the bar again that i realised what was going on.

The girl in question was the girl celebtaring her 21st with her entire family and her boyfreind and their friends. however seeing that her boyfriend was still out here a quick head count meant that she had taken the guy that 5 minutes before had been sleeping at the bar.

Oh oh

it was only a matter of time before someone she knew went for a sh*t, heard the commotion and told the family ( i had just told the locals, we wanted some fun that night so we sat back and relaxed) The father went ape**** trying to kick down the door, the boyfrind was in tears, people were trying to console the hysterical mother, friends were fighting eachother and blaming everyone else and she refused to come out cause "all you f*ckers don't understand" it carried on for another 5 mins or so by this time the hallway was packed before the guy made a run for it got caught and had to be grabbed by myself an 2 other staff as the family wanted blood. we put him into the back room got most of the troublemakers out (inc the girls who you could hear crying the whole way up the road. oh how we laughed until we came back into the back bar to see loverboy asleep again and a smell wafting from his direction. Yes ladies and gents this romeo who the birthday girl had chosen was better than her current boyfriend was now lying asleep in a chair having both shat himself and pissed his pants. Classy. i do feel sorry for the mate who had to give him a lift home.

Qualitymark

Alcohol and Ireland. Dear Jesus.

stefan idiot jones

Lapin wrote: »

I was reading an OP's post on After Hours once. He had the most amazing things to say.

Then he got the hump and edited his post.

Should this thread be merged with 'Overly sensetive peiople on the Internet ?'

BBDBB

stefan idiot jones wrote: »

Should this thread be merged with 'Overly sensetive peiople on the Internet ?'

now that would be funny

something I can tell the lads down the pub later

Plazaman

Nic Neptune wrote: »

EDIT: Wow, what a mature, intelligent population Ireland has.

Link please.