Major bullying in the workplace

Boots234

My girlfriend is afraid that her mother is getting bullied and is very concerned about her. Her mother is in her 50’s and is a legal secretary in an office with 3 other people. She says that she feels ignored, isolated and belittled all of the time, for example the women in the office refuse to communicate with her except via a succession of post it notes. She often has a knot in her stomach over going to work and at times has been physically sick with the anxiety. She often is crying coming home from work and some of the stories that I have heard of the treatment that she is getting is shocking.

She is genuinely a very quiet work and does not know why the other women have turned against her. I am posting this looking for guidance as to what she could do? She feels that she can’t leave the job as she has no formal qualifications and would find it difficult to get employment. She has considered going to the boss in the office (the solicitor) but she feels that he doesn’t want to know anything about it and this will only make the bullying worse. Is her best course of action to consult professionals who deal with bullying? Any information would be greatly appreciated

Wanderer2010

First of all, has this situation always been like this or was the woman once friendly with her workmates? What changed between then and now, do you know all the story? How long has she worked there? If its the case that they just didnt take to her from the off and cut her out then she MUST go to the boss and explain that her work is being affected by this form of bullying, and have it on record that she has tried to make a grievance about the situation. If she gets no satisfaction from this then she has to go to a solicitor and get legal advice because a small workplace like that usually has no company handbook.

Its awful to have to work in such an environment but this woman may have such low self esteem that she believes she can get nothing else but anyone can upskill and enrol on a course to upgrade your skills in Office, Computers, First Aid etc, a lot of employers want these skills and anyone can do them you just need to believe it. The best of luck!

Dtp79

If her boss is a solicitor then surely he of all people would know the correct action to take

con___manx1

she should just have it out with the woman .If there all women im sure a lot of bitching is going on.
my girlfriend had a problem with a colleague in her job sometimes she would come home crying.one day she just snapped and asked what her problem was and they sorted it out. it took six months for that too happen.

Boots234

She has been working there since 2007 but the other 2 women in the office have turned against her since about 2010 for no apparent reason. She went to the boss well in 2011 asking had she done something wrong but the fobbed her off by saying that if someone isn't happy in the office then they shouldn't be working there.......not taking any steps to rectify the situation. She is also contemplating going to the boss and asking to make her redundant just so that she will at least be entitled to the dole. I really do feel for her as her esteem is very low and my girlfriend is really worried about her. We want to help but there is very little that we can do and we are trying to figure out through suggestions the best options for her

tatli_lokma

OP, she needs to start formalising everything. She needs to make a diary of actual events, not just a blanket explanation of them being horrible to her, but actual things they have done/said which ostracised her or which could be seen as bullying behaviour.

She then needs to officially request a meeting with the boss. By officially I mean in writing - it can be by email, but it needs to be in black and white. She can simply write a short email saying she wants to meet with him confidentially to discuss the matter of her treatment in the office.

Then at the meeting, she needs to ensure that the meeting is recorded. If the boss is not willing to do this, she needs to make her own notes. If the boss makes the notes, then she needs to ask for a copy so that she can confirm she is happy with the notes that were taken.

At this point, the boss will HAVE to act on her complaint, as now, it will be all in writing, and being a solicitor he surely must know that if he does not act on it he won't have a leg to stand on.

At this point the boss should conduct an investigation. This investigation should be impartial - in other words he needs to give all sides a fair hearing and not already have made any judgements as to who is to blame. This is where your MIL's diary will be useful, as chances are the other two won't have a diary against her. However, her diary needs to be factual and not overly emotional. If it comes across that she takes offence easily or is petty about every little thing then it will actually go against her. Just a simple date, time, what happened/was said is enough, but within reason, no need to mention every eye roll or shrug.

She needs to be prepared though, that if things go to this point, then it could get worse before it gets better.

If the boss doesn't take action, or doesn't follow correct procedures and your MIL feels that she has no choice but to leave, she may have a case for constructive dismissal. The only way she will win a case if contructive dismissal is if she can prove that management did not act and this inaction forced her to leave. This is why I advise get everything formalised and in writing.

I also think that at the time of the initial meeting, it would be good for her to suggest a mediation session. She needs to make sure it looks as though she wants to resolve the issues and get back to a positive environment. She needs to be careful not to look like she wants to be a victim. Volunteering to participate in mediation will present her in a better light as she will be seen to be willing to discuss the issues and wants to resolve them.

She needs to take action now, as if she allows this to continue, the further bet down she gets the more she will come across as a whinger and someone who wants to play the victim. The only way for her to change this situation is to take charge of it - however scary that prospect is. If she is so miserable, then what does she have to lose? It can't get any worse, right?