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My Mother Doesn't Really Babysit

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    #32
    Melion
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 10,259 ✭✭✭✭Melion


    Could a mod explain why posts are being deleted?


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    #33
    Moonbeam
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,953 Mod ✭✭✭✭Moonbeam


    yes, because they were pointless and off topic


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    #34
    Melion
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 10,259 ✭✭✭✭Melion


    Moonbeam wrote: »
    yes, because they were pointless and off topic

    Because they disagreed with the OP, understood.


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    #35
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    Melion wrote: »
    Because they disagreed with the OP, understood.

    Melion, you know well that if you disagree with a mod decision not to argue with it on thread but to PM the mod in question. Please follow the charter in this regard if you have a problem.


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    #36
    3ndahalfof6
    Registered Users Posts: 5,184 ✭✭✭3ndahalfof6


    Melion wrote: »
    Because they disagreed with the OP, understood.

    You do not read to well.


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    #37
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    3ndahalfof6 wrote: »
    You do not read to well.

    Please stop arguing on thread, thank you.


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    #38
    Moonbeam
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,953 Mod ✭✭✭✭Moonbeam


    3ndahalfof6 wrote: »
    You do not read to well.
    how is that on topic?

    one more off topic post and the reply will be an infraction.


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    #39
    3ndahalfof6
    Registered Users Posts: 5,184 ✭✭✭3ndahalfof6


    Moonbeam wrote: »
    how is that on topic?

    one more off topic post and the reply will be an infraction.

    No worries, sorry.


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    #40
    implausible
    Registered Users Posts: 3,937 ✭✭✭implausible


    BalancedBetty wrote: »
    I grew up with my Grandmother minding us every day during the summer, along with 7 of my cousins, every year, whilst the parents worked. My Grandmother didn't feel she had finished her job.
    Im not expecting all of that!

    OP, I think this experience may have left you with very high expectations (whether you realise it or not) of what grandparents should do.

    On the other hand, it's not unreasonable to think that a granny should want to spend time with her grandchild.

    However, spending time with him and babysitting do not have to be the same thing. Why don't you arrange a time every week where the three of you go and do something together - go to the park, take a walk in the woods, whatever? It sounds like your family is fractured and understandably so after the trauma you all have experienced. There is probably still a lot of hurt, pain and anxiety left. Maybe doing "quality time" together might help repair some of this.


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    #41
    looksee
    Registered Users Posts: 28,502 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    Totally agree with implausible. I was too far away from my mother for her to babysit my children, but I would not have expected her to do it anyway. She was too busy having a bit of 'me' time in her own life after a life dedicated to the family, and good luck to her.

    Now I am not really that close (distance wise) to my own grandchildren, and while I would be happy to do an occasional babysit I would not see myself doing it on a regular, several days a week, basis.

    It's entirely your mother's decision for whatever reasons, or none, whether she babysits, and if she is not offering then that is her privilege. It doesn't mean she does not love her grandchildren, or you.


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    #42
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    Your mother is under no obligation to look after your child. We are lucky enough to live near both sets of parents. Of the 4 grandparents, one of them looks after my child a few of afternoons a week. And I give her some money for it. We visit all of them, and spend time with them together every week, but sole childcare when we are not around is a totally different story.

    I wouldn't dream of expecting free childcare from anyone. The responsibility involved is huge. What if something happened while they were minding them? Your mother will be all too aware of that with the other tragedy.


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    #43
    silverharp
    Registered Users Posts: 18,360 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    some of you are giving the OP a very hard time. All I can say is that it is unfortunate that your mother doesnt want to chip in more. Even though my wife works from home I was really impressed how my mother and MIL couldnt do enough for us. It never came up as an issue with any of my friends so personally I think there is some issue with your mother beyond the fact that she wants to do her own thing. its worth persisting to get to the bottom of it,

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



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    #44
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 14,050 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    It seems because your own grandmother was very active in your life you expect that of your own mother.

    Which is an ok expectation to have, I suppose.. but you need to realise that your mother doesn't have to fill that expectation. She is a different woman, living in a different time to your grandmother.

    You say you take care of her... Do you do this because you care about her, or are you only doing it because you expect a trade? Your comment about 'does that mean I don't have to look after her when she gets old' comes across as a bit childish and petty. If I was in need, I would hope my children would look after me because they loved me and wanted to rather than because they were looking for something from me in return. They are small at the moment, I do everything for them.. because they are my kids and I love them.. not because I have my eye on 40 years down the road!

    Also the comment about supposing you're never going to go on a night out, is, also childish. Many many many parents with small kids find their social lives severely curtailed once kids arrive.

    For whatever reasons your mother doesn't want to babysit. You need to respect that. As another poster rightly pointed out, if you want her to have a relationship with him, it can be done outside of 'babysitting'. You can go for days out together. Spend time together building a special bond.

    If having a night out is really that important to you then you need to find a regular reliable babysitter.

    I genuinely don't mean to come across as harsh to you, but I think you have an imagined ideal set up in your head, and you need to understand that that is not what you have in real life. It's easy to look at other people and think they have it perfect. Doting grandparents, heavily involved with the kids, almost rearing them in partnership with the parents... And yes, that does happen! But in the huge huge majority of families it doesn't happen. The vast majority of families have the set up you do.

    If you would like a babysitter so that you can go out occassionally.. ask a cousin, or neighbour, or aunt etc who you trust.

    It's easier in the long run.


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    #45
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    what an awful situation...have yourself and your mum spoken about what happened to your eldest son? Have you cleared the air completely about it? Do you think she's concerned about looking after your child after what happened to your eldest?

    I wouldn't expect my mother to babysit...so I wouldn't be too concerned about that...but I would wonder is she distancing herself because of what happened


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    #46
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 14,050 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    You also need to remember that your mother lost a son and a grandson.

    She may seem alright on the surface, but a trauma like that has to run deep.


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    #47
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Op it's hard for people to take on two years old. They are really full of beans and it takes an awful lot to look after them as you know. My parents help more now as ds is older (15 months) but it tires them out as he is in to everything.

    Is it just that you want her to do more or is it that you would like to get a night out now and then? She was willing to take him for a night which is huge but you changed your mind. Maybe she got pd off then?

    As you know she is under no obligation to help you but best thing to do is talk to her.


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    #48
    BalancedBetty
    Registered Users Posts: 11 ✭BalancedBetty


    Hello to Everyone;
    Thank you for all your comments, support and imput,
    Happy Mother's Day Also!

    Im roasting a chicken and baking a blueberry cake for supper. My Mam's coming. We'll have a nice family day.
    XXX


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    #49
    amdublin
    Registered Users Posts: 20,653 ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    BalancedBetty wrote: »
    Hello to Everyone;
    Thank you for all your comments, support and imput,
    Happy Mother's Day Also!

    Im roasting a chicken and baking a blueberry cake for supper. My Mam's coming. We'll have a nice family day.
    XXX

    That sounds lovely BalancedBetty have a nice family day


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    #50
    Melion
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 10,259 ✭✭✭✭Melion


    Odds on the OP being on here in a few hours saying that her mam didn't show up?


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    #51
    amdublin
    Registered Users Posts: 20,653 ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    Melion wrote: »
    Odds on the OP being on here in a few hours saying that her mam didn't show up?

    Oh for fricks sake give the girl and her mam a break. If that happens we can talk to the op later. For the moment she is being positive about having a nice day, let her have that.


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    #52
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    amdublin wrote: »
    Oh for fricks sake give the girl and her mam a break. If that happens we can talk to the op later. For the moment she is being positive about having a nice day, let her have that.

    Report a post if you have a problem with it.


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    #53
    BabysCoffee
    Registered Users Posts: 4,713 ✭✭✭BabysCoffee


    BalancedBetty wrote: »
    Hello to Everyone;
    Thank you for all your comments, support and imput,
    Happy Mother's Day Also!

    Im roasting a chicken and baking a blueberry cake for supper. My Mam's coming. We'll have a nice family day.
    XXX

    Enjoy the day with your mother.


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    #54
    BalancedBetty
    Registered Users Posts: 11 ✭BalancedBetty


    After reading all the comments, everyone gave me a very positive outlook, and makes me treasure my Mother even more. Only wanted to know if my thoughts were wrong, and now I know they were!
    I love my Mam very much and I think that this thread ending on Mother's Day makes it more poignant.
    To all the Posters, thank you for your contributions. Just made me appreciate things all the more so.
    Happy Mother's day, I got a lovely card this morning, from my 2 Sons, with my 2 year old making a lovely signature all over the card and envelope. I managed to distract him enough to get the pen off him before he made lovely signatures all over the walls, like last time!!! XXX


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    #55
    BalancedBetty
    Registered Users Posts: 11 ✭BalancedBetty


    Lol, ah Melion, oh course my Mam will "show up". We talk twice a day on the phone. Again, thanks for your input.


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    #56
    amdublin
    Registered Users Posts: 20,653 ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    BalancedBetty wrote: »
    After reading all the comments, everyone gave me a very positive outlook, and makes me treasure my Mother even more. Only wanted to know if my thoughts were wrong, and now I know they were!
    I love my Mam very much and I think that this thread ending on Mother's Day makes it more poignant.
    To all the Posters, thank you for your contributions. Just made me appreciate things all the more so.
    Happy Mother's day, I got a lovely card this morning, from my 2 Sons, with my 2 year old making a lovely signature all over the card and envelope. I managed to distract him enough to get the pen off him before he made lovely signatures all over the walls, like last time!!! XXX

    Good for you xx


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    #57
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    Thread has been answered, so I'll close it now.


This discussion has been closed.
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