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i wrote this song four years ago

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  • 12-03-2013 2:18pm
    #1
    hponboard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 122 ✭✭


    any opinion on this song i wrote it a few years ago for my sister.
    it's not me singing but denis does put some feelling to it.
    let me know either way
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LP33lSXEHqA


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    #2
    9959
    Registered Users Posts: 1,785 ✭✭✭9959


    hponboard wrote: »
    any opinion on this song i wrote it a few years ago for my sister.
    it's not me singing but denis does put some feelling to it.
    let me know either way
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LP33lSXEHqA


    Ok, you did ask.
    In a word, rudimentary.
    I'm sure your songwriting has improved since you wrote that one - your first?

    'Denis' does a reasonably good job with, what is to be honest, an uninspiring melody.
    The repetitive C Am F G could be interpreted as either hypnotic or yawn inducing, unfortunately it's the latter for me. The fact that his top E is out, really doesn't help.
    The lyrics rhyme, but that's about it, as a lyrical idea or concept, 'turning on the radio' and hearing a song that makes you sad is, at best, a little hackneyed.

    Perhaps one of your more recent efforts contains a bridge, chorus or middle-eight, it would be interesting to hear how you've developed as a songwriter in the last few years.

    Hope I haven't been too harsh, it's only an opinion.

    Good luck to you!


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    #3
    dogmax
    Closed Accounts Posts: 158 ✭✭dogmax


    hponboard wrote: »
    any opinion on this song i wrote it a few years ago for my sister.
    it's not me singing but denis does put some feelling to it.
    let me know either way
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LP33lSXEHqA[/QUOTE]

    Well hponboard

    I strongly suggest that you replace the live sound from the video with a better recording of your song, I'm sure it must be a good song for Denis to sing it live in what look like a songwriter night, but the sound quality on the video is not doing your song or Denis any favours, or then again you could just post the words of your song.

    Sorry about that hponboard


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    #4
    hponboard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 122 ✭✭hponboard


    9959 wrote: »
    Ok, you did ask.
    In a word, rudimentary.
    I'm sure your songwriting has improved since you wrote that one - your first?

    'Denis' does a reasonably good job with, what is to be honest, an uninspiring melody.
    The repetitive C Am F G could be interpreted as either hypnotic or yawn inducing, unfortunately it's the latter for me. The fact that his top E is out, really doesn't help.
    The lyrics rhyme, but that's about it, as a lyrical idea or concept, 'turning on the radio' and hearing a song that makes you sad is, at best, a little hackneyed.

    Perhaps one of your more recent efforts contains a bridge, chorus or middle-eight, it would be interesting to hear how you've developed as a songwriter in the last few years.

    Hope I haven't been too harsh, it's only an opinion.

    Good luck to you!

    No, it's cool,
    i did do this song with a band, harmonica in thro , played song in key of B, much nicer melody throught the song. with light toms and bell drum beat behind some harmony vocals and bigger dianamic but band broke up and thats all i have left of it. but sure that the way it goes


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    #5
    9959
    Registered Users Posts: 1,785 ✭✭✭9959


    hponboard wrote: »
    No, it's cool,
    i did do this song with a band, harmonica in thro , played song in key of B, much nicer melody throught the song. with light toms and bell drum beat behind some harmony vocals and bigger dianamic but band broke up and thats all i have left of it. but sure that the way it goes

    That's good to hear, keep going, you never know!


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