Maintenance/Access

sept09baby

Hi

Myself and my ex are in court next month and I have no idea what to expect. Just like to hear from people who have been through it.

At first things were quite civil but we haven't spoken since January. When we first separated it was agree that he would stay in the house and I would try to find somewhere closer to my mother. It was the best solution all around as my son would have his own room when my ex took him overnight and my ex could keep 2 of the dogs (we have 4). I would only be living 15 mins drive away so he could see our son more often etc.

This lasted all of 3 weeks. I went up one day to collect some belongings (visit was pre-arranged) and found he had moved all his stuff out and was going to abandon the house and dogs. He moved back in with his parents. So I had to move back and cope with everything on my own and not have my family near by etc.

He has never taken responsibility for anything and this has just continued post break up. He's never had our son overnight, has changed the days he wants to see him 3 times (since last June), I have to provide everything when he takes him (spare clothes, baby wipes, nappies etc), he feeds him McDonalds at 3-4pm and drops him back about 7.30-8 so he misses his tea and bath and wakes up about 11pm starving.

Rather than paying maintenance directly he was to cover the mortgage and I paid the child-minder, food bills etc. It all came to a head in January when I discovered he hadn't been paying his portion and on the same day he told me his parents don't want my son in their house.

I have no idea what to expect next month. He's hired a solicitor but I can't afford one and the waiting list for legal aid is 7 months. Knowing him I can see them trying to be underhand and am dreading it.

All I want is for him to cover 50% of costs in relation to our son (childcare, food, clothes etc) but I keep hearing horror stories of how the family court will just order a set amount and none of that is taken in to consideration

sept09baby

With regards to access I'm not sure what to think. He's not going to move out of his parents house and they don't want my son there. I think my ex should be taking more of an active parenting role but how/will the courts to that. All he's ever done with him is take him to his parents, stick on the tv/dvd and buy him a mcdonalds and drop him home that evening. Asides from dropping him home so late that he wakes up hungry it makes him out of sorts all the next day. Is any of that kind of stuff considered or will he just be allowed to continue?

S28382

Sorry to hear that this is happening its a really horrible thing to go through. From my experience the law will side with you as you are the childs mother and unless he can prove that you are an unfit mother than he hasnt really a leg to stand on, as regards maintenance he is legally obliged to provide that to your son. If the judge feels that the child has a good stable life with its mother than the judge will not put that in jeopardy by ruling in favour of the father regardless of what the father says. Its crazy that there is a waiting list for legal aid its a disgrace.

I experienced this from the fathers side of it all as myself and my ex fell out over things when we broke up and unfortunately things got messy and the only people it hurts is the kids. I took my kids and still do for nearly the same amount of time as their mam has them and i treat them like royalty but when we went to court the judge seen that she was a good mam and he sided with her even tho i was of sound character and took them as often as i do. The reason why we went to court was that i wanted more of a legal custody of the kids but the judge was having none of it and just told us to basically to cop on we were good to the kids told us to get on for their sake and sent us on our merry way......thankfully we did just that.

Maybe what i said wont help you one bit but thats my experience of it all...and what i got from it is the mother has all the rights no matter what.......unless the father has joint legal custody ie; guardianship.

I hope it works out for you.


Oh and i didnt have a solicitor i went in and represented myself armed with some knowledge of fathers rights, which is pretty much non existent.

sept09baby

I have no problem with joint guardianship - we were married so my ex has rights. I just want him to take better care of our son. Basically be more of a father figure rather than some guy who buys him a happy meal every now and then. I want him to be a good parent really is the only way of putting it.

I work too but when it comes to my child I do the cooking, cleaning etc. I'm the one getting up when there's nightmares or doing toilet training, teaching numbers and letters etc and I just think he should be more hands on and involved in things like that but can't see that happening when he won't take him over night.

I'm dreading court. I'm really struggling money wise now and to be honest I'm not expecting much next month. I know he has money but I'd say it's well hidden by now. He's being very nasty about things and it's our son that is suffering even though I do everything I can so he doesn't.

S28382

If he is working and earning a good wage the judge will direct him by court order to pay maintenance every week if he doesnt do it you can report him to the district court who will then issue an arrest warrant for him. My sister had the same problem as you and thats what the court clerk told her what to do. Her ex was a f*cker for not paying money towards the child so she reported him and an arrest warrant was issued.

wmpdd3

Who took who to court? If it was you, make sure you push for a maintenance order and access order. Best to do this on the same date. You can put this in motion at the courts office. There should be someone there who can give you some time to show you how to fill out the forms.

Even though the wait for FLAC is 7 months etc, once you apply you could get a call form a solicitor the up to the morning of the court date. Make sure FLAC have the court date and details of what is due to be decided.

Have you notes written out, when you want the dad to take him, arrangements for Christmas Summer holidays, presents. Even if you think there is no hope of anything like this happening, have notes made just in case his solicitor brings it up.