Custody after separation?

polly_wolly

My husband and I have decided to separate after endless months of fighting, emotional abuse and an absolutely toxic atmosphere. He will be moving back to his home place which is approx. 1hr 15 mins from our family home. He is saying he wants joint custody of our son (ie) that he would take him 3 and a half days a week. To me this is completely unacceptable. I have spoken to my solicitor who agrees that a child cannot be dragged up and down the country every few days and that they need to have one permanent home with the other parent having reasonable access.

I am in no way trying to deny my husband access to his son but seeing as he will be going to playschool/school here and this will be his home it seems completely unreasonable to me? Plus my husband works 6 days a week so it would be his mother minding our son, not him. He does none of the day to day care of the child and now he is demanding 50% custody.

Has anyone any experience of this? Im hoping my solicitor is correct and that no judge will allow a child to be used just to massage his fathers ego.

He refuses to be co-operative to me until I agree to his terms but I know it's not in my sons best interest...

ZENER

I'm not 100% sure on this but if custody is shared 50/50 then no maintenance has to be paid by your ex for your son. I have a friend who is separated from her twin sons dad, he pays nothing towards their upkeep as custody is shared but they only live a short distance from each other. Could this be his reason perhaps ? Personally I don't think it's a great idea to put a child through that ordeal just to save a few quid.

Not sure what to advise you but it must be to the best interest of your son.

Hope it all works out.

Ken

sffc

ZENER wrote: »

I'm not 100% sure on this but if custody is shared 50/50 then no maintenance has to be paid by your ex for your son. I have a friend who is separated from her twin sons dad, he pays nothing towards their upkeep as custody is shared but they only live a short distance from each other. Could this be his reason perhaps ? Personally I don't think it's a great idea to put a child through that ordeal just to save a few quid.

Not sure what to advise you but it must be to the best interest of your son.

Hope it all works out.

Ken

Without straying into legal advice that 50/50 scenario is kinda impractical, who pays for Christmas toys / clothes etc, school trips, cubs subs? How much is spent on them? Minefield absolute minefield .
OP listen to your solicitor - he has more experience than all of us put together. What your husband is saying is an opening gambit. Welcome to the separation negotiation mind games. Or maybe he hasn't got any advice and is talking through his hat. Relax, ( I know it's not easy) It'll be fine

cgh

well I do hope you can work this out,
go see your solicitor, get concrete facts from them,
also they will suggest mediation, what are the chances of you sitting down with your husband and working this seperation out.
you need to think this through fully.
go get as much help as you can.

Paddy Cow

OP I don't have any legal training but it would be a bit much for your son to spend half the week so far away. How would he get to and from school every day? It would be too much for a small child to travel 1hr 15 mins there and back every day. I could only see your husband getting 50/50 access if he lived in the area.

James Jones

polly_wolly wrote: »

He is saying he wants joint custody of our son (ie) that he would take him 3 and a half days a week.

Joint Custody rarely means what it says on the tin. Joint Custody normally has the rider "with main care and residence to the mother". See Post-Separation Parenting: Summary of Main Findings

Tell him you will give him Joint Custody (with main care and residence to the mother) and that you will include him in all decisions regarding the child's health, education, religion and welfare. As Legal Guardian, this is what he is entitled to anyway but if you tell him you will let him have it, it might help in an amicable solution.