Solicitor cant help, who can?

LegacyUser

Hi all. Separated but still living together for financial reasons. I am the sole breadwinner & pay for everything (mortgage, bills, food, etc), she stays at home raising our 2 children. House in negative equity and we are stuck, cant afford to buy one another out, cant afford to move out. Things are amicable and this may sound unusual but we both want to do right by each other when we part ways. We need advice on what is the most financially sensible way forward. I contacted a solicitor who said he couldn't advise on these matters as it is simply a matter of what WE WANT to do. I wish it were that simple! Should I be speaking with a financial adviser then? Who can tell me what is the smartest way forward financially speaking, in other words how can we afford to separate? I need someone for example to say "you will both be better off financially if he moves out, pays maintenance, both keep paying mortgage, she claims some kind of assistance.. blah di blah". Really appreciate any advice here :-)

cgh

Im surprised your solicitor didnt recommend that you go to Mediation first.
it sounds as though you both know what you want to do. So arrange to get Mediation and go from there,
Thats the best advice I can suggest at the minute,

LegacyUser

Thanks for reply but mediation is there to resolve conflict. We have no conflict. As I say things are amicable, we want to part company but need the advice on how to do so without leaving one another struggling

Munstermad

Mediation do more than just resolve conflict, the help organise finances, parenting plans etc... separation agreements... Worth a shot. imo

mathepac

Munstermad wrote: »

Mediation do more than just resolve conflict, the help organise finances, parenting plans etc... separation agreements... Worth a shot. imo

+1 it is in order to draft mutually agreeable plans, as stated. If your current solicitor(s) couldn't make this yjis simple suggestion, could I politely suggest you find another?

LegacyUser

Ok, many thanks to each of you. I had no idea that mediation services also helped with financial planning. I will definitely look into this. Thank you so much

Strong arm

Can I also suggest Mabs - they are really good at this type of thing - mediation is always a good idea but I don't think it will help you on the financial advice side of things - in mediation you come up with the solutions and the mediator provides the structure and guidance to allow this to happen - the mediator is not meant to give advice or opinion. Another idea ( some of my clients have done this ) is to go to social welfare office and get someone to set out what you/ your spouse would be entitled to ( there are allowances and credits available where you live separately) first and foremost you both need to sit down and do out your means as it stands now and compare this to the situation if you were to move out ( make sure you include extra allowances/tax credits etc). As I said , Mabs can help with this
Best of luck !

sffc

Like others I'm suprised the solicitor was so unhelpful . While everything is nice, fresh and amicable so far you are doing exactly the right thing trying to find a way to go on with your lives that makes as much financial sense as possible . The citizens info is probably a good place to start as they can redirect you to MABS etc .
One last thing - it may in a few years be very important to have clear date when you and your wife separated that neither of you can dispute . As you no doubt know you can be separated while living in the same house . What isn't so well known is that separate beds may not be enough . You need to show that you began to run separate households of some description at some point . It may be time for you both to set up new separate bank accounts to show the change in your lifestyle .

LegacyUser

Truly grateful for this great advice all :-) I feel like I have somewhere to start now which is a relief in itself. Thanks again

James Jones

aTightSpot wrote: »

I contacted a solicitor who said he couldn't advise on these matters as it is simply a matter of what WE WANT to do.

You can make a complaint against this solicitor due to his negligence in failing to act in accordance with Section 5 of the Judicial Separation and Family Law Reform Act, 1989

5.—(1) A solicitor, if any, acting for an applicant for a decree of judicial separation shall, prior to the making of an application for a decree of judicial separation—

(a) discuss with the applicant the possibility of reconciliation and give to him the names and addresses of persons qualified to help effect a reconciliation between spouses who have become estranged, and

(b) discuss with the applicant the possibility of engaging in mediation to help effect a separation on an agreed basis with an estranged spouse and give to him the names and addresses of persons and organisations qualified to provide a mediation service, and

(c) discuss with the applicant the possibility of effecting a separation by the negotiation and conclusion of a separation deed or written separation agreement.

desbrook

James Jones wrote: »

You can make a complaint against this solicitor due to his negligence in failing to act in accordance with Section 5 of the Judicial Separation and Family Law Reform Act, 1989

You didn't read that very carefully - only where the solicitor is ACTING in the case of JUDICIAL separation. Also it says "shall" not " must" anyway .

James Jones

desbrook wrote: »

You didn't read that very carefully - only where the solicitor is ACTING in the case of JUDICIAL separation. Also it says "shall" not " must" anyway .

Your defense of a solicitor who refused to act for a client simply because the case could not be unnecessarily prolonged (and so milked for as much as it could be) indicates that you are a typical family law solicitor.

Taltos

Guys - please keep the legalese and sniping out of this forum.
If you cannot post constructive advice for the OP then please don't post, disagreements / disputes with others here that just drag threads off topic will just result in mod action having to be taken.

McCrack

James Jones wrote: »

Your defense of a solicitor who refused to act for a client simply because the case could not be unnecessarily prolonged (and so milked for as much as it could be) indicates that you are a typical family law solicitor.

No, read the first line of S5 that you quoted. (the hint is "prior to the making of an application for a decree of judicial separation").

OP I would suggest having a look at this link as a starter:

http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/separation_and_divorce/

Gareth789

IMHO your on friendly terms, so try to stay that way, avoid any mediator if you can they sometimes stuff things up, sounds like you need to make up your own minds first, the finances usually sort themselves out in time

Payton

aTightSpot wrote: »

Hi all. Separated but still living together for financial reasons. I am the sole breadwinner & pay for everything (mortgage, bills, food, etc), she stays at home raising our 2 children. House in negative equity and we are stuck, cant afford to buy one another out, cant afford to move out. Things are amicable and this may sound unusual but we both want to do right by each other when we part ways. We need advice on what is the most financially sensible way forward. I contacted a solicitor who said he couldn't advise on these matters as it is simply a matter of what WE WANT to do. I wish it were that simple! Should I be speaking with a financial adviser then? Who can tell me what is the smartest way forward financially speaking, in other words how can we afford to separate? I need someone for example to say "you will both be better off financially if he moves out, pays maintenance, both keep paying mortgage, she claims some kind of assistance.. blah di blah". Really appreciate any advice here :-)

You can draw up an agreement that state's you are to separate and not live as man and wife and remain amicable with eachother...I read something about this and seeing your post reminded me of it. I'll try and post it when I can source it.