She ignored the text, but...

LegacyUser

I'm doing a night class and I've become close with a girl in the class over the last couple of weeks. I met her briefly last Summer (through mutual friends), but it's only in the last month that we've become close.

There's a 14-year age difference (I'm early 40s, she's late 20s). And I am very attracted to her. She's been single since November, and I've been single since September. I honestly didn't think of pursuing it because of the age difference.

The night class is on a Tuesday and, after class, some of us always head to the pub for a couple of drinks. What has started to happen is: everyone heads away home at midnight and myself and Girl X stay on, and then head to a nearby late bar. Turns out we have lots in common and the crack is mighty. This happened three times and it was just fantastic. And other than a brief hug goodnight, there was nothing physical.

She text me to meet her for lunch the Thursday before Paddy's Day and it was a nice surprise. Next day, I decided to text her (first time I ever text her, actually) and see if she fancied meeting for a drink over the big week-end.

She never replied.

And I took that as a fairly resounding 'No' and felt like a tit for sending the text to a much younger woman.

There was no class last week and I was very glad of it. Feeling I'd like to put a bit of distance between us the the ignored text message before we met again.

On Saturday gone by, out of the blue, she text me and commented on the fact that she 'just realised' she hadn't replied to the week-old text but didn't apologise or mention the drink invite. She just asked how I was. I text back. Just some chit-chat, nothing that would require her to reply. And she didn't reply.

Several hours later, she saw on Facebook that I was meeting some of the lads from the night class for a few drinks in the house of one of them and... she jumped into the thread uninvited and asked about tagging along (since she would know most of the people there). And she did tag along.

At the party I gave her a wide berth (mindful of the ignored text message) and - I have to say - the party was a good laugh and I was having a good time. She eventually got me alone in the corner of the kitchen and awkwardly launched into a story relating that she'd met a guy over Paddy's Week-end and they 'really got on', etc. He was going to come back to visit the town Easter Week-end and they had been 'texting non-stop' and it was 'great'.

Great, I thought, this is an even more resounding 'NO' to my romantic intentions. I felt a bit foolish, a bit embarrassed, and... I wandered away into the small group again. And began enjoying myself a lot. It's a good bunch, all single, with age range from early 20s to late 40s. Mostly lads, three girls. A good bunch, and good fun.

We headed to a pub for drinks, another girl in the group offered to buy me a drink (for paying for the taxi) but Girl X butted in and insisted that she be the one to buy me a drink. I said I was fine, that the other girl was getting me a drink but Girl X would not hear of it and made it to the bar first and got me a drink. In the pub we met others from the night class and the group got a bit larger but myself and Girl X stepped back from everyone and chatted exclusively. She was more physical than ever before: punching me when I teased her, and pinning my arm down for several seconds at another stage, and even running her fingers through my hair while we laughing about me dying it blonde. Things like that that she never did before, that I would recognise as flirty behaviour from past experience. behaviour that did not make any sense, in light of her story about the guy she met the previous week-end.

Anyway, when it was time to go to a night club both myself and Girl X stayed on in the pub after everyone had left. I was enjoying myself (she's a great laugh) but I was very surprised by this turn of events. I thought to myself: she's definitely very flirty for a girl who - only hours ago - was telling me she's met someone and implied that she fancies him.

At the end of the night, I got a text from this other lady who is part of the night class. The lads from the nightclub were going back to her place for a few drinks and - knowing I was out - she extended an invite. But Girl X wasn't impressed and seemed surprised that I was going to go to the house. She asked me, fairly bluntly, if I found the texting lady attractive and I answered (truthfully) that she's one of the most attractive women I know. 'Don't you think she's a very stylish lady, very attractive?' I asked. 'I think she's old,' replied Girl X and she said she was going home.

And she left.

And I went to the party and I had a good time, extending the night's fun for another few hours.

The end.

Except...

I've been thinking about Saturday night for the past few days.

I'm at the stage where I'm NOT as attracted to Girl X as I was two week ago. But, having said that, she is really the only woman I know right now that I would have feelings for. And I definitely have feelings for her. This post doesn't do her justice, but she's really a fascinating young lady. We have lots in common, and our jobs are somewhat similar and we both love what we do and can chat for hours about it. She's funny, she finds me funny and we do have a great time together.

I'm trying to figure out how to play things tomorrow night. It's the second last night class. We'll probably go to the pub afterwards. As a group. I wonder should I make a point of sitting nowhere near her. And what about the mass exodus that happens around midnight? I'm a night owl, and I don't start work early, so under any circumstances I'm always happy to go to a late bar for more beer and chat. But if, as usual, it's just me and her I should probably not do it. Right? I mean she's told me she has met a guy and he's coming back to visit, etc. She I should just ignore her.

Right?

But, I'm confused about her actions. I've been rejected before. It usually doesn't go this way. If someone doesn't want to go for a drink or a meal or whatever, it's awkward and you don't stay in touch or (if you have mutual friends) you are usually just polite to each other when your paths cross. I'm familiar with that. It's fine. I was ready for that.

This is different. I keeping thinking about her pulling me over to chat to her at the party, and how she immediately launched into the awkward telling of the story of the guy she met. If that was a 'back off' story, then why didn't she let me back off when I actually did? And why did she seem annoyed that I went to the party after the night club? Maybe it wasn't a 'back off' story. That what the heck was it??

We both live out the same road, so normally we take the same taxi. I drop her off and head home. If not for the late party on Saturday I'd have shared a taxi with her. I'm wondering now would she have invited me in for a late drink? Not so much that something might happen, I seriously doubt that, but more that we'd continue to be in each other's company. Seeing as: we really have fun together.

And if I hang back late tomorrow, what will happen? If she's messing with me, I'm just going to end up not liking her at all and staying away completely for that reason. And I don't want that. Of course, the class will soon be over and we'll probably lose contact. Right now, I don't want that either.

Maybe, I'm missing something here: maybe I should ask her out again? But not a text message this time? Maybe that annoyed her? Maybe I should just mention the text, acknowledge the fact that I wanted to ask her out. And do it before things get serious with the guy she met.

Dammit anyway, it's after 5am, I should be asleep nothing thinking of this nonsense

wallycharlo

JesseStone wrote: »

...

'Don't you think she's a very stylish lady, very attractive?' I asked. 'I think she's old,' replied Girl X

...

I would consider that a very odd / thoughtless comment considering that you yourself could also clearly take offense.

She could be keeping her options open with yourself in the case that Mr Paddy's weekend does not work out? ...

beks101

She sounds like an almighty head wreck to me tbh.

Just read back over your own post & the never-ending doubt, confusion, frustration she's provoked in you : that doesn't happen when someone is really into you OP. when someone is really into you, they'll make it clear and won't pull you aside to tell you they met someone else.

To my mind, here's what happened. She enjoys your company, as you said you seem to have a laugh together. But dating you wasn't something she was interested in, so she decided to set you straight by ignoring the text, half heartedly apologizing to salvage the friendship & then feeding you that awkward story about how she's seeing someone else. Then all of a sudden she's out & enjoying the flirt with you because she knows you have feelings and hey, it's an ego boost. Until you start getting attention from another attractive woman from the group & decide to (from her perspective) ditch her to meet Ms Attractive. She doesn't like that at all.

I may be totally off the mark, but IMO the flirting & subsequent huff is just a case of inflated & then bruised ego. She sounds a bit immature to me. It shouldn't really be this difficult to guage if someone's interested.

ash23

I think she likes knowing that you like her. But she doesn't like you enough to actually make a go of things with you.
Her bitchy comments about the other girl show that she's jealous. But if she were jealous of anything other than losing out on your attention, she'd have made a move or reciprocated your moves.

Seems to me that she blanked you when she had someone else interested and went back to you for the old ego stroke, perhaps because something went wrong with the new boy.

Truthfully, I'd just stop getting myself into a situation where I end up alone with her. You're just going to (imo) get knocked back over and over. She's doing just enough to keep you interested but what are you getting out of it? Nothing.
You say she's the only person you've been interested in lately, well, in my experience, when your head and heart is filled with thoughts of someone else, it's impossible to go and meet someone new or be interested in someone.
Just cut her loose and in time, with her out of your mind, you'll find all sorts of new and interesting women who won't act like the big headwreck that she is.

ManOfMystery

It's a bit of a cliched situation here OP to be honest. Guy finds girl attractive, girl doesn't gives a bit of a wide berth but enjoys the ego boost nonetheless, then when guy moves on to a new female the girl suddenly gets overly attentive and tries to draw him back in again.

If she really wanted to have a relationship with you, she had ample opportunity to go down that road. She doesn't, but she's relishing the attention you give her anyway. I'm not saying she's a bitch; I'm sure she genuinely enjoys the friendship too, but she's certainly not being 100% clear with you and has no right to try and steer you away from other girls unless she thinks there's something happening between you two.

skeg16

She's an out and out flirt who loves attention and you are like putty in her hands, granted she may be good craic and we have lots in common but if she wanted to try things with you I think it would have happened already.

Either come clean and tell her you fancy her or try and keep your distance so you don't get hurt....harder said than done!!

Merkin

She's a professional head melter and I'd steer well clear. She is not interested in anything more than a friendship with you but doesn't like it when the attention is diverted from her. She likes the attention you lavish on her but doesn't want to take it further. There is no way I'd be asking her out again.

I also think she sounds extremely ill-mannered, immature, rude and really rather annoying so I don't think you're missing out on much by not dating her, regardless of how much fun you think she is.

kjl

I couldn't even finish reading. Sorry to say but I think she sees you as a friend.

You are reading really deep into everything she does, punching you does not show she is attracted to you.

Forever Hopeful

Op,

I knew a girl like her. There was a guy who had a big crush on her but she thrived on the attention but really wasn't interested.
This girl is so childish and I'd say would do your head in.
That was an awful comment she made about that other woman and indicative of how superficial she is.
Reading your post I was hoping you would take this other lady up on her offer!!!!
This girl knows she has you and all she has to do is bat her eyelids.
Call her bluff and focus on this other lady.
Remember this girl doesn't want you but she doesn't want anyone else to want you either. That doesn't mean anything other than she's a selfish self absorbed madam.
Make us all proud and high five ya by putting the other lady first (if you genuinely like to get to know her, that is).

LegacyUser

OP here again!

Thank you everybody for the input/advice.

Stuff I knew, deep down, but needed to hear nonetheless.

Heading to that night class in couple of hours. If we all hit the pub afterwards, I'll keep my distance. (Thankfully next Tuesday is the last class. And I won't have to wonder about any of this, any more.)

Thanks again for taking the time to answer me. It does help.

Katgurl

I'm probably posting here too late but...

Yes she sounds like she hadn't made her mind up initially
Yes she sounds a tad immature


But...

So what if she only realise she liked you when she was worried she was losing you? Sometimes things aren't entirely clear and maybe she was surprised and confuse to find herself attracted to an older man.

I don't know what happened last night but I would have recommended you make a pass at her if you do like her as much as you say. If you get red carded, forget her, it's not as if you have to see her again.

On an aside, it sounds like there mayb also be a vibe with the other attractive lady so you could be coming across as a player.

Hannibal Smith

I'm going to go against the grain here. You've said the two of you get on well and she's a really lovely girl, so do you think she could be a head wrecker ?

Maybe she's intimidated by the age gap? Maybe she ignored your text because she didn't know how to reply, or what you might expect and made up a story about seeing some one so that the two of you could remain friends but take the relationship pressure out of the equation? Then realised perhaps the age gap isn't that big of a deal, so is tryin to communicate that?

It sounds like the two of you have a great relationship and a great friendship after a sort time of knowing each other but there's this huge miscommunication in the middle. Would you like to be friends with her still? She clearly likes being in your company, if it turns out that shes not interested in anything more, do you not think you could be mates?

beks101

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

Maybe she's intimidated by the age gap? Maybe she ignored your text because she didn't know how to reply, or what you might expect and made up a story about seeing some one so that the two of you could remain friends but take the relationship pressure out of the equation? Then realised perhaps the age gap isn't that big of a deal, so is tryin to communicate that?

Even so, games games games. Head wreck head wreck head wreck. She's an adult woman, if she's not able to effectively communicate her feelings at this stage then it doesn't exactly bode well in terms of relationship potential between the two of them.

I know no situation is ever black and white and I doubt this one is either, but you can save yourself an awful lot of stress and misery by surrounding yourself with people who are clear about their intentions, whose actions match their words and who say what they mean and mean what they say.

Merkin

beks101 wrote: »

I know no situation is ever black and white and I doubt this one is either, but you can save yourself an awful lot of stress and misery by surrounding yourself with people who are clear about their intentions, whose actions match their words and who say what they mean and mean what they say.

This needs to be stickied!

Seriously, it's such sound advice and RI would be pretty empty if people lived by it. Actions really do speak louder than words and anyone who talks the talk and yet it unable or unwilling to follow through on their actions isn't worth the time of day tbh.

Kold

Im sure I dont have to tell a man with 2 decades on me this but Ill say it anyway; bitches be crazy. Life's too short to be worth this girl's hassle. She may just be confused and keeping her options open... She's so intriguing... F*ck that. Act aloof until she gives you the chance of a root and if she doesnt? Oh well there're 4 billion women on this planet and at least 2 billion are a 5 or above. Do your night class. Dont shut any doors. Enjoy life with a drama-filter.
I let an intelligent beautiful woman turn me into an emotional wreck for a qhole year of my life. Now we're mates and Im not attracted to her but going on friends reports of the drama and a rational memory, I still think 'f*ck you' to the confused girl who couldnt just stop twisting me. All women are intriguing once you get to know them.

Hannibal Smith

beks101 wrote: »

Even so, games games games. Head wreck head wreck head wreck. She's an adult woman, if she's not able to effectively communicate her feelings at this stage then it doesn't exactly bode well in terms of relationship potential between the two of them.

I know no situation is ever black and white and I doubt this one is either, but you can save yourself an awful lot of stress and misery by surrounding yourself with people who are clear about their intentions, whose actions match their words and who say what they mean and mean what they say.

No one puts all the cards on the table and a lot of people have reservations about speaking their mind for a whole host of reasons. the op himself has been guarded in how he really feels about her.

We don't all surround ourselves with ideal people because no one is perfect and you can't be that strict about friendships because everyone has their quirks.

if the two of them were open and honest, this thread wouldn't be here.

From the posts the two of them seem to get on great, so why distance yourself from some one who's company you enjoy when its just air that needs clearing?

beks101

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

From the posts the two of them seem to get on great, so why distance yourself from some one who's company you enjoy when its just air that needs clearing?

I got on famously with my ex, the craic was always ninety when we were out together, didn't stop him from royally playing with my head and setting me back months in terms of my self-esteem and trust in my own judgement of a potential partner.

If I'd listened to the warning signs then - the lack of effort, the mixed signals, the hot and coldness...I probably would've saved myself all that grief and mental torment. I'm seeing all those signs in this girl and I'm advising the OP accordingly.

It's not just a case that this woman hasn't been "speaking her mind" and sure aren't we all imperfect etc etc...She explicitly didn't respond to his request to meet her for drinks, a pretty obvious ploy to take things further on his part which was rejected through her silence and subsequent "I've met someone else".

Maybe she changed her mind after this - if so, why didn't she say so? Clear up the confusion, apologise for the mixed signals, instead of resorting to flirting with the guy who in the same night she had quite obviously rejected and then insulting some other woman he's friends with to his face? If I liked a guy and had been confusing in my actions towards him for my own personal reasons, I wouldn't have left that pub without setting him straight.

She's been disrespectful, half-hearted, inconsistent in her actions and he's got feelings for her so stands to lose a lot. That's why he should distance himself.

Hannibal Smith

beks101 wrote: »

I got on famously with my ex, the craic was always ninety when we were out together, didn't stop him from royally playing with my head and setting me back months in terms of my self-esteem and trust in my own judgement of a potential partner.

If I'd listened to the warning signs then - the lack of effort, the mixed signals, the hot and coldness...I probably would've saved myself all that grief and mental torment. I'm seeing all those signs in this girl and I'm advising the OP accordingly.

It's not just a case that this woman hasn't been "speaking her mind" and sure aren't we all imperfect etc etc...She explicitly didn't respond to his request to meet her for drinks, a pretty obvious ploy to take things further on his part which was rejected through her silence and subsequent "I've met someone else".

Maybe she changed her mind after this - if so, why didn't she say so? Clear up the confusion, apologise for the mixed signals, instead of resorting to flirting with the guy who in the same night she had quite obviously rejected and then insulting some other woman he's friends with to his face? If I liked a guy and had been confusing in my actions towards him for my own personal reasons, I wouldn't have left that pub without setting him straight.

She's been disrespectful, half-hearted, inconsistent in her actions and he's got feelings for her so stands to lose a lot. That's why he should distance himself.

But you're putting your own experiences on this, when its not the same at all. They aren't a couple. Maybe she should have acted differently but not everyone is as open and articulate as that. It doesn't always mean the person is a headwrecker.

Its just a shame that two people who have a
Laugh can't continue enjoying each others company. If the OP was only looking for a relationship and nothing more then of course he should think twice about remaining friends, but if there's a friendship there, why ruin it.

beks101

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

. It doesn't always mean the person is a headwrecker.

Look at the OP's first post. In this case it does.

Anyway our views are irrelevant as it appears he has come to a conclusion on this.

LegacyUser

She didn't show up at the class last night, so there was no "drama".

By coincidence I bumped into her about half-hour before start time. Random. She was friendly and came on over to chat, even snatching my 'homework' from my hands to have a quick look at it, saying she didn't get a chance to do hers. Instead of standing chatting with her, I made a couple of jokes about her getting in trouble with the tutor (for not doing the homework) and grabbed my stuff and headed away, with a smile.

I assumed she's be at the class. But she never turned up. Probably working late, or who knows? Could be any of a hundred other reasons. I presume she would have explained to me, had I stayed for a chat. In fact, it was probably her main reason for coming over to chat.

Group did head for a drink later. Good laugh.

I presume she'll be there next week. For the last class.

I know where she tends to drink on a Saturday night, but this coming week-end is the one where Mr. Paddy's Week-End is coming back to visit her (he lives several hours drive away) so I'll certainly be nowhere near that particular pub

Surprised that this thread is still ongoing. It makes good reading.

In defence of Girl X being a 'head wreck'...

She's not a bad person. In several, long late night conversations over the past 4/5 weeks I've heard her speak about her job, her ex-boyfriend, her family, etc. I'm a pretty good judge of people. She's a nice young lady. We have mutual friends (which is how I first met her, last Summer) and they speak highly of her. (I know, cos I asked a couple of weeks back. Doing my detective work.)

She doesn't mean any harm. Inadvertently, she's causing me headwreck, so I need to stay away.

And the so-called headwreck comes from one thing. She ignored the text, but got 'super-friendly' the next time we met (even after saying she'd met a guy). All my confusion/doubt stems from that. So, really and truly, all my confusion started last Saturday night. And was/is caused by her behaviour that one night. Not on any other night. Sure, it took her a week to reply to the text. But I'll cut her slack on that. It obviously surprised her.

If she hadn't gotten super-friendly on Saturday, there would be no head-wreck factor. Why did she get super-friendly? Well, after reading the posts here: assuming she does NOT see me romantically, she DOES clearly sees me as her favourite person in the night-class group. A friend. So, from her point of view, it probably makes sense to try and sit with me and have a laugh, and not really bother about chatting much to anyone else. Especially after a few hours of chatting with them at the house. And not chatting with me.

I wish it wasn't like that. But I suppose it is.

My text didn't say: "I'm madly in love with you!" so she has no way of knowing that I actually like her quite a bit. Posters here are right, I have been guarded, but experience has taught me to start off slow. It's common sense. I doubt anyone would think it's very wise "to pour my heart out" at this stage? Surely, it's more more normal to take things slowly and just ask someone out for a drink? If anyone suggests I sit her down and tell her I have strong feelings or some such, I won't do it. It's bad advice. I don't think women respond to that kind of thing. More likely to think I'm a lunatic. And stay away. I've known many women who did just that when a guy came on "too strong." All she needs to know is that I want to go out with her for a drink. Just her. Not the others. And she knows that now.

Could I be mates/friends with her? Maybe. I don't know. I'm not sure how we can be friends, anyway. Once the class is over - next Tuesday - we'll only meet randomly, I imagine. We could easily go a full year without meeting. There's no point in me sending her a text again. For a drink. Or even for lunch. I'm not doing that, anyway, after she ignored my text. And I can't imagine that she'll be texting me to meet up, go for a drink or for a second lunch. Don't see that happening. And, to be honest, I think I'd (a) ignore the text, (b) say I was busy, if she did text. Not trying to be a dick. Just doing what I think is right after what happened.

She'll continue seeing Mr. Paddy's Day (I presume) and I won't see her after next Tuesday. She'll fade away. And after a few weeks I'll stop thinking about her every single day.

Every single day.

Hopefully

Mollusc

You're in 'good friend' territory and you'll never get out of it unfortunately.

She'll tell you everything, she's leading you on, getting you jealous and worked up by talking about the other fella, she really has you boxed it.

You're the only one that can get out of this situation, as she is not going to move you no matter how much you want her to.

annoyedgal

If I were you I would be upfront and tell her next Tuesday that you like her. You have absolutely nothing to lose here and possibly something to gain. Yes her actions are confusing and there is possibly a new man on the scene. Yes she may reject you and you have boosted her ego. Yes she may like you too, have been using other guy to make you jealous etc etc....
There is only one way to find out and that's be upfront and ask! She will respect your balls and honestly. This is coming from a woman who did the same a year and a half ago and had been with her guy since! ! Don't have regrets after Tuesday just do it! Oh and do it face to face, good luck!

Catphish

JesseStone wrote: »

She didn't show up at the class last night, so there was no "drama".

By coincidence I bumped into her about half-hour before start time. Random. She was friendly and came on over to chat, even snatching my 'homework' from my hands to have a quick look at it, saying she didn't get a chance to do hers. Instead of standing chatting with her, I made a couple of jokes about her getting in trouble with the tutor (for not doing the homework) and grabbed my stuff and headed away, with a smile.

I assumed she's be at the class. But she never turned up. Probably working late, or who knows? Could be any of a hundred other reasons. I presume she would have explained to me, had I stayed for a chat. In fact, it was probably her main reason for coming over to chat.

Group did head for a drink later. Good laugh.

I presume she'll be there next week. For the last class.

I know where she tends to drink on a Saturday night, but this coming week-end is the one where Mr. Paddy's Week-End is coming back to visit her (he lives several hours drive away) so I'll certainly be nowhere near that particular pub

Surprised that this thread is still ongoing. It makes good reading.

In defence of Girl X being a 'head wreck'...

She's not a bad person. In several, long late night conversations over the past 4/5 weeks I've heard her speak about her job, her ex-boyfriend, her family, etc. I'm a pretty good judge of people. She's a nice young lady. We have mutual friends (which is how I first met her, last Summer) and they speak highly of her. (I know, cos I asked a couple of weeks back. Doing my detective work.)

She doesn't mean any harm. Inadvertently, she's causing me headwreck, so I need to stay away.

And the so-called headwreck comes from one thing. She ignored the text, but got 'super-friendly' the next time we met (even after saying she'd met a guy). All my confusion/doubt stems from that. So, really and truly, all my confusion started last Saturday night. And was/is caused by her behaviour that one night. Not on any other night. Sure, it took her a week to reply to the text. But I'll cut her slack on that. It obviously surprised her.

If she hadn't gotten super-friendly on Saturday, there would be no head-wreck factor. Why did she get super-friendly? Well, after reading the posts here: assuming she does NOT see me romantically, she DOES clearly sees me as her favourite person in the night-class group. A friend. So, from her point of view, it probably makes sense to try and sit with me and have a laugh, and not really bother about chatting much to anyone else. Especially after a few hours of chatting with them at the house. And not chatting with me.

I wish it wasn't like that. But I suppose it is.

My text didn't say: "I'm madly in love with you!" so she has no way of knowing that I actually like her quite a bit. Posters here are right, I have been guarded, but experience has taught me to start off slow. It's common sense. I doubt anyone would think it's very wise "to pour my heart out" at this stage? Surely, it's more more normal to take things slowly and just ask someone out for a drink? If anyone suggests I sit her down and tell her I have strong feelings or some such, I won't do it. It's bad advice. I don't think women respond to that kind of thing. More likely to think I'm a lunatic. And stay away. I've known many women who did just that when a guy came on "too strong." All she needs to know is that I want to go out with her for a drink. Just her. Not the others. And she knows that now.

Could I be mates/friends with her? Maybe. I don't know. I'm not sure how we can be friends, anyway. Once the class is over - next Tuesday - we'll only meet randomly, I imagine. We could easily go a full year without meeting. There's no point in me sending her a text again. For a drink. Or even for lunch. I'm not doing that, anyway, after she ignored my text. And I can't imagine that she'll be texting me to meet up, go for a drink or for a second lunch. Don't see that happening. And, to be honest, I think I'd (a) ignore the text, (b) say I was busy, if she did text. Not trying to be a dick. Just doing what I think is right after what happened.

She'll continue seeing Mr. Paddy's Day (I presume) and I won't see her after next Tuesday. She'll fade away. And after a few weeks I'll stop thinking about her every single day.

Every single day.

Hopefully

If you do decide to do that, make sure there is clear boundaries. You saw her reaction when that other girl tried to buy you a drink, it was jealousy city. She might have elements of her personality that appeal to you - funny etc - but she seems to be quite immature. I agree with the others in saying that it looks like she's holding onto you for an ego boost.

I think if the opportunity rises, ask that other girl out for a drink. On your own, as I think if girl X is present she's likely to to do the same thing again.

MaroonAndGreen

Man you have to tell her you like her IMO, as a poster said above, you have nothing to lose and only have possible gains!

And it may not be as you see it either, give it a go, I think you may regret it again if you dont!

Dark Phoenix

She sounds like a head melting immature girl who loves attention.

Now personally I wouldnt obsess about the text as she may have just forgotten to reply I've done it myself before unintentionally - check phone when busy- remind myself to respond later when not so busy and forget.

fact is you were not at the forefront of her mind. She was busy with my paddys day. When she was back in a room with you she was eager to have your attention and got jealous of other women giving you any. She also got clingy - she didnt want you going to a party with other women but didnt want to go herself with you and didnt want you to come home with you - so she wanted to control your behaviour and your attention but not be with you.

I'd suspect she is deep down quite insecrure and as such does not like other women who she percieves as attractive and therefore a threat to her. She enjoys having the attention of a mal ein the group as it feels her need for attention and allows her to feel wanted and attractive. When you speak to other women this validates her insecurities.

My advice - steer clear. Sure she is a nice girl and a good laugh - however i;d think this sort of person is dangerous too because the situation where you were invited to the house party was just odd and showed her trying to control your behaviour and isolate you from the rest of the group. she didn't want you but didn't want anyone else to have you.

LegacyUser

OP here again.

Thanks, again, to everyone who weighted in with advice/opinions.

I read (and re-read) them all. Over the week-end I came to this thread many times and had another read. And then thought about what you guys were saying, etc.

Tonight was the last night of the Night Class and Girl X did not show up.

Even if she had I wouldn't have bothered saying anything to her. Way I see it: I sent a text and suggested we meet for a drink and she is clever enough to know from that that I liked her. She ignored the text for 8 days. That is that. The end. I'm going to disregard her friendliness on the Saturday night. It's probably exactly what most people here posted. And I'm better to disregard it and focus on the fact that she ignored the text.

Part of me is curious as to why she abandoned the Night Class with only two weeks left. But nobody mentioned her tonight. And I didn't ask. I'm not sure if anyone there is in contact with her, between classes.

With the Night Class over, I probably won't see her again. We live in a medium-sized town and we do have some mutual friends, but even so... it's unlikely we'll meet very often. We could easily go a year and not meet up.

Which is fine.

I really enjoyed getting to know her (through Feb and March) and despite the fact that I really thought we had a connection, etc. I have to face that fact that I was wrong. Completely wrong. It must have been one-sided.

When I started this thread I was really confused and hurt. But, tonight, I feel less sad about the whole thing. And I'm glad I got you all to weight in with advice/opinions.

Thanks.

daysleeper

OP you seem like such a lovely guy. I've just read this whole thread and I'm so angry at this girl for messing you about. You deserve somebody a hell of a lot nicer. Hope you're okay.

maria34

JesseStone wrote: »

OP here again.

Thanks, again, to everyone who weighted in with advice/opinions.

I read (and re-read) them all. Over the week-end I came to this thread many times and had another read. And then thought about what you guys were saying, etc.

Tonight was the last night of the Night Class and Girl X did not show up.

Even if she had I wouldn't have bothered saying anything to her. Way I see it: I sent a text and suggested we meet for a drink and she is clever enough to know from that that I liked her. She ignored the text for 8 days. That is that. The end. I'm going to disregard her friendliness on the Saturday night. It's probably exactly what most people here posted. And I'm better to disregard it and focus on the fact that she ignored the text.

Part of me is curious as to why she abandoned the Night Class with only two weeks left. But nobody mentioned her tonight. And I didn't ask. I'm not sure if anyone there is in contact with her, between classes.

With the Night Class over, I probably won't see her again. We live in a medium-sized town and we do have some mutual friends, but even so... it's unlikely we'll meet very often. We could easily go a year and not meet up.

Which is fine.

I really enjoyed getting to know her (through Feb and March) and despite the fact that I really thought we had a connection, etc. I have to face that fact that I was wrong. Completely wrong. It must have been one-sided.

When I started this thread I was really confused and hurt. But, tonight, I feel less sad about the whole thing. And I'm glad I got you all to weight in with advice/opinions.

Thanks.

like someone mentioned here, she is so immature! playing mind games etc.

if, even if she would go out with u for drinks, she would play the same mind game again and again. u are a grown up man, do u need this? im sure theres loads of nice ladies out there, who wont do that.

that "pain" goes away, it always does :-)

LegacyUser

Decided, a little while ago, to bring this little saga to a proper conclusion before moving on.

Sent her this on Facebook:

I have to say the highlight of the class was getting to know you better.
I would imagine (based on experience) that I might not see you around for ages, so I thought I'd just get that off my chest.
Based on the night you quizzed me, I'm not always sure how well you read me, so there's no great harm in being direct for a change and saying upfront what a fantastic impression you made on me from the first minute I met you last year.
And how that has only improved in the recent weeks of getting a slight insight into who you actually are.
Disappointed, obviously, that you didn't take me up on the offer of a drink, etc.
But it sounds like you've met someone you like a lot and best of luck with that.
Looking forward to seeing ya around sometime,

She replied:

Ah, that's a lovely message to get.
I've really enjoyed getting to know you too, I enjoy your company and talking to you a lot.
I'm sorry if the intention on your part wasn't met by me but I would like to think that we are close enough as friends and will continue to be.
I'm absolutely shattered here so I won't stay to chat, but we should meet up next week for lunch if you'd like to?

I said:

Absolutely. Take care!

But I've no intention of meeting her. Best to be 'busy' if she ever texts (which I seriously doubt she ever will.).

It's been a while I heard the ol' "Let's be friends" routine but you can't mistake it when you see it

annoyedgal

Fair play to you for sending the message and ending any uncertainty. Now you can put her out of your head and know that you have it your best shot with no regrets. Nothing ventured nothing gained so well done!

wallycharlo

annoyedgal wrote: »

Fair play to you for sending the message and ending any uncertainty. Now you can put her out of your head and know that you have it your best shot with no regrets. Nothing ventured nothing gained so well done!

+1

Now can her and get on with things :pac: