What do you think of people who never marry?

Love2u

Truncheon Rouge wrote: »

Well yes OP
I do think its sad that someone should not marry and live in a detached house with a pointy roof, chimney with smoke coming out of it, and four windows [+] and not have 2 children, one boy and one girl.

daddy goes to the factory in the car and mammy stays at home with the babies and makes dinner.
boys like football and girls like dolls.

any deviation from this is sad and unusual.

What's your point?

shopaholic01

Love2u wrote: »

What's your point?

That we're not sheep, obviously.

None of us are obliged to conform to what society considers normal, nor should we judge others who do/don't.

Latchy

dd972 wrote: »

There are people who are simply not 'relationship people' or 'marriage people', what happens naturally and effortlessly for the bulk of humanity doesn't materialise for them, it's usually down to quirks of personality and the lack of some kind of 'X factor' for want of a better description that means they can't cut it in this realm of life.

.

Also ...there are some who love the whole notion of romance and relationships but can't or won't, put the effort in to see how it pans out simply because the fear of rejection or failure (even once ) is to much for them to bare .

dd972

Latchy wrote: »

Also ...there are some who love the whole notion of romance and relationships but can't or won't, put the effort in to see how it pans out simply because the fear of rejection or failure (even once ) is to much for them to bare .

Also ...there are people who work their arses off and put in all the efforts required bar throwing the kitchen sink at it to no avail.

Latchy

dd972 wrote: »

Also ...there are people who work their arses off and put in all the efforts required bar throwing the kitchen sink at it to no avail.

I know ...you've just quoted one .

Madam_X

Truncheon Rouge wrote: »

Well yes OP
I do think its sad that someone should not marry and live in a detached house with a pointy roof, chimney with smoke coming out of it, and four windows [+] and not have 2 children, one boy and one girl.

daddy goes to the factory in the car and mammy stays at home with the babies and makes dinner.
boys like football and girls like dolls.

any deviation from this is sad and unusual.

Not that the OP said they think that. They just asked whether some think that, and some do.
There are some people who think the idea of being single at all past your late teens is the most shocking fate there is. It's reflected in society too. People on this thread don't seem to have that view though.

Czarcasm

shopaholic01 wrote: »

That we're not sheep, obviously.

None of us are obliged to conform to what society considers normal, nor should we judge others who do/don't.

Can I be a pedantic prick just for the sake of it and point out that people just ARE judgemental, and there's nothing wrong with being judgemental, but it's actually HOW you judge other people, and how you treat them that matters, not the fact that you judge them.

I've known plenty of single people that never married, never dated, etc, hell we all laughed at the forty year old virgin, the pervy old man and the crazy cat lady. We weren't laughing at the person. We were laughing at the stereotype.

These people as individuals, some of them fitted the stereotype, more of them had different goals in life than I would want for myself, we differed on plenty of points of view, but we'd always respect each other.

To the other poster in this thread who says she has resigned herself to being single and not even forty years of age yet- stop thinking like that for christ sake and realise that the problem is you, not the people around you! You've a good 80 years left in you yet to sort out the crappy defeatist attitude and stop looking at what other people have that you don't, or vice versa.

On the idea that you're not able to converse with your work colleagues about their children and what not- just from my own personal point of view, we were all children once, and I listen to advice from other people who don't have children all the time, because they have young cousins, nieces and nephews that they all interact with on an almost daily basis (me personally though the last thing I want to be doing is talking about children, etc, I'd sooner listen to people talk about their OWN achievements rather than hear another story about how little johnny finally took a poo in his own house today rather than go to paul's house! Drives me fcuking spare, but that's just me!).

The single people you see aren't just "keeping themselves occupied to stave off the boredom and loneliness of singledom", they're enjoying LIFE, their life, and making the most of it, and more power to them climbing carantoohil or like one of my friends fecking off to the Dominican Republic for six months or however long she's going for. It's not MY thing, but it works for her!

My best friend I've known for near 20 years now was always round as a 40 stone snooker ball and has a glass eye from an accident when he tripped as a child and impaled his eyeball on a tree branch. It doesn't stop him doing a 100 mile round trip to Dublin every day as his job for the same last 20 years, I figured in all that time too he'd be forever friendzoned (popular local character, all the girls love him, but I could never imagine how that'd translate to the bedroom myself!), and for a long time it didn't, didn't bother him though as he had plenty of friends and a life full of activities, and it's only in the last two years that he met a girl and they're dating and having "great fun" (I'd to ask him to stop before he went TMI with the mental images!).

You might look at them and think "How? Dafuq?", because his girlfriend is an absolute stunner, but when you know him you'll understand that it's his attitude and his sense of humor she's attracted to, not just his physical attributes (I dared not ask the obvious "how does she even FIND your knob?" question), because again, it works for them, and they're both clearly happy together, and thankfully she hasn't tried to change him, etc.

I tried that once, because I didn't want him to die because of the health risks associated with his weight, I'd sooner he die of old age like everyone else, but he turned from being happy into being truly miserable, it didn't help him at all and so I realised that I had to accept him as he was and not try to change him to what suited me, rather I had to let him just be himself, and if I wasn't happy with it, that was MY problem, not his.

steddyeddy

Speak for yourself poster above. I would have to be a sad individual to judge people based on their life circumstances. I would rather concentrate on my own life.

Latchy

Madam_X wrote: »

Not that the OP said they think that. They just asked whether some think that, and some do.
There are some people who think the idea of being single at all past your late teens is the most shocking fate there is. It's reflected in society too. People on this thread don't seem to have that view though.

Indeed ...The smug sections of society who like to fit everybody into little boxes will be the first to express shock at somebody who remains single past a certain age while hiding behind their own horror relationships and marriage's .

I feel for anybody who has tried but hasn't managed to find that somebody and to hell with what anybody else thinks .

thrashmetalfan

to be honest i think its just up the person in question as someone earlier on on this thread said "its diffrent strokes". kinda like this little dude here ahem:

Lawrence1895

It's just their very own choice

Czarcasm

steddyeddy wrote: »

Speak for yourself poster above. I would have to be a sad individual to judge people based on their life circumstances. I would rather concentrate on my own life.

That's why I said eddy it's HOW you judge people and HOW you treat them that's important, not the fact that you judge them. You form opinions on people you meet every day, and you'd have to be completely naive to think you don't judge people, because that just means you're not consciously aware of it.

I work with some of the worst in society, and some of the best, I can respect both equally and I treat both equally upon meeting them. As I learn more about them it can color my judgement of them in either a positive or negative light, and to suggest that decent people are no different from complete pricks is just cloud cuckoo land thinking. The world doesn't work like that, and people don't work like that.

Madam_X

Lars1916 wrote: »

It's just their very own choice

Not always.

hatrickpatrick

It's funny actually how society expects relationships to "progress" to marriage, even if the couple in question are perfectly happy to stay together without that aspect of it. You even see articles written which have "singles" on one end and "married" at the other - as if the idea of staying with someone for life but without a contract is so bizarre that it's not even worth considering.

I find that slightly peculiar myself.
You could call me cynical but I think that's an unfair way to describe my philosophy - for me anyway, I know I need motivation to stay committed to something. When I'm in a relationship, the fact that my girlfriend could dump me at any time if I f*ck things up too badly is a powerful motivator not to screw up, not to get lazy etc.
I honestly believe that the security of knowing someone can't leave without going through the bureaucracy of divorce can cause some people - some, not all - to think they can "get away with" more, if you like.

We all know stories of couples who were perfectly happy until they got married, whereupon one of them became more controlling, or the other decided to stop being romantic, or whatever. I would suggest that if you know that your partner can walk out the door at any time, you're more likely to put your relationship and their feelings first.

I don't think that's cynical, I think it's just logical. I'd apply it to myself as much as anyone else - I know I'm more likely to put my best foot forward when something isn't at all guaranteed and there's no security than when I feel like I'm "safe". I use that to remind myself to put in the effort.

What I don't like about it is that society seems to assume there's something "wrong" with people who don't go "all the way", as opposed to considering that they simply have an opinion that it's not a good idea. Guys in particular can be accused of "commitment phobia" or whatever, as if it's impossible to want to stay with one person, without having a contract to say so.

thrashmetalfan

Madam_X wrote: »

Not always.

i agree with madam x there. there are some very shy people out there that end up all by themselves. some people need a helping hand when it comes to meeting people or just getting to know someone not in a romantic way but rather as a friend.

Lawrence1895

thrashmetalfan wrote: »

i agree with madam x there. there are some very shy people out there that end up all by themselves. some people need a helping hand when it comes to meeting people or just getting to know someone not in a romantic way but rather as a friend.

But then we are talking about people who have difficulties in going into a relationship as such, or maintaining this relationship.

A marriage is just one way to maintain a relationship, and no guarantee for it whatsoever, imo

thrashmetalfan

Lars1916 wrote: »

But then we are talking about people who have difficulties in going into a relationship as such, or maintaining this relationship.

A marriage is just one way to maintain a relationship, and no guarantee for it whatsoever, imo

yes thats true i see your point.

The_Kew_Tour

I would rather be single and enjoying my life, then getting married and having regrets and not being happy as your partner is not the person he/she may be.

Im in my late 20's and I love been single.

Have lot of friends still single guess that helps alright. Most my mates from home are married or in relationship, but I know one or two of them that are not as happy as they make out and they or their partner has cheated.

shopaholic01

Czarcasm wrote: »

Can I be a pedantic prick just for the sake of it and point out that people just ARE judgemental, and there's nothing wrong with being judgemental, but it's actually HOW you judge other people, and how you treat them that matters, not the fact that you judge them.

I was merely explaining the meaning of a previous post. Don't judge me too harshly now!

Latchy

The_Kew_Tour wrote: »

Have lot of friends still single guess that helps alright. Most my mates from home are married or in relationship, but I know one or two of them that are not as happy as they make out and they or their partner has cheated.

Cheating while in a relationship is bad enough but when it happens in a marriage ,the respect and trust is gone forever .

Lawrence1895

Latchy wrote: »

Cheating while in a relationship is bad enough but when it happens in a marriage ,the respect and trust is gone forever .

...and then you are not allowed to get re-married, because in the eyes of a Catholic Church, this would be a 'mortal sin'?

shopaholic01

Lars1916 wrote: »

...and then you are not allowed to get re-married, because in the eyes of a Catholic Church, this would be a 'mortal sin'?

Registry office - doesn't have to be a religious ceremony.

Miss Lockhart

Lars1916 wrote: »

...and then you are not allowed to get re-married, because in the eyes of a Catholic Church, this would be a 'mortal sin'?

What has the church to do with this? Seems irrelevant to the point made.

Lawrence1895

I heard a few times, that only a marriage in a church is a 'proper' marriage, whereas 'only people who were previously married' go to the Registry Office. That's why I mentioned it.

starlings

OP is about people who never marry at all, not where they don't get married.

seven_eleven wrote: »

Whats your general opinion of people who never marry, or get into relationships? I mean people well past 25, and all the way up into their 60 beyond who have never had a life partner, or anybody significant in their lives?

shopaholic01

Lars1916 wrote: »

I heard a few times, that only a marriage in a church is a 'proper' marriage, whereas 'only people who were previously married' go to the Registry Office. That's why I mentioned it.

Are you 10?

anncoates

The OP is about people that don't have ever a partner: spouse or otherwise.

Gongoozler

Latchy wrote: »

Cheating while in a relationship is bad enough but when it happens in a marriage ,the respect and trust is gone forever .

What? How is it different to cheating outside of marriage?

Latchy

Gongoozler wrote: »

What? How is it different to cheating outside of marriage?

Different in the sense that if your in a relationship and one or the other cheats than you can chose to walk away with no legality issues to discuss that bind you together , such as in marriage .Of course cheating is cheating and I know the emotional turmoil involved is the same , in any relationship, married or not

Mr Benevolent

Lars1916 wrote: »

I heard a few times, that only a marriage in a church is a 'proper' marriage, whereas 'only people who were previously married' go to the Registry Office. That's why I mentioned it.

Come on, do you seriously believe that? A legal marriage is a legal marriage.

Earthhorse

How do I feel about myself? Pretty good. And my life? Also pretty good.

About having never met someone (yet)? Wish it weren't so but I can't change the past. I think I'll be happy whichever way that aspect of my life goes but would prefer to share my life with someone even if only for a little while.

Ando's Saggy Bottom

As long as people are happy married or unmarried, nothing else really matters. If I was in my 30's and single though it would be the people that act all sorry for you that would boil my blood the most. Anyone who defines himself or bases their happiness on having a partner are the really pathetic ones tbh.

starlings

Mr Benevolent wrote: »

Come on, do you seriously believe that? A legal marriage is a legal marriage.

in fairness to Lars1916, he's posting about attitudes he's heard, not what he thinks.

krudler

Ah marriage, where you bet someone half your stuff you'll love them forever.

Gongoozler

Latchy wrote: »

Different in the sense that if your in a relationship and one or the other cheats than you can chose to walk away with no legality issues to discuss that bind you together , such as in marriage .Of course cheating is cheating and I know the emotional turmoil involved is the same , in any relationship, married or not

But you can walk away from a marriage. Anyway thats not what i was questioning. What you said was when cheating in a marriage the trust is gone. Why would it be different just because you're married?

shopaholic01

krudler wrote: »

Ah marriage, where you bet someone half your stuff you'll love them forever.

Cohabit with someone for 5 years - 2 if you have children, and you do the same thing.

Lawrence1895

starlings wrote: »

in fairness to Lars1916, he's posting about attitudes he's heard, not what he thinks.

Let's put it this way, I married into a family, who thinks that way...and they say, that it is 'normal' to get married in a church in Ireland.

starlings

Lars1916 wrote: »

Let's put it this way, I married into a family, who thinks that way...and they say, that it is 'normal' to get married in a church in Ireland.

well it's certainly the norm if you look at the numbers.

Lawrence1895

starlings wrote: »

well it's certainly the norm if you look at the numbers.

I did never believe them anyway, since I saw those figures in the latest census

Czarcasm

shopaholic01 wrote: »

I was merely explaining the meaning of a previous post. Don't judge me too harshly now!

Ah no, I kinda went off the point alright but the background to that post was I meet far too many of these self ascribed "forever alone" type of people that bemoan the fact that they see themselves "damned" to "eternal singledom", and looking at how "easy" it is for "everyone else".

That, to me tbh, is just as judgemental in a negative light of somebody else as they think people are being of them. Eddie touched on it there, but people really DO have better things to be doing, well, most people do anyway, than thinking about "Awh poor so and so", etc.

Some people can make relationships look easy, because they work at it, some people just don't see that some relationships can take more work than others, for some people it comes naturally, for some it doesn't.

It's hard to say what I actually mean without using examples, but that'd look like I was attacking posters left, right and centre in this thread, so if I could just use the hypothetical example of a black Jewish gay guy in a wheelchair- he might be given to thinking any number of reasons why he's still single- "It's because I'm gay, it's because I'm black, it's because I'm jewish, it's because I'm in a wheelchair", etc, when the most obvious reason might just be that people don't like him because they think he's an asshole, and this might never occur to him because he thinks he's a lovely chap altogether.

I've no doubt there's somebody out there for him that likes an obnoxious asshole, but they're pretty few and far between...



just ask my wife how it's working out for her 16 years later!

Latchy

Gongoozler wrote: »

But you can walk away from a marriage. Anyway thats not what i was questioning. What you said was when cheating in a marriage the trust is gone. Why would it be different just because you're married?

Well ok , not different . I was thinking that lots of people who are married will never stray simply because they are happily married and hold dear onto their marriage vows but if we say '' two timing '' instead ( which I know is the same as cheating ) then it would all depend on how secure your boy/girlfriend relationship was in the first place .

A long term relationship can just be as secure or insecure as any marriage and all the emotional baggage that goes with it but the only difference ( which I should have pointed out) is that piece of paper .

Miss Lockhart

Czarcasm wrote: »

Ah no, I kinda went off the point alright but the background to that post was I meet far too many of these self ascribed "forever alone" type of people that bemoan the fact that they see themselves "damned" to "eternal singledom", and looking at how "easy" it is for "everyone else".

That, to me tbh, is just as judgemental in a negative light of somebody else as they think people are being of them. Eddie touched on it there, but people really DO have better things to be doing, well, most people do anyway, than thinking about "Awh poor so and so", etc.

Some people can make relationships look easy, because they work at it, some people just don't see that some relationships can take more work than others, for some people it comes naturally, for some it doesn't.

It's hard to say what I actually mean without using examples, but that'd look like I was attacking posters left, right and centre in this thread, so if I could just use the hypothetical example of a black Jewish gay guy in a wheelchair- he might be given to thinking any number of reasons why he's still single- "It's because I'm gay, it's because I'm black, it's because I'm jewish, it's because I'm in a wheelchair", etc, when the most obvious reason might just be that people don't like him because they think he's an asshole, and this might never occur to him because he thinks he's a lovely chap altogether.

I've no doubt there's somebody out there for him that likes an obnoxious asshole, but they're pretty few and far between...



just ask my wife how it's working out for her 16 years later!

You have a point and that certainly applies to some people, but in my experience it doesn't apply to the vast majority of long term reluctantly single people I know.

They are normal, outgoing, friendly, caring, often attractive, interesting etc. But people are just not interested in them romantically. Most people who know them, especially those they have dated, are baffled as to why they are single. But they are.

take everything

krudler wrote: »

Ah marriage, where you bet someone half your stuff you'll love them forever.

Genuine LOL.
Brilliant.

Gone Drinking

I had aspergers once.. sure they made my wee smell funny but I've had no problem with relationships.

Here's my favourite recipe:

http://www.myhalalkitchen.com/2010/04/a-recipe-for-spring-asparagus-burgers/

Pat Mustard

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Cohabit with someone for 5 years - 2 if you have children, and you do the same thing.

Absolutely insane.

Insane, but true.

starlings

Czarcasm wrote: »

It's hard to say what I actually mean without using examples, but that'd look like I was attacking posters left, right and centre in this thread, so if I could just use the hypothetical example of a black Jewish gay guy in a wheelchair- he might be given to thinking any number of reasons why he's still single- "It's because I'm gay, it's because I'm black, it's because I'm jewish, it's because I'm in a wheelchair", etc, when the most obvious reason might just be that people don't like him because they think he's an asshole, and this might never occur to him because he thinks he's a lovely chap altogether.

I've no doubt there's somebody out there for him that likes an obnoxious asshole, but they're pretty few and far between...

This is assuming your chippy example wants to be in a relationship. Fair enough. But the judgement you've written about here is really just guesswork.

My elderly relatives ask why I'm not married, as though there's a concrete reason for it - rather than complex interactions between me and other people that didn't last, and as I only have a lopsided version of each story I can't even judge it myself. What really confuses them is that I don't really mind. I actually like a good conundrum.

(I do judge their reasons for asking though - my conclusion is that, as farmers, they are in the business of livestock and want to get me a ram :-P)

Clandestine

I don't think ill of them. Marriage seems somewhat pointless to me, like several other social conventions.

The Big Red Button

Lars1916 wrote: »

I heard a few times, that only a marriage in a church is a 'proper' marriage, whereas 'only people who were previously married' go to the Registry Office. That's why I mentioned it.

And eh, what if you're not religious? You can't ever be 'properly' married?

Lawrence1895

chatterpillar wrote: »

And eh, what if you're not religious? You can't ever be 'properly' married?

If you are not religious, you don't deserve to get 'properly' married? Because you are (I quote my in-laws) 'not normal' if you are not religious.

Czarcasm

Miss Lockhart wrote: »

You have a point and that certainly applies to some people, but in my experience it doesn't apply to the vast majority of long term reluctantly single people I know.

They are normal, outgoing, friendly, caring, often attractive, interesting etc. But people are just not interested in them romantically. Most people who know them, especially those they have dated, are baffled as to why they are single. But they are.

Well sure, my example above couldn't be applied across the board, because different people want different things, and like I said earlier in the thread, you can even discover things later on in a relationship about a person that can color your judgement of them in a negative, or even more positive light as it sometimes turns out.

I presume by the bolded bit above that this has happened to your reluctantly single friends- maybe they felt the person they were dating just wasn't right for them, even though that person thought they were. I've seen that happen a lot too (christ my mother any time I'm talking to her still insists on telling me how great such and such a girl would've been for me even though this girl has twenty years later moved on! Get over it already mam ffs! :pac:), but I would then suggest that the person doesn't really have a right to complain about being single when they are aware of the fact that they are attractive to a lot of people, just not the people they themselves are attracted to... if that makes sense?

I encourage anyone to have standards, and set them as high for themselves as they can, because as someone else earlier mentioned in the thread- it's better to be on your own and miserable, than to double your misery and inflict same misery on somebody who you don't "really" want to be with but are just settling for them for the sake of not being single.

In that scenario a person is doing themselves no favors, and even worse- they're doing the other person no favors either!