Best excuses for pulling a sickie at work

Wacker The Attacker

Captain Chaos wrote: »

I got the lube and super glue mixed up again.

Giving is always better than receiving

.red.

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

**** on an Aer Lingus flight after a booze and Painkiller spree

That can get you a few months off i hear.

UCDVet

cruais wrote: »

Ever hear of Karma?

Yes.

It's a buddhist belief about rebirth. It's been popularized and modernized and now is the idea that people who do good things will be rewarded and people who do bad things will be punished.

Like most religious beliefs there is little evidence to support it and it contradicts the teachings of most other religions.

The Christian equivalent would be something like, 'Ever hear of Hell? If you do bad things, you will go there'.

Thankfully, on the list of evil things I could do, lying about why I'm not at work is pretty low on the list of things I care about. The world would be a LOT better if the worst thing someone did was lie about taking a sick day 1-2 times per year.

Ted_YNWA

The dog ate my homework swipe-card.

errlloyd

Seriously Op you're always better off using something contagious. Particularly if you work in an office or services. Vomiting bugs are good for one day off. HR doesn't want you in work, and because it's usually a 24hr thing, you have an excuse for lack of doctors notes ect.

UCDVet

tempura wrote: »

Quite Honestly, that is completely sick, don't know how you live with yourself coming up with that one. I really hope that situation never becomes a reality for you or any of your family.

My Grandparents will die.
My Parents will die.
I will die.
My children will die.

That's life.

If lying about a medical condition made it true; everyone would lie and say they are healthy.

UCDVet

For Forks Sake wrote: »

You are going to die of AIDS.

Bad AIDS at that.

Let me get this straight.... :cool:

In your world, telling a lie is so bad it deserves death. And not just any death, death via 'Bad AIDS'.

Tell me, in your world, what is the punishment for wishing death upon someone?

Lawrence1895

I said, I can't make it into work, because I was too depressed after Shels lost a match. For some reason, that doesn't work anymore

montyrebel

Me "I am in bed sick"
Boss "well how sick are you?"
Me "I am in the bed here with my sister" :D

Agricola

[Sarcasm]

Well Im very definitely outraged by the flagrant disregard so many people have for their poor employers. Do you care so little about these lovable, huggable bastions of goodness, that you will just lie to their puppy dog faces and go skiving! Unbelievable! These people only always have YOUR best interests at heart, they worry for YOU, and when you make up stories about the fact that your relative has died, it PROBABLY affects them deeply on an emotional level. They most likely cry themselves to sleep at night while you are absent. It's just cruel!

And on top of all this, you are not being 100% productive and honest at all times, which is an obligation of your contract of employment!

I can't look at you, I LOATHE YOU!

[/Sarcasm]

RealExpert

Take Monday off and walk into work on Tuesday morning and
keep a straight face and say "how did ye enjoy the bank holiday weekend" :-)

Lawrence1895

RealExpert wrote: »

Take Monday off and walk into work on Tuesday morning and
keep a straight face and say "how did ye enjoy the bank holiday weekend" :-)

But there might still be people out there, who rather take the Tuesday off, because they get bonus payments for the Bank Holiday Monday

Potential-Monke

In a previous job, i was 20 and wasn't starting until 12. I strolled over to the local GameStop and bought 2 games i'd been wanting for ages. I played half an hour of the first one, and the time came to go to work. I really didn't want to go, and it was a necessity that i continued playing the games. So i devised a plan.

I placed one of the games back into the paper bag, and headed off to work on the bus. A bit away from said place of employment, i gave the bag a tear, and punched myself into the side of the face 3 times, relatively hard. I wore a shocked look, and headed into work. I sat at my desk, didn't log on, and put my head into my hands. My line manager asked if i was ok.

I told her that i had been mugged on the way to work, and that they made off with one of the games (the receipt showed i bought 2). The manager became all sympathetic and told me i should go home for the day. I argued that i was ok, but kept the shocked look, and even forced a single tear. She told me to go home, and not to worry about work, and that i would get paid for it.

I returned home and had a savage day gaming!

Cupcake_Crisis

I got fired for coming into work 2 hours late because I had to drive my mam and my epileptic 15 month old niece to hospital. You all have VERY understanding bosses.

gallag

Eel stuck up bum.

Ted_YNWA

gallag wrote: »

Eel stuck up bum.

What kind of situation requires an eel in close proximity to your bum ?

Grayson

Potential-Monke wrote: »

In a previous job, i was 20 and wasn't starting until 12. I strolled over to the local GameStop and bought 2 games i'd been wanting for ages. I played half an hour of the first one, and the time came to go to work. I really didn't want to go, and it was a necessity that i continued playing the games. So i devised a plan.

I placed one of the games back into the paper bag, and headed off to work on the bus. A bit away from said place of employment, i gave the bag a tear, and punched myself into the side of the face 3 times, relatively hard. I wore a shocked look, and headed into work. I sat at my desk, didn't log on, and put my head into my hands. My line manager asked if i was ok.

I told her that i had been mugged on the way to work, and that they made off with one of the games (the receipt showed i bought 2). The manager became all sympathetic and told me i should go home for the day. I argued that i was ok, but kept the shocked look, and even forced a single tear. She told me to go home, and not to worry about work, and that i would get paid for it.

I returned home and had a savage day gaming!

I'm such a fcuking nerd. I read this and thought, which games (It was GTA wasn't it)? Then i thought PS3 or xBox. Then i decided it was the kind of underhanded deviousness that a PS3 player would be responsible for.

Grayson

A while back I came into work and saw someone sitting at my desk. It was a collegue and he tends to site there when I'm not around (better desk). Now i don't usually mind, but it was only the two of us in that day and there were plenty of places he could sit.

"What are you doing in my chair. Get out of it will ya".

"But you're not in today"

"Course I'm in. I'm not stupid?"

Turns out I was. I'd booked off a weeks holidays and came back in a day early.

So yeah, the exact opposite of the thread title

becost

Migraine is my personal favorite. According to Wikipedia, they can last for up to three days so I usually take either Thursday and Friday or Monday and Tuesday to avoid having to get a doctors note. :pac:

speedboatchase

Years ago I used what I felt were the most foolproof words in the English language: "Chronic diarrhea". My boss, however, was a right hardcase and I had to come into work a couple of hours later. Everybody looked at me funny when I came in so I basically spent the first hour sympathetically staring at them and whispering "Look, I don't actually have diarrhea..."

Dr Silly Bollox MD

Grayson wrote: »

I'm such a fcuking nerd. I read this and thought, which games (It was GTA wasn't it)? Then i thought PS3 or xBox. Then i decided it was the kind of underhanded deviousness that a PS3 player would be responsible for.

lol, to add a whole other element to it,

Xbox players better in bed than Playstation and Wii rivals, study finds

:pac:

B.A._Baracus

I've known alot of people who just came out with such mental excuses.

One girl once said her sister gave premature birth to her twins and were in a "serious condition" (reality was sister gave birth with no complications 8 or so weeks after the lie was told) :rolleyes: My mate works with one as$hole right now too. Over the last year has had to goto about a dozen funerals (always on mondays) and recently had 'pneumonia' :rolleyes:

Telling serious lies is the signs of a complete and utter prick. A total snake of a person.