Stay at home Dad going back to work

jobseeker999

Hi all, I have 2 girls, 6 & 4. About 10 months ago I was made redundant after a fairly well paid middle management position. As my wife is well paid we decided that I would stay at home and mind the kids, although I was keeping an eye open for any new jobs that may arise. I applied for a few jobs but it became apparent that there was no chance of getting a position with anything like the salary I previously earned. Anyway I have recently started to worry as a large gap is opening up on my CV so I started putting my CV out there again. I have just been offered a role which is basically administration and the salary is 40% less than before, however it does get me back into the workplace.
Financially when I take into account the expenses of putting the kids back into childcare and then my fuel / toll etc we are better off by maybe a couple of hundred euro per month. I do enjoy having the kids but also have missed working, I am touching 40 so worry that if I don't go back now I'll never get the opportunity again. What should I do?!

coffee_cake

If you're better off financially by working with better off prospects for your long term career i.e. not being obsolete with no huge gaps, seems like a no-brainer to me

highly1111

For me its a no brainer too - go back to work. It's better for your self confidence, esteem and it's far easier to get a job when you have a job. Congratulations btw

wolfpawnat

For many, childcare costs dictate whether or not they are able to go back to work, if your childrens costs and your allow for you to have a couple of hundred more a month then financially it is viable option. Self worth also has a non financial worth to it too.

rossit

best of luck to ya from a fellow stay at home da hope it works out

LegacyUser

I would go back to work. I know that you have enjoyed minding the girls for the past few months.
At this stage you need to consider your age and that you may not get another job offer for a period of time. Once you get back to work you can look for a better job if this is what you want.
I would also consider going back to work just in case anything happens with your wife's employment as a lot of places are putting staff on a shorter week at the moment.
Good Luck with the new job.

marley123

What sector were you working in before?

jobseeker999 wrote: »

Hi all, I have 2 girls, 6 & 4. About 10 months ago I was made redundant after a fairly well paid middle management position. As my wife is well paid we decided that I would stay at home and mind the kids, although I was keeping an eye open for any new jobs that may arise. I applied for a few jobs but it became apparent that there was no chance of getting a position with anything like the salary I previously earned. Anyway I have recently started to worry as a large gap is opening up on my CV so I started putting my CV out there again. I have just been offered a role which is basically administration and the salary is 40% less than before, however it does get me back into the workplace.
Financially when I take into account the expenses of putting the kids back into childcare and then my fuel / toll etc we are better off by maybe a couple of hundred euro per month. I do enjoy having the kids but also have missed working, I am touching 40 so worry that if I don't go back now I'll never get the opportunity again. What should I do?!

The Big Red Button

In my opinion you'd be crazy not to take the opportunity.

seamus

It would be different if you quit work in order to become a stay at home Dad. You were effectively forced into the role by circumstance, so if you continue at it you run the risk that you will always harbour some resentment at never having the chance to get back working.

Try it. You might find in six months time that you decide that this working lark isn't for you, you preferred being a stay at home Dad, and you quit. At least you know then.
Avoid becoming attached your salary in the short-term. You can cope on the money you have at the moment, so whatever extra you earn from your job, stick in a savings account for the next six months to a year. Then if you decide to quit again, you won't notice the drop in income and you'll have a small savings account to treat the family. If you decide to continue working, you still have a small savings account to treat the family.

Since my one was born six months ago I've thought that I would love to be a stay at home Dad, but I know deep down that I wouldn't be able to keep myself from finding some kind of work to occupy my time, even if it's just a few hours a week of small nixers. Which really means that I would only be giving 50% to the work and 50% to the child, so I'm better off working.

Sleepy

Worth bearing in mind that it's only a year before your youngest will be starting school and a couple more before they're both in school until mid-afternoon and it won't really make sense for you to stay at home (unless you're particularly house-proud / OCD about housework!).

I'd personally worry about being able to find work again then after being out for 3/4 years.

seamus' advice about avoiding relying on your extra family income sounds like a good idea if you think it's possible you'd give it up again but tbh at 4 & 6, the level of time required for minding children during working hours is diminishing and it's a time when many stay-at-home parents begin considering returning to work anyway.

Hannibal Smith

What seamus said is very good. take the job, save the extra money. I'm a stay at home mum, through choice, but I'm looking to return to work in Sept, when my eldest is in school. I'll be 2 years out of work at that stage. Ive been keeping an eye open for jobs but anything now won't cover 2 creche fees.

So if you can find a job that covers child care and leaves you with extra money...go for it.

jobseeker999

marley123 wrote: »

What sector were you working in before?

Supply Chain in the Manufacturing sector

Thanks for all the advice / opinions it is most appreciated and has certainly helped make my mind up! As Sleepy said both girls will be at school soon so it would be silly not to! I think the things that made me doubt it were the pressure that it would put on my wife (she earns triple what I will now be earning) but as I will have to be in for 8am she will have to do the run in the mornings, she works late enough as it is, now i'd doubt that the kids will see her at all in the evenings. I remember when we had them both in childcare before that by the time you collect them and get home by 6ish, feed them, bath them, put to bed, make lunches, cook dinner then we'd be lucky to sit down before 10! It was tiring stuff and the quality of life has certainly been better since I have been at home. I suppose the ideal scenario is a part time role, 9-1 every day but unfortunately these roles are few and far between.

seamus

jobseeker999 wrote: »

I suppose the ideal scenario is a part time role, 9-1 every day but unfortunately these roles are few and far between.

And especially for men. It's kind of an open secret that the vast majority of part-time work out there are looking for women, and even when men ask for their working hours to be changed to accommodate children, employers are much slower to accept it than they are for women.

I've seen it in places where the employer will bend over backwards to organise all sorts of odd work schedules when a woman asks for half days or flexi-time, but a man who makes the same request is officially stonewalled and any arrangement is informal only - e.g. his boss turns a blind eye to him finishing 30 minutes early in lieu of a shorter lunch and covers for him if the head guys ask any questions.

wmpdd3

There's always been a waiting list for 9-1 type jobs where I work.

I think a 4 days week would suit you great. It might cut the creche bill just enough to get the balance right. Getting it is another thing, but dont ask, dont get.

I think at 4 and 6, working is possible, I have 1 and 2 and I work 25 hrs per week, evenings, he works days. There's a bit of swapping the kids in car parks but it work for us. Some months I work for €40 after childcare, but when they are 4 and 6, I hope to employ a childminder and return to work full time.

jobseeker999

wmpdd3 wrote: »

There's always been a waiting list for 9-1 type jobs where I work.

I think a 4 days week would suit you great. It might cut the creche bill just enough to get the balance right. Getting it is another thing, but dont ask, dont get.

I think at 4 and 6, working is possible, I have 1 and 2 and I work 25 hrs per week, evenings, he works days. There's a bit of swapping the kids in car parks but it work for us. Some months I work for €40 after childcare, but when they are 4 and 6, I hope to employ a childminder and return to work full time.

Ok, I think I may have a problem regarding the hours for this role, it was mentioned during the initial interview that It wouldn't be a comfortable 9-5 job, as I mentioned above my wife will be able to do the morning run but this means that I would have to be out by 5 in order to get the kids. Following another meeting it looks like I am pretty much expected to work from before 8 to 6 earliest. I kind of glossed over it saying we have a fairly good support network but in all honesty there is no other way than for me to collect. I will have to be out by 5 to do this. Do I put my cards on the table now or just start the role and see if it was just interview talk to see how dedicated I was?!

How Strange

I'd be inclined to be upfront before accepting the job but that's me. Some companies expect you to work later than the set hours so 8-6 could in reality be 8-7 and eyebrows would be raised at you leaving 'early'.

Speak to them regarding the flexibility of the hours. It may compromise your suitability as a candidate but you'd probably come up against it anyway in the first few months if the hours just don't work for you.

seamus

Yeah, you'll have to be upfront about it.

If you go in there and then suddenly start talking about changing your hours or rushing out the door when the clock strikes, then you'll probably be released after your probation. Better for you and your CV to not take the job at all rather than have a six-month stint in a place that needs to be explained away.

jobseeker999

I'm going in tomorrow to meet one of the other directors, I'll tell them then and see how it goes. I'd be a nervous wreck everyday looking at my watch if I don't.
If this goes belly up then I'm going to have to get out and do charity work to keep me busy or I'd even be prepared to work for free in the mornings for a while to get back out there.

wmpdd3

I worked 8-6 ish full time when I had my first, it nearly killed me. You would in work for nearly all your kids waking hours, as you know.

Be very up front but really I can't see those hours being workable. Even 7-5 would make a difference.

marizpan

This is just my 2 cents, but it goes against other advice given.

It's very stressful on a marriage, kids and just the day to day running of a home when both parents work demanding jobs with long hours.
Another option to consider if finances allow, would be to stay at home with your kids till the youngest is in school. Prob this sept and then take on charity voluntary work while they are in school. It would fill a gap on the cv and get you out of the house without adding pressure to family life.
You can always return to work when it fits better. Kids grow up very quickly and careers can be rescued again.

jobseeker999

Hi all, well I took the job and the hours haven't been too much of a problem, I generally seem to be out by 5 so traffic permitting collecting the kids has been grand. My problem now however after over 3 months in the job is that is becoming quite apparent that we are actually by far worse off than if I was getting jobseekers benefit, even without Jobseekers benefit there would little difference. I am really torn as to whatto do next, I am not particularly enjoying the job either. Should I stay just for the sake of my CV or should I call it a day and

Sleepy

Well, afaik, JSB only lasts for 9 months, leaving a job of your own accord usually results in a period where welfare is unavailable to you and with your wife working you won't qualify for JSA.

So, even disregarding the immorality of defrauding the state, it'd be a short term strategy at best...

Mink

Stick it out til you find something more suitable.
You probably would lose the benefits alright as you are choosing to leave the job.
A job for 3 months on your CV wouldn't look great.

wmpdd3

If you do leave, could you retrain? You may be excluded from claiming JSA for 9 weeks if you leave your job for no good reason. Sometimes exceptions are made.

Would a FAsS course or BTEA help you get a better position that would make it worth your while?

pickarooney

I wouldn't go back to work. Personally I find raising my kids far more rewarding and interesting than office work and I think they benefit from having a parent around. If they're both in school already a part time job would be ideal but those are impossible to come by.

Gael23

It sounds to me like you were not really unhappy being at home with the kids so I would think if it financially makes sense for you to to that and makes you feel better, then do it.
Explaining a gap of a few years on a CV might be hard, I can't suggest anything there, maybe just say it was due to redundancy and not exactly by choice. And maybe down the road a part time role might come up as in 9-1 or a 3 day week which will suit you better.

wmpdd3

I work while my kids are in bed and so far it works out great, I have worked these hours for a year this week and I am still surprised it has worked out so well. They are still babies and get up at 8 ish so I have them for most of the day until 5pm.

I have to work, my other half has returned to education.

Where I work there are a myriad of shifts and many families 'swap kids in the car park'.

What do your kids say about you retuning to work?

December2012

Could you get cheaper childcare by getting an au pair?