i think i married the wrong woman

Mariasofia

Lost in Cork i would like to think that i showed you a little empathy. My post was supposed to convey that what you feel isn't abnormal .....just think carefully bout what you could lose before you act.

daisybelle2008

lost in cork wrote: »

i was just checking that the morals of far right Ireland were still intact

Are you a bishop? Did we pass?

niallk

Xbox Live is down ATM, but this is great stuff.

MariaStar!

It's not about being far right really, it's about having empathy which you just seem to lack. I don't think anyone here wants that feeling of heart ache for your poor wife. Grow up or give her a divorce and act like a child for the rest of your life putting yourself first. I'm sure she's met plenty of hotter men than you but thought how hurt you would be and ignored her impulses.

Akrasia

lost in cork wrote: »

When i was 22 i had a girlfriend and everything was going well so we moved in together in a flat we rented,things were ticking along nicely till i met an ex girlfriend who persuaded me to ditch my gf ,i did this and then had a relationship with this girl but it soon went sour and finished ,i moved on and eventually married a woman who made me happy ,but as time moved on it has become clear to me that we are just friends no more than that,on top of this i have just become friends on facebook with the first girl i lived with and she looks stunning and after chatting with her she is still a great laugh ,think i made a big mistake years ago,has anyone else married the wrong woman

I Think your wife married the wrong man. She's obviously too good for you

lost in cork

Akrasia wrote: »

I Think your wife married the wrong man. She's obviously too good for you

And you have managed to come to that conclusion from a paragraph,staggering!

Three Seasons

MariaStar! wrote: »

It's not about being far right really, it's about having empathy which you just seem to lack. I don't think anyone here wants that feeling of heart ache for your poor wife. Grow up or give her a divorce and act like a child for the rest of your life putting yourself first. I'm sure she's met plenty of hotter men than you but thought how hurt you would be and ignored her impulses.

I don't think he said he plans on leaving his wife, in fact if my memory if this thread is correct I believe he may have said he won't leave her.

He can't help his feelings, they aren't something you choose.

Akrasia

lost in cork wrote: »

i was just checking that the morals of far right Ireland were still intact

After hours is the last bastion of pure unfiltered honesty. The concensus here is that you are treating others with a shocking disregard. Your own judgement is hopelessly inadequate. You should stop making decisions once and for all and throw yourself on the mercy of your wife and family

Czarcasm

lost in cork wrote: »

Its nice to know that so many morally perfect people are on boards.ie,when we are looking for tds next time we wont have to look far,also its been an interesting observation how quick people are to judge a person through 1 paragraph

It was the content of that one paragraph that people are judging you on, I've always said it that people are inherently judgemental, and based upon information available to them they can either judge you in a negative light, or a positive light.

You posted this information on a public forum and gave people no reason to judge you in a positive light. You come off as an incredible mé-féiner. Why are you even surprised by that, let alone getting so defensive about it?

i can imagine that 100% of those people are not as squeeky clean as they would let others to believe

Nobody else was stupid enough to open themselves up to being judged. There's a pattern of stupidity in your behaviour OP that you may want to examine before compounding your already stupid behaviour with even more stupid behaviour. This thread alone should be a lesson to you that your childish attitude isn't doing you any favors or encouraging anyone to empathise with your situation which is entirely of your own making.


As for your original question in your OP-

Let me just go ask my wife first and I'll get back to you after she tells me what to say :pac:

lost in cork

Akrasia wrote: »

After hours is the last bastion of pure unfiltered honesty. The concensus here is that you are treating others with a shocking disregard. Your own judgement is hopelessly inadequate. You should stop making decisions once and for all and throw yourself on the mercy of your wife and family

what shocking disregard am i showing .what judgement is inadequate,explain?

mattjack

lost in cork wrote: »

And you have managed to come to that conclusion from a paragraph,staggering!

You just thanked him for that post and then criticised it ..

Mr. CooL ICE

Life is like a computer. If in doubt, turn it off, then turn it on again. Once you do that, everything will be fine

mattjack

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Are you a bishop? Did we pass?

I passed , you failed . do you like my smile ?

Akrasia

lost in cork wrote: »

And you have managed to come to that conclusion from a paragraph,staggering!

Life isn't a game (sorry bill hicks). You had a good thing with your ex until you abandoned her, and now you're married to someone else and you're wishing for something you didn't want.

It's serious. You have a wife and kids. You have to think long term. Your whim had consequences. Now you have to make sure that your family are provided for.

Steve O

Akrasia wrote: »

I Think your wife married the wrong man. She's obviously too good for you

You know her do you?

lukesmom

If your not happy then leave. What's the point in staying in a Relationship your not happy with. Life is too short for that.

MariaStar!

In my experience, guys never seem to appreciate what they have in front of them until it's taken away. I don't mean to say this is true of men in general of course. It's always nice when they come crawling back only to be totally ignored. Triumph! ;D

Steve O

MariaStar! wrote: »

In my experience, guys never seem to appreciate what they have in front of them until it's taken away. I don't mean to say this is true of men in general of course. It's always nice when they come crawling back only to be totally ignored. Triumph! ;D

How is that triumphant??? Plenty of women cheat too.

El Inho

being married to someone you consider a good friend is a lot better than some have.

scwazrh

Seriously OP, just do what all married men do , have a **** and think of happier times.
After that you'll realise you didn't break up with her because someone else persuaded you , you broke up cause it didn't work for you. You married your missus for some reason , don't waste time thinking of what could have been.Your wife will be picking up on your thoughts about someone else , women always do so if you stop and devote your time to her , things may get better .If they don't ,,,,have another ****..

lost in cork

Akrasia wrote: »

Life isn't a game (sorry bill hicks). You had a good thing with your ex until you abandoned her, and now you're married to someone else and you're wishing for something you didn't want.

It's serious. You have a wife and kids. You have to think long term. Your whim had consequences. Now you have to make sure that your family are provided for.

which i do,and your point is ?

MariaStar!

Steve O wrote: »

How is that triumphant??? Plenty of women cheat too.

Both women and men cheat yes. I meant a personal triumph. The person who hurt you by causing the end to the relationship has come back to ask for you back. You ignore them and feel a sense of redemption. They now feel the pain they caused you.

Mariasofia

Is **** seriously the answer to every man problem going? Not attracted to my wife....**** bored.....**** toothache...**** like really is this the answer to world peace.

Steve O

Mariasofia wrote: »

Is **** seriously the answer to every man problem going?

Yes.

scwazrh

Mariasofia wrote: »

Is **** seriously the answer to every man problem going? Not attracted to my wife....**** bored.....**** toothache...**** like really is this the answer to world peace.

Yes

irishgirl19

If your heart is in it,try work things out with your wife.
delete this woman from Facebook. it is normal to think of exes but don't act on it.
if you no longer want the relationship and are 100% sure you don't then do your wife a favor and end it first before making any rash decisions. Do you want your kids to resent you because you cheated on their mother

Three Seasons

MariaStar! wrote: »

In my experience, guys never seem to appreciate what they have in front of them until it's taken away. I don't mean to say this is true of men in general of course. It's always nice when they come crawling back only to be totally ignored. Triumph! ;D

So long as your ego is taken cared for.

Three Seasons

MariaStar! wrote: »

Both women and men cheat yes. I meant a personal triumph. The person who hurt you by causing the end to the relationship has come back to ask for you back. You ignore them and feel a sense of redemption. They now feel the pain they caused you.

Joy at seeing pain in others is fairly disgusting really.

buyer95

Custardpi wrote: »

Having considered your situation for a good couple of minutes I reckon this dilemma is easily solved. Just suggest to your wife that you spice up your sex life with a threesome, eventually leading onto a full menage á trois. That way you get to keep your family unit intact & get to cop off with your old flame. It might sound crazy but knowing your wife as well as I do I reckon she'd totally go for it.

Mick Philpott is that you?

MariaStar!

Apologies if I attempt to take some menial pleasure out of a soul destroying experience.

MariaStar!

Oh, I think you've misunderstood... I was referring to being cheated on myself. And having them come back when they change their minds. Not being needlessly cruel, it's self preservation not returning to a serial cheat. I didn't want my heart broken again.

Mariasofia

buyer95 wrote: »

Mick Philpott is that you?

May be very naive here but what is the difference between a threesome and a menage e trois (also lol because threesome came out as tiresome on predictive text )

KyussBishop

You marriage sounds fúcked I'm afraid; if after putting some renewed effort in, it doesn't work out, you'll eventually need to organize a way of ending it amicably (unless your OH would be ok with an open relationship), so you can both meet other people, and in such a way that you can both take care of your kids.

Life's too short to stick together in a shít marriage/relationship, but if you end it, do it properly and carefully (and would hope there's no openness to thoughts of cheating...); regardless of whether you stay married or not, you're going to know her for the rest of your life, due to kids.

Alternatively, have a ****.

lost in cork

KyussBishop wrote: »

You marriage sounds fúcked I'm afraid; if after putting some renewed effort in, it doesn't work out, you'll eventually need to organize a way of ending it amicably (unless your OH would be ok with an open relationship), so you can both meet other people, and in such a way that you can both take care of your kids.

Life's too short to stick together in a shít marriage/relationship, but if you end it, do it properly and carefully (and would hope there's no openness to thoughts of cheating...); regardless of whether you stay married or not, you're going to know her for the rest of your life, due to kids.

Alternatively, have a ****.

after 80 odd responses a **** seems to be the answer

MariaStar!

Lol!

Paramite Pie

lost in cork wrote: »

When i was 22 i had a girlfriend and everything was going well so we moved in together in a flat we rented,things were ticking along nicely till i met an ex girlfriend who persuaded me to ditch my gf ,i did this

Let's see.... everything was going well, and you still dumped this girl? Any particular reason? You don't run off with an ex for no reason do you?

Fix your marriage instead of living in the past. Even if you got with this ex things would eventually head south anyways. Happy endings don't just happen, you have to make 'em happen, everyday for the rest of your life.

Now get a babysitter and go do something fun with the wife..;)

bacon n eggs

Who is to say the gal in facebook will want to know you anyhow?

Czarcasm

Mariasofia wrote: »

May be very naive here but what is the difference between a threesome and a menage e trois (also lol because threesome came out as tiresome on predictive text )

Not naive at all Ms, very often confuses a lot of people- a threesome refers to just the sexual act itself, a menage a trois is an actual long term relationship between three individuals.


http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Threesome

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ménage_à_trois

Catphish

lost in cork wrote: »

When i was 22 i had a girlfriend and everything was going well so we moved in together in a flat we rented,things were ticking along nicely till i met an ex girlfriend who persuaded me to ditch my gf ,i did this and then had a relationship with this girl but it soon went sour and finished

Don't play the victim here, you made a choice, so don't blame her.

i moved on and eventually married a woman who made me happy ,but as time moved on it has become clear to me that we are just friends no more than that,

You're being very unfair to her here. You've kids together, day to day life and the stresses and strains it comes with work, bringing up children etc., can take it's toll on the strongest of relationships. You hit this patch and don't fancy putting in the work to hold it together.

on top of this i have just become friends on facebook with the first girl i lived with and she looks stunning and after chatting with her she is still a great laugh ,think i made a big mistake years ago,has anyone else married the wrong woman

Not willing to put in the work in your marriage, bored, now thinking with your dick and looking for an out. Stop bed hopping and start working on relationships. They take work, and if you don't accept this fact your whole life will be a load of fucked up relationships.

Given that you've children in your current one, I suggest that you give this one priority. Tell her you've hit a low point in the marriage and ask her to go along to counselling. If you've got more of a friendsy relationship with her, I'd say she already knows something is wrong. Intimacy is important in any relationship, and if this has reduced considerably or is non-existent, she is undoubtedly feeling low or at least wondering what she's done wrong. This isn't fair on her.

Sack up and do something sensible for once, make a go of things with your wife and realise your kids matter too in all of this.

WittyKitty1

lost in cork wrote: »

now have kids to complicate the situation

Did you keep the receipt?

Mariasofia

Czarcasm wrote: »

Not naive at all Ms, very often confuses a lot of people- a threesome refers to just the sexual act itself, a menage a trois is an actual long term relationship between three individuals.


http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Threesome

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ménage_à_trois

Thanks for the clarification and as the saying goes....ya learn something new every day yip ya sure do on boards anyway lol

WittyKitty1

lost in cork wrote: »

and she looks stunning

She might think you look like a dog now!

Don't be counting your chickens too soon..

lost in cork

Catphish wrote: »

Don't play the victim here, you made a choice, so don't blame her.

You're being very unfair to her here. You've kids together, day to day life and the stresses and strains it comes with work, bringing up children etc., can take it's toll on the strongest of relationships. You hit this patch and don't fancy putting in the work to hold it together.

Not willing to put in the work in your marriage, bored, now thinking with your dick and looking for an out. Stop bed hopping and start working on relationships. They take work, and if you don't accept this fact your whole life will be a load of fucked up relationships.

Given that you've children in your current one, I suggest that you give this one priority. Tell her you've hit a low point in the marriage and ask her to go along to counselling. If you've got more of a friendsy relationship with her, I'd say she already knows something is wrong. Intimacy is important in any relationship, and if this has reduced considerably or is non-existent, she is undoubtedly feeling low or at least wondering what she's done wrong. This isn't fair on her.

Sack up and do something sensible for once, make a go of things with your wife and realise your kids matter too in all of this.

As i have said 1 paragraph does in no way tell you anything about me or my life,i am the one raising these kids their mother chooses to stay in bed half the day,and i could tell you more but for your sanctamonious attitude i wont

Catphish

lost in cork wrote: »

As i have said 1 paragraph does in no way tell you anything about me or my life,i am the one raising these kids their mother chooses to stay in bed half the day,and i could tell you more but for your sanctamonious attitude i wont

You've given us X amount of information, I can only answer you based on what you've given us. No point getting snotty with me, I've answered your question from the information at hand. Drop the sanctimonious accusation, you don't know which end is up when it comes to what you want with women, the problem is clearly on your side.

Look, if you're going to get defensive and not take on board anything anyone has said here, then why not divorce your wife and let her find happiness with someone willing to give her happiness?

Again, theres only so much information we have here. You say she spends half the day in bed. Is she depressed?

lost in cork

Catphish wrote: »

You've given us X amount of information, I can only answer you based on what you've given us. No point getting snotty with me, I've answered your question from the information at hand. Drop the sanctimonious accusation, you don't know which end is up when it comes to what you want with women, the problem is clearly on your side.

Look, if you're going to get defensive and not take on board anything anyone has said here, then why not divorce your wife and let her find happiness with someone willing to give her happiness?

Again, theres only so much information we have here. You say she spends half the day in bed. Is she depressed?

if you read my original post i didnt ask for advice ,i asked did anyone marry the wrong person ,so thanks but hey i wasnt looking for counselling

boobar

lost in cork wrote: »

When i was 22 i had a girlfriend and everything was going well so we moved in together in a flat we rented,things were ticking along nicely till i met an ex girlfriend who persuaded me to ditch my gf ,i did this and then had a relationship with this girl but it soon went sour and finished ,i moved on and eventually married a woman who made me happy ,but as time moved on it has become clear to me that we are just friends no more than that,on top of this i have just become friends on facebook with the first girl i lived with and she looks stunning and after chatting with her she is still a great laugh ,think i made a big mistake years ago,has anyone else married the wrong woman

First off, I'm not sure this is the right forum.

In answer to your question, my own personal view of my own personal situation is no, I married the right woman for me. It was a feeling at the time that it was the right thing for me, so I asked and luckily for me she said yes. That was a good long time ago. Now I feel even luckier that she's still with me and don't for a second think that she couldn't do better. In short, she's unbelievably wonderful and in the wonders of Christopher Walken I'm just a schmuck that got lucky.

I see you're berating a few posters here for their feedback, I can understand their response but I can understand your reaction to their feedback also.

Look, I've had a few drinks now but I suppose I'm trying to say that you marry someone at a point in time and as time goes on you either love them more or love them less. You can assess for yourself where you are. But I will say some people will always feel that they deserve more and some will feel the other way, glass half full thing, you know?

I might be reading between the lines here but you decided to leave this girl you had at 22, you might have been persuaded but ultimately you made the decision. You might reflect on that for a while.

Good for you that you found someone to marry that made you happy, some people don't get anywhere near that kind of chance of happiness. Try not to let your new Facebook friend persuade you to do something you might later regret.

I'm not trying to be smart but it could be a mid life crisis...don't know anything about you but it's hard to assess everything given the limited information.

Catphish

lost in cork wrote: »

if you read my original post i didnt ask for advice ,i asked did anyone marry the wrong person ,so thanks but hey i wasnt looking for counselling

You won't get it off me, but you need it. And as far as your request goes for people to hold up their hands if they've a problem sticking with one woman then good luck with that.

You're obviously not into the whole idea of doing the right thing and giving your marriage a chance, what you're REALLY looking for here then is other posters saying they've been in the same position to back your theory that fucking off on your wife and kids is okay. Why do you need other people to tell you that it is okay, you don't want to know when people tell you that you need to have a go at what you have at the moment. You've made a choice already, you're looking for backing.

I notice how you completely evaded the question is your wife depressed. Has it anything to do with your negligence perhaps? If you're not interested just let her get on with her life.

If what you want to hear is "yeah go after the hot ex" then go for it. You might actually be doing your wife a favour in the long run. More fool your ex for bothering with you again.

paddy147

lost in cork wrote: »

When i was 22 i had a girlfriend and everything was going well so we moved in together in a flat we rented,things were ticking along nicely till i met an ex girlfriend who persuaded me to ditch my gf ,i did this and then had a relationship with this girl but it soon went sour and finished ,i moved on and eventually married a woman who made me happy ,but as time moved on it has become clear to me that we are just friends no more than that,on top of this i have just become friends on facebook with the first girl i lived with and she looks stunning and after chatting with her she is still a great laugh ,think i made a big mistake years ago,has anyone else married the wrong woman

Call Jeremy Kyle FFS.:pac:

lost in cork

Catphish wrote: »

You won't get it off me, but you need it. And as far as your request goes for people to hold up their hands if they've a problem sticking with one woman then good luck with that.

You're obviously not into the whole idea of doing the right thing and giving your marriage a chance, what you're REALLY looking for here then is other posters saying they've been in the same position to back your theory that fucking off on your wife and kids is okay. Why do you need other people to tell you that it is okay, you don't want to know when people tell you that you need to have a go at what you have at the moment. You've made a choice already, you're looking for backing.

I notice how you completely evaded the question is your wife depressed. Has it anything to do with your negligence perhaps? If you're not interested just let her get on with her life.

If what you want to hear is "yeah go after the hot ex" then go for it. You might actually be doing your wife a favour in the long run. More fool your ex for bothering with you again.

i will say it again you dumbass i wasnt asking for advice on my situation i simply asked did anyone else feel that they had married the wrong person ,now do you understand that,its very clear?

Steve O

Catphish wrote: »

You won't get it off me, but you need it. And as far as your request goes for people to hold up their hands if they've a problem sticking with one woman then good luck with that.

You're obviously not into the whole idea of doing the right thing and giving your marriage a chance, what you're REALLY looking for here then is other posters saying they've been in the same position to back your theory that fucking off on your wife and kids is okay. Why do you need other people to tell you that it is okay, you don't want to know when people tell you that you need to have a go at what you have at the moment. You've made a choice already, you're looking for backing.

I notice how you completely evaded the question is your wife depressed. Has it anything to do with your negligence perhaps? If you're not interested just let her get on with her life.

If what you want to hear is "yeah go after the hot ex" then go for it. You might actually be doing your wife a favour in the long run. More fool your ex for bothering with you again.

Not defending anyone but your comments regarding staying in an unhappy relationship "because of the kids" is equally as damaging.

OP you're better off discussing things with your wife, then if it ends it ends.